Alecya G's Plastic Castle

Thought I Was Dead, Didn't You?

2011-03-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

Almost. But not quite. I am beginning anew at Http://plasticcastletours.blogspot.com

You should come visit me there. This is all ancient history now. :)

You're going to spend the rest of your nights with the light on

2010-05-04T06:58:00.001-07:00

This week is the busiest week of the year for me at work. We have both Cinco de Mayo and Mother's day in a five day period. I'm trying to decide if I am really excited or if I am anxious as all get out. I like being busy because it means I can make a lot of money, but I'm nervous because things tend to go wrong when we're busy. I also get stressed out, and I don't want to get a migraine because I've worried myself into peices. I'm trying to stay cool about all of it. I've got my fingers crossed.

Kitten took her EPA exam for school yesterday and she's pretty sure she aced it. I'm really proud of her. The exam is to get the certificate she needs to be liscened as an HVAC worker. It's really important. She's been doing such a great job this semester. I have to say it again. I'm really proud.

I've finished the rewrite of Hang a Shining Star. I finished it last week. Now I'm getting ready to go through and fix the little things, get it polished and see if I can start sending out my query letters. I've got a list of about 20 agents I'm going to start with. I'm really anxious about it. I think I can write a fabulous query letter. I'm planning on starting it this evening when I get off work.

Getting an agent is a huge and important step towards becoming a published author. I worry because I don't have any other published writing credits to my name, and I know that will put off some agents. I've been looking at some of the short story publications out there, and I want to start submitting to them too, but I worry that if I start failing there, I'll get discouraged. I'm stuck in the middle for that one. Another thing that worries me is that I've not been to any writer's conferences, and it seems like a lot of writers are doing that as well. Something to plan on when I have extra time, I guess.

I will say this, Kitten and my Beta have been super supportive. I know they both have faith in me. I have faith in my own writing ability. I'm trusting that the concept is great and its beautifully written. Or it will be by the time I'm done polishing. I think if I can get a partial request the writing will speak for itself.

My mom has been really eager to talk about my writing too. I don't mind, except I think she has ideas about what it's like to be a published author that aren't exactly realistic. She is convinced I'll get picked up right away, that I'll get selected for Oprah's book club and I'll make millions and never have to work again. It's hard for me to explain to her that I'll probably have to have another job all my life, even if I am a published author. Even if I do get published several times. I do have hopes of becoming a bestselling author, but my genre is difficult to get published. I've read some bestsellers recently. I keep wondering how I'll even measure up when I read things like The Diviners or Corrections. It's so different from what I do.

I've started on book #2. I suppose I should say book #2 has started on me. It wants to write itself and it won't let me go. Nevermind I'm not sur ehow I want to finish off the bad guy, or that I don't consider myself a genre writer or that I've not done all my research yet. There's just going to be blank spaces in the manuscript until I get to those things, because I'm not waiting for anything. The Muse is visiting and she doesn't stop by very often. I'll offer her some coffee while I send someone to the store for snacks.

That's my writer and waitress and bartender stress out. I hope life is treating everyone well.

Sarah/ag/xx

I should have made you leave your key

2010-05-02T05:37:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I made this blog a little harder to find, but it's still here. SO I suppose I can keep posting. I'd hate to give all of you up after all this time.

Life update. Guitar Hero no longer lives with us. The short version is, the night before St. Patricks Day we laid a note on her bed letting her know how much she owed us for rent and utilities. We did this to remind her, because even though she's been living with us since december, she hadn't paid rent yet, because seh gave us $200 in december and we let it go for January and February because she had installed hardwood floors (costing about$150) in her bedroom. We figured that was fair and we should give her a break, she did just move and she's in school afterall.

About 11 that night Kitten and I had finished up spending some quality time together and I was headed in to the kitchen to get some water and hunt for some cigarettes and she was in there eeating, she'd just gotten off work. She made a comment about how she had noticed we left the note about rent on her bed. She asked if Kitten was still up. I said sort of, rather than offending her by saying soemthing like "She's awake, but she's laying in bed naked and afterglowing, could this wait?" because we all know how Guitar Hero doesn't like to be reminded that other people, even married ones, might be getting some since she isn't. She asked if she could go in the bedroom since Kitten wasn't out of bed. I told her I would go tell her she wanted to talk, but she followed me into the room anyway.

Cue akward conversation where Guitar Hero reminds us how we had told her she didn't have to pay rent until April (we didn't remember this conversation at all, ut hey - everyon's memories short out now and again, right?) So we say okay, and she says something like she doesn't want us tot hink she's skipping out on rent and she'd pay us the next month and wouldn't that be okay? We said sure and told her we wanted to sleep, since it was, you nkow, eleven and we both had to work the next morning.

open scene on next morning, where I tromp off to Guitar Heros' room to get my clothes out of the dryer for work. It's empty. I'm not talking, she's not home. I'm talking all there was in there was a stripped bed and empty bookshelves and dressers. Some of her books were in laundry baskets in the floor. She moved out in the middle of the night!

Now, I know, and you all know, she wasn't happy living with us. I have my own theories on why, but we assumed that she was going to stay until the end of the semester like she had agreed and if she wanted to move out then, no big deal, right? Well, apparently not.

So we call Kitten's buddy Welder Girl and she picks up a new set of locks for us on her way to the house, she and Kitten carpool to school together. I call Perpet from work and ask her to sit at the house for us because we know Guitar Hero is going to show up to get the rest of her stuff the minute Kitten heads out for school and I don't want Kitten missing class just so we know that she hasn't taken some of our stuff too.

Guitar Hero shows up, as expected, shortly before Kitten heads to class. She notices Kitten at the door and asks what she's doing. Kitten replys "It looks like I'm changing the locks. Give me your keys." Guitar Hero fights with Kitten about how she needs to keep our house key for a few weeks yet. Kittten points out Perpet will be there to let her in and out that day, and she can call if she needs something else.

Guitar Hero proceeds to cry (suprise. She's good at crying on command) and tells Kitten it was all so sudden and she had to take her new apartment right then, and she didn't mean to hurt Kitten and they were still best buds, right? Kitten calmly tells her she doesn't know what apartment complex she's staying in that needs her to move in between the hours of 11pm and 6 am but if that makes her feel better to say so, that's fine. And no, they aren't friends. GH says that she didn't know how to approach her about it, and it *was* sudden. Kitten tells her that we would have been nice and offered our truck and helped her move if she'd just asked, but she had to sneak out of the hosue in the middle of the night and what kind of peopple does that make us look like? GH gets mad then, and stomps to the back of the house saying of Kitten doesn't believe her it was short notice then she's crazy. Upshot of all this is, later when we weren't there GH mentions to her mom in Perpet's presence she's had her mail forwarded for two weeks. Sudden, my hind end.

Anyway, shortly after this, maybe a week or so, Kitten starts getting crazy text messages from Guitar Hero. Over the next week or so they keep up. I've transcribed them here, because it really does demonstrate the crazy (I can't reproduce all the spelling and punctuation errors, only the elipses, they drove me crazy):

Text #1:

Hey…ive been thinking of u a lot lately…hope you are doing well

Kitten doesn't respond, two days pass, then she gets this:

Text #2-6 (put together for continuity)

I just moved down the street Kitten, I had absolutely no intention to move out of ur life… I wish you would talk to me so I know how u feel about things…I don’t know what else to do unless u talk to me…You may have given up on this friendship we have built together, but dammit Kitten, I wont give up on you, Its not worth throwing away over something as menial as the move, or maybe ive done something a lot worse to deserve this from you, and I just don’t realize it…that’s why u need to talk to me so I know, I cant just forget about u and everything weve had together, I just cant…maybe u feel differently, but I think You are worth the effort and more…please don’t shut me out completely

Text #7-10

What do you want me to do? What can I possibly do to make us right again…it is tearing me apart to know that u are so incredibly angry with me…I thought that by moving out I would be able to save the friendship that all three of us had, after the disagreement with sarah…I felt more in the way…I felt like I was a problem or a hinderance to both of you…we never talked like we used to…it sucked…I thought if I gave u guys space again, everything would go back to like it was…but I guess I fucked up cause now u hate me….

Text #11-15

God, I wish u could understand where im coming from…but I guess you don’t. It was never you Kitten, we got along so well, I could see myself living with u till I was an old lady, I care about and will always love u dearly whether or not u choose to ever have anything to do with me again, but to live with a couple is so terribly akward and uncomfortable to me…I thought we could make it work…but sarah claimed her turf and I felt soo much in the way…I tried, and moving to portlandw u guys seemed like such a good idea cause I cannot see a life without u….but u and I both know that wasn’t gunna work anyways, why would a married couple want a roommate? I will just be in the way…but I could be livin down the street frm ya in a little bungalow and still see u

A side note to mention that she was planning on moving up to WA when we head that way in the next few years. I'm glad we escaped the crazy following us...

At this point the lovely Kitten sends back a text telling her 1, that she hates me and that means she hates Kitten, why would Kitten want to be friends with someone who hates her wife? 2, that she snuck out in the middle of the night like an abused wife and that's childish and 3, she doesn't hate her, she just isnt her friend anymore. Here is the follow up response, which came two days later

Text #16-22

Ok, u go ahead and be mad w me. Your message was so very angry and cruel. To tell me I mean nothing, not even to be considered a friend, after everything I did for u two….cuts so deep and hurts more than words can ever describe…and maybe I didn’t handle things the way u wanted, and for that I am sorry.There was no time to talk bc it did happen so fast. And what little time there was, I didn’t kno how to bring it up w out hurtin anyones feelings. But I am trying to talk to u now I think we are both equally confused and hurt. But what it all boils down to is, I was uncomfortable, so I moved, end of story…I never said I couldn’t stand sarah…don’t put words in my mouth and quit coming up with ignorant excuses to be so angry w me. I love sarah just as much as I love you. All I ever did was to please u both, I know ur a unit, u are soulmates…why do u think I agreed to support u and be best man?? She is ur happiness

Text #23-31

We talked after the disagreement, I thought we were ok…but I was uncomfortable around u both after that, I was afraid to do anything that might upset u both, I didnt like that feeling, I didn’t knowhat to do or say…u even said urself sarah was uncomfortable too…I didn’t want anymore fights between any of us, I wanted it to go back to the way things were when we were so happy together…I thought by moving it would save all three friendships. But since u r being such a stubborn turd, I guess I destroyed it instead, but if u still cant see how much I loved u both, how much I did for u both and not care at all….Well then u are blind and that’s a shitty shame. So im sorry for coming into ur life and fucking things up.I guess im not entitled to my feelings and opinions…I guess its all about pleasing u both and making u happy…if u don’t care about me or want to put out any effort or understanding…Well then I guess I don’t need u in my life either….i am just so very sorry and disappointed that such a good ting had to end on such bad terms.

Point of interest here, I never "talked" with Guitar Hero after the so-called disagreement. Co-workers will tell you i was joking about the fact I was counting how few words I could say to her. Week one I got by on less than 20...

Kitten tells her she isn't going to argue with her anymore and she's painting herself as the angel, so why bother. She also points out that if she is so desperate to be my friend again too, why isnt she blowing up my phone too? We get this shortly after.

Text #32-38

I am not an angel…in fact I admitted to going about things the wrong way and for that I am sincerely sorry, I never knew things would get so damned blown out of proportion…what do u want me to say?? That im a horrible two timing sneaky bitch who never cared about u two, ever?? Well, u are a god damned fool to believe that. That’s fine, u stay mad, u hate me, don’t waste time or effort on me cause I don’t deserve it, maybe I never deserved it…ur always right and im completely wrong, screw u Kitten …u said I would never hurt me again and maybe I hurt u with all this and god I am sorry…I am so sorry….but jesus, this time it hurs so bad…is that what u want to hear? Does that make u happy to kno im in so much pain? U r in the right and am wrong and deserve this treatment from u. Fuck u anna and dream world ur livin in….i am trying to reach out to u but forget it, u believe what u want.

You'll note she never mentions how she wants to be buddies with me again, good, I think, for her to stop lying to herself and Kitten...I'll also mention, because I asked Kitten about this, she apparently was desperately hurt when Kitten ended their "beautiful relationship" of two dates. But by then Guitar Hero had already fallen for her. Or something. But she decided they should be friends rather than not talk, because, you know, somthing is better than nothing. Apparently not.

I finally lose my temper and enter the fray. I text Guitar Hero that I think she still has feelings for Kitten, that she only professes to like me to get Kitten back in her life and that she is acting like Kitten was her girlfriend and broke up with her. I call her a coward for moving out in the middle of the night when she could have just told us and point out to her that she didnt like living with us because we are happy and it made her unhappy to see it because she is unhappy with herself. I told her there was no hate on Kitten's or my part, just a lack of desire to be friends with someone who resents our happiness and cant be honest with us. This is the response she sent to Kitten's phone, seeing as how I am not worthy of a text back...

Text #39-41

None of that is true….there is no feelings like that at all left for Kitten….i was genuinely happy 4 u both or else I would have never supported the marrage….dont u understand that?She was my friend, nothing more, nothing less…look, I don’t care anymore, it doesn’t matter, no amount of reasoning matters or will ever help…just please leave me alone and never talk to me again….we are done here…

I sent her back a message telling her I didn't think it was fair that she was taking her Barbies and going home now that I wanted to talk, and that I figured I got another 40 or so text messages until we were even. She never responded.

Last week Kitten dropped off a credit card statement that had come to our house for her at work (yeah, they still work at the same place. Thank heavens on opposite shifts) She returned to Kitten, a few days later, an envelope of all of Kitten's guitar music, which she had accidentally taken with her. Inside was another three page letter about how much she loved Kitten and missed her and how she wanted to be friends and she's ruined it all and she'll never forgive herself.

Wow. And she seemed so normal until she moved in.

All I can say is I'm greatful we had this incident now, rather than months from now, or years from nwo when we moved. I can say I'd become a little territorial the last few weeks she was there, but then, I think I should be the one who gets the first hug and the only kiss when Kitten gets off work in the afternoons. And Kitten had mentioned when I wasn't home she had to hide out in our bedroom and read because every time she tried to watch a movie Guitar Hero would lay all over her on the couch, or put her head in her lap or some such nonsense, and despite her protestations that it made her uncomfortable, she persisted. Twice GH tried to get her to go to "a nice dinner and maybe a movie since Sarah's at work" and Kitten declined.

All's well that ends well, but seriously, how did we miss the crazy? Maybe we wanted to think she just wanted to be friends because we liked her so much as a person. Maybe we're both blind. I'm officially running all new friends past Perpet from now on. She's got a crazy homing device. It's like gaydar, for weirdos.

And that's the drama. I'll post something cheerful soon. I swear.

Hope it entertained, at least. Lord knows I laughed over it all.

S/AG/xx

I've got a new blog

2010-05-01T09:51:00.001-07:00

I'm starting a blog for my two biggest loves outside of kitten, writing and reading.

Its at http://writeaskew.blospot.com

I'd love for you to check it out. I'll probably spend more time over ther. Chances are, I'll delete this blog soon.

If you want to stay caught up with my personal life, friend Alecya Giovanni on facebook. I'll need you to identify yourself in the message.

I'm coming out of my blogger paranoia and using my real name now. Most of you know it anyway.

I'll see you on the other side.

Sarah

You were still standing there when the smoke cleared

2010-02-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

And I've done it again. I ducked out for almost a month without positng.

I'm very enarly done with the second draft of my novel. It's being beta'd right now and I'm getting excellent feedback. I had set the goal to finish by the end of this month. I've got 70 pages left and one day. It's not going to happen. I ought to be at it right now, but I'm having trouble focusing. I think i need to turn off the internet. That might help me.

I've been applying around to other jobs too. I need more money. I don't feel like a help at all. Guitar Hero is working at Kitten's restuaruant and making money hand over fist, and from what I hear, isn't even that great a waitress. I keep hoping they'll have a spot open up there. I'd like to work with Kitten and have similar hours too.

My cousin Lovey has a job now, and I am really proud of her. I am hoping she'll get her car in working order soon and we can have a couple days to hang out. It isn't much fun that she lives farther away now. I keep trying to convince her to move up here and go back to school. I think she wants to, but is nervous about how her family would feel. I understand that.

Speaking of not much fun, living with Guitar Hero is becomeing worse and worse for me. I think she is even getting on Kitten's nerves, although she bears it with her usual philosohpy. I appreciate that about her.

Turns out she's a pretty sensitive girl, and most of you know I have the sensitivity of a blunt axe most days. I don't think I could sugar coat something even if I tried. So those days when she comes home and is crying or stomping around or feels like she needs to take an hour and a half long bath are trying to me. I try to ask her what's wrong, and I do my best to be gentle when I suggest that soemtimes maybe it isnt as bad as it seems. I've been wasting my time.

The other day she was upset about her schedule for graduate school and I offered to help her. She not very politely refused, I think she thinks since I am not in school right now I must be an idiot. I hope we all know better. She got to talking to me and I asked her why she didn't get a degree in what she wants to do, rather than get a degree in something she doesn't really like to do but will bring her comfort. I offered the opinion that maybe she should try and make herself happy first, and worry about the money as it comes to that.

This, I know, is a philosophy of a starving artist, but I'm one, and she wants to be one (albeit of a different kind) and I thought maybe she just needed encouragement. Not so. She told me she has too much on her plate to deal with me making it worse. (Not that I see what she's got going on. A job, school and her not girlfriend she just dumped - but isn't that the way life goes?) I asked her why she didn't sit down and deal with her problems now, while she has friends like me and Kitten to support her rather than making it worse by putting it off. Wrong thing to say, apparently. She slammed her glass on the kitchen table and started yelling and cursing at me, told me to mind my own business and ran out of the house crying.

I really didn't mean to upset her. I felt bad. For about six hours.

Then I came home and she wanted to have a talk with me. She took to hours to pretty well tell me that I was a terrible person. Her list of complaints were as follows, minus the cursing, crying and general profanity, which I don't feel necessary to repeat here:

I get in her business and she wants me to stay out of it (Okay, stop talking to me about it, right?)

I am in general a person she doesn't know if she can trust, because she doesn't know all about me. (I told her I'm an open book, and I wondered to myself why she would move in if she didn't trust me.)

I am too blunt and can't be nice about things. ( I agree here, I don't soften the blow very well. But I am never intentionally mean to her...)

I am trashy because I speak my mind. Mind you, she doesn't blame me, that's the way I was raised. (that made me angry, I respect the way my grandparents and mom raised me. I kep my mouth shut and lit a cigarette to keep from yelling about that.)

I have no self respect because I used to be an alcoholic and drug addict. It's worse because I'll admit it. (this really made me angry, but I held my peace here too.)

I am a manipulative person and I have both her and Kitten under my thumb ( I asked her how she thought I was manipulative, or what she thought my ends were, but she just cussed at me and started crying again. I think this was to broach what I think was the main point, which follows)

I have bad blood for her because she and Kitten had a beautiful relationship before we started seeing each other. (Here's where I have to confess to cruelty. I've long suspected she held some lingering attachment to Kitten. I told her point blank I had no reason to resent her, I was the one married to Kitten and I would never have suggested she move in if I thought Kitten had any lingering vestiage of affection for her, which I know she didn't. I'm not stupid. There was never any question of love between them. It was a couple of dinner dates and sex once and nothing else. She really cussed and cried at that. I almost felt bad)

I am a wiccan and I am going strait to hell and she's put up with me doing witchcraft in the house long enough. (This annoyed me mostly because I am not technically a wicaan, it had nothign to do with her thinking I am a busybody. Also, the only time she has ever seen me practice is at my wedding, which she was a part of, and which she knew would take place. I practice in private. Plus, its my house. I set a fire in the back yard and dance naked in it if I want to, but that's neither here nor there....)

I am a drama causer and all I want is to make people unhappy and angry with each other.

After this little speech, well, long speech I calmly told her I hjad never intentionally set out to hurt her and of course I would stay out of her life if she wanted me to, but that she needed to admit I had never done anything but offer my friendship to her, and that I would continue to do so for the sake of everyone in the house.

She told me I was a cold person and she couldn't believe I wasn't upset at all the things she said (believe me I was, but sometimes its better to wait and be angry in private, I think)

I told her if she wanted me to not be her friend I understood and that in return for staying out of her business and personal life like the not friend she wanted me to be I required her to stop crying so loud I can hear it on the other end of the house (an attention getting technique that usually works well for her) not take any more 3 hour trips to the bathroom to indulge her rage (some of us like to use it too, you know) and that she was no longer allowed to stomp around the house and snip at everybody for things that weren't their fault.

She got real mad and called me cold again. I told her I wouldn't waste my time or energy when I had time off just to console someone who didn't like me, and I definately wasn't going to have her suck up all the time I have off making my home a miserable place.

She said okay and then she says "Well, I guess that's how I say its going to be, so there, we've got that settled." I almost laughed. I followed this by almost falling out of my position on the couch when she came over and asked for a hug! I couldn't believe it.

I was really angry when this first happened, but I've had a week to cool off about it, and now I'm thinking it's almost funny. I've lived with people who don't like me before but I've never lived with someone I know doesn't like me who perists in telling me they like me when they act like they despise me, and make it a point to tell me how bad a person I am.

Kitten asked if I wanted her to get her out of the house. I told her no. I figure she's made her bed, and she can lay in it. Word at the water cooler is that she won't have her job much longer and I'm interested to see how she reacts when that happens. She certainly won't be able to talk to me about it. Either way, I figure she'll move on in her own time if she's meant to, or she'll come to see that I was right about a lot of things and maybe she'll unbend and try to be reasonable. I can be forgiving for a lot of things.

She wasn't raised up the way I was, and she's really naieve, so that accounts for a lot of her ideas and actions. She says she's never met a person like me before, and I venture to guess that she'll meet a lot more like me if she stays out of the little town she came from and lives in a bigger city like ours. Trouble is, most of them won't give her the benefit of a doubt.

I've kept quiet the last few days and she seems content not to talk to me. I don't feel its much a loss, really.

It does make me a little sad that she's turned out like this, but that's the way things go some times.

In happier news, my mom and Punk are completely different creatures now that they live apart and there's been a startling burst of maturity from both of them. Mom and I have been spending a lot of time together lately and I actualyl enjoy her company now. She seems to be coming into her own at last, and I like it.

Kitten and I have made a new friend, her name is Copper Top, and we like her a lot. No doubt she'll show up in some of my posts in the future, I expect she'll be hanging out more as time passes.

I haven't given up the idea of moving, and I occasionally go looking for homes in the area of the Pacific Northwest we want to move to. I think we can make it there in the next five years if we try really hard and if I get lucky with a publisher. We're putting the money back for it, so it looks like no second honeymoon any time soon, but it can wait. I like the idea of us picking out our home and moving to it together, like the excellent team we are.

That's all the news from me, for now, and I hope you all are doing well.

Incidentally, I hope the above gave you a good laugh, most of you know me better than my in eprson friends and I hope you know I'm not looking for sypathy. I got that out of Perpet the night after it happened. And it made me laugh, like I do now. I just thought it would give you interesting perspective into the mind of our dear Guitar Hero. I hate to admit i like writing about her. She's such a new experience.

Imagine, we're not even a big city and she is in culture shock. It makes me worry how countryfied I seem when I travel. I hope to heaven I can maintain some sense of cosmopolitanality (is that a word? I'm making it one) when I go other places.

Love you all.
AG/xx

Stepped out into the cold, collar high

2010-02-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

January slipped by, didn't it?

That's the way it usually goes though. Especially for me. So my 28th birthday has come and gone. (thanks Aravis for stopping by and saying happy birthday) and Kitten's 30th has come and gone. We didn't do anything wild. We went to dinner at a fantastic northern italian restaurant in our town. She's never been there and I think she really enjoyed it. I love to eat there and got a huge kick out of her excitement.

Guitar Hero is an experience. This is one of those circumstances where sometimes the friend is better farther away I think. Well, one, I honestly don't think she likes me now that she lives with us. She hardly ever talks to me and spends a lot more time with Kitten. Of course, she and Kitten work similar hours, but...yeah. I think she thinks I am a stick in the mud. She was giggling over an ad for a topless maid service the other night over dinner and she asked me if I would ever do that. Obviously, no. But she kept on it, and said she thinks that having a maid running around in high heels and a thong is funny. I told her I didn't think the exploitation of women for profit was ever funny. She looked liek I punched her.

She joined an online dating service (I joined it too, as a joke. Go to OKCupid.com and look for tehbonkybonk.) and met this girl. I don't like her. I think she has no manners. Just me, but they've been on two dates and its Luuurve. Gag. And since the only thing they have in common is they both play guitar, Kitten and I have been treated to non-stop whailing on the guitar for the last month now. Last night she even got out the banjo. *sigh*

I'm looking for a new job. I've been cut back to less than 20 hours a week and that's not enough to get by on. Corporate decided we all need less hours. What I think we need is less employees, but that's just me. See, I think if you have six or seven employees that only want to work one day a week or a couple weeks every month, you kick them to the curb and give full tiem schedules to the people who are begging to work 6 days a week...just me. on top of that our restaurant went non-smoking and when you work in the bar, that means no money. I had 4 customers walk out last night because we dont let them smoke at the bar anymore. And two more yelled at me, like it was my decision. "Oh, yeah, the whole staff took a vote. We figure smokers are assholes...sorry."

Anyway. So I've sent out about 30 resumes this last week. I'm going to try to get back into offices. I had an interview two days ago for an HVAC company and I thought it went well when they called me back for a second interview. Turns out they didn't even look at my salary requirements. I told them no less than $12 an hour in the first interview, they told me pay started at 9 in the second interview. Plus the manager warned me ahead of time that the predominately male staff would likely sexually harass me and did I have aproblem with that, so long as they didn't get too out of line? Yeah. They offered me the job. I told them thanks but no thanks.

Guitar Hero let my cat Voodoo out, she's in heat. She's been gone two days and i'm worried. If she comes back she'll be pregnant. Great. If she doesn't...well, I don't want to think about that. I'm hoping for comes home pregnant at this point. Our baby cat Purrsephanie has spent the last two days wandering around the house calling for Voodoo. She's pretty distressed. I cuddle her as much as possible. Unfortunately, I don't think she sees me as quite the companion Voodoo is. We're both anxious I guess. Every time I go to the door to call for her she sit in the doorframe and howls. Poor thing.

In good news, Punk finallymoved out of my mom's house...didn't think that would ever happen...

I finished my first round endit of my novel and am almost through with edit number two. yay. and I started outlining for novel #2, which I'm going to try and start on in March.

Ywah. That's all the exciting news here. I wish It would stop snowing. I know its winter andI live in the midwest and all, but seriously...

Keep warm.
AG/xx

But now that's nothing more than a memory

2009-12-31T16:25:00.000-08:00

Well, its the new year, almost. 2009 wrapped up rather nicely for me. The last few days at work have been busier than usual ( a huge plus) and I've had a great holiday. to add the icing to the cake Guitar Hero moved the last of her stuff in today and she's officially our roomie. Yay.

You know, new years is supposed to be the time to make resolutions and reflect on the past and think for the future and all that, so a little of what I learned this year:

I lerned that if I put my nose to the grindstone I can actually accomplish things I am proud of. (like my novel, finally finished and almost done with that horrific first round edit)

I learned that sometimes you have to make choices that will hurt other people but are the best for you. Its not fun, but sometimes it has to be done. And its okay, sometimes, when you have to make that hard decision to feel both a little bit of regret and a lot of pride for doing what's right. I think this year I've done a lot of things that were hard for me, but also really right for me. If you had told me this time last year I'd be happily married, ina healthy relationship and setting realistic goals for my life and for me relationships with other people I would have told you that you were crazy. But it turns out when push came to shove I really did care enough about myself to want to be happy. And I think, honestly, for the first time I can say I am truly happy with my life and the decisions I've made for myself.

I've learned this year that a friend who doesn't love you no matter what isn't really a friend. I've cut loose a lot of people this year and I can't say I am sorry for it. I am sorry that I had poor judgement when it came to some of my friends, and I am sorry that I realized far too late what I needed to do to help myself. But Ican't be sorry I let them go. I keep happy memories to always enjoy, but it seems those are few and far between with the parties concerned.

I learned this year what a real friend is. I have a lot of people in my life right now that are supportive, loving and honest with me. And I need that. A few of them propbably should have cut me loose too, and I am glad they were patient with me and saw me through some of my worst times. I feel like I especially ought to mention Perpet here, who listened to me talk about how miserable I was for the last two years and gave me great advice, which I ignored and sometimes resented her for, but stuck it out with me and has seen me become the person I ought to be, the person I've been trying to become for the last five years. I think I finally made it, and I am proud to say I didn't loose her as a friend along the way, although by rights I probably should have. Having her stand next to me on my wedding day, the way I did with her, and knowing that I was going into a life commitment that was healthy and strong was a happy moment for me.

I learned that there is no substitute for real love, be it romantic or the love of friends. Its not somethign that can be faked, and when you have the real thing every other imitation you've known seems silly.

I learned that with my family sometimes there isn't any winning, but I can keep from losing. I've had to make compromises with my family this year that I didn't want to make but Ithink its been for the best. I love my family, but I don't always like them, and this year had been an eye opening one for me, in that I know now how to better deal with them. I've found that I have a lot of resentment towards my family, and I am trying to deal with it in the most adult manner I can. I don't know I'm always mature, but I've been trying to keep in mind my personal goals and deal with them the best I can. Its all I can do.

I think this year I've learned to set reasonable goals for myself, and I've found that they're attainable. I also have learned to never settle for less than I deserve, which is doing me a lot of good both professionally and personally. I've leanred its okay to indulge myself every now and again. I've learned that there are some things too, that are not indulgences. Thinking of myself, wanting to be happy, taking care of myself, taking time to relax and be happy are all things I shouldn't reserve for special occasions. I should be doing it all the time. And I'm doing better about it. I don't feel guilty asking for what I want, and I'm finding I am less bitter about the compromises I make, because they are honest to goodness compromises and not sacrifices on my part. I've learned what it is to come halfway. I like it.

This has been a good year for me. It really has. I'm proud of how I am doing. I like myself now. I like who I am. And for a year's worth of work? That's pretty darn good I think.

I love you all. I hope you have something happy to recall this year, and you've learned something worthwhile. Even if its something small.

Here's to a new year friends. I'm ready to move on.

AG/xx

It begining to look a lot like Christmas

2009-12-19T08:15:00.000-08:00

I got home last night to a pleasant and adorable surprise. Kitten's dad had brought by my Christmas gift. Last week he and Cat and Teddy had come by my work and I got to sit with them for a few hours (we we so not busy) and he asked what I wanted for Christmas. Jokingly, I said feather pillows. I've been needing a new pillow, the one I sleep with is one I've had since before I left high school. Turns out he was listening. And he got me real feather pillows. the kind that poke through the pillow. Only mine have a special lining so they don't poke. Either way, it was so sweet and considerate of him to remember. When I called him to thank him he said he brought it by early because he knew I had been feeling poorly. How sweet is that?

Now, my mother, on the other hand, not so sweet. I talked to her this morning about Christmas dinner. I told her Kitten and I had talked it over (we have) and that we wanted to have Christmas dinner at our house. I tried to explain that I understood her concern about my brother and that I totally didn't want her to feel caught in the middle. I offered this compromise: We would come by, around noon, after we finished at Kitten's mom's house. We would bring presents and eat cookies and say hello and I could see my brother on Christmas and her concience would be clear. Then, in the evening, she could come over and have dinner with us. I feel its important I get to cook dinner this year, its kitten and I's first Christmas married and I want to cook for her. We wanted to spend thanksgiving alone and I gave in to my mom on that one, i figure I've earned this one.

She pretty much told me I was forcing her to have Christmas alone and how dare I hate my brother so much as to leave him out. I tried very calmly to explain that he would be welcome in my house if I could reasonably expect him to not show up drunk or yelling if him and her have a fight, or that no one be offended when I throw him out for cussing and calling my mom names in my home, because I wouldn't tolerate that.

She called me a bitch and hung up on me.

So I suppose its just me and Kitten and Guitar Hero this year. I'm okay with this, I'm getting better at being okay with being at odds with my mom. I'm tired of havng to rearrange my schedule and do everything because its how my brother wants it done or because its more convineient to him. She treats him like a husband. He's not my father. He doesn't make my decisions for the holidays. I do. Every year it seems I end up rearranging my holiday plans for him. I am not doing it any more. My mom is making the choice to spend Christmas alone. I can't feel bad about it anymore.

Tis the season

2009-12-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, its about a week before Christmas. I think I am almost worn out on the holiday. It makes me rather sad, because I normally like Christmas and I've been working hard to make Christmas something special for Kitten, because she has always disliked the holiday so much. This year, I sort of understand why she isn't so keen on it, although, honestly, she seems more excited than I do right now.

Trying to arrange family time for all of our parents seemed like it was going to be an easy thing to do. We agreed to spend Christmas Eve night with Kitten's dad and step mom. We are going to go to midnight mass with them. I am looking forward to that, because I have never been, and I heard its really beautiful. Guitar Hero is coming with us, she's very much a part of the family now. She even came to my extended family's Christmas dinner at my Grandmother's request. It was suprisingly ueventful.

Kitten's mom wanted us to spend Christmas Eve night with her, but we told her no. I think its a little too much. Kitten has been upset with her, and although they've talked it out, I still don't feel inclined to sleep in a strange house over the holidays. We're having breakfast with her the next morning, and doing her present swap then. We have to be there at nine. Its early, but she wouldn't agree to anything later. I'm nervous about that. Kitten is supposed to be cooking. Kitten's sister, Cat, said a few years ago they were both 15 minutes late and she had a meltdown. Yikes. But hopefully we can get in and out and get back home to ourselves for a while.

Here's the big troule. We were going to have my mom over for dinner Christmas day night and I was going to cook dinner. It was easier. My brother was supposed to be going to Vegas with his girlfriend, but that didn't work out. But my mom just told me that this morning. Which means he is going to be there. We've already made plans that Guitar Hero will be with us at our house because we want her there, and she'll be moving in shortly, and because I think she'll need the break from her family too, honestly.

Now my mom wants us to come over in the evening and just have a few snacks and stuff because she doesn't want to cook. Trouble is, I want to cook Christmas dinner. But I don't want Punk at our house. Partly because I don't trust him and partly because I've been making progress with my mom and I don't feel like moving backwards because I have to kick him (and subsequesntly her - his ride) out of the house because he is cussing or screaming at her. I don't want to put up with that. Also, he will make it a habit of showing up drunk and raging at me every time he is angry with mom. You can see why I might not want him to be familiar with how to get to my house.

So what do I do? Skip me cooking dinner and go over there? I offered to drop the presens by and visit for a while so I could see him and then she could come over for dinner later. She already said he had plans for later that night. She doesn't think that is fair to her. I don't know how, but it apparently isn't . She won't settle for anything but us coming over and spending the whole evening at her house. Which is tiny. It was crowded with just four of us at Thanksgiving. We all had to sit in the floor to eat. Our house would be much more comfortable, and she wouldn't have to spend money on cooking. But she isn't hearing me. What do I do? I'm going to talk it over with Kitten, but I have a feeling none of us will be happy with whatever the solution will be. Mom has already pulled the "well, if you want me to spend Christmas alone, I guess I will, and better get used to it since you're going tomove away and abandonme soon anyhow" card. She's mad my Grandmother is going to visit her sister in Kansas City for the holidays, and thinks its unfair she won't have anyone to spend it with, although I know she and one of my aunts are having lunch and a movie on Christmas Day.

I'm stuck again. Bleh.

Casa Bueno didn't throw us a Christmas party this year, and I'm in charge of organizing the unofficial party for this Sunday. Its stressing me out because the place we all agreed to go wants a $40 deposit and honestly I don't have the $40 sitting around unused. I might hit a few of my co-workers up for the money tonight, we'll see.

Kitten's Christmas paarty for the Happy Waffle is this Monday, and I really don't want to go to it either, but she doesn't get her Christmas bonus if she doesn't go and I want her to get the bonus. I won't leave her to go by herself.

Yeah, I'm not so much for the holidays anymore, they're a huge pain in the tail.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

2009-12-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

November passed in a haze. Thanksgiving was uneventful. I made a pot roast for me and Kitten and her mom. We played Scrabble. Nothing of note really there.

Last week Kitten's sister Cat got married to her sweetie Teddy. I was happy for them. They're really sweet. The wedding went well and she looked beautiful. I was pleased and surprised that they insisted I was in all the family photos. It made me feel both loved and accepted. It meant a lot to me.

Christmas is just around the corner and I'm happy to say I've got nearly all my shopping done. It's awesome. I just need to get a few stocking stuffers for Kitten and Guitar Hero, and to pick up one last thing for Cat and Teddy and we'll be all set. Kitten is making our stockings. Mine is pink flannel with Snow White on the front of it. It has my Initial and a line of pink ribbons across the hem of the top. Its beautiful. We're all getting princess stockings this year. Kitten gets Aurora and Guitar Hero gets Cinderella. She was giving us a hard time about the princess stockings so we went and got her Christmas Disney Princess wrapping paper for all her gifts.

Kitten caved now that Guitar Hero has the back room done so we get to put up a Christmas tree as soon as we find the key to our shed. We've misplaced it somehow. Oops.

That's about all that's new and exciting here.

xx/AG

Stand by me

2009-11-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

So, the handfasting ceremony took place on November 8th. All of our friends came and were super supportive. We thought it was really beautiful. We got our capes and my dress done in time and the stress level was next to nothing because Perpet and Guitar Hero took care of everything for us the day of the wedding. We even had time to clip ina little nap.

There isn't much I can tell you about the ceremony that will be of interest to you that you couldn't google and fine out, but I thought I might post my vows for you to see, if you like. They aren't quite the traditional vows, so...

I, Alecya, do take you, Kitten, as my partner and mate. Never will I seek to do you harm; always will I strive for your happiness and welfare. My love will be your treasure in the times when other riches fail to serve. My love will be your medicine in sickness as my hand tends your needs. My love will be your mirth when your heart is touched by sadness. My love will be your shining star through the darkest of nights. My love will be your banquet when life’s table seems empty. All this do I promise you with all the love that is in my heart. So may it be.

I thought it was beautiful.

Anyway, after that we took our drive down to Florida. Since most of you have an idea of where I live it won't suprise you we took two days to do it since it was over 1,000 miles to get there. We were a huge joke for our friends, we had to upgrade our rental car because of all of our luggage. We had somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 bags between the two of us, not counting hatboxes and the cooler and stuff. We ended up ina Ford Focus that we named Frederick. The drive down was okay. Once we hit Alabama it was okay. I'll save the story for another post but I am not a huge fan of the state of Mississippi after the trip.

We got to FLorida and it was beautiful. We had a great time. I'll tell you all about the trip in some posts too.

I brought more pictures. If you want to see all my pics, friend me on facebook. I have two albums devoted to the honeymoon and one for the wedding. Its under Alecya Giovanni. Just message me to tell me who you are becuse I don't accept strangers as friends.

Love you all.

Me and Kitten with Stitch at Epcot.

Kitten meeting her favorite Princess, the Princess Aurora. She was delighted. It was so cute.

Me and Kitten preparing for a night out at Victoria and Alberts. Its a super fancy restuarant. We had 8 courses of bliss. It was fun to dress up. (there was a dress code)

Me and stitch.

Who's the leader of the club?

2009-11-26T14:05:00.000-08:00

And I am back from the honeymoon.

The ceremony went well. It was beautiful. I managed not to cry (in front of anyone)

The honeymoon was amazing and I wish we could have stayed another two weeks. I'll have more pictures up shortly.

Love you all.

I can't get enough

2009-11-03T07:02:00.000-08:00

Well, its almost time for the wedding and my bride panic hasn't eased up to much. I managed to give myself a raging migraine twice this last week. But things are going okay, other than that. I've got my dress made, and the trim for it is almost half done. Kitten's Cape is almost done, Mine and Earth girl's just need sewn together, which I think I am going to make Kitten do tonight. She's better with the sewing machine than I am. I hand sew everything. I've got half the candy for the wedding made, tonight I'll finish that, and we're practicing tonight for the benefit of everyone involved, including trying not to cut our fingers off with the boline. That's what had me most nervous.

We're packed and ready to go, so there isn't much about the honeymoon that I can say other than I am excited.

Halloween was fun, I hope everyone else had a fun time with it. I dressed up for work Saturday and Friday night. It was a blast. Friday I did a disco ting with Royal, my favorite co-bartender. WE went shopping for his costume thursday and I think he had more fun than Kitten and I did, but then, he'd never been to a flea market, so it was all new to him. Saturday my costume evolved. In the morning I was Zorro, but my care was getting caughton the bar stuff and I couldn't see out of my mask too well. So I donned a fedora and a red tie, lost the capre and went as The Spirit. No one knew who I was. Again. I've got to pick a more mainstream costume next year, so I don't spend all day explaining myself.

Hope all is well in your worlds, I'm off to clean before I head to work.

Lots and lots of love.

AG/xx

Still your daughter, still the same

2009-10-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

Well, an interesting week. The good news is, I have 1/3 of the sewing for the wedding done and our planning packet came in. We're all but ready to go. I have everything packed but thehair products, becauseI can't get rid of those until the day we leave, for obvious reasons. (I have backup toothbrushes, shampoo, etc...) The bad news is I've had a falling out with my mother. A pretty permanent one, it looks like. I'm usually pretty coy about my mom and Punk (my 26 year old little brother) They live together, and its not a very healthly relationship. Whether its a result of being spoiled as a child, a bad attitude, actual psychological problems or the fact he's been the only(I hate using this word) stable male in my mother's life, Punk has a very bad habit of treating my mom more like he's her husband than her son. He runs off all her friends, especially the male ones, and he keeps tabs on her wherever she is. I've seen her take a call from him in my house and tell him she was at the store, as if there was something wrong with saying "I'm spending time with your sister" Punk doesnt have a rela job, he works maybe 10 hours a week at a local skate park, so my mom funds all of his extracurricular activities, including his drinking and drug habits. She's not too financially saavy, (coming from me that's terrible to say too) and as a result she's blown through a lot of her money. She's always broke, even though she makes three times what I do. My Gran loaned her about $3000 this last spring and instead of paying her bills it went somewhere else (I suspect to punk) and she got evicted from her rental house and has all sorts of problems.

Anyway, Punk and mom have had all sorts of issues. When I was growing up I tried really hard to ignore the turbulence of their relationship the same way I ignored my mom's abusive husbands. I didn't really think there was anything I could do about it. As an adult, I know better.

Last week mom and Punk had a pretty big fight, and I heard about it through my grandmother. Apparently my mom went to stay with her when Punk threw her out of the house. There was a physical altercation involved, and apparently it was a pretty bad one. I knew that in the past this had happened before, but apparently this time it was really awful. I won't give you all the gory details. Suffice to say my mom was afraid to go home and my brother threatened my Grandmother and (apparently, by proxy) me if we tried to get involved. My grandmother said he told her he would "beat her ass" charming, right?

For me, it was the last straw. I don't do well with threats. I also don't do well with Punk hitting my mom. Its not okay with me. Monday i called her and offered to find her a safe place to stay, or a way to help her prosecute him, or get him out of the house. Anything to separate them.

My mom didn't take the offer very well. She pretty well told me it was none of my damn business and I should stay out of it. I told her I'd thought I'd stayed out of it for too long. I also told her sshe needed to make a choice about her safety, my grandmother's safety and mine as well. She told me she wasn't going to do anything about it, and if I did, she would deny up one side and down the other he had ever laid hands on her. I told her she had three options, as far s I was concerned. 1) do something about this herself 2) let me do somethign about it and keep her safe or 3) tell me that making my brother happy was more important than her or my grandmother's safety and she didn't want to talk to me anymore, because I can't keep dealing with this kind of personal turbulence.

My mom told me to go to hell and choose option 3. I'm trying as best I can to cope with it.

I wouldn't be nearly so angry except two days later my brother and my grandmother call me on behalf of my mother, who is in jail. Apparently she had written some bad checks recently (she hasn't had a bank account in almost a year, so I'm not sure what she was thinking) and when she got pulled over for having expired tags on her vehicle she got arrested because there was a warrant for her bad checks. They wanted me to post her $1000 bail. It had to be paid in cash. I told them I didn't have that kind of money and they informed me mom knew I had at least half that amount put away for the honeymoon and probably a little more for the wedding.

Is it wrong of me to be angry whe wanted me to give her my honeymoon and wedding money to bail her out after she had just told me to go to hell and stay out of her life? Well, I was. And I didn't give them the money either. Not very kind, maybe, but that's how I felt. My grandmother got the money, in case you're curious, and she's out. For now.

I'm at an impasse. My grandmother came over thursday crying to me about how I had no right to throw stones at my mother for being in trouble with money and how she wished she was dead because of all the faily drama. She told me I would ruin Christmas because we couldn't all be together and I wasn't thinking of the family and how would everyone else think it looked? I was honest with her. I told her I've been dealing with this stress all my life, and I think its time for me to let them go. There isn't anything else I can do to help my mom or get through to my brother. As for the rest of the family, they've been looking the other way all this time, and I don't feel like its right. I waited to long to say something, honestly, and I feel better having finally said something. I think I did the right thing.

Try as I might, I'm having a hard time sleeping. I've had nightmares about my mother every night this week, and they are becoming increasingly violent and agitated. Whether you believe this is me trying to deal with the situation subconciously (I don't) or whether you think this is my moms's way of letting me know how angry she is (I do, I've alwas been connected to my family this way) its hugely unsettling.

This would be a great time for some feedback. I did the right thing? I think I did. Kitten thinks I did, and all of my close friends think this wasa step that needed to be taken a long time ago. Still, te built in family guilt is after me. I love my mom. I love punk. But I don't like them. And I don;t like the way I feel when I deal with them.

AG/xx

You found me

2009-10-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well, the pre-wedding stress level is at medium about now. The sewing isn't done but we have everything else purchased. I have begun packing for the honeymoon and am currently wondering if it is physically possible to fit all of our luggage into the Aveo we rented. I hope so, ir some of it eill be in the front seat me with me. And I pack a tight suitcase (its why there are irons in the hotel right?)

In case you guys are interested, Kitten loved the kitchen. She came in from a day of fun and shopping with Guitar Hero and kept going, "wow. oh wow. No, really, wow." both of her parents were really happy that I did it too. They think a fresh start is good for her.

We got moved back into the bedroom and I am lovign the privacy, the nicy comfy, supportive bed frame and the fact I don't have to go so far to the bathroom every night. The awesome walls and warmth from the new insulation aren't too bad either. I need to get pictures of that up some time.

We have a new addition. Kitten's dad called us when we were working the other day and said he found a little forlorn kitten on his front porch. She was riddled with fleas, and is no more than a month old, so we took her in and she is our pride and joy right now. Her little back legs are lame, she walks on her knuckles, but we're trying to teach her how to walk properly. We'll have to get her to a vet soon. Kitten names her Purrsephanie. It's perfect for her. In addition we've started letting our strays come in and out as they please, and the spend most of the time sleepign on the bed with us. We love it. Our flea med budget will have to go up, but honestly, they keep us so warm at night they might actually help lower the utility bill!

I'm currently reading a new book, its called "The Agony and the Ecstasy" its a fictional (but we;; researched) novel about the life of Michaelangelo. Its riviting. I am not normally a huge historical fiction fan, but this one might actually change my mind. I have a hard time putting it down.

I might actually get made a manager at work soon. Its about time after 3 years. Keep your fingers crossed.

That's me rightnow.

And now some pics to entertain you:

A picture of our pretty new kitcen. No more ugly tuscan theme. Bright clean lines and vintage adverts. I'm looking for a Felix the cat clock. You know the kind, with the moving eyes and tail...?

That's Purrsephanie, in the front of Kitten's hoodie, well its the front because she turned it around to cradle the baby. Spoiled right? But beautiful....

They have never felt your hell

2009-10-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Right, so another day off another epic house task for me to conquor. Silly, since I haven't gotten the others done yet, and I need them done for my wedding. But this one is important to me.

I don't know if you'll recall a few years back my area of the country had a terrible ice storm. It was awful. I went 19 days with no power. Anyhow. During the ice storm Kitten and her former partner were living in the home we are in now. Towards the end of the storm there was an accident in the house that led to Kitten being severely burned and in the hospital for a really long time. It wasn't Kitten's fault but she's never forgiven herself and she wears some pretty heavy emotional (and physical) scars from the accident. Well, every time Kitten is in the kitchen she remembers. The girls she works with tried to come and clean it up but there's only so much you can do with soot on the walls. The kitchen never got cleaned up.

The other night I was scrubbing at the walls trying to make a dent while Kitten hung crown moulding with her dad. When she saw what I was doing she started crying. I decided to give her a fresh start today.

Guitar Hero came and picked her up this morning and all day I have been redoing the Kitchen with the help of Perpet and Brown Chicken. Its gone from a tuscan theme to a black and white vintage art/1950's style kitchen. She hasn't made it home yet and I hope she likes it. I took off all the cabinets and painted them and the walls and the baseboards. Everything is new. Except the fridge and the stove, of course.

I've got my fingers crossed it will help her heal. You never really get over things like that, but I want her to feel like she's starting over with me.

I just want to be closer to you

2009-10-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

I've been busy. And sick.

Sick for only a few days. Some random virus that kept me throwing up near constantly and ended up with me getting an IV (ouch!) and a few bags of fluid and some awesome nausea medication that had me completely out of it within 5 minutes of ingestion. It also put me out of work last saturday and sunday, not someting I really enjoyed. But I'm better now and I can get back to working hard this weekend to make up for it right?

The wedding is something like a month and six days away (no, I'm not counting.) I've got the flowers done and they are lovely. Well, all but the fresh ones, which I obviously have to do that day. Kitten is helping me with the sewing and I am hoping we'll get it all done on time. Guitar Hero has built us a lovely trellis that we'll be getting married under, I likes it a lot. I think there's a debate as to whether it will get painted white or left the wood color. I think we're favoring the wood color. There seems to be no doubt that we'll be keeping it and planting roses alongside it in the spring so they'll climb the trellis, which I think is charming.

I think just about everyone is coming to the wedding, although we are having a hard time getting Earth Girl over to the house to run through the ceremony. Perpet has been over for a good "stitch and bitch" session as she calls them, and we also went together to go buy the flowers for the ceremony. We did the same thing we did for shopping for her wedding, which consisted of exclaiming over pretty things and then wondering when the two of us became so girly its painful. Not that I mind the girly anymore. Most of our friends have responded and I am glad they are coming. I am not sure whether Aunt Priestess and Lovey are coming and I sincerely hope they'll be able to.

I'm also anxiously awaiting my new Boline (a knife) and Chalice coming in the mail. I ordered them a week or so ago and I am on pins and needles wanting them to hurry up and get here. Kitten is making my altar table for me ( a wedding gift of sorts) and I am so excited about it.

Speaking of coming in the mail, I ordered a bedframe yesterday and I can't wait! I'll get to sleep up off the ground, which excites me a lot. We'll also have room for storage containers, which is something we're going to need very much.

Of course, me ordering the frame means we got the floors for our bedroom in, and we started the polyeurathane last night. Coat one is almost dry and I'll get to finish it up later tonight I think.

Kitten and I did some shopping this last weekend and I'll have to get some pictures of the pretty new dress she bought me. It was so beautiful, I almost cried when she told me I could get it. She got some new dress shirts and a lovely orange silk necktie that matches one of my evening gowns for the honeymoon. She looked so lovely I had to bite my tongue in the store. It made me proud, I have such a lovely wife.

Hope everyone is hanging in there. The first cool breezes of fall are in my neck of the woods. Hope you are all enjoying the sutumn as well.

XX/AG

Late morning lullaby

2009-09-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back in town.

We had a fantastic time at the concert. I think Brandi Carlile may be in position to bump Ani Difranco as my favorite musical artist. Her style was amazing. She did part of her set unplugged and it was breathtaking.

The trip up was nice, even if I was a little stressed out from working right up until we left. I was sick most the time we were gone. I hads my first migraine in months. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I had a good time anyhow.

We went to the Kansas City Zoo. It was beautiful. I was hot as hell, and I felt like crap, but Istill had a good time. They had two absolutely beautiful vultures (I know, I'm weird) and I watched them in complete awe. Probably my favorite part of the zoo. That and the sea lions.

In big news, I finally finished my dang novel. I'm going to start looking for a lit agent and see if i can't get published. I hope I can. I think I am a decent writer, even if this poor blog never seems to reflect it.

I got the walls in the bedroom finished and we are working on the floors tonight. Soon, I hope, I'll sleep in my new room. And Guitar Hero can move in. We're looking forward to that.

That's me....

Oh! Pics!

Kitten and Guitar Hero at the concert

Me and Kitten at the concert.

XX/AG

Pink is my favorite obsession

2009-09-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

I've had a very productive week. I have the room almost completely painted, so I'll be able to put up pictures pretty soon. I had a moment of paranoia that the pink dots would look rediculous, but they are just as adorable and whimsical as I had hoped. My new bedroom will be a sweet fantasy. I can't wait to move back in and escape.

I've stalled out on making the capes for the wedding, but I'll probably do that later in the week, since we are going to a concert tomorrow in Kansas City, Mo and I'll be out of town for a few days. No time to work on the floors this week, so we'll sew instead.

Speaking of concerts I get to go see Brandi Carlile tomorrow. She's a new favotrite of mine, and I think it'll be fun. We're going with Guitar hero. I'll probably have pics of that too.

That's about my week.

Oh, go check out Aravis this week. She's talking about her new school work and there's some great stuff on old english...

XX/AG

If you wonder about the spell I'm under

2009-09-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

I've been out a while haven't I?

Kitten and I have been working hard on our bedroom. The floors are finally re-braced sowe can put int he hardwoods, although its looking like that won't happen until next week. I've got the walls painted blue, so all I need now is to touch them up and add the pink dots and we'll be almost done. We've been at it since July and I won't lie, I'm looking forward to having my bedroom back. I'm looking into purchasing a bedframe (one with drawers underneath) and I would rather liket o suprise Kitten with it at Christmas...hopefully. I think I've found one I like.

In other more fun news- we're having a handfasting cerecmony before we leave for Florida. I thinks its wonderful, and we're very excited. Earth Girl is going to marry us, and its likely we'll do it in our back yard. Just a few people, you know, not a lot. We contemplated not inviting our mothers, but in the end decided it would be better if we did. FFelt guilty about leaving them out of the closest thing we'll have to a wedding. Kitten's mom gave us her blessing this last Thursday, very graciously, and I was thrilled. She seems to like me very well. Apparently she asked Kitten when I was going to relax and open up to her. I told her to be patient. I'm a bit intimidated still by her mom. She's a very intelligent woman, and rather no nonsense, and Kitten's improving relationship with her is wonderful - I'm terribnly afraid I'll say something stupid and muck it up. But I do like her.

My mom didn't take the news with quite as much grace. She artfully changed the subject when I asked her blessing. I'm not suprised. She does want to be at the ceremony though, so more power to her, I suppose. She is more than a little upset that we're having a "pagan" ceremony (as though we'd have a minister come marry us?) but hopefully she'll overcome. I can hope... She was harping on me again to go to church with her this past week. Its not going to happen. I told her I supported her in her faith because I know it gives her comfort, and that Ihoped she would start supporting me in mine.

Kitten and I are handmaking our wedding clothes. She's wearing a black broadcloth suit and I'll have a lovely red silk dress. We're also both wearing hooded capes. Hers red on the outside and black on the inside; mine the opposite. Hopefully I'll have pictures of our progress soon. We're making Earth Girl a white and bronze one as a gift for marrying us. I think it will be lovely.

So I'm pretty happy at the moment. I've felt that more and more lately. Its a good thing.

AG/xx

You make me feel like a candied apple

2009-08-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Wow. Now this is just a fascinating one to have for a writer's block question isn't it? What makes me feel sexy?

Wearing leather
Silk
Running around in Kitten's boxers
Swimsuits
High heels
having a good hair day
lipstick
kisses in the morning
kisses before bed
being told I am sexy (well, it does)
a nice fitting pair of jeans
dancing
singing
getting really dirty
sweating
swimming, or doing anything in the water
showers
walking slowly in the rain
stretching out on my bed
walking into a room and noticing people are looking at me
tall boots
anything black
wearing fedoras
taking pictures when I'm all dolled up
long evening gowns
a torn up pair of blue jeans and a tank top
leaning up against the porch just as Kitten pulls in the driveway
slow dancing in the living room
low lighting

I'm sure there's other things.What about you?

Self preservation is a full time occupation

2009-08-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

Right. I think anyone that knows me knows I tend to fall on the feminist side of the political spectrum as far as personal beliefs go. I'm a little bothered. Someone that used to be a mutual acquiantance of mine and Perpet's (well, and Color of Saukura for that matter) posted on his blog about how he was drawn into a discussion about women's clothing and how they shouldn't dress in such a way as to give a man sinful thoughts. He notes that although there are some people who fall in the middle of the road most people either believe either 1) women should consider how they dress or 2) they should be able to dress as they like and men should mind their thoughts. This person fell into catagory one.

For the most part, I think I fall into catagory two.

I'll say this, i'm trying to be fair about things. I can see how he feels as far as thinking sexual thoughts when a woman is dressed in provacative clothing. I won't lie, a woman in provacative clothing makes me think naughty thoughts too. BUT a beautiful woman in a long skirt and a blouse is just as likely to do that for me. See, sometimes I think that the brains that run the attached pair of nice legs is just as sexy. We live in a society that sells sex. Its common. That's the long and short of it. And men and women are both objectified as sex objects in modern society.

Here are the questions I ask myself when I consider the question: (for the record, I'm going to stick to the topic of women because I like women, but its equally likely to insert "man' here too, I get that)

Why is the woman dressed in that manner? How do I feel when I am dressed in a manner that makes people, or might make people, think things like that about me?
Why do I think what I think? Do I believe that is the woman's intent - to make me think sexual thoughts?
Is it wrong for me to have sexual thoughts about someone I find attractive?
How do I act in response to these thoughts?
Is it the woman's fault I think those things when I see her?

To be honest, I can't give the motivations for a woman I don't know. When I dress in a short skirt or a pair of tailored pants or a skimpy top or whatever I normally do it for myself. See, sometimes looking like that makes me feel good about myself. Appreciative glances are gratifying, and I know that I am an attractive woman because of those glances. Of course, most times I know that anyway. Sometimes I do it because it gives my partner or my friends pleasure to see me all dolled up. Its shallow, I admit, but its nice to be out with my beautiful partner and my beautiful friends and know that we all look good. Its a self esteem boost.

When I see a woman dressed provacatively I normally just appreciate it. Beautiful women are fun to look at. They are. Now, every now and again do I have thoughts that go beyong "wow, that's a cute outfit" Yeah, I do. But normally that's with people I know. People I appreciate as people and not as someone hot. That might take me out of the discussion right there. You see, I find it difficult to find someone sexually attractive that I don't like or respect. So I might be removing myself from the problem. When I was single and I went out, yes I was looking for someone I was attracted to and looks figure into that. But if I get her on the dancefloor or at my table and she's dull or has no opinions the poor girl has no chance, however pretty she is. Brains are the sexiest organ after all. As for what I think the woman is thinking? Let's be honest, some women dress to impress. They want to be admired. Hell, I do. But I also think its really unfair to say they dress with the intent to give people sexual thoughts. Maybe they jsut want to feel good. I think in our society its dangerous for a woman to go out with the intent to seek sex. Well, anyone for that matter. And I think that me saying "she wanted me to think that" or "she should have known I would think that" is a slippery slope that leads to "she had it coming, its the way she dressed, not me" when someone does something inapproproate.

So here's the question: Is it wrong for me to have sexual thoughts about someone who I think is attractive because of how they are dressed? I don't think it is. First, humans are sexual cxreatures by nature. We are. Its a natural impulse and while I might have those thoughts and think "you know, that's probably not something I should think, since I'm married/ seeing someone/ a monk/ whatever" its how I govern that impulse that counts. It comes down to the first part of the question: Is it wrong to have sex, is it wrong to have sexual thoughts? I don't think so. I think its terrible that people villify sex as something dirty or wrong. Sex is something beautiful and its something special when done right. I won't even say that sex has to be something that only takes place between committed partners to be beautiful. I have a very, very close friend whom I have had relations with and honestly, I think she's a beautiful intelligent woman. But she and I don't want a relationship. I honestly think (and she may correct me on this point) sex between us was a really awesome way of expressing our love as friends to eachother and while it might never happen again, I am not sorry I did it. I think we're better friends for it. And no, I don't sleep with all of my friends. I don't sleep with 99% of my friends. She was a special case. I'm glad now I did it. But the point is, sex should be special and beautiful and I think its when all you care about is getting off, regardless of the feelings of your partner, that's when you get into dangerous waters. There is noting wrong with sex. There is something wrong with objectification. Every person exists as more than just an object for sex.

When I have thoughts like that, its how I react that I think is important. And I think I'm okay if I act in an appropriate manner.

I don't believe its the woman's fault I think like that. Now, I am not so naieve as to say a woman doesn't know when she looks beautiful that people might look at her in lust. But I will say I don't think there are many women out there who set out with the intent to give people thoughts of a sexual nature.

You know, a lot of this comes down to situation. If I go to a club I plan on seeing women I find attractive. They'll be there. If I go to a church, I don't expect short skirts. If I'm walking down the street, well its a toss up isn't it?

Here's where I diverge from the person I linked to. This person comes at it from a religious standpoint. He feels like the woman is responsible for drawing the man into sin and should be responsible for the way she dresses. I'll say this, if you practice a religion where it is your faith to dress modestly and cover yourself, then you should follow your faith. That's why its your faith. On your own head be it if you disagree with your own doctrine. But I also believe that if you believe its a sin to have sexual thoughts about a woman you aren't married to then you remove yourself from as many situations as possible where you might sin. And then, if for some reason you do sin, you ask forgiveness. It is your choice to wander the paths of lust. Thinking "Wow. she's gorgeous" isn't a sin. Following up in your head with "I want to do X, Y or Z with her" is your fault and you should control your impulses. Acting on them after that, that's your fault too. It takes two to tango. I think I am just as responsible for how I dress as for how I think. AS for his discussion about partners: if my wife is in jeans and a shirt, I think she's sexy. If she's in a dress, I think its sexy. She's my wife. I hope I think she's sexy. Sex isn't a sin. Now, if I don't like the way Kitten dresses, you know what, I might say something, and its her perogative to say she will or she won't and if she doesn't consider my feelings, well, maybe she isn't right for me. But, its her decision. Right?

I'm rambling now. So I'll get to the point. If I wear a short skirt, I wear it for me. And if I look good, look at me, and you can appreciate it. After that - your thoughts and your morals are your own. And I can't control that.

Put our service to the test

2009-08-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

I have some more pictures with which to beore you and some interesting life updates to make you say "does she ever let anything be easy?" and some even more boring updates about the vacation. There's a brief synopsis. Now you know how far you want to read, eh?

That's me, at the beach (well, lake) getting sunburnt.

That's Kitten and Guitar Hero lounging on the beach blanket enjoying the sunshine. I think I was sitting above them smoking and drinking root beer.

That's me and Kitten in the lake, enjoying ourselves very much.

That's me Kitten and Guitar Hero playing on some of the playground equipment at the lake. This is why we get along, we all do crap like this. I've got loads of pictures like this one: us on the monkey bars, us in the treehouse...its nice to know I'm not the only completely immature one in the group....

That's Weasley. He's new. Another stray. Soooo cute. And to my horror, declawed. Someone threw my big boy out. But he likes me and he like to cuddle. So he stays. Jinx is a little jealous, she will overcome it I am sure.

Right those are the pictures.

Well. So we went to the lake and had a fabulous time while we were there. We all got sunburnt. Even Kitten. But it was nice. We spent most of the day in the water and I've been exhausted for the last two days because of it. More exercise then I've had in ages. Kitten isn't a very good swimmer, so I was really impressed with how much she was in the water and not on floaties like everyone else. It was good. It reminded me why I probably ought to quit smoking. I like to swim and its harder when I am out of shape and my lungs are begging for mercy.

Kitten and I have asked Guitar Hero to move in with us. We offered her the back bedroom to stay in as long as she likes. I know it sounds odd since we're still in that honeymoon period and Kitten and Guitar Hero used to see eachother but I figure things will work out. I trust Guitar Hero. If they were going to fool around we'd have known it by now, and I think they'd have talked to me about it. Or they wouldn't haev split up in the first place. Second, Guitar Hero really respects our relationship, she actually sat me down and told me how much one day. She didn't have to, you can tell when she's over. Speaking of that - she's over all the time. Her college is in our town and she's been commuting to it for four years (she's working on a master's now) and she lves an hour and a half away. We figure its a good investment for her and for us. She's up two or three nights a week minimum anyway. Until she gets a good job or whatever it will be easier for her to stay with us and she won't have to worry about money for a while. We like the idea.

And now for boring honeymoon talk. We're calling the vacation our honeymoon, cause really, that's what it is. We're doing a private binding ceremony before we head out. I think things will work out well. The 90 day mark was earlier this week and I got to start making all of our dinner and recreation reservations. I called the itenerary planner to let her know where I was and see if she could book some other things for me yeesterday. She *apologized* for me having to make any calls at all. She was seriously distressed over the fact I made my own dinner reservations. She also seemed seriously distressed that our seating at Cirque du Soliel wasn't good enough. She called me an hour later to proudly inform me she got us the "best seats in the house" (front row of first balcony, dead center - you can see the acrobats really well) with no trouble at all. I was a little stunned.

I shouldn't be. This girl also has managed to arrange roses for our hotel room, customized restaurant menus (in some cases personalized with our names), Personalized keepsake maps to get us down to florida, back to home and around on the property with no trouble, champagne and wine sent to our tables for free when we go out, and special recognition at all the places we visit as newlyweds. I'm almost afraid of how happy and helpful these people are. But, it makes life easier. I won't complain.

There are some places on our (version 1 - as she noted) itenerary where there are personal notes for us like "be sure to take the ferry on this day, its faster, and in the morning, the view is lovely" or when there's a stipulation, like for the dolphin thing, where it says no cameras or jewelry, etc. she leaves a note "but I'm sending a cast member down with a photopass camera so we'll get some pictures of you anyway." Its cool. Frightening but cool.

So what's new in everyone else's world?

xx/AG

Sending Out an SOS

2009-08-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

If you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self what advice would you give?

As one of those people who confesses that they would never go back and change anything that has ever happened to them this is a great question. Going back in time and giving myself advice would take on a whole new meaning. I wouldn't say "don't take that first drink" or "don't go there that night" or "Say good bye tonight, this is the last time you'll see this person" I have to think in the context that I would still act in the way I did when I was younger.

Things I would tell myself:

You should appreciate everything that happens to you, good or bad.
People are going to wrong you. Its not your fault.
You're going to wrong other people. Learn to live gracefully with your mistakes, and sometimes your regret.
You may do things other people want you to even if you don't want to. Learn your motivations and your needs.
Forgive yourself
Forgive others
Family is inescapable. Learn to love them for waht they are, not what you want them to be
Soemtimes its going to feel like there is no way out, there is - and its not usually the way out you're looking for. Be grateful for it anyway.
Remember everyone's opinions can change, even yours.
Learn to be patient
Hapiness is something you work for sometimes
Love is something that won't feel like work, even when it is.

There's surely other things I would say to myself, but I can't think of them now. What would you say to yourself? What would you say to me?

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

2009-08-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

So I broke down and got a livejournal accout and i think I'm going to make an effort to use their writer's block prompts for a while as a way for getting back into writing. Now normally I'd assume it would promt writing and not thought. Not today, though....

You just won a million dollars and you have to give all of it away. What would you do with it?

A million dollars anymore wouldn't seem like it would go that far, would it? Anymore it's like a pittance. But think what you could do with a million. Lets say we get a million tax free. And we have to give it away. All of it. Without stipulations?

I'd buy my mom a house. One of her own, pretty decent sized and I'd pay her utilities for ten years. So about $24K for utilities for ten years and another 100k for a decent house in a nice part of our neat little midwestern town. Call it a round $125k then.

I'd give another $125K to our local libraries for reading enrichment programs and literacy training programs.

$250K to the local women's help shelter. They are always crunched for numbers and do so much good work. In the last ten years, its rare for a room to be open. It would be nice to help them expand.

$125K to our local zoo, for expansion and research$125K for diabetes research $125K for our local AIDS testing center for funding for free testing adn education programs in our community

$125K to our local Habitat for Humanity for building new homes in our area for disadvantaged families.

I'm out of money now and have plenty of other places to put it. What would you do?

AGxx

I am writing our history on the bedroom wall

2009-08-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

Right. So I've spent a week being completely negligent about the blog, and I'm sorry about that. I got distracted. We've been nesting in the most nesting way possible.

Kitten and I have been remodeling the bedroom in our sweet little house. It sounds like it wouldn't be that bad really. We had three days of Kitten off work and our darling friend Guitar Hero over to help us. (By the way, that girl has grown on me. Not even grown - She's adorable, there's no not loving her.) Anyway, so it sounded like a simple plan, right? Tear out wall, put up insulation, put up drywall, install new windows, spackle and paint, in goes the new ceiling fan and you have an awesome bedroom. Right?

I'm betting you can guess its never that easy. You know, having worked in the construction field, I should have known it wasn't that easy.

Last Monday was hot as hell and Guitar Hero got over to the house about five or so. I had a raging migraine and was instructed to lay down and then later cook dinner if I wanted to be helpful. The girls didn't want me wearing myself out. Slightly off-put at the thought of being treated like a delicate flower, I lay on our bed (now in the living room) and pouted till I fell asleep. I woke feeling much better, cooked dinner and planned on being massively helpful the next day.

Tuesday Guitar Hero had school and I worked until three. After we got started on tearing out more walls. It was awesome. Kitten had to go pick up a bunch of stff from the hardware store, so Ifelt like I was really helpful that night. We had an easy dinner and then drank some brandy and root beer that Guitar Hero brought and played poker for a until about midnight.

Wednesday we put in one new window, ripped up the carpet (which was toast and had to be thrown out, because of all the crap in it from demo) put up roofing felt and then put in the new insulation. That was a hell of a night. It got really hot in the room because of the insulation, I imagine it will be awesome in the winter.

A shot of whisky, more poker and we went to sleep.

Thursday we changed the outlets in the bedroom and reached an impasse, the floor is sinking in one spot (the house is quite old, built in 1921 or so) and we have to jack up the floor before we can do anything else so we haven't made it any further. It looks as though we might be in the living room for another week before we can get it done. Guitar Hero left for St. Louis on Friday to go do a mural for some rich lady's house (she's an artist) and we are eagerly awaiting her return. Not just because she'll be a huge help, but because we honestly miss her.

Work for the rest of the weekend was dull. Its hot as all hell right now and the air conditioning is off, because we can't bear to waste the money running it with the bedroom unfinished and leaking air out all its surfaces. I worked on refinishing the floor today but it looks as though we'll have to put new hardwoods down, the old ones have been completely destroyed by the previous owners. Even if i could get all the paint and muck up off the floor and sand it, there are areas terribly pock marked and it'll be cheaper, and a better investment, in the long run to put new ones in.

The plan for painting is lovely. The ceiling is going to be a sky blue, the walls a lighter blue than that, with two colors of large pink shadowed dots on it, with the darker blue dots as accent. I'm sewing a tapestry to create a false wall along one side for privacy when we have guests, as the only bathroom is adjoined to the master bedroom. It'll be nice when its all finished, I dare say.

In other news, Jinx has a new friend. I'll have pictures of him up shortly, I am sure. He's a giant yellow tabby that we've seen several times before. He doesn't want to go away and no amount of shooing or jinx growling will remove him from our porch. Yesterday he climbed all over me, and allwed me to pick him up. I discovered he has no front claws, and it amazes me that so many people will neglect and throw out animals when it is convinent to them, with no thought of how it will hurt the poor animal. This morning I found the both of them on the porch, Jinx on the little towel we've laid out for her to cuddle, the other on our porch swing. They've passed the afternoon in peace, and I assume they've resigned themselves to eachother;s company. We named him Weasley, and he's a swet cat. Lord, we're pushovers when it comes to animals.

Kitten plans on using all our leftover hardwood to build them a kitty condo for the front porch so they have somewhere to sleep when it is cold and wet. Bless her, and she was so adamant about not feeding the strays a month ago....

Anyway, that's my distractions for the last week. i've got some pictures as proof of my industry, below.

Hope all's well for you. And hopefully not as hot as we are here.

Lovins'

AG/xx

The bedroom, before.

The window out, and rain clouds approaching, don't be fooled. It was still hot.

The walls after being torn out. There was drywall and slats behind it, so it took a while.

Guitar Hero (left) and Kitten (right) in front of the newly installed window, insulation in the background.

Guitar hero installing roofing felt.

Me, installing roofing felt.

Kitten, resting herself in front of the lovely new window, and looking cute doing it.

Me, installing drywall.

Make a turn for the camera

2009-07-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't posted a load of pictures in a while, so I thought I would show you what I've been up to in my spare time lately...

This is me and Kitten at the local zoo.

This is Kitten feednig a giraffe for the first time. There's a silly one of me too, but she looks so collected. You can tell I've just jumped back because I've been slobbered on.

This is a random shot of me sitting on the ledge of the conservation building at our locala zoo. There's some monkeys out on that island out beyond where I am sitting and there's tons of fish and birds below it.

This is a picture I took at the local park with the water feature in it of my Kitten looking awfully cute. We were drying out from a romp in the water feature.

This is us together (obviously). Guitar Hero took this one. The sunshine was glorious that day. I got a bit of a tan, even though you can't tell.

This is our indoor kitty Delylah wanting to play Cranium with us. She looks rather like she knows what she's doing, doesn't she?

The cat came back the very next day

2009-07-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

My life as a dj is over. I like it. I've needed the sleep.

In other, and I think more interesting, news:

We have a new cat. Well, sort of. The thing is that about a month and a half maybe two months ago our big grey cat Samson slipped out of the house somehow and he never came back. Well, we were heartbroken and we'e consoling ourselves with the thought some old lady in our neighborhood has taken him in and he's living the high life. In the mean time, I've been looking at all the poor little strays in our neighborhood with an increasing amount of sympathy. Kitten keeps telling me I can't feed them all. And then this one shows up in our back yard:

He was way worse looking at first. He had scratches and scabs all over him and he was way skinnier and looked half starved. His size though, we figured he's only about a year old. Well, I begged and pleaded for Kitten to let me feed him because I'd been calling to him out the back window for half an hour and he wasn't running away. She let me, so I took out a bowl of water and some food for him.

Rather than running away though, he dashed up and started crying at me. He rolled over immediately and let me pet him. Kitten came out and he was rubbing on her too. After we pet him he ate and he's stuck around. He was staying under our neighbor lady's tree but he's moved onto our front porch.

Over the last two weeks he's gotten fatter, and sweeter and he's healing up and starting to look like a healthy, normal cat. At first Kitten swore he was never to come in the house, but she's already making contingency plans for the winter time, so he doesn't freeze. She's even gone so far as to say if I want to risk it I can bathe him.

When she broke down and bought outdoor cat food for him and started making reference to him as our cat, I knew we had a new family member.

His name is Jinx.

I think he's kind of cute, actually.

Don't turn around (pt. 1)

2009-07-10T20:35:00.001-07:00

Your face never had soft lines. They were always hard, and deep. Something feirce was always about you, in your smile, in your laugh, in your eyes. You were hard around the edges. I could see it. There was always something feral about you. Something untamed and wild and I loved it.

I wanted to gentle you, to break you, part of me. I never did.

I remember the night I opened the door to you, on my porch, in the pouring rain. You were drunk, and angry and hard. I could see you were scared, though you never ever admitted to that. I remember letting you in, my breath going out of me quickly - my heart pounding. I wasn't sure what to do with you. You didn't want me. I could see that, feel it in your voice. But you did need me, if only for that one night.

I remember the smell of alcohol and cigarettes on your breath as you climbed into bed beside me. I remember the sound of your breathing and you laid there, tense, as though I'd ask things from you I wouldn't have had the courage to ask for even if they had occured to me. I remember the smell of the dye in your hair and the shampoo on your neck as I laid there. The feeling of your car keys inside my pillow where I'd hidden them.

When you slept, you were soft. Your sighs and moans were soft, even if the dreams you were having weren't. Your skin was silk and velvet next to me, shivering in my pajamas and wondering just what I was going to do with you. Wondering why you had come to me of all people.

I remember the feeling of my lips on your neck, brushing your hairline as I kissed you goodnight, and the ache in my chest as I held you close to me and thought of all the things I wished I had the courage to tell you. How could I? I didn't know what you would think, I could only imagine the worst and even at that I had no idea how to say everything I felt. There weren't words for it in my vocabulary - not at the time.

I remember the tears, hot on my cheek and cold as they ran down my neck into the soft floral bedsheet between us. I remember the pain behind my eyes and the throb inside my chest, like a million tiny needles sewing me up tight as I felt myself losing every part of you and me while you slept the sleep of one who has carried more burden than they should.

I remember the hard wood of my porch under my feet and the sound of your car engine as you pulled away. Tiny splinters working their way into my feet and my ears and every other part of me that I was able to feel. There wasn't much left to feel.

The key I held was cold, the fire hot, the ribbon soft as I worked my spell for you. You were gone, you had to be, and I wasn't ready to loose you. Not then, not ever. And so I said to myself I would tie you to me. I would hold you in my heart. I would mix myself into your destiny if I could at all. I remember the smell of the inscence I burned and the rough feeling of the box I put that key into. Waiting, that was all I had left to me then.

It was hot the night I saw you again. Not just warm, but sweat inducing, breath stealing heat that stole through the bar and wrapped us all up as we danced and drank. The lights were blinding for a moment. And then I saw you again. Saw you in red and green and yellow. Saw you in the black you always seemed to wear. And you were hard still. Your arms and legs and back were hard. Your eyes sparkled with the determination to forget and to live in the moment. I felt that tie then, that key glowing in its box in my dresser, waiting for you to feel it as well.

You put your arms around me, like the night I first met you. You were glazed over and raw and you held me closer than anyone had a right to. I let you, and I held you nack and felt you moving next to me and I let myself go. The liquor, the nicotine, everything inside me set loose all in one go and you were there to catch me in the moment of freedom. And then you were gone, at the hand of a friend and I couldn't see you, couldn't find you anywhere.

I grew hard. Colder on the inside. And I remembered why I wanted to be that way. I remember thinking to myself of snow falling in my chest and ice filming over my eyes. And I went home, and let the icicles come down on my pillow and I slept while I waited for you.

I want to be the one to walk in the sun

2009-07-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

The last week has been rather uneventful, with the exception of the fact we were rather busiers at The Speakeasy over the last six days. Its almost time for the college students to come back and I am grateful. I think I am improving at my job. It makes me happy. Last night our website developer and all around technology guru Knowsit (because I swear, and I'm not making fun, he seems to know everything) told me I've really hit my stride as a DJ and that made me very happy.

The Fourth was a bit of a let down for me. I worked at both jobs so I didn't do much that was interesting, and seeing as how I live in the midwest surrounded by three very big sporting lakes within a short drive...yeah, no one was out and about. Everyone was shooting off fireworks and enjoying the holiday far away from the city. Of course, it was on a saturday so we were staffed for a big night. I spent most of the evening watching our bartenders and door guys sneak outside and play with these huge sparklers as long as my legs. It was cute.

Last night we had a rugby team that was from Whales in the bar. Apparently they come every year. They were a lot of fun. And they wanted to sing. All night. I loved them. And they were very sweet to me. I liked it. At the end of the night though they were all running around the bar with their shirts off shouting "no shirt Tuesday!" a joke started by one of our now-bartenders that they took with a little more seriousness than I think was intended. I nearly choked on my cigarette when I saw Benz, our bartender last night, shouting from across the bar "Put your pants back on!" A fun night.

I see that Massachusetts filed a suit against the federal government today in response to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) this won't be the first one they've filed, but I can keep my fingers crossed that they are more successful. You can look here for the AP article on the lawsuit. I'm not nearly as concise as they are, although I'll be following this one a closely. In other gay marriage news, federal judge in California set a new lawsuit intending to overturn Prop 8 on a fast track for hearing. That'll be interesting. It feels like time for a change. I hope so....

Brandi Carlisle is coming to a big city near me for a concert in September. I think Kitten and I might go, we might take some friends along too. Its nice to have activites to go on. I feel morelike I have a life than I have in years. I keep thinking that its terrible to ask off of worka nd I'm betryaing my employers and then I think to myself, no I have plenty of time to work and not so muchtime being young. I've wasted a lot of the last two or three years working all the time and having no fun unless it was past 11pm and before 3 am so I had enough time to sleep. Surely part of why I've been healthier lately is I am getting out of doors and enjoying the sunshine and exercising and doing things with my friends that have nothing to do with drinking or smoking and everything to do with enjoying being myself.

Four months until The Honeymoon with Kitten. I'm excited.

Oh, and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is released in theaters next week. Squee! Did anyone else read that Rupert Grint had swine flu? I thought I saw that on the AP last week...

That's me in a nutshell. I'm off to do laundry and be a happy housewife.

AG/xx

Put on your pretty lies

2009-06-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in over a week, I feel like I'm slacking!

I've been busy. Between work and work and life. Last week Kitten's Aunt Em came to visit and it was fun, but i am glad to have the house back to myself. There's something nice about beign able to run around the house in your underoos or nothing at all and not worry about bumping into anyone. The house was getting messy too. I didn't have time to clean, beacuse we were out doing stuff all the time. I have to admit I never realized how private a person I was until I had to share the house. I felt really unsociable most of the week. I wanted to sleep a lot too, that never helps. But working two jobs is tiring. Especially when one keeps you up late....

Kitten bought me a ring. Its beautiful and I love it. I'll be taking pictures and putting it up shortly. I totally girled out. It was sweet. I could go on forever about how happy I am but you get enough of that. I'll spare you.

Work at the club is still going well. I think I'm getting better. This is the first time I have ever had a job where I feel the constant need to improve. I like it. Its stress, but in a good way. My boss likes me and all of my co-workers are awesome.

My life at Casa Bueno is not so great right now. My scheduling manager has cut my hours big time as punishment for me getting another job. The hours suck and I'm not making a whole lot of money. I hate that feeling, like I'm not contributing much. I am contemplating quitting, but that won't help money matters until I have another job in hand, so I'm there for the time being.

I've had quite a bit of drama from Kitten's ex and her friend this last week. It was making me angry, but I'm to the point now where I can laugh about it. It seems Ex has finally started to remember all of Kitten's redeeming qualities and she misses her. She has started texxting her and trying to spend time with her, telling Kitten she can "try to be nice" to me if she can hang out with her. Her efforts at being nice to me are minimal at best, and Kitten is putting her out at every turn. She came up to The Speakeasy the other night while I was working with Kitten's friends. Kitten ignored her most of the night. We were going to go on a float trip with Ex and some of Kittens other friends, but we've decided not to go. I can't get off work and Kitten won't go without me. They've spent the last week trying to convince her to leave me being and either sleep in Ex's tent or to bring along one of her former paramours. Its not working. I'm pleased Kitten is demonstrating so much loyalty to me, and she's plainly told them to stop disrespeccting me. Another thing I very much appreciate.

One of her other old flames just broke up with her girlfriend and came up to the Speakeasy on Saturday to convince Kitten that I'm nothing special and she should sleep with her, because "it was nice when they were together" Kitten told her she wasn't even going to consider hurting me like that. The girl asked her what was so special about me. Kitten told her plenty, I suppose. She left the bar crying. This is how it works though, isn't it? It seems that way. You make a commitment to your partner and suddenly all your former lovers want you back and every person who ever considered you for a date before comes out of the woodwork.

Its nice to be secure in a relationship. My girl is beautiful and engaging. I'm proud to be with someone so sought after. And even more proud she's happy having chosen me.

Politically, I've been trying to keep up with the news (difficult, since I don't spend as much time on the computer as I had been and we don't have TV anymore) and it seems like things aren't improving as much as everyone would like. I always had a presentiment that President Obama would be a one term president. I think I'll be right about that. It doesn't seem we're doing too well diplomatically, and I'm frankly nervous about North Korea. We'll see how that turns out in the next week or so, I suppose. And Domestically, well, lets say his backing of DOMA was not one of my prouder moments for him. And they've made some changes to smoking laws that are going to rub me the wrong way. Say all you want about it being bad for my health, its my choice, and I'm irritated that the FDA is running the tobacco show. There's rumor that all flavored tobaccos are going to be outlawed and I think that's just silly. They're touting the changes being made as huge savings for the country in healthcare, but Ihave to wonder how putting specialty tobbacco companies out of bbusiness will do anything for our already pathetic economy.

That's about me for now. Everyone else holding up okay?

AG/xx

Bring the beat back

2009-06-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

The new job is going well, but you know, its not really as easy as I thought it would be. I mean, the music and the soundboard are easy. Its the making people happy that's difficult. And you know, I'm not good as far as people skills go.

A typical night for me:

8:30 Set up equipment. Turn on televisions. Wrestle with input cord for video.

9:00 turn on music. Make mental note of what's playing. Set out karaoke books on tables.

9:15 Sing first song of the night to a nearly empty bar.

Play random upbeat music, but not the really popular stuff, not just yet. Encourage people to sing. Mention drink specials every twenty minutes or so.

10:30 Play a guessing game with a slightly fuller bar. Warn people that at midnight when they're drunk enough to sing I'll start running out of time.

If bar seriously full, make drunks play with hoola hoops for free shots. Laugh my ass off on the inside.

11:30 Play cupid shuffle. Dance with lots of drunk girls. Steal back fedora you wear every night from a drunk who thinks its cute.

Start playing the really popular music.

Midnight: Sing cheers theme song with a full bar. Start getting lots and lots of karaoke slips.

12:25 Argue with a drunk who wants to sing a song that's already been done. Tell them you won't play Cupid shuffle again just because they got there late.

12:45 take payoff from someone who really wants to sing but didn't get to the bar in time or waited too long and wouldn't get to sing otherwise. Listen to them swear they're awesome. They suck.

12:50 Tell obnoxious drunk you don't care if they know the owner, you still aren't moving them up in order unless they pay you off. You don't care if they're Barrak Obama's best friend. Tell people they can't sing if they don't have a slip in. Remind them the bar closes in ten minutes.

12:51 Tell a random drunk they can't sing. The bar closes in ten minutes.

1:00 Play closing song. Listen to eight people whine that they want to dance. Try not to mention they've been there all night and not danced one time yet.

1:15 break down equipment, save one michrophone. Call over speakers tabs that haven't been paid.

1:30 smoke with boss. Watch as bouncers throw out drunks. Laugh. Listen to bar gossip about customers for the night. Share your particularly annoying patron stories. Enjoy the collective staff eye roll at the idiocy of drunks.

1:45 Have a bouncer walk you to car.

Its not so bad. I just have a seriously low level of empathy. And I get more people making passes at me than I ever have in my life. Its weird. I have some deliciously funny stories for you. I'll have to make a go at those later this week.

Off to work now.

Sing a song for me.

AGxx

Put a Record On

2009-06-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the hiatus. I have a good excuse. I promise.

I got a second job. I'm a karaoke DJ in one of the clubs downtown - its called The Speakeasy. Its a lot of fun but thenights do tend to run together. I seem to be decent at it and everyone likes me. I'm the only female DJ they've ever hired so I'm flattered about that. I'm getting the hang of things. I think. Its only week one, though, right?

In other news my boss at Casa Bueno is mad I got a second job so my hours there have been cut. It blows. I need the money otherwise I wouldn't have gotten a second job, right? *Sigh*

Oh. And Kitten's Aunt M is coming to town for a few weeks. She's staying with us. I've been cleaning like a crazy housewife but she just sent me a message saying she's getting in at 3:30 this afternoon and not 9 tonight. I'll never finish the laundry in time.

My mom called me this morning and was delighted (no, really, she sounded it) to tell me my brother Punk has been hanging out with Plush at the bar they like to go to. Apparently Plush has a new girlfriend and she was passing out pills to everyone at the bar. Great. A drug dealer. Just what he needs. Someone tell me its not my fault.

His other, very nice, girlfriend, dumped him after he showed up at my second job on my second night drunk off his ass and her in tow (I think she was designated driving for him) and tried to get me to be physically affectionate with him and tried to convince me I needed to come back to him. No nothing doing, of course, I told him if he needed to talk that my phone is never off and he can get ahold of me when I am not on the clock and trying desperately to learn how to do my new job. He sent me about twenty texts over the next two days wanting to know why this poor girl had gotten pissed and dumped him.

Tell me this isn't my fault either.

Other than that I think all is right in the world.

I lvoe my job. I love my Kitten. Yeah. Life is good.

They stabbed with their steeley knives but they just can't kill the beast

2009-05-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

I know its been a while since I've gone psycho political in one of my posts, but I think I'm long overdue. And I think that its a particularly timely post for me as a person.

California. Good job. You sure told us. Congratulations on passing that gay marriage ban.

I can't believe it. I really can't. You know, for being held in regard (in my part of the country, at least) as the most liberal state in the union, as the place for all the pot-smoking, vegetarian, anti-cigarette smoking hippies to gather nothing annoys me more than to see Prop. 8 being upheld. Its silly. I don't understant the reasoning behind it.

Is my love for kitten any less valuable than anyones love for their heterosexual partner? If so, why? Hell, for that matter, is my love for Kitten any less valuable than the love I had for Plush? I don't think so. I think it matters more, not less. I'm happier now than I've been in years and its because I'm in love with someone who understands me, cares for me, and wants to work with me to build a happiness together. Is my life better for being with a woman instead of a man? Yeah, I think it is.

I know at one point or another in my blog I've written and said its really about the personality. I could love a man just as easily as I could love a woman. That the person and not the sex is what mattered. I want to state for the record, I was wrong about that. I tried with Plush, I really did. But you know what? It didn't work. Personality differences aside, and that certainly was the crux of our relationship problem (we weren't well matched) I want to get into bed every night next to someone and it feel right. I want it to feel natural and comfortable. And after all the time I was with him that one thing never changed. I never felt right in bed. I never felt right during sex. I never felt right looking at him undressed. It horrified me. And that's not his fault. Its not anyones fault. I just don't like men. And I think it took me a serious attempt at trying to be with one that proved to me once and for all, I'm a woman loving, hard core, can't stop thinking about her lesbian. I am. and I think there is nothing wrong with that.

That said, what I have with my Kitten now, what many of gays and lesbians and transexuals have with their partners now feels natural and healthy to them. It makes them happy. And I think that every person deserves their chance at happiness. And at love. We live in a world that is too devoid of that emotion. We live in a cruel world that doesn't feel enough, care enough, empathize enough. I think that in this world that we live in the idea that two people, regardless of who or what they are, being told that their love is wrong or unnatural or evil is plain silliness. And its thoughtless. Who'd right is it to tell anyone they aren't allowed to be happy? I don't believe that happiness is a human right. I don't. Yell at me if you will. Because of our natures as humans I don't think anyone has the right to sit back and say "Okay, make me happy. Its my right." No. Not at all. But I think you have the right to make your own happiness if you want it. And no one should stop anyone from that, so long as it harms no one else.

So here's the essential point: How is it hurting anyone? Really. Answer me these questions (and I know that I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but for arguments sake)

Does me having the right to marry damage any heterosexuals relationship? How does it hurt it? If you operate on the conservative idea that gay marriage damages heterosexual marriage somehow I want to know why. Does a strong, healthy heterosexual marraige suddenly go on the rocks because a gay couple moves in next door and marries? How strong and healthy was it really? How valuable was it if my ability to love another person somehow makes your love less valuable? And how valuable is any marriage if its allowed to be annulled or a divorce granted? So many strait couples marry and divorce without ever thinking of the priveledge they've taken for granted.

How does it harm a child to see two people of the same sex love eachother? Is it any more damaging than seeing a healthy functioning strait couple? I don't think it is. I go back to the point prior. There isn't enough love in this world. I think everyone, regardless of age should be exposed to as much love as possible. As for public displays of affection? I think kissing and hand holding in public is great. Anything more than that? I think strait and gay couples should keep it in the bedroom. There's a difference in my mind between honest, genuine affection and filth in public and everyone, regardless of orientation should be aware of that line and not cross it.

What about the couples that were already married? Their marriages are still valid. Why? What makes them better than me, now? Because they were faster? They got to the courthouse sooner? I don't understand. Why not annul their marriages too? I honestly think the truth is because the state got away with this by saying it was a legal ammendment to a state constitution without addressing the idea at all that maybe the ammendment itself violated some precedent of human right and dignity.

I want to know how my love makes me a second class citizen. I want to know why it is more important that I'm kept in my place than be allowed the simple pleasure of sharing my life with someone I love, and sharing my name with them as well. I want to be able to own a home with my partner and own property with my partner and never have to worry that she or I won't be able to take care of the other should one of us fall ill. I want to be able to visit her in the hospital and take her to the doctor and not have to sit in the waiting room wondering because I'm not her sister or her husband.

I know a lot of people will argue that if I love Kitten it shouldn't matter whether I'm married to her or not. I know that the argument will come up that if we want to share our lives together we either will or we won't. But I feel like I should be allowed the tradition of publicly expressing my love for her. I want to wear my wedding dress and walk down an aisle and meet her there and show everyone I know that I love her. And I don't want it to be a "ceremony" or a "vow exchange" I want it to be a wedding. I don't want to have to elope to a backwater hippie town that will preform the ceremony in a garden off a hotel for me in later hours. I don't want to have to drive to massachusetts or iowa (by the way, go iowa!) to get married and when I get married I want to be able to go to any state I wish to live in and have it recongnize me as Mrs. Kitten or Kitten as Mrs. Giovanni and not have to start splitting up insurance payments and IRAs and all that crap all over again just because we're both women. Its not okay.

And spare me, please, spare me th religious arguments. I don't want to hear them. Not because I don't respect any religion or its ideals or anyone's right to practice and believe what they want to. I think that's great. And its a huge (if slightly stretched, overstated and rarely honestly practiced) tenet of the country I live in. Everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want. Whatever they want. If they want to. But see, I don't agree with your religion. I don't agree that a loving god could intentionally create a human destined to go to hell with no choice in the matter. Do you want to worship that god? The one that made me a lesbian and then left me the choice to either be strait and miserable all my life or be gay and go strait to hell for being happy the way that god made me? I don't. And I don't think a god like that exists. And if you do, more power to you.

But there's a reason we are supposed to separate the church and the state. Your religion and mores should no more have a hand in the law than mine. And mine says I'm doing nothing wrong. According to my beliefs, everyone should marry whomever they like. But the christian right in my country doesn't agree with me. Alright. I respect your right to an opinion even if I don't agree with it. Lets agree to disagree and then I'll tell you what. Let's make policy based on social justice, freedom and equality. Lets make law based on what's best for everyone.

And here's the thing, California. It would be great for everyone. You need the money. You do. And if you had any sense at all you'd let me and Kitten and the millions of gays around the US come to your state and spend money in hotels and get married. I'll stay for a week or two and drop a five or six grand on a honeymoon in Disneyland or LA after dropping a minimum of $60 at the courthouse (but you know, I'd really like a fashionable wedding, so I want a botanical garden and a string quartet and all my family flying in to see me happily wed) You go ahead and raise your tourism taxes and make money off me. Take my money at the courthouse. Take the money I'll pay to change my name and my social security card and my driver's liscence and my passport to say Mrs. Kitten. Condemn me behind closed doors and use my money to fund new hghways or christian charities backed by the state. Issue all those tax returns you couldn't pay this year and keep your mouth shut. How's that for old fashioned american capitalism? Take my money and do what you will, but know this, there's big money in gay weddings.

I want someone, anyone, to tell me a non-religious, fact based, logical reason that my love is wrong. I want them to tell me to my face, with dignity, that I am a second class citizen and I don't have the same rights I had four months ago. Four months ago I was with a man. I could marry as I pleased, so long as it was a male and when I went out I didn't have to think about people marginalizing me because of whose hand I was holding. I had the right to share an insurance policy and a hospital room with my partner. Now I can't. Because the that I share my love with shares my anatomy as well. Tell me I don't deserve those rights to my face and tell me how my love is personally effecting you, and your strait marraige and your religion. Because I really don't believe it is.

I want to state this for posterity. And I want to be clear.

I am a lesbain. I am proud to be a lesbain. I am proud of my community. I am proud of my partner. I am proud to hold her hand in public and I am proud to share my life with her. Years from now I will still be gay. I will still be proud. There is nothing that any legislation can do to stop me from sharing my love with whomever I choose.

Years from now I'll say I was part of the new civil rights battle and I'll be proud about that too.

Today, though, I'm not proud of California.

Love to you all.
AG/xx

Bibbity Bobbity Boo (A boring vacation post)

2009-05-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm really beginning to think I'll bore all of you with all my pictures and rantings of being so happy. But, you know, its better than the emo stuff I've been up to the last few years. no more woe is me. Or I'm keeping it to a minimum.

The short version of the last week is I worked, I went out with my friends, I took a road trip yesterday. Like Kitten and I have the last few times we've had a day off together. We went to St. Louis yesterday. Specifically to see the zoo. I'm a big zoo fan. I'll admit it. And she'd never been to theirs so we had a super nice time.

After we went to a park that surrounds the zoo and has lakes and museums and trails and in general lots of grass to roll around in and enjoy. I did. Very much. Took off my shoes and everything.

I've been sitting at the computer all morning working on plans for the trip we're taking in November to Disney World in Florida. I honestly don't think we're going to get to do everything we want to in the time we have alotted. Which is sad. It never occured to me that 8 days in Disney World would not be enough. But its not. For one thing, we get to eat free in all the restaurants. We don't have enough time in the day for all the places I/we want to eat at. So I'm narrowing it down.

We also get a massive amount of free tours with our package, and I'm trying to work out which ones I can take on what day. I kow for sure I want to do Dolphins in Deapth (its playing with the little critters, how fun) and the other Aqua Tour, where you get to scuba in Epcots gigantic aquarium, "The Seas". There's a 7 hour tour of all the parks that gets us a peek into the Utilidors (the underground workings of the theme parks - the stuff of Disney junkie Urban Legends) There's also a tour for The Animal Kingdom that puts you in with the animal hospital and feeding areas and stuff. We have tickets to go see Cirque Du Soleil La Nouba. I'm excited about that. There's also three dinner shows I want to go to.

Have I bored you yet?

On top of that we get all the recreation and instructions free. Parasailing, Skiing, Wakeboarding, Canoeing, Horseback riding, cairrage rides at sunset. Free golf. Free tennis. I can rent sailboats and paddlebaots and monatauk whalers. The whole nine yards. Plush guiding bass fishing excursions and bike riding and....you get the idea.

We also have reserved seating for the fireworks shows, a evening fireworks cruise, spa treatments for free, all sorts of stuff.

And that's on top of all four parks in the magic kingdom, plus the waterparks and the nightclubs.

I'm almost afraid we'll be more tired when we come home than when we leave. But it'll be worth it.

We decided to drive down, too. Airline tickets are so stupid expensive and we like to drive together. It'll be fun.

She wears sensible shoes

2009-05-15T07:30:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. This has been a good week. Kitten was sick earlier in the week and Igot a chance to play nursemaid, which I'm alright with. I liked taking care of her. And she's feeling a lot better, which is good. There's been some sort of chest conjestion sore throat stuff going around. Thank heavens i didn't catch it.

We took our Kitten Delyla to the vet this week to get fixed. She's a lot sweeter right now. I'm not sure if its a change in her personality or if she's just tired from all the painmeds. Her and Samson (our other cat) have been super cuddly. Now that they're both fixed they are allowed back in the bedroom so I've been waking up to kitty sleeping on my feet and on our pillows. Lyla likes our feet but Samson seems to think he needs to sleep on our pillows with us. We have a special pillow just for him now. Its cute.

We had more tornadoes this week too. Wesnesday night. We had a few last week (I think I mentioned them) but this time we actually had it close enough to us we drug all the cats and pillows and blankets into the bathroom and hid out with the radio. (We don't have a basement) It was a little scary. Kitten is really afraid of tornadoes so I found myself in the relatively new position of being the brave one. I liked it, as far as you can like comforting your partner while you lay in the floor and hope that a massive storm doesn't come and destroy your house, or worse. We got off easy. No damage, thank heavens. There were two separate touchdowns inside our city though, which is unusual. We live on a plateau so normally the storms go around us and hit the surrounding cities in the lower areas. I'm not so much afriad of them as I am annoyed that they wake me up and risk damage to the house. My mom's second husband (2.0) was a tornado spotter so I outgrew my terror of them when I was younger. I'm not sure its a great thing to not be afraid, but it does help me keep a level head when the fur starts to fly, as it were.

My schedule changed this week and I totally forgot about it so I missed my shift at work on Wednesday. I felt terrible about it but it ended up landing me with two days off in a row, something I haven't done since last summer when rogue and I went on our vacation thingy. It ws nice. Kitten and I went on an actual date and I had a chance to spend a little quality time with her. She's finished up with school for the semester so we'll get to see eachother more. (Hence the reason I changed my schedule. I wanted to sync our days off)

Yesterday we woke up early and went on a mini road trip to Eureka Springs Arkansas. Its only a few hours away from us and its a cute little town. Kitten had never been before so I was happy to show her a place that I love so much. We walked around town and looked at the springs and did a little (completely unneccessary) shopping. By the time we made it back to the car I had a new skirt and swimsuit. Kitten had a new t shirt and pair of shorts and we bought Blackberry Jam, an Awesome spicy buttrubb for grilling and a raspberry chipolte sauce I think will go great on pork chops, if I don't eat it on wheat thins first. We also bought about a pound of hand pulled salt water taffy, and a bunch of chocolate coated fruit, which we feasted on right out side the confectioner's shop.

We had dinner at my favorite restaurant in town, Local Flavor, and watched people pass by. (You can eat outside on a balcony, its so cool, because its next to a trolly station) Once we stuffed ourselves stupid we drove back home and continued our marathon of the L Word. We're rewatching it starting with the first season of the L word.

I was really pleased. We spent over four hours in the car together and we didn't have to turn on the radio once. I was able to tell her all about the funny things I remember from all the little towns on the way. We stopped at a gas station about a quarter of the way in and I found tootsie drops, which i haven't seen in ages and I love them.

The companionship is nice.

More pics for you to look at.

Me and my beloved tootsie drops. Found them in a gas station in a little town about halfway there.

Me at one of the springs in town, I don't remember the name. But they turned it into a beautiful fountain.

Kitten munching on a chocoalte covered strawberry

Me smoking outside the sweet spring.

Kitten at the sweet spring.

Sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane

2009-05-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

Ah. Mother's Day. Busiest day of the year for Casa Bueno. And I get to work all day. I'm just all sorts of excited.

Actually, I'm not. After Tuesday I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for the madness that is going to be my shift today. So I'm sitting here, chain smoking and drinking a cup of earl grey and trying to gear up for this afternoon. Definately procrastinating on putting on my work clothes and being a productive citizen.

I dropped Kitten off at her job this morning and I don't think she was terribly excited to be there either. She is a cook at Super Waffle, and local breakfast restaurant. Breakfast places on mother's day are never fun. She was sweet and picked up doughnuts for her crew. I'm thinking I might do the same for mine. Nothing like sugar to bribe a crew into a happy mood for a long day. The coffee we all drank onTuesday rather kept us going (we brought in our favorite bews and got all jumped up on caffiene) so maybe sugar will work just as well.

I already called my mother this morning to tell her happy mothers day and she was already awake. Apparently Punk woke her up at six am wanting something. Seriously, she probably should get around to throwing him out sometime before he hits 30. But what do I know?

Speaking of mothers, I know Beloved announced on her facebook this week her and her partner Reba are trying to get pregnant. More power to her. I'm afraid I'd make a terrible mother. Best not to ruin any more lives than I already have, eh?

In other news, we had a huge storm Friday. I woke up to the sound of tornado sirens going off. At 8 am that's not hugely comforting. For some reason we normally get severe weather in the evening, so first thing just sets the day up for ten shades of no fun. On top of that I was a little hng over from the night before. Thursday tends to be our big going out night. We went to Brick Wall Bar and then migrated to The Vinyard (huge local gay club) with some of our friends. It was sweet though, Kitten called from work to check on me and make sure I was safe. I felt safer knowing she was worried for me.

I got my income tax check in yesterday. More money to put away for the vacation! Yay!

How are you lot doing? Its been quiet lately.
AG/xx

Sunshine Day

2009-05-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my day off. It was glorious. I went to the zoo with Kitten. She hadn't been for about ten years so everything was new to her. I love zoos in general so I had a seriously good time. It felt nice to be outside and enjoying the sunshine. I was a little disappointed, the elephants were already inside for the day because we went late in the afternoon. And the giraffe feeding deck was closed. (If you've never fed a giraffe and get the chance, do. Its so much fun) But the animals were really active because the weather was mild and we got to listen to the mountain lion scream for a while. That was cool. The otter had babies again so we'll get to see them sometime this summer. Otter babies are so cool.

Speaking of babies, I don't know if I mentioned Spike before. We have a groundhog that lives in our back yard. We always laughed at it because its about the size of a terrier. I named it Spike. Well, I was looking out the window of our laundry room and saw a groundhog that was too little to be spike. Then I saw three more. Then I saw Spike. Apparently, she's a momma groundhog. They's adorable. Kitten says I shouldn't feed them (I won't though I want to) and she's probably going to call the conservation department to relocate them to a safer habitat. I'll be sad to see them go. In the meantime I'm hiding with my camera every chance I get so I can snap some pictures of them.

Cinco de Mayo passed with relatively small incident at my work. I was exhausted by the time I got off. Eleven hours of drunk crazies, margaritas, radio road shows and panicked coworkers was enough for me. Now only mother's day to tackle and life should be really good. And easier.

Went on Monday to the travel agent to pay another thousand down on the trip in November. I'm really excited. Kitten and I are going to have so much fun! She's been more recently than me so we'll both get a chance to show eachother new things while we're there. So happy.

Me and Kitten together.

Kitten feeding the goats in the "contact area" (so much for petting zoos.)

Me with the tiger statue outside their exhibit

Kitten outside the reptile house, losing a fight with the gator statue.

I thought this was just too cute for words. Its my favorite statue in the whole zoo.

Yeah, I play onthe playground equipment, what can I say? I'm a huge kiddo.

That's why I feel so beautiful

2009-05-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

I won the contest. Wow. I am so excited. And Ican't believe how many people came to hear me sing. A lot of them were Kitten's friends and that made me feel really good. Of course herEx had to show up because she was riding with one of the other girls that came. I'm proud to say that this time I was mature about everything. I didn't drink myself stupid and I focused and had a nice time. And I won. I feel really really good about myself.

As a side bonus my mom was there and she told me the morning after how very much she likes Kitten. Says she's not only supportive and good and sweet but also "the most attractive girl you've ever dated" Squee. Its nice to have her on my side.

This weekend we went out to Precious's house for a bonfire. She lives in the country and it was really really nice. We sat and listened to music and joked around and I got toplay with the dogs. It was nice. I haven't been in a position where I could go out and run around in the mud and get sloppy and wet and smell like an animal and not have my partner care. I think Kitten was amused. Hell, I was.

This week is supposed to be the hardest week of the year for us. Cinco De Mayo is a huge day for our restaurant and mother's day is following close behind. I'll be tired come next monday. I'm happy though, I like the money and I have a lot of hours this week.

I put in the 30 days notice on the apartment Plush and I used to share. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having a bit of a break from him. It's wearing me down emotionally, and honestly, being around him is the only time I ever feel really bad about ymself anymore. I'm really happy the rest of the time. He's been a bit of a jerk lately, so I'm having even more trouble being sympathetic. He wants to talk to me about how he feels, and I listen, but I don't know I'm the person he should be confiding to about our breakup. I know he has other friends. He says they just badmouth me, and he wants constructive advice. I think he needs a therapist. Not me. I mean, when do I stop being a supportive friend and start being an ex-fiancee? I don't know.

That said, life is going pretty well for me. I've got some glorious pictures of Friday night, I'll be posting those soon.

AG/xx

Soul is in the musical

2009-04-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Wow.

So Monday night I got this text from my favorite local karaoke DJ and this weekend (friday) is the big karaoke contest that I am entered into. I didn't realize it was coming up so soon. I'm more than a little nervous. The goal was to try and do something no one had seen me do before so I could suprise everyone. Well, its going to be a suprise. I'm doing a song even I have never seen me do. I don't even know if he has the song. I have to call on that. I'm singing Vogue by madonna. Well, singing and I've got the music video memorized now, so I know all the dance moves and all the crazy. Its going to be something else. I've been practicing every moment I have. I hope I'm great. The prize is $1000 and I could (always) use the money. I've got a decent sized crowd to some see me sing, I'm working on getting an indecent sized crowd to come see me sing. The louder they are the better I do.

In other news, the float trip in July is looking more and more fun. We've been coordinating and it turns out my Kitten is making breakfast every morning. I'm looking forward to that. She's one hell of a cook. Especially breakfast food.

I got a flat tire on Sunday and Kitten had to replace it for me. I love her for how terribly handy and knowledgable she is. I'd have been sweating bullets trying to change a tire on my massive truck. I'm really very lucky to have someone who takes such good care of me. Really. I'm spoiled.

So Rugby Girl is moving to Arizona and isn't likely to come back anytime soon. She leaves this Friday morning. I'm trying to decide how I feel about it. She's one of those people that I like, but I'm not sure if I'll miss, if that makes sense. She seems, well, she seems like she'd cause drama if she stuck around. But that is one very colorful character I won't be seeing anymore. And I like color.

Its my day off, and we're having friends over this evening. Its a little book club type thing. We've been reading Twighlight by Stephanie Meyer. Well, I re-read it. Again. I really like that series. Think what you will about the movie (I know a lot of people thought it was terrible, or a let down, or both) but the books are fun. And they're brain candy, which I can stand. I need a break from serious stuff. Big time. I'm interested to see how it goes, I haven't done a book club thing before so I don't know if you just sit around a gush about how you liked the book or what. This is brain candy, so its not going to inspire any serious discourse, that's for sure. I think we should try a classic after we're done with this series. Like Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) or Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell) or something. But sometimes that stuff goes over like a lead balloon.

I'm off to keep voguing. Love you all.

AG/xx

i love to laugh

2009-04-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Right. So after my sill ypost below that is a total downer i thought I'd share some of my favorite new things with you.

icanhascheezburger.com is without a doubt one of the silliest giggliest things I've seen in a while. My cousin Lovey put me on to it. Oh! Side note. Lovey came into town from her new state and spent saturday evening with me and Kitten and they get along really really well. Bonus awesomeness for me.

some of thie silliness you'll find there....

Also if you go to albinoblacksheep.com there's this thing called the llama song that made me laugh so hard I almost threw up.

Check em out.

AG/xx

how could you be so Dr. Evil?

2009-04-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Wow. Last week was a long one.

While I am on the topic of weeks, this week is MS Week. If there is a charity event in your neighborhood try and get out and get involved. If not take time tolearn a=more about MS this week. I suggest stopping by Swiss Toni's Place to check out all the information he has. Great guy, Swiss.

So work was a little busier than we had been this weekend, I'm glad for it it makes me think maybe, just maybe I won't have to sell my sould or be indebted to Kitten for quite the rest of my life. It was lookng shaky. I worked with a huge hangover on Friday night becuase I spent too much time drinking at the Brick Wall Bar on Thursday. More about that later. Suffice to say it wasn't my best night at work, although I managed not to spend the whole of the evening getting sick.

Sometime near St. Patricks day Kitten and I went to a little dive bar. I think I posted pictures of Kitten and I at this bar somewhere in the last tenposts or so. Anyway, we ran into a girl I had known when I knew Kitten the first time around, call her Queen Bee. So i went on one terrible date with her way back when, apparently Kitten and her remained friends over the years. We ran into her there. She's been soming around the last week or so and its been kind of nice. She's sweet, and I think kind of lonely. and it turns out she is nothinglike I remember her being, which is cool, because I had always thought she was kind of bad ass and scary and it turns out she's actually pretty soft and. well, girly. She went with us to the local 18 and up dance club on Tuesday and we had a pretty nice time. It wasn't bad. She ahd a friend with her that made her evening difficult. We made her promise to come out with us one Thursday to Brick Wall Bar because I was singing in a karaoke contest. She comsented.

I spent most of wednesday being useless. That's sort of what I do when I have a day off. I really, really need to get to cleaning my stuff out of my apartment. I was going to do some of that today, but I have a flat tire on my truck and kitten has to help me fix it. I'm so lucky to have her around.

Thursday. So we went out and Queen Bee was supposed to meet me and Kitten and Guitar Hero and Brick Wall and have a few beers whiel I did the contest thing. We get there and order a bucket of beer (five bottles in a tin pail not literally a bucket full of draft beer) and QB shows up but she has someone with her. I know its not good, even before I look up because Kitten mutters a less than ladylike expletive when she looked up. Its a girl I'll call Mal Carne. Old, um, *almost* paramour of Kitten's and a girl who in days gone by really really didn't like me. At all. Hatred might have been a passive term. She's with QB and there isn't much we can say, we invited Queen, can't really say she can't sit with us. I smile and snuggle down next to Kitten and start hitting the beers (and the shots) pretty hard. As the evening passes I discover MAl recognizes me but doesn't know from where. I get drunk enough to refresh her memory and she smiles and tells me she doesn't have a problem with me now. Good thing. But, too late, I had a huge hangover on Friday from my less than intelligent "drink to cope" strategy. I need to work on that.

(side note, I can hear the whistle of a train nearby, Kitten and my house is near an industrial district, and I love it. Its so comforting to me. I grew up near an airport and i love the sound. Trains are even better for me. They sound so pretty. Anyway)

Sunday was really my big day though. Kitten and I are going floating in July with some of her friends. Most of them are co-workers of hers. I like most of them very much. Wednesday I actually went with one of them, Earth Girl, when she got a tattoo. I like her very much. Anyway, the person who throws this trip every year, Princess, is best friends with Kitten's Ex. (I'm not even going to try and give her a name yet, it won't be a kind one and I want to be fair.) So we have our usual sunday after work grab a beer and hang out thing but its to discuss the float trip. This means the EX will be there. I haven't seen her since Kitten and I got back together.

I knew that my sweet girl told her about me because her reactions both enfuriated me. One, she asked Kitten if I knew she had loyalty issues. (which, yes, I did, and no, I'm not worried) and Two when she figured out who I was asked kitten "wasn't that the crazy girl we all thought was a whore? To which kitten replied "No EX, that was just you" Anywsay. I don't like that she talks to kitten like that and I really don't like that she made judgements about me ten years ago when she didn't know me and is stubbornly clinging to those judgements now.

Anyway. We get to Not My Mexican Restaurant where we sit on the patio and drink and smoke and eat on sundays and we're the last to get there. There's aboutten people there already, the table is pretty well full. I go give Earth Girl a hug because Kitten said she had a bad day and I paused to kiss Precious on the head and poke her boyfriend Aw Shucks. Precious is Kitten's best friend, and sister to the EX. I like Precious. She's awesome. Ex gives me dirty looks and I nervously hide behind Kitten's chair on the end of the table opposite them. I order a beer and then remember that I was sick on Friday from doing that and order a coke too.

Anyway, long story short, Ex and Princess make snarky comments just out of earshot at me all afternoon. I know they're about me and snarky because they keep looking at me and laughing. Presious is giving them looks and Kitten is determinedly ignoring the both of them, with the exception of when I make a snotty comment in her ear on the rare occasion i can hear them. I'm a hop, skip and a jump away from saying something louder, but I don't. When the afternoon is over Presious say it wasn't so bad, and she h ugs me and I feel better almost immediately. The cool person in her family likes me, and that's all that matters. As Ex and Princess are leaving Kitten and Ex swap car keys back. Kitten also gets back her house key. She turns and gives me the spare key to her truck that she had just gotten back from the Ex. I don't know if that was for my benefit or hers, but I appreciated it. A lot.

She seemed quiet on the way home and i tried to get her to talk to me, but I assume if its important she'll tell me. Most people have an internal monologue, unlike me. So I have to be patient. We spent the evening reading and it was really nice.

That was my week. Not great, not terrible.

I get to go clean my house now. I love it.

Go check out that MS Stuff. Seriously.

AG/xx

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

2009-04-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, an interesting day for me. I step away from the computer for a few days and all hell breaks loose in the world. Well, not really, but some interesting stuff has been going on. And by interesting I mean sometimes sad and soemtimes happy news.

Monday the Pulitzer Prizes got handed out. Yay. I've got some new stuff to read now. Although, has anyone found that the fiction writers who win pulitzers are just *thick* I mean, I love a good heavy tome, but... I'm contenting myself with the dream of getting published in The New Yorker. I can do that. Incidentally Rachel Maddow linked to all the winners in her Twitter on Monday, soyou can see the full list, if you already haven't, there.

The acting CFO for Freddie Mac was found dead in his home, an apparent suicide. Sad. Sad that its coming to this. I try not to speak too much of the financial mess that is my country right now, my grasp of economics isn't as great as it could be and I have enough friends who have degrees in economics that I get trounced whenever I try to have an opinion, but I will say this. The realestate thing? It was and is a nightmare. My fellow countrymen got greedy, and its hurting us all now. I mean, look at this poor man and his family now. The news article I read said they couldn't confirm a note or that it had anything to do with police investigations into the company or anything like that, but... do you really figure it might be another cause? Money seems to me the greatest evil in the world right now.

Speaking of money, Japan had a budget deficit for the fiscal year 2008. First one since 1980. Just sayin. Creeps me out.

For the record, how I feel about other things:

Gay marriage: still a right, still should be legal

Obama: still awesome. not regretting that vote at all

Abortion: Still my body

GJW Bush: Still shaking my head.

Marijuana: not as evil as I once found it. Don't like it in my brother's hands, I can understand it in others

Other Drugs: NEVER OKAY

Harry Potter: still awesome

Twighlight Series by Stephanie Meyer: New addiction

War: I'm sick to death of hearing about it. Nothing wears on activism like a lost cause.

Pirates: Johnny depp cool, others not so much. But did we have to shoot them? I didn't get the full story on this one, and maybe it was necessary, but...I don't like killing if it can be avoided

Current political heros: Rachel Maddow (of course) and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill. She's a righteous chick. Seriously. Honestly most of the female liberal senators have been rocking my world lately. Lets hear it for the girls.

New favorite band: Muse

New Favorite Artist: Brandi Carlile. Wow. She's got a great voice.

Earworm that makes me really hurt: If You Seek Amy, Brittany Spears. I think I hear it at least 20 times a day. And it is catchy, too.

Politics: still liberal

Religion: still a witch. Now also seeing a mystic. Life is good, karma is good

Yeah. That's about right for me. Anywho, i'm working up a big list of loves, likes and go to hell's.

Hope you all are finding more to cheer you up than I am today.

AG/xx

The Coffee Is Just Water Dressed In Brown

2009-04-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hi again. I want a happy post. Something to make all of us laugh, or at least say right on. I've been debating posting this, but I think I will. I will say this, I want to write a book with this in it, so if you post me around, or whatever please give me credit. (this is more to a stanger who might stumble here than anything. I know none of my lovelies would pritate my dry wit)

So at Casa Bueno we have a running list of things that make us absolutely crazy. Someone suggested it would make a great book and I got the ball rolling. We've been writing these down for about a year or so now, and I love them. I think every waitress can relate.

WE call it

The Server Manifesto

1. We love children! The restaurant doubles as a daycare at no extra charge.

2. Servers are independently wealthy, so tipping is optional.

3. The best tips we receive are religious pamphlets! In currency exchange it is enough to pay the rent.

4. Server, waiter or waitress is modern day slang for slave.

5. Servers do not speak any languages. We only respond to shaking of glasses, snapping of fingers and/or whistling

6. Servers choose to work in the industry for the exercise. So, please, as for one thing at a time. My feet will thank you for it later.

7. When your server is speaking to a table other than yours, please try to carry on a conversation with us. We love to be interrupted.

8. Don't worry, your order will be out in one minute. We have a magic microwave in that at a push of a button makes your food appear.

9. "Dr. Pepper" is always an appropriate response to "Hi, how are you?"

10. Ask my advice. Don't take it. Ask my advice again. Really, don't take it. I just work here, I don't know what I am talking abot.

11. Move a chair into the isle. We have dedicatd ourselves to improving our agility. And blocking fire exits teaches us to think critically.

12. Your children are precocious. We adore it when they order us around. Its very adult. The bossier they get the smarter we assume they are.

13. "Please" and "Thank you" are antiquated perfunctory courtesies. Please feel free to disregard them. Thank you.

14. Special orders keep our jobs interesting. We understand if you have food allergies, but we love it when you're just plain picky. So go ahead, customize tha order to your tastes.

15. If you have a group of more than ten, please don't call ahead. We like suprises.

16. We have all gone through extensive training to be maids so we don't mind cleaning up after you.

17. When you go out to eat, please don't worry. You will be the only table your waitess has.

18. Waitresses have no feelings. As automatonic drudges we are perfect for humiliation, degredation and general verbal abuse.

19. Late inthe evening or afternoon feel free to stay as long as you like. Servers have no lives and waiting to clean your table is the highlight of our social existence.

20. If a restaurant closes at ten it is perfectly acceptable to come in at 9:55 and stay for a few hours.

21. We love vomit. Servers are immune to disease and don't mind of you bring in your children and they puke all over teh table. We like to clean it up. The smell is awesome.

22. Refills on soda are complimentary. It is completely acceptable to drink three two-litres worth of soda in one thirty minute meal. Go ahead and double fist those puppies!

23. Every bar serves bottomless alcoholic beverages. Please ask me for a free refill on your margarita. I'll grab it for you, and I'll go ahead and call liquor patrol for you too.

24. The kids menu probably says 12 and under. I know yo're 40 but i'lllet you order from it anyway. Cheap customers are the nest customers.

25. Congratulations on your gastric bypass surgury. That $25k tookyou from a fat nobody who was marginalized to a skinny winner who can take back all that lost dignity. Be rude to me. I don't mind. I'm proud of you. Your good looks were hard won, after all.

26. Your server doubles as your cook. Blame them for long cook times and food errors. Don't tip them either. Its all their fault.

27. Ask for something extra. Do you have one roll and six butters? Ask for more butter. You need it, don't you?

******

I will say that not all customers are like this, not even most of them. But the ones that come in and do things like this? Its the stuff that ruins our day. I hope anyone out there in food service enjoyed that. It was cathartic for my coworkers and I....

Love you all
AG/xx

You were never very kind

2009-04-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

Went to dinner last night with Kitten's mom. It was nice, I don't think I bombed, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. That makes me very happy. The particulars aren't as important, really. And I'm afraid I'm boring you with the minutia of mine and Kitten's relationship. I will say this, her mom is seriously smart. I love that.

*begin rant about Plush, skip if you want*

I'm annoyed this morning. And having a bit of a conundrum. Plush texted me at two this morning (I was actually asleep) and he said he needed to talk to me about something. I sent him a text that told him if it wasn't dire it had to wait until morning. It waited. So this morning He says that he went out with his new roommates, among others, for his best friend's birthday last night. One of them, the female, (lets call her Jaygirl) tells him that the night he and I went to My Place (local karaoke bar) with her and her boyfriend (Jayguy) and Kitten and Rugby Girl that I "Held hands with Rugby Girl under the table" after Plush left earlybecause he had to work at 5am. I'm annoyed. A Lot.

First, Jaygirl walked up to me about ten seconds after Plush left and kissed me on the mouth (apparently gay girls are community property in his group of friends, this happens a lot to me. His guy buddies think its funny when their girlfriends kiss me) That act right there was the worst "thing"I did all night. Second, I help Rugby Girl's hand above the table, in plain sight, all night. She likes to invade people's personal space. Its her way. She held Plush's hand. Hell, she was kissing on Kitten all night. Its way easier to hold her hand than to fight off other more invasive petting. Third, about a month before Plush went out with them and made out with a bar waitess all night while I was home sick. I don't care, he told me about it, but there was no one calling me and telling me about his bad behavior.

I know I'm the bad guy because I did the leaving. But I also think I'm being delt a really harsh hand. *He* ignored me and made me unhappy. *He* was the one that was possive and controlling. *He* was the one who refused to take on an adult's portion of our relationship. I was paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing all of the sundries and babying him to boot. And I'm the only one who had a vehicle because he totalled his while he was drunk one night. He wanted a mother. Oh! And *he* was the one who shoved me over our coffee table because he was angry I wouldn't skip rugby practice to watch television with him and forced me out of the house. I didn't come back. Suprise. That's the only rule we had in our relationship. The only one! Don't lay your hands on me when you're angry. Been there, done that, have the scar, don't want another. You know what he told me when he called me later in the evening? "Its not like I hit you, and I didn't mean to shove you that hard" My Ass! I'm sorry, I have a lot of pent up rage about our relationship. Especially the end of it. I'm not an angel, I know I'm not. But I get so angry when I think about it. Yeah, I went out a lot. Yeah most of my girlfriends and guy friends are gay. Guess what? SO AM I! He knew that going in. He knew I wasn't a homebody. He knew I like to go out. He knew I was independent. You know how he answers these charges? "I thought you'd settle down and want to be a housewife eventually" *sigh*

On top of that Plush made it really clear this morning that as soon as he moves out of our (well, his now) apartment and finds a reliable means of transportation that he doesn't want to see me for a while. He needs "a break" Good for him. But seriously, I'm wondering why his new roomies can't drive him around or why he has to be crass enough to tell me he's using me for my truck right now.

I told him I would get the remainder of my things from the apartment and disappear so he didn't have to "deal" with me anymore.

I'm not sure what to do. I've bent over backwards. I'm still paying for the apartment and the untilities. I'm still driving him around. I still pick up the house when I drop by to get more of my stuff. How am I not being fair? I don't know. What I really want to do is go over when he's working, get all my stuff, leave half the last month's rent on the counter in the kitchen with a note that says "I'm out" and never see him again. Really. But that isn't the mature thing to do. Is it?

*End rant*

On the up side I have a date at the brick wall bar you guys keep seeing in my pictures with a bunch of my friends tonight. We're going to karaoke. I can sing, so its not terrible. Some of my friends thinkthey can when they drink, which is even beter. And some of my other friends that are comng are meeting Kitten for the first time. So it should be smiles all around.

My favorite songs to karaoke are (in no particular order)

I'm the only one, Melissa Etheridge
Alone, Heart
Take it back, Reba McEntire
Black Velvet, Allanah Mihles
Proud Mary, Ike and Tina Turner
All that Jazz, from Chicago
Brick, Ben Folds Five
My Imortal, Evanescence

Every now and again i;ll bust out some Whitney Houton (yes, I can) or some Celine Dion, if I feel ike showing off. I'm trying to find some new stuff though. Heart is my newest edition to the list of regular songs. I like it a lot.

Have a good day kids.
AG/xx

How bad could it be?

2009-04-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Wow. Big space at the top because I can't format. A Few Updates. I am doing my mother's taxes tonight too. Yay. I've gone from "I can't do math" to "Hi I'm an H&R Block in the course of an afternoon. Good for me.

Plush got a place to stay so we can move all the big stuff out soon. Even better. I have been hauling stuff over to Kitten's one truck load at a time. Its getting old. His mom is out of the mental ward and in therapy. That's a good thing too. He seems to be doing a lot better.

I forgot to mention that I went to visit Beloved and her new partner Reba last night. Its the first time Ive talked to Reba since Beloved and I broke up nearly three years ago. She hadn't wanted to talk to me because she felt uncomfortable with the situation. Never made sense to me since I didn't mind and I was technically the wronged party....but. They gave us a bookshelf which is awesome becuase mine is stacked three deep and Kitten has as many books as I do. We needed the shelf space. I'm going to give her my big TV because we don't really watch TV and Kitten already has a nice one. Who needs two? I think we are all going to get together and have drinks sometime in the next couple of weeks. That ought to be nice.

I also uploaded a few more pics for you to look at. I like posting them. Its nice. I do have a facebook and a myspace with far more pics if you honestly are interested. My facebook has the most.

The photos below are:

1. Kitten and I at my version of Cheers. I don't know if I can think of a better thing to call it. The Hole in the Wall maybe. You'll see that brickwork in the back often. That table is our favorite.

2. Kitten and the lovely Mystery, the head of our local NANO group and my good friend. I need to upload her wedding photos sometime. That would be good.

3. Me looking like an 80's rock star. In the back you'll see NB and Guitar Hero messing about.

Pics of tatoos forthcoming. I swear.

Now it chills me to the bone

2009-04-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

I just did my own taxes for the first time. This year I was too lazy to pay someone to do them for me. Hooray. I can do it. And I get a refund, although I came perilously close to owing the state money. Bleh. Stoopid state taxes. I'm proud of myself. I feel super adult and serious now. ha ha.

In other news, we went out on thursday. Our friends bailed on us, which is good because we went into tunnel vision mode and ignored the world. I spent the whole of the evening staring at Kitten or dancing with her. It reminded me of when we first met 9 or so years ago. She's still beautiful to me. I felt like I was 18 again. It was great. I might have drug her outside to the place where she kissed me for the first time and made her kiss me again. Maybe.

We skipped going out most the rest of the weekend. It was nice. Kitten is starting to read the twilight books and I am working on another go around with pride and prejudice. I keep falling asleep though, reading relaxes me.

Yesterday Kitten and I had dinner with my mom. It was the first time they'd actually sat down and been around eachother. If any of you recall my stories about my mom you'll know just how nervous I was. Seriously. I normally wait until there is no doubt its a long term relationship before they meet my family. My mom, as usual, had to go and mortify me. Kitten took it in stride. I love it when she's charming, and she charmed my mother, which is great. Hopefully she'll come off the ceiling now and stop giving me a hard time about Plush. She did mention grandchildren, but...she'll overcome. There's always Punk....

Anyway. She tried to get me to talk politics, a surefire way to pick a fight with me, and I was adult enough to let it go. Yay for me. She did talk about her restaurant that she works at and, god save me, made me wish I could drop through the floor. She made a very direct reference to the "beaners" that work in the back of the restaurant cooking. (its a slang term for a mexican american, in my part of the country, a rather unflattering one, at that.) I'm sure you've noticed from the pictures, Kitten is a mexican american. I almost cried. My girl, never one to pick a fight, only smiled and was nice enough to tease me after dinner about it. My mom is so on my crap list right now.

I'm going and getting my hair done today and we're having dinner with Kitten's mother tonight. I'm nervous as all hell about it. I don't want to embarass her. I want to make her proud. I know enough about her mom to know she's an intelligent woman and Kitten is intimidated by her. *sigh* At least the restaurant we'll go to will serve alcohol. I might need a beer.

Enough talk about relationships. Other things I'm excited about right now:

Rachel Maddow is gay!!!! how did I miss this? I've been crushing on her for quite sometime. I loved when she covered for Keith Olberman on Countdown when he went on vacation and I love her show. Did you know she doesn't watch television? Anyway, she's smart and funny and now I'm happy to disover, a sister of the inclination. I read this is "Curve" the last issue. (Kitten subscribes to Curve and The Advocate. Now I need a subscription to the New Yorker and I'll be all set.) Anyway, if you haven't seen her you should check out her site on MSNBC I'm putting her twitter page in the sidebar. Because I can.

Books I've read recently:

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

The Four Feathers, AEW Mason

Little Women, Lousia May Alcott

Peter Pan, JM Barrie

Alice in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

Books I'm working on but can't seem to finish

War and Peace, Tolstoy

Anna Karennina, Tolstoy

Les Miserables, Victor Hugo

A Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde

And that's the news kids. As far as I can tell. Love you all.

AG/xx

ditry dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness

2009-04-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was fantastic.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I only have one day off a week from Casa Bueno. Yesterday was my day off. I spent most of the morning cleaning house, you wouldn't believe how much laundry kitten and I manage to generate in the course of a week. Then again, I'm a freak and like to do laundry, so I played happy housewife all morning and had a grand time.

In the afternoon we went and had lunch at a local cafeteria with Mysterym who seems to really like Kitten. It makes me happy. Mystery is the kind of girl most people need in small doses because she can't sugar coat anything and she's very opinionated. I like her because she is a great story teller. I always end up laughing when I am with her. I like that. Apparently so does kitten. After we ate we went to a coffee shop downtown. The girls ordered seriously girly coffee drinks. I contented myself with Jasmine loose leaf tea. I love tea. A lot. I also had a cuppa Irish breakfast tea with cream. Yum. We told stories until it was nearly dark. When we got home I changed clothes and Kitten banged on her guitar for a bit before we headed out to a local hole in the wall for drinks with Mystery and Charlie Brown (her husband) Incidentally, I need to steal some pics off her site so I can show you the wedding. I was in it. Fun.

We're going out to Ladies night at the biggest and longest runnning local gay club tonight. I haven't been to it in years. I can't wait to show her off. She's so beautiful. And she runs with the "phone tree" that I used to idolize when I was a young lesbian. The phone tree girls are all those girls I thought were cute but was too afraid to ask out, and then when I did work up the nerve they laughed at me. Young people can be cruel. I'm afraid I'm passive aggressive. I want people to see me out with her. There's a pretty healthy amount of younger girls that had been giving me the eye the last year or so but never made a move (well, most of them never made a move) becuase they knew I was with Plush. Iwon't be disappointed to see them there either.

I admit its childish, but then again, I never claimed to be anything but petty when it comes to my affections. I love my community but there's a pecking order. Kitten rather moved me higher up. Its true. With the women anyway. I've always been up on the food chain with gay males, drag queens and bar tenders and owners. but lesbians? They don't like me. I'm too fag for their unsubtle midwestern minds. Kitten was always a part of the phone tree, even when we were both younger. (in case anyone cares, she's 29. Two years older than I)

I'm sure I'm going to enjoy tonight, she promised to dance with me all evening. I love to dance, and she's good at it. So life should be beautiful. Like it has been.

I'm sure an update will be forthcoming. And pictures. I want to take lots of pictures.

Truth Be Told I'm Lying

2009-04-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

Well, heater all fixed. I crawled up under the house with Kitten and watched her fix it. It was awesome. I told her I had fun doing it. I'm not sure she believes me, who enjoys crawling under a house with just a flashlight in 20 degree weather, really? (yours truly apparently) The house is warm and life is good.

I met Kitten's dad this week. I was really nervous about it, but from what she says he likes me a lot. And that's a good thing. I get the impression that Kitten carries a lot of her personality traits from her dad's personality. I like him a lot too. He's a sweet man and despite my shy tendencies (yes I am!) I felt really comfortable around him. I might have spent most of my time hovering behind Kitten but I did enjoy his company. He's nice.

Now I have to meet Kitten's mom sometime in the next week or so and that does frighten me. I know enough about her to know I'll wear a skirt and probably get my hair redone before I meet her. Table manners shall be brushed up on and I will work on my dazzling smile. Or something. I want her whole family to like me. That would make things much easier for both of us.

My mom still hasn't totally come around, so I don't know how I;m going to handle her. She asked to have dinner with me and kitten next week so next week must be mom week. I haven't heard anything else about Plush's mom from him although I've talked to him every day since it happened. I don't think his family is keeping in touch with him. This sucks, I don't like feeling sorry for him. I want to be friends, but feeling sorry for him makes me feel akward. I have a feeling he isn't looking for an apartment right now and its annoying me. I don't want to support him indefinately. I want to help out at home with Kitten. *sigh* How long do you help before you hurt yourself? I don't know.

Today is my only day off. I need to be useful and clean up around the house. I want to go flea marketing or something just to get out of the house for a little bit. I need to go to the apartment and get stuff from it too, but that requires me to face Plush before I drive him to work, and I don't want to do that either. There's something terrible in him offering to help me move my stuff out to my truck for me. I'm not sure how to take that. I know I feel like an ass when I do.

I had another headache yesterday. I think that's two in the course of a week now. I need to get them under control. I think its mostly stress. It has to be.

I have six months and five thousand dollars until vacation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Songs on my playlist right now?

1. Crystalline Green, Goldfrapp
2. Drive, Melissa Ferrick
3. Bad Things, JaceEverett
4. The Pleasure Song, Marianne Faithful
5. AA XXX, Peaches
6. #1 Crush, Garbage
7. Feeling Love, Paula Cole
8. Naked, Tracy Bonham
9. Haunting Me, Stabbing Westward
10. Love Song for a Vampire, Wojciech Kilar

There you have it

AG/xx

You're frozen

2009-04-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

Wow. Literally. Our hearter went out sometime yesterday and normally that wouldn't be a problem except where we live the weather doesn't do what its supposed to. Last week I was back to wearing tanks and short skirts and its supposed to be about 22 degrees tonight. Thank god for blankets. And thank god that kitten is getting her degree in HVAC. I think she's going tofix it tonight after she gets off work. Bonus, though, is extra snuggle time. You can't help it. It keeps you warm.

Poor Plush. I've tried to make the transition easy for him, but he's a slow healer. And his mom is making his life difficult. She keeps trying to talk him into getting an apartment with her and he keeps telling her no. Hes 25 after all, and wants to live a normal adult life, or as much of one as he'll ever have. This is not easy for him, telling her no. And I was so proud of him for doing it. He's a momma's boy. Really. Yesterday she called him and asked again. He told her no and she told him he was ungrateful and she was going to just go take all her heart and depression pills and make him sorry for not loving her. She made good on the threat when he told her she needed to get help. She's in a local psych ward now and I feel terrible, although there isn't much I can do about it. I'd offer tostay with him for a few nights, but i know that will only make things worse for the both of us. It makes me feel helpless.

On the bright side, work is looking up and I'm hoping we;ll be busy tonight. I hate to sit behind the bar and waste space. I think a few of my coworkers are thinking of coming with Kitten and I to Florida. Especially Brown Chicken. She's great. One of our supervisors and a great friend of mine. I love working with her. She's good for a laugh or a cry. She and Kitten get on really well too. And she's starting a relationship with someone she's liked a long time, so we get to share the honeymoon glow with eachother and not gross eachother out. Its nice to have someone to brag to.

Speaking of bragging. *overshare alert* The, um, bedroom activities are glorious and I remember now why I love women so much. Its like coming home. I love it. I feel more content than I have in years. And beautiful, which is a new feeling for me. And my Kitten is so beautiful, I'm always proud to walk into a bar or restauraunt on her arm. Its a good feeling. And New.

So there you have it. Life in a nutshell. Back to my blanket, I think.

AG/xx

Will you still love me tomorrow?

2009-04-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

Right. So I don't even know where to begin with where I'm at. I was thinking of how many bloggers I have and haven't kept track of in the last couple of years and it makes me feel truly horrible. I loved everyone so much. Silly, isn't it? That you can lose track of something you think is important? Well, push comes to shove sometimes and its always the luxuries that fall by the wayside. Unfortunately, blogging (nay, thinking about myself) became a luxury for a long time.

Now I find myself in the peculiar position of being able to consider how I feel for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot freer than I did. I feel a lot better than I did. I'm still going through random moments of guilt over hurting Plush, and I worry about him taking care of himself. But I'mnot his mother, and I think that was part of my problem all along. When I asked myself why I shouldn't leave him the reasons all involved me not hurting him or him not being able to manage without me. He's codependent. And I was accustomed to him being codependent. I think I liked the idea of being needed after Beloved left because she definately did not need me.

But Plush and I can be friends, and I'll be his biggest cheerleader, always. But it doesn't mean I have to marry him. It cerainly doesn't mean that. All that time I was trying so hard to please him. I love him, no doubt about that. But its not enough. I'm sure my married bloggers will tell you, love doesn't make a marriage. I know. I've seen that from my own family.

Living with Kitten has softened life around the edges for me. Everything feels a lot sweeter. A lot more beautiful. Hell, I feel beautiful and that's something I haven't felt in ages. I'm not ashamed to wear my glasses around the house. I don't straighten my hair for hours anymore. I willl every now and again but I like it curly just as well as I like it straight. I don't worry about looking perfect all the time. And yet, I like to pull my hair down as I drive home because I know Kitten likes to play with my hair. I like to put on her boxers instead of my shoe string undergarments because I know it cracks her up to see me running around in them. Il ike to go shopping and buy things I know will cause eyebrows to raise. She says to me sometimes that only I can pull off some of the things I pull off, but really, I can because I feel confident enough to do it.

Yes, life is better than it was. And I shouldn't feel sorry for it. I feel like Jane in "Pride and Prejudice" why can't everyone be as happy as I am, its almost too much to bear.

So, the basics of me. Now. Almost, what three years later? I still work at the local Mexican Restaurant Casa Bueno. I waitress three nights a week and bartend three nights a week. I still work with Rogue. We've managed not to kill eachother yet. Well see. I never thought I'd meet someone as passive aggressive as I am, but she's got me beat, hands down. And she doesn't like my Kitten, which I resent. I love most of my coworkers, still, which I also didn't think was humanly posssible. I am a little nervous because corporate thoguth it would be a brilliant idea to start random drug testing. We're going to lose half our staff. (and honestly, as long as they don't come to work all spun out, who cares?)

I am still no closer to my degree than I was. I could say "the sacrifices you make for love" but excuses excuses. January is looking like the time to go back, as soon as Kitten and I come back from Florida. And then I *will* get it done. I will it so.

I smoke still. I quit for a period of about three months and then I picked the habit right up after my mother had a heart attack (I know that should make me want to quit, but there you are, do I ever do anyhthing that makes sense?) Cute thing is she blamed it on me. Said my wedding plans were stressing her out. Well, no more. Although I thought she was going tohave another one when I told her about leaving Plush. And when Itold her about moving in with Kitten. Yeah. Its not my fault. Anyhow the smoking habit has picked back up. The drinking habit, not so much. Well, not picked up anyway. I cut back after spending 90% of my summer drunk. Bad idea. The older i get the worse the hangovers are. And with the hypoglycemia I shouldn't be pounding too many cocktails anyway. Not too many.

My brother Punk STILL lives at home. Hes 25 now, for the record. My mom says he's moving out any day now. Ri-ight.

My cousin Lovey is out of state in college and her family moved away too. I miss Priestess and the rest of her family. A lot. I do.

I have a full ten tattoos now and I'll be sure to have Kitten take pictures so I can post them. My newest one is a pin up. I love her.

And that's all I can muster in one go I think. Still boring, right?

Do You Remember When?

2009-04-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Once Upon a time there was a great blogger on my blogroll, Mr. Mystic. I really liked him. He posted a meme that I just ran across in my archives. My opinions on a lot of things have changed, so I thought I would put it up.

Mystic, I'm thinking of you.

What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being content with myself and my situation in life and having someone to share it with, even if its only a friend.

What is your greatest fear? Not being able to tell someone I love them before I lose them

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My lack of an inner monologue. I can't conceal anything, even if I ought to or want to

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Queen Elizabeth

What is your greatest extravagance? Cigarettes and alcohol

What is your favorite journey? My trip to Kuwait

What do you like most about your appearance? My eyes, and I look unique

Which living person do you most despise? I've honestly gotten over all of my personal hang ups

What is your greatest regret? I don't have one anymore

When and where are you most happiest? At home in bed, or writing, always at night

What is your current state of mind? comfortable

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I'd fix my teeth but keep my fangs

What do you consider your greatest achievement? I don't have one yet. I can make a great shot or cocktail

What is your most treasured possession? A scarf that used to belong to my grandfather

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?Loneliness without someone to comfort you

Where would you like to live? On a ranch in the southwest US

What is your most marked characteristic? I'm blunt. And Pushy

What is the quality you most like in a man?Compassion

What is the quality you most like in a woman?Honesty

Who are your favorite writers? Dostoyevsky, Dumas, Austen, LK Hamilton

Who are your heroes in real life? Right now? Um, my grandpa.

What is your motto? Live fast, love hard, die laughing

You are the one way glass that watches me standing in line at the bank

2009-04-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

This is me and my friend Reads Like Me

Me and Kitten at a local dive bar

Me and Hippie Chick on a random night at the club

Me and my buddies the Freshman and Snoop on my birthday

Coming out of my cage

2009-04-02T08:14:00.001-07:00

Hi again. Look at this a post two days in a row. Oh, the beauty of internet in the home.

The pics, in case you were interested, were of (respectively) Me and Kitten at a bar called Tipsy Turtle. No kidding, great name right? The second was of Kitten myself and RugbyGirl at a bar called My Place. Confusion abounds on that one. "Where you hanging out tonight AG?" "My Place" "So you aren't going out then?" Ri-ight. The third is Rouge and myself at one of the local nightclubs that allows under 21's in. Its part of my birthday party. I'll have to post some more if you like.

Incidentally, I am living with Kitten. You'll hear a lot about her. RugbyGirl is one of our friends who, suprise, plays rugby with Kitten. I'll have lots of new people to introduce you to soon, I'm sure. Oh, and neatly times suprise, Kitten was my very first girlfriend, from before I came out to anyone in my family, some nine years ago.

You know, I feel like I am coming out all over again. I have to tell my family and all of my friends who didn't know me before Plush, which is quite a few. Turns out I do know how to be friendly and charming in person, if I apply myself. Life as a bartender has been good for me. I'm more social. Its odd tot hink of all the strait people I've met over the last two or three years that associate me with only dating males, which is odd because even Plush made it a point to let people know I like girls. Maybe they tuned out. Or didn't believe me. I'm not sure. Either way, I think there's been a little suprise from some quarters. Then again, there's been none at all from others. My co-workers have apparently been waiting for all of this to happen. Alright then. You're always the last to know, right?

The pics on this post are Kitten and I out for Mardi Gras. I choose to leave my hair curly. Bad idea. The other is my friend Little Black Book. He's a hoot. and great for swapping stories with. And an excellent dancer. Even if he won;t let me lead.

Talk to you soon.

xx/AG

Welcome to the jungle

2009-04-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well, if anyone thought my life couldn't get more crazy.... I left Plush. I'll blog sometime about how unhappy I was and all those good reasons to break an engagement, but really, what matters is I am safe, well and happy now. And I have pics! Lots of pics because I upload them en masse.

On the upside, I get a trip to disneyworld in November, since, you know, the honeymoon is already paid for. I'm going to have a great time and life will be wonderful, damn it.

And I get to go back to school.

My mom is currently not speaking to me. Apparently now that I've decided to go back to being a "sexually deviant man hating dyke" she wants nothing to do with me. On the other hand, the rest of my family is being supportive. Bonus.

I'll give you the introduction to my new life soon. Yay.

Love you all.

We Kiss We Make Up

2009-01-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

Happy new year all! I know I disappeared after vacation, seems like my whole life did. Turns out vacation was smashing. We has a marvelous time and really, I didn't want to come home. We did though, and chaos insued. I'm over it, somehow, and life is back to normal. Suffice to say I've got a long blog about hwo much I've decided I don't like the holidays because my dear plush actually has a family crazier than mine, and I will say that I am on the verge of 27, nothing accomplished with my life and I am doing what I can to take it with grace. Got a new camera for christmas so I should get arounf to posting new pics sometime soon.

love you all.
xx/ag

My Experimental Game

2008-07-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up in one of those moods. Its my day off, which never bodes well, my days off are always awful. I've gotten to the point I'd rather work, honestly. It might be the impending rain storm. It might be I'm going to have lunch with my mother. Or it might be that Rogue was in a terrible mood this morning when she finally rolled off the couch . I think her and Skippy (her now ex girlfriend she is still hung up on) might be arguing, and judging from the way she is taking it out on me, I think I know what they are fighting about too.

Ah, well. Win some and lose some, right? I had three good days. No sense in pushing it.

T-minus 6 days to vacation and counting. I'm holding out for a pool, a horse and a bottle of champagne.

xx-ag

Take a look at me now

2008-07-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Alright. Per Swiss's very sweet request, I'm putting up some more pictures. Since I haven't got the hang of my laptop yet, they aaren't in neat rows. Sorry about that.

The top one is my cousin Lovey and me at Christmas this last year, so its pretty recent.

The one of me bent over the chair is me, well, bent over a chair. I think I am at a bar called Traffic, which is now closed. It bites because their bartender made great drinks.

The one of me with long hair is me at a Halloween party with some of my friends. No that is not a stripper pole, that's a fireman's pole from the top of the warehouse we were in. Yes, that is a hot tub. Yeah, I did get get drunk enough to get in later in the evening. Home made sangria. Does it every time.

I just happened to like the next pic, I think I look cute in it. I'm at a local karaoke bar with some friends.

The pic below is me with a couple of my guy friends being silly.

I think I actually managed to Post pics of both the tattoos on my arms. The one in this pic is arabic for irony. The one on my other arm means temptation. I got that one with rogue when she got her first one last january.

Boo

2008-07-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hi. Surprise, right? Yeah, I'm not dead, just missing inaction for a while.

Nothing really changes does it?

Plush and I are still engaged, although how long that will last remains to be seen. Turns out my grandmother was right. I am high maintenance. And bless Beloved, I've come to expect alot from my partners and the strain is beginning to show for Plush. But I can be hopeful, rights?

As an added screw up benefit, Rogue came out of the closet. Should have seen that one coming along time ago. And she started working at my lovely job with me, so I see her pretty face all the time. Ahe's relentless the little bugger. I'll want to tell you all about my new job, remind me. Me, still struggling with my sexuality? Never....

Incidentally, that's me and Rogue out at a local club. I'm the one on the right, in case you've forgotten what I look like.

Right, job that's new to you and not to me.... After escaping Family Restaurant Hell I got a job at a local mexican restaurant we'll call Casa Bueno. I love it there, there's lots of great people and I get all (or none) of the hours I want. I've been a trainer for about six months now and I've been a bartender for about four. Its nice. I'm pretty good at it, and I have a nice time while I'm there. Me and Rogue and three other girls from work are taking a girls vacation in a couple of weeks. We've got a couple cabins lined up in the beautiful Arkansas mountains and we're going shopping, hiking, swimming and drinking until we're utterly exhausted and refreshed. I need the vacation. I really do.

This last birthday I got yet another tattoo. I'll do my best to get a pic up if anyone is interested. Its a pheonix in the center of my back. I think its about right for me. I also had my nose peirced recently. I think its been three weeks or so.

So, I've been missing everyone and I think its time for a comeback. nothing like blogger for some good soul searching and a bit of advice.

Love you all
xx

Where You Going With The Mask I Found?

2007-08-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

Dear lord, if it isn't one thing, its another. My roommate is moving out, I'm financially desperate again and my student aid got mixed up, sent to another Alecya that goes to my school with my exact name [how is that possile?] and I'm a sitting duck right about now. I've been having these dizzy spells and suspicions are riding high that I am a Type 2 diabetic. As if things couldn't get worse for me medically. A visit to the doc is going to sort it all out. Oh. And FAMILY RESTAURANT fired me. Finally. But I've got another job. So its cool. I was on my way out the door anyway.

But! Otherwise, I suppose, things aren't too bad. I'm getting ready to sell the truck. [I think I said that last month] and I am going to sell the house. So I'll be out from under two financial burdens right there.

I'm in the process of not obsessing over the wedding. Which can't officially be "The Wedding" until Plush proposes, which may not be soon since he can't find a ring he likes. Still, he's always coming up and going "How do you feel about sushi at the cocktail hour?" or "I was watching Platinum Weddings the other day, I don't think I like all the red. Its too loud. What do you think of pastels?" So I think its fair to plan, don't you? I hope so, this weekend I'm going shopping for dresses with my and his mother. I've found one I'm rather fond of, and I think it suits me. You tell me....

I think its lovely, and its got the black detail available. And I've been dying to have black detailing in my dress. I like the look a lot. But, my aunt Preistess made me promise not to just try that one. So I've got to try on a whole lot of them before I decide on just one. But this one is the front runner for sure.

I have a whole bunch of other ones I've seen that I like, the trouble is most of them run the $1000 to $3000 range, which, as you might imagine, is a bit out there for me. Actually, I'm in a bit of sticker shock, the budget, as of now, is somewhere in the range of $13,000. Which, of course, means I will only have to figure out a way to save three hundred or so a month the next two years. His family is helping out too, which is very sweet. I think we've got a good thing going, really. I'm creative, and I think we'll be able to come up with something lovely. We've decided for around fall 2009. He'll be ready to graduate then, and I'll be getting there. Its a good time to start a new life, I figure.

In the meantime, I'm still trying to devise a way to break it to [not] Beloved that I've found the person of my dreams. She's already haveing fits that I am dating "a stinky boy" as she so elegantly phrases it. I'll never hear the end of it. Not that it matters, its my happiness, right? Still, I am already tired of the jokes about me being strait all along. I find it odd, especially because it shouldn't offend me. Seeing as how I am, now, technically strait, and will be for the rest of my life.

I know you lot are probably, being the protective lovelies you are, wondering how I can be so sure about Plush when I've just had a 5 year relationship flushed down the tubes a little over 8 months ago. I'll say this. I love him. I really, really love him in a way I am not even sure I understand. He makes me feel things I never felt with anyone, not with Beloved or with any other person, male or female. I'm safe when I am with him and I can't stand to be without him. He compliments me, he feels like a part I've been missing all along. I talked to him the other day, asked him if it worried him that we were jumping in feet first and not bothering to look below. He said exactly what I feel, which is, no, I know I should be, but somehow, I'm not. Somehow, I feel like this is exactly what should happen. And for once, my family is right behind me on this, and his family is too. All of his family. His brother and sister and his mom, and they're cheering us on. His mom told me the other day that the minute she met me she knew Plush an dI were meant for eachother. That meant a lot to me.

Anyhow. I'm sapping out, when I ought to be studying. Still, I figure, I ought to share with you.

Speaking of, despite my failing three classes last semester my cumulative GPA is still a 3.1, go me! This semester I can knock it out of the park, and I'll be back on the dean's list, and ready to go. Its a nice thought.

Hey...would any of you come to a middle of nowhere wedding? Curious, only curious....

Love you all

long time, no see

2007-07-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. I wanted to drop you aline let you know I am still alive. life is, uh, interesting. The downward financial spiral thatbegan with (not) Beloved and I's breakup is continuing. My finances are a mess. I am selling the house, and my truck. Yikes. But, it will get better. right?

In other news, I have a boyfriend. Yes. A BOYfriend. Call him Plush. He's fabulous. We've been dating for three months now and I honestly can't imagine a person could ever be better to me. I'm a lucky girl.

I'm being obliging enough to post some pics, if you want to see what I (or he) look like. Its been a while...I know. I'll try to come back and be more friendly.

If you've given in to the monster MYspace, you can find me there too... look up alecya giovanni. My last name, obviously, is giovanni.....I'll add you....

pics, now.

This is me and plush and my mom....

This is us looking Emo....

This is us at Karaoke...

This is me and Plush and his best friend Dutch.

Incidentally, I've gotten two new tats, one on each arm.... did you spot them?

I've missed you all...

2007-03-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

Right. Its been a month, nothing has really happened that I think anyone will care about.

And I am contemplating a break. A big one.

xx

Don't Turn Around

2007-01-30T12:40:00.000-08:00

Right. Briefest of updates about life in my world. So much going on, obviously, I've not been around much. Thats in part due to the major ice storm that hit the midwest. I lost power in my house for 14 days, joy oh rapture. Thank god Little Dragon [have Itold you guys about her yet? remind me to] got her family to take me in, so I spent about 6 days sleeping on a pallet in the floor of a loft with her, Shrugs and her little brother [Oh Goody] and then another week or so at her house, because she got power back a lot sooner than I did. It was a nightmare, no makeup no luxuries hardly anything for 2 weeks, I'm glad its all over. Either way, I'm glad to be back home.

Right. So, Little Dragon is a person I met through Rogue, she's fabulous and our parents went to high school together, how weird is that? She's a doll. And she's a mystic, like me. And she's a lot better than I am, she's got a ton of talent, tell you the truth its difficult keeping her out of my head, she's got such a strong hook to her energy people naturally let her in. A lot like Rogue.

Speaking of my darling girl, we're fighting, although we've called a bit of a cease fire for the sake of both our sanities. Its ugly, its been ugly, but we're working on it. It all comes down to whether or not a person is willing to sacrifice or risk sacrificing a friendship to keep that friend from hurting themselves in an irreparable way. I am . And so she's mad at me. But we'll make it. We love eachother too much not to. That's what Shrugs and Little Dragon say, anyhow.

Speaking of love, Beloved and I are still on speaking terms, I am coping with all of this pretty well, I think, although I am not particularly in the mood to date right now I have met some nice girls my age and its delightful to hang out with them and have some semblance of a life on my own. I am enjoying the freedom a bit. It took some adjusting but I've gotten there. And I've gotten to the point where I'll eat, for a while I wasnt wanting to eat, not because I was strving myself, I just didnt have the energy. But my appetite is back, and I think that heralds good newd for me.

On the school front, I'm back in the swing of things. I have a 3.8 GPA [for you brits, that's .2 away from perfect] and I made the deans list this last semester. I fully intend to do it again. I'm really proud of myself.

The Lump, its nothing, and I am having it microchipped to make sure it stays nothing, but all is clear and healthy on that front.

As far as health goes, I have picked up smoking a great deal, but I have no other bad habits, eh?

Oh! and, as a joke [remind me to let you in on the joke later] Me, Shrugs, Little Dragon, Skippy and Rogue are all going to their Loyalty Dance at their school together, I am Little Dragon's "date" I'll have to tell you all about it, we're laughing so hard about it we can't even see strait. But I picked out my dress and we're all wound up about what Rogue is calling "the greatest prank ever played" Its for the benefit of their basketball team, really. Apparently yours truly is a dog, and has all four of them on a string for me. We'll see....

Well, my loves, I am off to class, those of you that know it, you should email me, you know.

Oh, and thanks to the lot of you who sent me xmas cards. It meant a lot to me.

xxxxxxxx [and then some]
AG

times are a changin

2007-01-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hello. I know I've been gone since I came home from Kuwait, and I promise to tell you all abut it when I have a moment, but I've not got a moment to spare, there's one bit of info I have to drop by before I run off, the reason for my absence. Beloved left me. I'm okay. She's okay. We're still going to be friends, but after 5 years...well, it takes some getting used to being alone again. I am keeping the house, we've worked something out. And Shrugs is going to move in and be my new roommate, which will work a treat, because I adore him and I can *tolerate* his girlfriend, a little. :) I figure this is time for a change, and life is going to get better. It has to. On the flip side, I amexhausted. I forgot how tiring being single can be.

I love you all. I'll give you a more full update when I can.

xx
AG

This Makes Me Really Proud to Be An American

2006-12-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

Serisouly, I read this article and thought I might be sick. After a week of trying to better understand a culture and its people highly influenced by Islam, it makes me angry. Really Angry.

See Below, and let me know how you feel:

Virginia Congressman Virgil Goode's comments about a fellow Congressman's swearing-in ceremony has sparked a religious controversy on Capitol Hill.

Keith Ellison, D-Minnesota congressional-elect, plans on using the Muslim holy book the Koran for his ceremonial Congressional swearing-in ceremony next month. His new colleague, Virginia Republican Congressman Virgil Goode reacted on Fox News.

Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Virginia, says, "I am for restricting immigration so that we don't have a majority of Muslims elected to the United States House of Representatives."

Goode wrote to hundreds of constituents that Americans need to "wake up" to make sure "more Muslims (aren't) elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."

Ellison is not an immigrant, born in Detroit, he converted to Islam in college and says he can trace his roots back to Louisiana 260 years ago.

Ellison told ABC news earlier this week that the official swearing in of all the congressmen is more important than the individual ceremony.

Ellison says, "All of us, no matter what color, what culture, what religion, all swear to uphold one Constitution. That's a beautiful thing. It's something that all of us as Americans really need to be proud of."

This controversy erupted after Jewish conservative columnist Dennis Prager wrote that Ellison's using a Koran would "undermine American civilization," since our values he says are based on the Christian bible.

But in 1997, Oregon Republican Senator Gordon Smith, a Mormon, used an
expanded Bible containing the book of Mormon.

Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York, who's Jewish, says, "Maybe I am going to be attacked next because of the old testament bible I am being sworn on compared to the new testament one that Virgil Goode is going to be sworn in on."

Congressman Goode says he will not apologize, and that he is not a bigot, just not a person who "jumps to the mantra of political correctness."

Copyright 2006 by Young Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Look At This Photograph

2006-12-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. I really want to post a long excitng tale about today, but its 1 am here, or very close to it, and I am being lazy. I will instead provide you with many, many photos of my trip.

In case you havent tuned in recently I am in Kuwait right now with my school. I've been here 5 days now, and I'm having a great time. Please read the post below, I'm interested in any questions you might have.

On with the show.

This is Dr. O at the airport in Cincinatti waiting for the plane, which was delayed about half an hour or so because of weather in NYC.

I think this one is self explanatory.

A view of Kuwait City from Kuwait Towers.

<--------- Another view of Kuwait City. If the formatting turns out okay you'll be able to see I made an arrow in the approximate direction of our hotel, the large tan high rise with green arabic writing on it in the middle of the pic.

This is Kuwait Towers from the ground.

This is me and debate girl inside the alcove where the imam calls prayers inside the Grand Mosque in Kuwait City.

Right blogger is giving out on me for posting so many pisc. More later....

Like the deserts miss the rain

2006-12-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

Today has been a really long day so I am going to hit the highlights and expand on it tomorrow:
1. Looks Like Sam, BB, Jared and I are all sick. I dont know who got it first, but we are all scratchy throated, runny nose coughing fit sick. Looks like Sam cant keep food down and missed the whole day today.
2. We went to the Ministry of Higher Education today and had a meeting with the head of foreign students there, learned a lot about their schooling. Wish it was so good here. The minister of higher education got called away on an emergency and extended to us the coolest apology invitation on the planet, which I'll tell you about shortly.
3. After the ministry we went to eat lunch at Kuwait Towers. We were kept waiting outside for a while, and when we got in we found out there was a huge meeting and we were about the only other people allowed a table. Said meeting included three prime ministers, most of the Kuwait government, a buttload of diplomats and other rather important people. Which explains why there was a motorcade outside full of men toting automatic weapons.
4. Lunch was really good, we tried a lot of traditional dishes. And, as luck would have it, two very cool people spotted us and had lunch with us - the president and the director of the middle eastern reigon for the international commission on human rights!How sick is that? I got to sit by the director and we spoke at length about women in politics, its her specialty area in law, human rights violations of women, and so the hour I spent chatting with her was amazing. At the end she gave me and BB her card [and no one else!] and told us to call and email her, she even wrote in her private number. She said she wanted to keep in touch, some visit our school and do a symposium, and help the both of us get jobs when we graduate. I almost cried from happiness.
5. after the lunch we went back to the poetry library so Dr. O could grovel for money with the benefactor/owner/founder of teh library. I was a little embarassed because the benefactor came out and received us with coffees and teas and food and started to talk to us [the students] about his collection and his goals with his library and Dr. O interrupted him, drug him to the other end of the room and occupied his attention for the entire hour we had scheduled with him! We weren't happy.
6. We found out the ministry of information, and the Kuwait government likes us so well they are planning on sending us as student leaisons to universities around the us [a lot of tehm the alma maters of the officials] and speak to the schools about out experiences. *Plus* they want us to come bacck each year with more students [they'll bump our group number from 7 to 15] and teach them the culter with them, like student leaders/ambassadors. And they'd pay for all of this. How cool is that?
7. We went after the library to the "conservative" women's group and I'll likely devote an entire blog to everything I learned tonight from those women. I can't tell you how impressed I am, how much I love them, how wrong I was about them.We're actually having a "girls night" tomorrow or Wednesday so we can all bond and discuss women's culture together without the "interruption of the men" as they put it.
8. Because *someone* [the same someone I might add] got on a tangent during our question and answer session with them about something that I felt was nearly unrelated we were late and ended up missing what I had been looking most forward to, our apology date with the minister of higher education. Want to know what it was? *sobs* An invitation to the very first ever Kuwaiti women diahwana. This may not sound important, but for women's politics its a hugely historic moment. Women arent allowed in dihawanas and its the main forum for political discussion and movement. All the important movements in the Kuwaiti history have stemmed from these special meetings. I am really disappointed, and rather angry, we missed it. I'll tell you more about the meetings sometime, if you like.
Thats my day, we've finally gotten home, fed and I've started to pack again, I dont know how I am going to get it all fit inmy bags...
So no one has any questions? Anything they want to know about the culture?
Tomorrow we;re off to sit in on a parliment session and ride camels, which we put off today because Looks Like Sam was so sick.

Love you all - XX
AG

Decent Days and Nights

2006-12-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

Wow. Its about day four here, depending on whether you count days as time after I go to sleep and ake up or time when it passes midnight. Technically its day 5. Either way, Ihad to ask what day of the week it was this morning because I'd honestly lost track.

Woudl you like an update?

so far I can say I have:

Met with an NGO [I think I told you that] It was brilliant, and speaking of brilliant, Brilliant Babmbi saved our asses by speaking a beautiful and eloquent bit about the time it takes for progress to be made in women's movements and how the women of Kuwait should be proud of their new found rights and press on and keep up the hard work. It was a relief because *someone* in our group [not me] in essence told the women that the reason they didn't have parlimentary officials who were women elected was because they didn't try hard enough and that their parliment needed to set quotas for women bcause they would not get elected otehrwise *rolls eyes* please. Its their first GD election! We were irate and BB saved the day. I love her. She's so well spoken, she makes me feel stupid when I listen to her. She's brilliant. Really.

Been to a library dedicated solely to the preservation of Arabic Poetry and literary artifacts. It was awesome. I cant even express how cool it was. Incidentally, I think this is funny:I blend in really well. most of the girls wear their scarves, just not on their heads, because they feel too "odd" and old fashioned. I personally like it, I don't have to do my hair, which is good since Ive not got a straitening iron, not to mention I look like everyone else, which is comfortable, you know? Anyhow, we were in the car to go to the Poetry Library and it was just me and Professor O and our driver because we have so many cars we dont have to cram in and we rotate who sits where, although normally I sit with BB and Jared, and I was short stick and rode with Dr. O. So our driver made a wrong turn and we had to pull in later. Well, they had closed the libary to the public for our tour [you wouldn't believe how many places they've closed just for us!] and we tried to pull in and they wouldn't let us in! The security guards kept looking in the car at me and telling Dr. O in Arabic there was no way we were with the other group because we were both arabs and they others we a bunch of foreign students, american he thought, and we werent going to trick our way into the library, we didn't match. Our ministry leaison eventually came down and told him off and he smiled at me and told me it was lovely to see such a modest and lovely American woman, who was so respectful of his culture. Dr. O told me the man had thought I was a family memeber of his - a neice or a daughter! Isnt that a scream? Anyway, the peotry was good.

Tomorrow we're going here:

The Kuwait Towers. We're having lunch with the Minister of Higher Education there. Today we toured American University Kuwait and tomorrow we are touring Kuwait University herself. We got to sit in on aclass today and listen to the discussion, I really enjoyed it. Today was a liberal university, tomorrow is a liberal university.

We also get to go ride the camels in the desert tomorrow, and as stereotypical as that might sound, we've all really been looking forward to it. Oh! And I don't know if I mentioned this, its cold here! Cold. cold! Today it only got to 14 C and we were all bundled up. I bought a leather jacket at the market. But, we are all bundled up for the cold, apparently this is the coldest its been in a few years. It even rained yesterday and they had 25% of what is their normally yearly rainfall. It was crazy. We're taking clothes to bundle up into when we go tomorrow, because we have to go uber dressy for the lunch tomorrow. But, you know, its still really nice, and we're having as good a time as we can.

This morning at the radio station was a lot of fun, and we got to be on air. But the big suprise was the paper, which I found laying on my bed, apparently my maid [well, what do you call a male maid, because I know mine's a male, I see him every day] saw the article and took the liberty of delivering one to me. On the second page of the paper in the special news section there was a half page article and huge picture of our group meeting with the womens group. We hadn't even realized the press was there! They had quotes from us and were really nice and informative about it. I was so uprised, so we're all taking home a copy of the paper.

Speaking of crud to take home, I have no idea where I am going to fit all the souvenirs. We're going sword shopping tomorrow, and if there's a good one I dont know what I'll do. I may need to buy extra luggage.

Oh, and I'd like to say, I'm one of the cool kids for a change I may have mentioned the other night BB and Jard and Looks Like Sam came to my room and we watched TV and talked politics and I taught them how to play "6 Steps to Nuclear War" [I told you didn't I??] Anyhow, point is, I felt cool because all my life I've been the kid whos been told the party is on the 13th floor and its a 12 story hotel, you know? Well, last night we listened to Dane Cook, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and then the News, and we played Phase 10 [a card game] and ran our mouths until 230 [we were so tired when we drug ass out of bed at 6 to go to the radio station. Actually Jared and Looks Like Sam are like me, they were up by 530...] Tonight they came over again and we watched the movie Anchorman and talked. they left at about 12 or so, we are all wearing down from lack of sleep, jetlag and the massive amount of sugar we keep pumping into our systems. Seriously. Jared drinks more tea than me, and I didnt think that was possible. Oooh! And they all drink their tea with milk, the proper way, and I love it! We had to theive some milk and tea bags from the hotel restaurant, but I figure since we're paying 3.50 US for a "dinner beverage" then we have right to hork a few teabags and a cup of warm milk for heavens sake. Oh, and maybe some brown sugar for me...heh heh. Either way, the point is we had another night together, and its really nice. I feel loved, heh. Its a plesant change.

I'll post some more pics as soon as I manage to get the computer here to stop being stupid, and Jared and BB get more pics uploaded, because I've not had a chance to steal any pics from them recently.

Some links to pics of places we have been or are going: [because blogger sucks and wont let me pirate more of Jared's pics]

Kuwait Towers

Grand Mosque Outside

Grand Mosque Inside

Well, questions? Cmments?

xx
AG

I feel fine

2006-12-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

hey guys, I'm dropping in really quickly to post some photos I've stolen from one of the guys in our group's blog. He's blogging th e trip too, so if you want another person's less biased perspective, you should totally visit him at http://leetspeek.blogspot.com/

He has a lot more pics, but I'll give you the highlights -

Thats the Tigris river as viewed from our plane. Cool, eh?

Thats a view of one of the buildings across from ours in Kuwait City...

This is our group in front of the Grand Mosque in Kuwait City. They are, repsectively, Yours truly [in traditional headscarf, which I've grown very comfortable wearing] Brilliant Bambi [she *is* brilliant, and I am so glad she's here!] Debate Girl, Tall Girl Who Never Talks, Glad He Smokes, and in the back Jared [whos pics I've stolen and who's name there is no point in hiding] and Looks Like Sam. God I look like a tool. Someone put me out of my misery. Actually, now that I've gone back to my traditional black I look just fine. I'll be happy to post more pics, or steal of of Jared and Brilliant Bambi's when I get a second.

We went to the open air market yesterday and I had a fabulous time. I got a lot of cool souvenirs, and a beautiful traditional dress I am dying to wear around. Debate Girl got one too, and we're all going to wear them when the boys wear thier suits and their headscarves. I bought Beloved and Rogue some camels. haha. better than emus. We're going back today and I am looking forward to it, I want to get more stuff, lord knows how we're going to get it all home!

We're off to a radio show this morning. Its for the most popular station in Kuwait, they're going to interview us, how cool is that. And we met with a really important womens progress Kuwaiti NGO last night, and I will ccertainly blog all to hell about that as soona s I get a chance. It was so interesting....

well, Im off, life of celebrity and all. Talk to you all soon. Seriously, checck out Jared's site, he's got some great pics.

Ive never felt this way before

2006-12-14T20:35:00.000-08:00

Hello all. Suprise. I have a computer at my hotel. I am in Kuwait. We are starting our second morning.

The plane? Awesome. I loved all three rides, and we managed to make it through JFK with little trouble, the embassy flew us first class so we got spoiled in one of the lounges while we were laid over, it was great. I am planning on meeting the infamous hyde when we stop in NYC for the night on the 23rd, if I get ahold of her, so I'm eager to tell you about the legend herself...

Yesterday was a handful of new experiences, and things I'll likely never do again. I saw the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, I flew over Baghdad airspace and looked down on the city. I had dinner with a Ministry of Foreign Affairs official and spent the night sightseeing in a beautiful city where men and women my age were driving porches like they were hondas and listening to American rap at the top of their stereo volume. And everone honks and waves at us, it almost feels like celebrity, they really like us here. I am really, really suprised. We went to a shopping mall on the Persian Gulf, I'll be sure to take a picture and show it to ou guys. Its so amazing.

And life couldnt be better, we have our own rooms! No Bambis [which arent so bad, really, I'll tell you more about them later] no sharing showers or setting sleep and getting ready schedules. Its nice. I have a gorgeous king suite all to myself and I am loving every minute of it.

I am having a great time, and I am hoping I'll be able to tell you more as the week goes on. I miss you all.

xx
AG

PS- yes, I am well aware I quoted a movie theme song lyric in my title, bite me.

I'm going to do my best swan dive into shark infested waters

2006-12-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

Wow. I leave tomorrow.

I leave tomorrow. Its not quite sunk in yet.

I think I'm scared. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm scared. There's no use telling me not to be, I'm going to be anyway. I keep trying to explain it, and my terrible mood, but its not explaining well, not to anyone who'll listen anyway. My problem, I think, is I can't fathom where I am going. I can't see it in my head, I have no clue what I'll be doing. Hell, I don't even know the name of where we're staying yet. I read a school newpaper article about our trip 5 minutes ago and my knowledge about the places we're visiting doubled. Doubled. Not to mention I am headed into complete support system withdrawal. I've never, ever, been away from Beloved this long. I've never not talked to rogue this long. I am entirely unsure about how I am going to cope. I might not. Especially if I don't bond with the Bambi's and fast. I did see Looks Like Sam today and it made me feel marginally better to know that he's going to be there, she seemed nearly as stressed out as I feel, which was a comfort, misery loving company, and all that...

The plane thing...I'm still not over it, and not entirely convinced that a load of Nyquil ios going to do the trick. Still, I'll have my MP3 player with me, and Beloved bought me the book "The Devil Wears Prada" [I've been dying for some brain candy] and I'll be taking The Brothers Karamasov as well, and if nearly 2000 pages of literature, 8 hours battery life music and a deck of cards can't keep me distracted...well, there's always sleep. I've heard its nice....My mom and Punk are coming to "see me off" although I'm sure its more of a make a scene type thing. I told her not to, but she "took off work especially for me" even though I told her I'll be in nearly 2 hours of security checks and won't see her, and she won't be able to see me...ah, well. Whatever makes her happy. I'm taking a cab to the airport, I think.

I did go shopping. I got mym om, brother and grandmother thier emus, life is good. Although the mall is a nightmare I don't even want to talk about at Christmas time. I was thinking of getting beloved a build a [god complex] bear with my voice in it for while I'm gone, but it seemed a little narcissistic. A little.

I gave Rogue her emu [she entered the majority yesterday, incidentally] and I think she liked it too. She smiled, at least, and that's always a good sign.

I said goodbye to everyone at work on Sunday, and the excess hugs nearly made me ill. My little FA [did I give her a name, I don't remember, I should call her something like Cow Eyes] told me work wouldn't be fun without me...hell, work isn't fun with me, if you ask...that's why its called work. I did make a bit of a fool of myself with Rogue, telling her goodbye (I knew I wouldn't see her the next few days) I desperately needed to be reassured that I am loved and that she knows how much I care for her in the instance something happens to me. It sounds foolish, but I can't seem to shake this terrible feeling of fatality and I've been making sure to tell all the people I love that I love them so that if something does happen they know.

I've been doing the same thing to Beloved and I think its about to make her crazy....

Speaking of making beloved crazy, I was a basketcase last night, and I flew off the handle at her. and it wasn't very nice of me. I finally cracked under the stress of the trip, the stress of finals and all of the other things that have been on my mind. Poor girl, she's a champ for putting up with me, really.

I went to Preistesses a couple of times in the last few days. Beloved and Iwent and made cookies and had buffalo roast for dinner, it was nice. Beloved played with her youngest, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and they had a nice time. I sat with Presitess and Lovey making cookies and talking mystic shop, since its the only time we get to. Lovey and I have plans to crash on the couch and watch a movie when I come home. She's good to curl up with, I love her to death, and I feel more than a little guilty I don't see her as much as I should.

I also spent some time with Preistess on Saturday [I think it was saturday...no it was friday, friday] and we had a good talk. I did a reading for her, and then I actually did one for myself, which is so rare, and I got a little bit of reassurance that I needed on some issues that tend to creep in the back of my mind and I can't get rid of...they're always there....either way, Preistss also gave me the information that she thinks I am what she calls a "split soul" meaning in most of my other lives I've had a twin, which explains that ever-present searching feeling I have, like I am looking for something I've lost, its a part of me. She says I'm the younger of the twins, and I know the person who is my twin, but she won't tell me who it is and she says I'll figure it out on my own time...whatever. I do feel that searcing feeling, but the idea of being a twin...its another diea foreign to me, and konestly, if she weren't right about nearly everything else when we have our little talks, I'd laugh about it. Its the fact that she's right so often,

Speaking of witches I love, one of them sent me a card and I should tell her thank you...and I love her, and I wish her much happiness in the coming year. Goodness, what a sweetheart to remember me. Hey! Maybe I'll take the coloring book, you think security would mind? heh heh.

ST- I miss you too! Goodness. And I do need to earworm, but It'll have to wait until I get back, I think, maybe I'll do it the week of my birthday, that would be fun, wouldn't it. Turn 25 and get my second go at ST's earworms? What better present is there? [outside a hug from the legend himself...of course ;)]

Speaking of the week of my brithday, I have an appointment with the local cancer center. I had the spot checked again yesterday and its not gone, obviously. They hadn't used the c-word yet, so when she used the term "cancer senter" instead of "women's breast center" I thought I was going to die. Really. But, there's hope for me yet, and I've got a month before I can go, so we'll see how it works out. Its the Friday after my birthday, the appointment, and I plan to go out that night and get totally soused. HEre's to hopeing I have good reason to.

Of course it wouldn't be a decent blog if I didn't tell you the songs running through my head, so I'll give you a list of the songs I suspect will be chasing my thoughts [and worming my ears] while I am on my flight and away from all this loveliness for the next 10 days. Keep in mind this is highly influenced by the two mix CD's I've just made - one for Rogue and one for Shrugs...

Swan Dive - Ani Difranco [cheerful, no?] This song is on the mix CD I gave to Rogue, its actually an all ani mix CD, and it just seems right at this point in my week. Seems like I've had a relapse into my old moods, probably the stress doing the talking, and a lot of my old problems and old habits seem to be sitting just behind my eyes. There've been things reminding me of the past lately, and the more time I have to myself the more time I have to think of them, that's always the way it is, and this week is no exception.

Last Resort - Papa Roach - This is another one I've been listening more and more to, and no, two songs about suicide in a row aern't a hint, I just feel a little moody, and the beat of this one, the sounds of desperation, that's really what I'm feeling, isn't it?

U Got Me - T Pain - I love this song and it makes me happy and wistful even though its not cheerful, but as long as I like it, who cares, right?

Manhole - Ani Difranco - this song makes me smile, and everytime I feel stupid or angry or like I've just about decided to give into my stupid desires, my own foolishness or my own wrath I listen to it and somehow feel better. I also feel better at the thought that we can learn from our own terrible stupididty.

"But a lesson must be livedIn order to be learnedAnd the clarity to see and stop this nowThat is what I've earnedAnd maybe it was I who betrayed his majestyWith no opposite realityLike a puddle with no reflectionOf the sky or the treesBut after my dreaded beheadingI tied that sucker back on with a stringAnd I guess I'm pretty different nowConsidering"

Going Down - Young Joc - most recent CD acquisition, so its obviously on my list.

Ghost - Indigo Girls - more and more, you know this song, you know me, you know how I feel right now.

River - Joni Mitchell - this ihas been playing at work, I can't stop singing it.

Two Little Girls - Ani Difranco - another song that is sad, but makes me feel better somehow.

Hotel California - The Eagles - it is my all time desert island song, after all...

Wonderwall - Oasis - I lvoe this song. That's all there is to that, and so I'll be hearing it as I take off, I hope.

Everlong - The Foo Fighters - I was listening to this on an old mix CD this morning and I remembered hpow much I love this song.

Come down and waste away with me, down with meSlow how, you wanted it to be, Im over my head, out of her head she sangAnd I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real foreverIf anything could ever be this good againThe only thing Ill ever ask of youYouve got to promise not to stop when I say when"

I always think of one of Rogue's friends (Sweet but Scary) when I hear it. It made me smile, thinking of her and listening to it this morning. I do love this song.

Jaded - Aerosmith - This song is one purely devoted to thoughts of Rogue, she seems to like it, and so now I associate it with her. It was also one the CD I was listening to this morning, so its stuck in my head.

Reason is Treason - Kasabian - On the CD I gave shrugs. I'm not sure why I've been listening to it lately.

Staring at the Sun - The Offspring- This is an angry, angry song, and I love it.

Loom - Ani Difranco - the stories I could tell about this song, and what it means to me. Maybe when I come back, I'll tell you all about it. I plan on devoting more time to this place when I come back, I've got more time to myself this semester, so I plan on using it.

Allright, that was a nice, ass long post with a link to another ass long, terribly depressing post, so I think that'll do you lot until I come back, or post while I am away, if I get terribly bored. I'll be back soon with pics, and if we;re lucky, you might even see me in them....

love you all
xx
AG

I like to watch the puddles gather rain

2006-12-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

Hello again all. At the computer lab again pretending to do school work and putting off the inevitable...or trying to at least. I've just come from acing a test I thought would be a lot harder. so I am in very good spirits for that at least.

Doc [may I call you that, my dear?] I have been eating, I have [and thanks for your concern flashy....] I just have a terribly high metabolism and I'm afraid I went from no exercise to walking nearly 25 miles a day at work, plus school, and I've been craving healthy foods lately, I'm afraid, that and protein and carbs, so I'm not really able to gorge on doughnuts and such like I used to...ack, too skinny, I suppose. And Flash, for the record, those pics are deceiving, of course I am not going to post anything that makes me look fat. Of course not. I'm a woman aren't I?

I finally finished purchasing Rogue's emu, I am buying Beloved's emu when I go to Kuwait and I am getting ready to purchase said emus for my family jsut now, although I have no idea what I am going to get them. Its like two days before christmas for me, and I feel like I'm not quite going to catch up. Actually, I'm pretty sure of it.

Presitess called this morning and wanted Belvoed and I to come over and bake cookies this weekend, I think we might, and I'll get to see Lovey, and I miss her. She left me a hilarious message on my answering machine the other day and I really have been meaning to call her.

In other news, I am earworming like crazy, and I hate to steal ST's thunder but I thought I might share what I've had stuck in my head for the last few days. Someo f you [like LB i suspect] are going to laugh, I shamelessly admit my taste in music is changing since I've been hanging out with Rogue, because I have a lot of her music in my MP3 and CD player. This week there's been a lot of T-Pain [whom you really ought check out, if only for his gorgeous voice, for a rapper, he's not too bad a singer, you know.] Mostly "I'm Sprung" and "Como Estas". I've also had Hinder's new release runnign through my head its called "How Long" and I liked that one on my own, I'd like to say for the record. I also watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion show on TV [of course I did] and so I have had Justin Timberlake's "Lovestoned" going nuts too.

Yep, its frightening the stuff I listen to now. Although I 'd like to be pleased I've managed to leave the Nelly Furtado CD out of my player for a good few weeks now. Good for me, right.

Oh. Pretties. [not my favorite model btw, but who doesnt like pretties?]

I sure like them.

Anyway. I thought I might also provide a breif list of the names of people who I frequently [or not so frequently] write about since I've got some new faces hanging around.

Beloved is my girlfriend of 5 years. Fabulous girl. If you go looking you might even find a few pictures of us hanging around.

Rogue is my best friend, who happens to be a few years [okay a lot] younger than me, but seems to know me better thananyone I've ever met, short the lady above. The moniker is derived from her hair, which is long and black short a very long blonde strak running down the side of herright temple, a la a certain Xmen character.

Lovey is my oldest cousin who goes to school with Rogue and is the coolest kid you'll ever meet.

Preistess is Lovey's mom. My only aunt who doesn't make me nuts. So called because she is sort of a native american shaman type, and the only other mystic in my family. We're both terrible black sheep for it, I assure you.

Punk is my younger brother [ 1 and a half years younger, for those couting] who always seems to be in trouble of some sort. As a side note, he's both moved out and oved back in since I started posting again. Moved in with my mother that is. If ever there was a mama's boy....

Flower is my general manager at work, so called because her name is the same as a flower.

Pet My Hair is my associate manager at work, an entertaining person, short the fact that she is convinced that Rogue is madly in love with me and terribly confused about her sexual identity and that one day we're both going to realize it. Rogue and I disagree of course. Pet my hair gets her moniker from how she destresses when she's at work. The waitresses play with her hair. Creepy, I know.

Shrugs, another person who likely disagrees with Pet My Hair, is Rogue's boyfriend. he is so called because seriously, he never talks. You could mistake him for a mute if you didn't know anybetter. When he wants to express something he shrugs, and believe me there's a different chrug for every mood. There's even an "I love you shrug". I've seen it.

Right, well there's the update on me and mine. If I left anyone out feel free to ask. Feel free to ask anything anyway. I've been fairly mundane lately. If my life were as boring as my blog has become I would have more time to blog.

Love you all
xx

Its really good to hear your voice

2006-12-06T13:59:00.000-08:00

Wow. 7 days and counting. I went home last night to start packing. Guess what? I don't have any clothes that fit. I mean, I knew I had lost a little weight since I started waiting tables, but...nothing fits! Seriously! I don't have any clothes...I don't even know what to say...Ah, well. I mean to put on more weight I really do. I suppose that will be me new years resoution. *I promise I'll get fat again* Beloved despises how thin I've gotten, she's always telling me to put on weight. I guess I hadn't noticed how bad its gotten. Well, now I know, right?

Oh, and just to clarify, I have had the lump looked at once and when I come back I am going to the doctor again, its just, well, those things linger on your mind, don't they.

Funnily enough, and I don't know if I mentioned this or not, one of my Trainees has taken to calling our kitchen manager by the name of a less than flattering dictator. Rogue and I find it amusing, I think we've managed to assign names to all of our bosses. I'm not very nice. The question is, do you think someone would prefer to be Mussolini (Rogue's pick) or Stalin (my personal favorite)? I'm not a very nice person. I've discovered this. I'm really rather scathing and passive agressive. Hm. I can't imagine....well, I suppose we can't be perfect, can we?

I haven't thought of what I am going to get Beloved for Christmas (oh, I hate holiday shopping) and I've not gotten anything for my family, and I need to do it befor eI leave, seeing as I won't be back until Christmas eve....Ack! And you know, honestly, I want to sleep when I come home for Christmas, not really see my mom or Punk. Ugh. Sleep. And cuddle Beloved. And nothing else.

And bythe way, hello, Doc, I'm glad you migrated over from ST's place. Good to have some new blood around here, not that I don't love all my darlings, but new faces are fun, right? Oh, I should warn you, I never spell check, I don't particularly post all that often now that I'm in school and I have a penchant for whining. But if you can get past that...we're aces, aren't we?

I'll be back soon my dears, I'm afraid this is the only place I can scream and not alarm everyone.

xx
AG

I think about my fear of motion

2006-12-04T15:51:00.000-08:00

Good Lord. I'm leaving inthe 13th, thats less than 10 days from now. And I am petrified. I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never been on a plane. I have never been out of the country. Goodness. I am all wound up about it. Any flight tips would be lovely, my friends. Any at all. And anyone in the US who has travelled post 9-11 and wants to give me a few travel tips or regulation problems you might have run into...even better.

ATTENTION ALL NEW YORK BLOGGERS - (theres one in specific, darling, if you're still around....) I'll be spending the night in New York on the 23rd of December...just sayin'....

Right, back to business. I'm petrified. I've never been out of the country, I am going to the middle east. All my bravado is fading and I'm just a bit edgy. I mean, I dont think I am going to get hotel bombed or anything like that...but...did you know there's on average at least 1 fatality on Kuwait roads a day? That's a lot. Especially when you consider how small the country is. And my fish allergy...I mean, its on the sea, right? And they don't eat pork. I guess I should be thanksful its a dry coutry...I'd drink myself into oblivion from nerves...although I might have one on the plane. And then there's the money. The Kuwaiti dinar is 3x's as strong as the US dollar. More than that...its #.5 us to 1 of theirs. Ack!

On top of that, I'll be gone right up until Chrsitmas. I've never been this far from Belvoed for so long, and I'm going to miss her. And international calls are expensive. I'm sticking to email. And, as pathetic as it might sound to lump them together, I'm going to miss Rogue too. I've never gone more than 2 or 3 days without seeing her, let alone the 12 hour phone call joke that really, well, its not so much a joke... Gods, and I dont even know the people I'm going with really. There's one guy, Looks like Sam, that is really nice, and nearly as shy as I am. And he speaks Arabic. And he just got into Grad school. HEs nice...the others? I'm not so sure....(incidentally, he looks like I guy I knew in high school called -you got it- Sam)

Ugh. And I still dont have all my vaccinations. I've got Polio left and that's tomorrow. Then I'll be all finsihed and if my tattoos didnt cure my fear of needles all these vaccinations surely must...

Right. On to other worries (you didnt think because I've been gone I have less, did you?)

Worry one, I've asked off for an extra day of the week for nearly 3 months now and my work wont give it to me. I'm so stressed I cant think. If things dont change...I dont know what I'll d because I am so tired of the knock down drag outs I have with beloved over my job.

Worry two, I found a lump. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. And it looks like its not one of those "stress and caffine" induced ones either. ITs about the size of a walnut. Great, right? So when I come back I get to worry about that. Actually, its going to wait until I turn 25 (less than a month and counting kids) because I want to have a happy brithday.

Other things to think about, and I dont know if I posted this or not, I watched Rogue play basketball (dang, is there anything she's not good at?) and I think I actually like the sport. I am looking forward to another game. She turns 18 in a week or so, and I am looking forward to giving her the emu I boughten for her. (I'm not sure if she's figured out how to get here yet, shes a smart girl, and I am not sure if she's tried to or not...anyone who has my email address....you get the picture)

Beloved had her birthday last week and she liked the gifts I bought her, including a cult hit tv show called Forever Knight about a vampire homicide detective...its not too bad actually.

And since we mentioned the big 2-5, I've got to plan for my newest tattoo, since, yuou know, its tradition and all of that.

In school news, I am finally registered for my spring classes, I am taking a second graduate level class this semester with my PLS 101 prof and its on international violence and terrorism, I think its will be good. I think my grades arent going to be what I want them to be. I know I wont be getting an A in French, but as long as I pass I am happy. I've decided to go back to german in a few years and then maybe tackle arabic in Grad school. All my other classes should be high b's or A's so I am content. No 4.0 but I can live. I had a 4.0 until about two weeks ago, so that's not too bad....

And thats life.

How are you all?

xx
AG

attention all my british and aussie lovelies!

2006-11-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

I need help with my linguistics class, and if any of you would like to give me some input on a few (8-10) questions for differences between our dialects, it would make my day. I, of course, have lots more questions if you have lots of time, I might even post them as a meme here, since they are really interesting.

Email me, please dears, at alecya_giovanni@hotmail.com

My american pals can check out sodavspop.com and let me know what you think too....

love alecya

Can you make it hot for me?

2006-11-08T12:29:00.001-08:00

Its official. I'm going to Kuwait. I'll be there from the 13 DEcember until 23 December this year. And I am going to take so many pictures. I am really, really excited. Really.

In other news I am terribly tired and am pestering my bosses for another day off during the week. My 4.0 GPA is slipping and I am worried. If I can't make all A's I cant graduate with honors and that's not acceptable. In happy academic news my PLS 101 professor is publishing an academic paper and I am getting to publish it. I am really excited. I read the first draft and its amazing. I'm really looking forward to the finished product. (stop laughing, those of you who are stillreading, just because I don't edit here doesnt mean I dont know how to!)

Beloved is feeling better. This Sunday is our 5 year anniversary. I'm really happy about it.

And if thats not enough to celebrate the Dems took over the house and looks like the senate and I've got a DEmocratic senator in my state. *And* our stem cell initiative passed! Its enough to make a bleeding heart like me rejoice.

hope you all are having a happy post election day...

XX
AG

The End of the world as we know it

2006-10-31T13:23:00.000-08:00

Well, Cody between a sweet plea like that and Mystic popping up *goggles* I couldn't leave well enough alone.

Happy Halloween everyone.

I'm only stopping in to drop a bomb (no pun intended) and then I'll elaborate later, because I have to go home and take care of Beloved, who is ill.

Ready?

I'm changing my second major to Political Science and I'm going to study foreign relations in Kuwait during intercession (the break between first and second semester) in JAnuary. 10 days there. I am so excited.

Feedback? Thnk I'm nuts?

love you all

happy haunting

AG

Suddenly I See

2006-10-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

Hello friends. I'm back. Its happening more and more, almost scary, isn't it?

I suppose I could give you a more full life update, if that weren't boring. Or I could tell you what's on my mind since elections are three weeks away [and being in a state that's hotly contested things here are interesting. Our senatorial people were on "Meet the Press" even] but thats rather boring, and predictable too.

So we'll be frivilous.

First. I have an eye infection. Similar to the one I had last year (around this time if I remember correctly, I'll have to look.) My corneas are inflamed and infected because I wear my contacts more than 10 hours a day and my eyes aren't getting any oxygen. Lucky me. So I am stuck in my loser glasses (again) until my eyes heal. I went to the eye doctor for a re-evaluation today and my left eye has healed but my right eye requires more and stronger meds to heal. Hooray. But I suppose I can suck it up. He says if I don't get to taking better care of my eyes he'll take my contacts away for good because I'll end up scarring my eyes.

I was a little frightened though, when I went in today. I shoudl say, the follow up visit is a result of me discovering I have an eye infection when I went in to get my contact perscription updated. The girl behind the counter today (medical assistant, receptionsit, whatever PC word she is) looks at me -looks directly at me - and says to me "are you wearng contacts" Now, I don't know how many of you have seen pictures of me in my glasses - I don't post them often because I hate them - they are seriously campy, heavy framed eyesglasses. They look a lot like this -

There is no possible way any sane person could mistake my glasses for anything but a pair of glasses sitting plainly across my nose and obscuring your view of the rest of my face. And so I say to her, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

And she asks again if I am wearing contacts. Now before you go defending her, saying my glasses are cool in a "linkin park" kinda way and I might be wearing fakes...they's almost 1/4" thick, you can clearly see they are real glasses, not fakes, and even were they fakes she works for an eye doctor and should be able to tell the difference from less than a foot away. Heck, I can! Anyway. So I tell her no, I do not have my contacts in and refrain from pointing out that if I ever get to th point I require both glasses and contacts to see I a) won't be legal to drive- anywhere and b) will give up and spend my days with a sweet seeing eye dog and allow beloved to cut my meat for me....

SO she gives me a hateful look and informs me that this is a follow up appointment to my contact lens appointment and we are *always* supposed to wear our contacts when we come to our eye appointment. She looks at my chart. She looks back at me and asks me why I didn't wear them. I point out I have an appointment as a follow up because we discovered last time I had an eye infection. She gives me a look that plainly says "so......" and I point out that the eye doctor was orudent enough to tell me not to wear my contacts, which are infected with eye harming bacteria, because it would make my condition worse. You know what she says?

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense...."

And this is the person who is going to be aiming a large machine full of compressed air ant my eyes to check their pressure when I have my glaucoma test. I wonder to myself if *she* can read the numbers on the color blind chart....

So you know, I cottoned through okay....

Anyway...so we're allowed to dress up for Halloween at work. I've decided I want to be a cheerleader. How fun is that? And totally not my personality. Totally. Although I'm starting to sound like one aren't I? Haha...I think it will be a grand joke to get to wear a skirt to work. And me looking so delightfully preppy and perky will be perfect, I think.

I've acquired two new CDs in the last few days - Pussycat Dolls "PCD" and Justin Timberlake "Futuresex/Lovesounds" neither are terribly bad. Although I am *addicted* to Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" its a lovely song...well, not a cherrful message, but I am a sucker for the guitar and the vocals, I love their lead singer, so I really can't whine too much, can I? Its a nice sentiment.

Alright, I won't overwhelm you with too much at once, I know this is nearly an overdose of my personality...so...

Love you all
xx

You can't help the hate that it brings

2006-10-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

A little tidbit I got in the email from Rogue. Made me laugh, thought I would pass it on...

Ps- has anyone heard fo frogs in salad bags? I'm seriously never eating my greens again...sheesh....

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where mywatch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask wherethe toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for theT.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channelmanually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damnright! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Whythe hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Whoand where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid$12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then therehas never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must havebeen something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damnthing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

*giggle*

Here's hoping I will not drown

2006-10-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well, school really has kicked me into the 21st century. I broke down and bought an MP3 player off of Rogue's boyfriend. I love having it at school. In honor of my newfound coolness, here's the old Ipod fortune teller from Flashy's old blog.

1. What do you think of me?“Toxicity” System of a Down

“When I became the sunI shone life into the mans heartsWhen I became the sunI shone life into the mans hearts”

Nice, yeah?

2. Will I have a happy life?
“If you could only see” Tonic
Seems the road less traveledShows happiness unraveledAnd you got to take a little dirtTo keep what you loveThats what you gotta do

I think that says I know what to do to be happy.

3. What do My friends really think about me?
“Lola” The Kinks

Well Im not dumb but I cant understandWhy she walked like a woman and talked like a man

Er?

4. What does my significant other think of me?
“New Thing Now” Shawn Colvin

Sometimes I see the half and not the wholeSometimes I see the face and not the soulSometimes I think this place has no partFor anyone who ever had a heart

Um? I’m not sure I like that

How about….

“This is your new thing nowAnd it feels so good to doubt youI could almost live without youBut not quite”

Not much better, though

5. Do people secretly lust after me?

“Praise You” Fatboy Slim

I think that’s a yes.

6. How can I make myself happy?
“Simple Things” Usher

“It's the simple things in life we forgetYou hear her talkin' but don't hear what she saidWhy do you make something so easy so complicatedSearching for what's right in front of your faceBut you can't see it”

I think that’s an obvious one too.

7. What should I do with my life?
“Swan Dive” Ani DiFranco

I don’t like the connotations of this one either. Not happy at all…

“i've got a lack of inhibitioni've got a loss of perspectivei've had a little bit to drinkand it's making me thinkthat i can jump ship and swimthat the ocean will hold methat there's got to be morethan this boat i'm in”

8. Why must life be so painful?
“Tiptoeing through the used condomsStrewn on the piersOff the west side highwaySunset behind the skyline of jerseyWalking towards the waterWith a fetus holding court in my gutMy body highjackedMy tits swollen and soreThe river has more colors at sunset Than my sock drawer ever dreamed ofI could wake up screaming sometimesBut I don'tI could step off the end of this pier but I got shit to doAnd I've an appointment on tuesdayTo shed uninvited blood and tissueI'll miss you I say To the river to the waterTo the son or daughter I thought better ofI could fall in love With jersey at sunsetBut I leave the view to the ratsAnd tiptoe back”

Because life is pain and obligation?

9. What advice can you give me?

“Asking too much” Ani Difranco

“I want somebody who can hold my interesthold it and never let it fallsomeone who can flatten me with a kissthat hits like a fistor a sentence, that stops me like a brick wallbecause if you hear me talkinglisten to what I'm not sayingif you hear me playing guitarlisten to what I'm not playingand don't ask me to put wordsto all the spaces between notes”

Wow. Well ,there’s some romance advice for you.

10. What do you think true happiness is?

“Didn’t Cha Know” Erikah Badu

“Time to save the worldWhere in the world is all the timeSo many things I still don't knowSo many times I've changed my mindGuess I was born to make mistakesBut I ain't scared to take the weightSo when I stumble off the pathI know my heart will guide me back”

Hm. Again.

11. Will I die happy?

“Hope There’s Someone” Anthony and the Johnsons

“Hope there's someone who'll take care of meWhen I die, Will I go?Hope there's someone who'll set my heart freeNice to hold when I'm tiredThere's a ghost on the 'rizonWhen I go to bedHow can I fall asleep at nightHow will I rest my head?Oh I'm scared of the middle placeBetween light and nowhereI don't want to be the oneLeft in there, left in thereThere's a man on the 'rizonWish that I'd go to bedIf I fall to his feet tonightWill allow rest my head?So here's hoping I will not drownOr paralyze in lightAnd godsend I don't want to goTo the seal's watershedHope there's someone who'll take care of meWhen I die, Will I go?Hope there's someone who'll set my heart freeNice to hold when I'm tired”

Now that’s damn cheery. I think it’s a no.

Well ,what do you think loves?

And two posts in a month? *gasps*

xx
AG

Honey Why You Calling So Late?

2006-10-04T12:50:00.001-07:00

Look! I'm here!

I've not dropped off the face of the earth, I've just been a vacation of sorts, I guess you could call it.

The good news is I am still making all A's in my classes and am coming along quite nicely...the bad news is i have hardly a moment to myself. But I'm getting the hang of it.

There are some interesting developments, and news I suppose. First, I've been promoted at work. Bet you didn't know there was an upper eschelon of waitresses, did you? I am now what we call a "certified trainer" which means they give me the new people and let me train them. Its a pretty big deal since the company policy is you have to generally be there a year before you're allowed, and I've not been there a year. Either way, its nice. And when I train I make more than my measley $2.15 an hour.

Work keeps me busy. Life at work has become less stressful than school, but more interesting as time passes. I have an admierer...her name is Daffy [for her big daffy eyes] Rogue gives me hell to know end about her. I usually retort somethign to the effect that she has girls lined up around the block for her. When I've got that propblem to she can make fun of me then....goodness.

Yes, Rogue and I are still on happy, nice terms. She's a sweet girl. I think she's gotten the idea of joining the military for scholarship moeny out of her head - which is good, I'd have freaked out had she gone. She's not even a war supporter, she just wants the money. But she is getting stressed thinking about college. I feel for the poor girl. I've been attending her vollyball games, its good fun. I also met her mom, who seems to like me despite all my flaws, which i appreciate. Then again, she doesnt know I like girls yet, either, we're holding off on that one until Rogue gets all of her female stalkers under control....

Beloved and I are blissful still, which is good. Our 5 year anniversary is coming up in November and I am very much looking forward to running away with her for the weekend.

In other announcements NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I think its a good idea to remind everyone, since we had so many winners, and fabulous writers, in our group. I've already got my story idea picked out, now all I have to do is find time to write...haha. Lots of midnight write ins for me, I think.

At the top of my current playlist:

1. Lips of an Angel, Hinder
2. London Bridge, Fergie [bite me]
3. Napoleon, Ani Difranco
4. My Buttons, PCD feat. Snoop [again, bite me]
5. Como Estas, T-Pain

Right, so thats me in a nutshell.

I miss you all so much. I am reading, I've just not the time to comment.

XXX
AG

There's no room for someone in second place

2006-09-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

Hello kiddies. I'm here. I suppose I should be studying for French, but, you know, I thought I would tell you all how much I love you and miss you and appreciate the support.

For all my lovelies across the pond, you've cottoned on, a 100 level class is a lower level class, and introductory level. Freshamn level, if you will, although more than just freshman take them, of course. You don't take all your classes in a specific order. 200-300 level classes are intermediate and 400-500 level classes are the highest level before graduate school. there are some 500 level classes that actually count towards graduate degrees. So, I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm getting there. Or, I'll at least be the writing version of a rocket scientist, which is just a good, right?

Oh - but don't get your hopes up about me starting to spell check my work here, I'm afraid that's highly unlikely. I think we've all come to terms with my lack of editing though, haven't we? I'd like to state for the record, and newcomers, its laziness and not ignorance that plagues my writing.

Oh, and look, Beloved is done with her homework.

Tell you what, I'll try to drop by early over the next few days and give you a life and school update.

I miss you all.

xxx
AG

How dare you complain to me?

2006-08-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

Wow. Did any of you college graduates laugh when I mentioned Ithought I would have more time to blog once school started? If you did I am bitter your didn't correct my nievetes. Really...

As you can tell from the date of my last post its two weeks into school and I am well on my way to a nervous breakdown. I have no time to myself. None. REally. I think I have been wondering what the hell I've gotten myseld into in the last few weeks.

Don't get me wrong, I love school and I am delighted to be back, but the *work*. Its week two and I've already had two tests. And tomorrow? I've got three tests and a 3 page paper due. This on top of 35 hours work a week and trying to cram in "me" time, "me and Beloved" time and "me and everyone else I know" time. My Gran's even stopped nagging me about calling my mom because I've barely got time to take calls....

on the other hand I have an "a" in all my classes thus far, including the ones I've already had tests in. [note to brag on, I have a 100+% in my religion class because I got bonus points on our first test, which, I migh add, was incredibly difficult. I was delighted I got a decent grade I was sure I had gotten an 85 or so, which is obviously unacceptable]

In work news, well, there is no news. I am still the darling of the store, and was [rumor has it] being considered for a management postition that came open, and was passed over for a person with more senority, which is a good thing, since I have only been there 7 months and I don't have time to worry about bossing other people around, I can barely keep myself on track.

Shrugs dyed his har [well, whats left of it, anyway] from red to navy blue. Rogue is [again] less than thrilled. I was wrong. ITs not growing on her. At all. I think the constant color change is freakign her out. Icalled her the other night and told her Ihad dyed my hair while I was studying and she freaked out. It took her a minute to realize I only dye my hair black [yes, I got rid of the red high lights] and I like my job, and hence will not be putting anything odd in it.

And that's life, unless youre dying to know what I am learning about in school , in which case I will be ldelighted to tell you about the geography and climate of ancient mesopotamia and explain why humans have language and animals merely communicate....

Classes, for the record:

Religion 101 - History and Literature of the Old Testament
Sociology 150 - introduction to society
English 256 - Into to linguistics
Political Science 110 - American Government and Constitution
French 101 - ths is self explanatory

Love you all, I'll try to visit next time I am at a terminal....

If I seem Bleak

2006-08-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

Life update? School starts in a week. Beloved was sick and is going to be better soon, I hope. Work is crazy and our kitchen manager told me I am "one of the best servers her's ever seen. Period" which is a huge compliment because he hates everyone.

Beloved and I are getting on well. WE went to the fair a few eeks ago and that was fun. WE are going out of town this weekend and spending some time together before school starts and we don't see each other for four months. Her mom was in a car accident and she's a little stressed over it, I think, [well, I know] but I am trying my best to keep her up and happy. She's such a good lady, I want to treat her well.

Rogue and I are still on good terms. Good kid. Although I think people at work are beginning to think that there's "something going on" which is rediculous since they think *she's* the lesbian. Boy, have they got it backwards, eh? *And* she's dating a guy that we work with [who incidentally cut all his hair off into a mohawk last week and dyed it bright red - I love it] Pet My Hair, our manager, who does know about me, and her, thinks somethign is going on anyway and not because of me but because of Rogue. She thinks she's "confused". I told her its crap. I wouldn't take advantage of her nievete, even if I were s ingle, and she were gay. But she's not. Why can't people honestly see there is such a thing as friendship without sex? Ugh.

I've gotten some new music to listen to, again, and I'm rather enjoying th change of pace. Its young person pop and R&B but its worth a listen, at least once. Maybe I'll post a new album listing soon, tell you what I've got going in my player at the moment. Once I write them all down.

Alrighty, I saw this over at Swiss Toni's Place [congrats again, sweetie!] and I thought I would give it a go. As he mentioned, its long...so, you know the drill....

What's a great late night song?
Missing, Everything But the Girl

Name 5-10 wistful/bittersweet songs:
[Can I say] Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve [without sounding silly?]
Loom, Ani Difranco
Hate Me, Blue October
I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

The 4 Best Songs Ever Written:
Oh. I hate Picking...Um...

Hotel California, The Eagles
Hurt, [As Preformed by Johnny Cash] written by NIN
Lithium, Nirvana
Something by the Smiths, definately...I love everything they've written.

3 Current Favorite Songs:

Promiscuous, Nelly Furtado [stop laughing]
Out of Range, Ani DiFranco
Crazy Bitch, Buck Cherry

Classic Early Evening Drinking Music:
Tubthumping, Chumbuwumba
Tipsy, JKWON

3 All Time Faves That Never Get Old To You:
Hotel California, THe Eagles [suprise]
Both Hands, Ani Difranco
Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana

Song You Want To (or did) Play At Your Wedding
Breathe, Faith Hill
My Lover, Melissa Etheridge

4 Records You Really Dug from 2005:
I honestly dont keep track of that sort of thing. Um, In 2005 I liked, uh, Fallout Boy. I liked Green Day. I liked...I have no idea...

Favorite Records From This Year So Far:
I'm coping out.

Good Angry Songs:
Gravel, Ani DiFranco
Coming Undone, Korn
Sweet Dreams [are made of this], Marilyn Manson

One of Your Favorite Lyrics:
"Don't even bother trying to say something clever, clever is as clever does, no matter what it says" Deep Dish, ANi DiFranco. [I think I like her....]

5 Cover Songs Arguably Better Than the Original:
Its My life, No Doubt
Hurt, Johnny Cash [I agree Swiss]
American Woman, Lenny Kravitz

Great Dance Song You Maybe Never Realized Was a Great Dance Song Back in the Day:
I always hated anything by Madonna, I can dance to her now....

Good Albums To Workout To:
Notorious KIM, Lil' Kim. [I like to be angry when I sweat]

Good Album to Clean The House To:
Barry Manilow's greatest hits...mellow and lovely.

Good Dining Music:
As a waitress I can honestly say the best is unobtrusive blah music. Enya, maybe?

Good Album To Have Sex To:
haha. What kind of sex? I'll pick two....
Closer, NIN
Keith Sweat, Keith Sweat

A Good Album To Put You In the Mood (that is NOT Sade, Marvin Gaye or Barry White):
See above

Good Album To Sleep To:
I like Enigma...Sadness PArt 1 Especially....

.5 Good Rock Songs That You Can Dance To: [I'm calling pop rock here, because I think of rock, I think of hard rock, and I dont dance to that]
I Bet You Look Good on The Dance Floor, Arctic Monkeys
Lady Marmalade, from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Anything by Missy Elliot, like...Get Ur Freak On
Turn Out the Lights, Nelly Furtado
Going Down, Jung Jock

Song That Is Too Damn Sad.
Oh, fuck. Um, Champagne Supernova screws with me pretty bad [Oasis]

Great Love Song:
I Swear, All 4 one

An Album Full of Tenderness:
Bonnie Raitt, Luck of the Draw

Song To An Ex That Isn't Meanspirited:
Um, I don't know any of these, really. Maybe its because I'm meanspirited.

Song To An Ex That Is Kinda Meanspirited:
Gravel, Ani Difranco

Song to Listen to While in The Country Looking at Stars:
I love you, Always forever - Donna Lewis

Song to lose your Mind to:
The new Shakira song makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind, but I don't think that's what you asked. Um, Ani again...Swan Dive.

Song To Cry In Your Pillow to:
Weekend in New ENgland, Barry Manilow

Songs That Make You Feel Amped and Inspired:
BElieve, Cher [bite me]

Great Semi-Obscure B-side:
Ugh...

Song That Makes You Miss Your Mum:
I never miss my mum. Cause I am terrible.

That's Baby Makin' Music (No, Really):
Barry White, Hands down.

Criminally Underrated Band That Didn't Get Attention and Then Broke Up:
Uh? I liked Evanescence, but they got attention. They just still broke up.

Best Fuck You I Am a Teenager in Pain Song:
I agree with Swiss here, too. Sugar We're Going Down, Fallout Bot OR [as Yoko pointed out] There for You, Flyleaf

Feel No Shame: Great Current Pop Songs:
Promiscous, Nelly Furtado
I'm In Love with a Stripper, T-PAIN
Going Down, JKwan

Album No One Would Expect You To Love:
Erm, [so this would mean a good one for a change, yeah? haha]
I think most people are surpised I like BArry Manilow. I own several of his albums on LP - his greatest hits are my fav though.

Album No One Would Expect You To Dislike:
Mariah Carey [hate that bitch]

Album No One Would Expect You To Really Know:
??? I know everything...*innocent* Seriously...you guys tell me, what do you think I don't know.

Emo Album You Actually Like:
Fallout Boy, Under the Cork Tree

Good, But Overrated Cause Of Indie Revisionism:
I don't get much indie music....

5 Desert Island Discs off the top of your head (30 sec clock):
Eagles, Best of
Living in Clip, Ani Difranco
Best of Fleetwood Mac
100 years or Rock [Sony records]

3 Contemporary Artists That Were Your Faves 10 Years Ago:
wow. Ten years....I dont think I was listening to anything but the radio 10 years ago. I was 15.

Music That Makes You Feel Sophisticated:
Opera

Fave Electronic Record You Own:
Living in Clip, Ani Difranco

Fave Hip-Hop Record You Own:
Rapper Turnt Singa, TPain

Hip-Hop Song You Know All the Lyrics Too:
All the lyrics? Jeez....What about most the lyrics? Oh- Okay....For My PPL, Missy Elliot

Random Album You Loved In High School But Are Afraid To Admit It:
The Sign, Ace of Base

Album You May Have Listened To More In Highschool than Any Other Album:
Americana, The Offspring

If You Could Enter A Wrestling Ring to a Song It Would Be:
How Many Licks, Little Kim

Album To Clear A Room With:
Again, Mariah Carey. Anything by her.

Isnt it messed up how I'm just dying to be here?

2006-07-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling one of those moods where everything seems a little dizzy. I suppose its beacuse I am hormonal and I don't ever feel good when its time. Of course, it doesn't change the fact that things just don't feel like they are touching me just now. I feel a tiny bit disconnected. Well, more than a tiny bit. I want desperately to be held tight and told nothing is ever going to make me feel like this again, and truthfully, its only moments when I am lost in Beloved's arms that I feel that way lately. Of course, Ican't complain. I've got plenty to be happy about and certainly friends to love me and tell me I am alright, and share with me the little joyd of my days. Still, I'm not entire convinced things will be all right. Evidence tends to point the other direction.

I was laying in bed last night and I had another one of those nights where there were frightening visions of things I've experienced passing through my head and every time I would open my eyes to fight that feeling I would feel startled. Some moments it was processions of thoughts I really couldn't stop and didn't understand, thinking things like my friends would stop liking me, I was going to fail out of school and other nonsense that in calm daylight I would know better than to think. I'm tired and I am weary of all my headcase nonsense.

I want to be normal most days.

Of course, I like myself and feel like a decent something most days. Just not when I'm like this.

I will say this though, you're right, Flash, its nice to come back and see everything here is the same, or pretty much the same. WE never really change, do we? WE just become more truly what we are.

I love you all. Spinny, I wanted to send you a hug. LB- you one as well, an especially big one. Flash, missing you. You should drop me a line. ST - welcome home. Nice pics. You owe me a hug...Yoko! Thanks for the review...we'll have to chat soon about what you normally listen to.

Gayle....I'm stopping by after I post this, so I'll see you in about 5 minutes....

Everyone else, I'll be around soon. I've been lurking, I just never have time to tell you all I am thinking of you.

AG

I Gotta Pick up the Pace

2006-07-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hey children...

I'm alive and kicking.

Yoko - heya. Good to see you. I am not on live journal, and I am unfortunately locked out of your CD review...I'm dying to know what you thought....

I'm busy, as always, and it doesn't look like its going to stop. For the record, I am enjoying Wapple immensly, things are going swimmingly at work, Rogue and Beloved ate lunch with me, together, on sunday and it was delightful. Flashy...I'm getting a picture and with her permission I will of course post it. Do you really think that poorly of my taste in women? :)

I'm looking forward to school. Just a few more weeks. I can't wait.

Love you all.

Will repair broken links in due time. I swear.

XXX
AG

Take me away to paradise

2006-07-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, karma has paid me back for not sending out my CD as soon as I should have. My CD doesn’t work. I can, however, give you the list of the delightful tracks on my CD, as I knew some of them, and let you judge for yourself what you think of them. Myself, if it weren’t for the fact there are a few repeat songs on this Cd from a separate CD I’ve been sent, I would think my person cheated because I think I like or already have a good deal of the bands on this one.

1. Nine Inch Nails - Head like a Hole
2. The Cure - A Forest
3. Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People
4. Rage Against the Machine - Bullet in the Head
5. Green Day - American Idiot
6. The Smiths - How Soon is Now?
7. Metallica - One
8. The Distillers - Drain the Blood
9. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot
10. System of a Down - Needles
11. White Zombie - Electric Head P1
12. Slipknot- My Plague

Now there’s a good CD, eh? I mean, really really good. I mean, I don’t know some of the songs, but the bands? Excellent. Whomevr you are, I mean it, I think you cheated. Oh, and as it turns out, since he just emailed me [thanks, love] Swiss wasn’t the one who sent me this CD, so whomever you are, you know, you could totally tell me so I know who to thank. Speaking of music, if you ever want to hear the radio station that I listen to [I think this is fascinating] you can always google my city and Q102.1 because they have a worldwide stream. Very cool, I think.

Other news...let’s see. I got set up for school. My loans are accepted so I am officially in debt to my ears. But it also means I am officially started on my way of making something of myself. I am excited. I know you can’t tell, because you can’t see my face, or hear me through the screen, but trust I am very nearly ecstatic.

I have my truck in my possession now. I have driven it around for two days now and I am so happy I could cry. Beloved says it really suits me. I think it does. Do any of you name your vehicles? I named mine Wapple Blossom. [Short version of embarrassing story, I am terrible reading directions, and maps, etc, and I mis read W Apple Blossom road because the W was bolded and close to the A on a road sign and I commented it was a stupid name.] I also bought a CD holder for my visor last night so I can load my truck up with mix Cd’s to select according to my mood. On my way home from picking her up I stretched her legs to the very first mix CD I received from a blogger [that’s you, Swiss]. I’ve also purchased a goofy little lei that smells nice and will keep her from reeking too badly of my work, since that is the primary time it will be driven. I am going to go out and about today just because I’ve not been able to for nearly a month.

And that’s about my life right now. Right. Now I am off to the library so I can actually post this darn thing.

Oh, and I know all the links on my sidebar are broken. If you sent me a note you’ve changed, please email me and remind me again, alecya_giovanni@hotmail.com so I can fix them properly when I get a moment.

Oh, and thanks to everyone for the lovely words of encouragement/advice about my new friendship. I appreciate it. I really do. Beloved and I had a talk last night about why she shouldn't be jealous of Rogue, and I think it went well. Granted she almost panicked the moment I admitted I thought Rogue was pretty [alright, I'm lying, I used the word beautiful, and she is] but I explained to her that it didn't mean anything, because I dont like her like that. And all of a sudden I felt like I was in high school again and my best friend and my boyfriend are jealous of eachother....except I didn't really have friends in high school...but the drama...you relate to the point. Anyway. When we finished talking she actually told me to call and talk to Rogue, since we hadn't chatted at all yesterday...[a rarity, as the joke goes, its usually no more than 12 hours between our talks] and I spent until about 11:30 on the phone with her. And B didn't get mad! Its refreshing. And nice to have someone to talk to.

Alright. Ebough of my little drama. I love you all.

I'm going to drive my truck now.

Its so erotic when you rmake-up runs

2006-07-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

This blog isn’t dead. I swear. And I am not either, for that matter.

I suppose some people would say I am far more alive than I had been, I am busier than ever and it seems as though life is continually interrupting my quest to be lost in this sweet little world I ‘ve managed to create for myself. I say I feel terrible for never being here. I miss you all and I am missing the day to day goings on of your lives. I come every now and then and I see all the things you are doing, the progress made in your lives, the ways you are all hanging. I feel like I am missing everything sometimes. But that’s life, isn’t it?

I purchased a truck. It should be delivered sometime in the next few days. I am looking forward to having it back. It means I get my life back a little. That I no longer have to beg rides, wake Beloved up at 5 to drive me to work or be asked when I am going to get it all taken care of. It’s a cherry red 2003 Nissan Frontier. I like it a lot. We drove 2 ½ hours to go get it, and as bad as my map reading skills are the trip was grueling, but I think in the end, totally worth it.

Work has been interesting of late. Last Sunday [not yesterday, but the Sunday before] I accidentally ran into an old lady and she fell over. She cut her arms on the tile flooring and we had to call an ambulance. It was humiliating and really frightening. Everyone was nice. They told me all manner of stories that were similar, trying to convince me that it would be okay, I wouldn’t lose my job, and that really it happens to all of us. I still felt bad. I was shaking so badly I thought I would pass out. [I tend to shake when I am really upset- shocked or frightened or angry] I couldn’t hold a tray properly for nearly an hour. Rogue kept trying to get me to calm down, pulling me aside, petting me and telling me I was going to be okay, and pulling nearly everything out of her little bag of tricks she has that she uses when I [and several of the other servers she is fond of] am having a bad day. I don’t think she was entirely convinced that it worked. I don’t think I was either. But she was sweet to try. I told Beloved about it. She laughed really hard. She says that this sort of stuff only happens to me. That I have the worst luck of anyone she has ever met. Then she promptly called a few of her friends to laugh and tell them about it. I am still trying to imagine how it can be as amusing as she thinks it is. Still....

There have been several servers leave at work too. The result is frightening, when I work night shift on Friday I am one of the most senior waitresses. For those of you who might be counting, I’ve been there for 4 months now. I do still like my job most days, although some are better than others, of course. The other funny thing is I think people like me better now, because I have a tendency to show my temper more than I used to. Don’t misread me, I am not a dish slamming surly waitress, not just yet. And I never show my temper to my guests. Ever. But I am confident enough now in my abilities, and in my talents to tell people where to go when they are in my way and correct them when I think they are screwing something up that effects me. [I could really care less about their own progress, since its their business] I also get to work as a “mid” now, which means I get to check people out before they go - making sure they have done all of their cleaning, post-shift prep work and side work. I am not afraid to tell people to do their work now. I think everyone thought I was a pushover when I fist started. Not so much now.

We had a car wash for charity this past weekend. Our company supports a terminally ill children’s foundation and it’s the time of year we do our fund-raising for it. I volunteered for the car wash. In part because I don’t have anyone to give me $150 for the walk-a-thon registry and in part because its easy. Hardly anyone else signed up also. Which makes a difference. As I expected none of the back of the house staff really signed up to work, but they were thrilled at the idea of a car wash. Yes, I did wear a two piece. Yes, I glowed I am so pale. But I didn’t sunburn, a first for years now. But I put on sun screen every half hour or so. I did tan a little even with that, so I am pretty happy. The boys came out to gawk at us. Well, not me, at the other servers who looked a lot cuter than I did with their [forgive me] skinnier legs, bigger busts and brighter smiles. I threw on a pair of sunglasses and skulked behind the cars, looking very much a vampire stuck in a room of florescent lights, I was wearing all black and I’ve just dyed my hair again.

One more thing about work and I swear I won’t bore you about it any longer, I promise. Its not entirely work related, either, really. Its just a tangent thought. I am talking of Rogue. I am not entirely sure I want to talk about her, but I need to talk about her, and she’s a sore subject for Beloved for reasons I sort of understand but I can illuminate later. This seems a good spot because despite our closeness she does not have this blog address and I don’t know that I’ll give it to her. She seems all too adept at reading my private thoughts without the help of me typing them out for her. This might be a moment where I would type that I was sighing, or that I am staring blankly at the screen, but those of you who are close enough to me to be reading this far down know me well enough to know I am, and are laughing at me putting off talking about what it for me an sensitive subject.

I won’t lie. I am very drawn to this little girl. Very drawn to her. In part because she has done everything in her ability to ingratiate herself with me. She has done everything she knows how to do to make me completely love her. Its not cruelty that does it either, its her personality. Her vulnerabilities that do it. She wants desperately to be loved, I think, and she wants desperately to appear to be strong and in control. She wants to feel like her friends can depend on her. She has things about her past that eerily mark mine, and I tell her on occasion that we must be cut from the same piece of cloth. Only I’m much older and have had time to grow out of the fright that comes from life’s unfairness and become bitter over it. Of course I don’t say the bitterness part. I don’t want her to be bitter, and I suppose I’ll do what I can to prevent it. She’s got a lot of potential. She’s a smart girl. A beautiful girl. She could land on her feet if she tried. I hope she does.

Beloved, as I have mentioned, has refused to make friends with her. She’s met her twice, and they have exchanged hello’s but they are both [frustratingly] completely indifferent towards each other when they meet, which, thank god, isn’t often, or I’d have a breakdown. I think at first my girl felt threatened by her, she does come off the type of girl who is gay. I think Beloved wanted reassurance that I still wanted her and not a 17 year old. [which I thought went without saying, but I suppose I need to be more attentive to her as well...I’m not a very good girlfriend sometimes.] I also think she’s a little jealous. Rogue and I talk an awful lot on the phone. I think I mentioned previously, I talk more on the phone now than I have for years. Maybe years combined. We were talking the other night, after the car wash, just briefly, and Beloved made the comment that we couldn’t go 12 hours without talking to each other. I started to object, but then shut my mouth promptly. We do talk often. I asked Rogue about it at work yesterday, and she laughed and pointed out we often go more than 12 hours, if you count the full 24, because we never talk when we are sleeping. As far as waking hours goes? She laughed again and told me not to worry.

I’m rambling and I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts. What it comes down to is, I suppose, that outside of Perpet [hello, sweetheart] this little girl [and believe me, it makes me crazy she is so young, I feel weird sometimes] is the closest thing I have made to a real friend since I was 18 or so. She wants me on my own terms. She likes me for what I am. And, as I have previously mentioned, she reads me like a book. She won’t put up with any pretense on my part and calls me on my bullshit the minute I try to palm off an “I’m okay” or a “I don’t want to talk about it” or a casual subject change. And god save me when we work together, if I am having a rough morning and she comes in later on the schedule and I try to act alright...I’ve given up trying, really, because I always end up cornered with her turning me to look her directly in the eye and she whispering, “now tell me the truth...” And, she allows me, for some strange reason, to see vulnerabilities in her that she admittedly won’t share with her other friends or her delightfully oblivious boyfriend. I suppose most of you know I’ve not got an adept hand at friendship, so this is new territory for me. And I suppose new territory for my Beloved, who isn’t used to me wanting to be with people who aren’t her, and me having friends that aren’t her own. And I imagine that it is strange for her to think of me being friends with someone 7 years younger than me, similar, I guess to how I feel about all of her friends, who are a good deal older than me.

And that’s my sort of talk about Rogue, which did me no good I guess, outside of getting it off my chest, I still feel no less odd and no less comfortable thinking about my affection for her. I guess that’s what bother’s me, isn’t it? That I hold affection for her? And not a romantic one, but a serious interest in her and her well being and her happiness just because I like who and what she is. Very new for me. Very new.

In other still more boring news, I am not talking to my mother still. My grandmother tried to intervene and called me and told me to call her. I told her I wasn’t going to point blank. I told her I am tired of her antics and of her attitude and I am tired of acting the adult. I’ve done it since I was 13 and I am refusing to do it anymore. She said my mother was wondering why I never called and I should tell her. I told her my mother could call me, and I would be happy to tell her, provided I could get through the explanation without her hanging up on me. When I had put off that conversation she tried to drag me into other family gossip, mostly about Priestess and her family and I told her I was not getting involved because its not my business and if she was having problems that she should be talking to them not me. I am not a messenger. I am not a go-between. Then she tried with gossip about my mom, and again I put her off, telling her I didn’t want to talk about it, she started crying and telling me no one loved her anymore. I’m honestly to the point of giving up on it all, I can’t seem to make heads or tales of any of my family’s craziness.

I suppose, in good news, I am starting school in a month. This means two things. One, I will be finally giving myself the education I deserve. For that I am proud of myself. I am excited. I am determined. It means six years of waiting tables and going to school and then I will never pick up another dirty dish that belongs to a stranger, never be talked to like a slave by someone who thinks I am stupid, and be so physically tired after I am off work that I can hardly talk, let alone love the people who mean the most to me. Two, I will be near a computer every day. So you’ll get to see me more often.

I got my Shuffleathon Cd sent out, ST, this morning, so tell the person that I have I am sorry. I’ve had no ride and no time and no energy, which is no excuse, but will have to suffice, since its all I’ve got. I also got my CD, which, I think, is from the illustrious ST, that or Yoko, since it had a label on it from ST’s web site, but the blog address of both Yoko and ST on the bottom. I dunno, I was expecting a note or something to let me know, then again, I’m dense, so it might be from neither of them. Either way, I’ll post a review soon, when I have time to actually listen to the CD.

Thank you, whomever sent it. And as I said in my previous post, I am sorry about the delay. Please don’t hate me too much.

Right, and now I am off. It’s a rainy day and I think I might actually write a little bit.

You're so cute when you're frustrated

2006-06-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

I swear I am working on bettering by 10 day average. A brief update.

June? Still not my month.

I'm getting my insurance settlement this week, and a new truck by the end of this week, hopefully, so back to blogging and having a life and more things to worry about than money and who's giving me a ride to work. [dont even ask about public transit, its not even a remote possibility]

My brother was in a car accident [its a month for those two. In the few times I've been in a car, I've seen *4* accidents other than mine. *4*] and was injured relatively badly. The circumstances were fishy [I suspect the car was stolen, I know he and his buddies were both drunk and high] so he wouldn't go to the hospital. My mom calls and leaves a message on my phone in a dead panic because she can find him when she *goes to pick him up from the crime scene* and I call her back when I get home.

I've finally lost my temper with my mom. First, she's mad at me for *never being there for her when she needs me* because I didn't tell her *I had plans* god forbid I have a life of my own, especially when she might need me to drive my brother away from a crime scene. Two, she is angry with me because I tell her its plain stupid to not take him to the police station or the hospital simply because he doesn't want to go. According to her report at the time he was in a bad way/ [afterthought, he had bruised both his kidneys, his back and had some "severe" lascerations] but she was mad for me not thinking she was being clear. Then she wants to talk about her new apartment and gets mad when I tell her I want to talk to my brother on the phone to tell him to get his stupid ass to a hospital. She hangs up on me.

My brother, long story short, tells me his friends are worth dying for, and he won't "be a snitch"

Whatever. I'm to the point of not caring anymore. Preistess points out they are adults and will choose their own paths regardless of what I think. Frthermore, none of my anger, my tears or my pleas will do any good. She's right. I am ready to wash my hands of the whole thing.

On the upside, I went horseback riding this week. I am delightfully saddlesore, but otherwise I had a brilliant time.

I am going to see Superman with a friend and Beloved on Thursday.

Oh. And I have started a new novel and in two days have already breached the 5k word mark. [yes, I am counting like nano, its an easy way to chart progress]

I hope you are all well.

I am getting around to myCD for Shuffleathon [courtesy of Swiss Toni, originated by Yoko] so if I have you, which you obviously don't know, I will be mailing out the CD as soon as I get a ride to the post office.

Love you all.

AG

That Joke Isnt Funny Anymore

2006-06-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

OHMYGOD. It’s a post. On AGPC. Can you believe it? And its actually me.

This hasn’t been my month. Really, it hasn’t. It seems that if things can go wrong, they will go wrong, and if its bad and it can happen, its going to happen to me. Or someone I love. Or someone I know. Seriously, you might not read, the bad vibes, I think they’re catching. How bad can it be?

I wrecked my truck. It’s a total loss. I’m going to have to take out yet another loan to get a vehicle. I’ve been begging rides off of friends and family for two weeks now.

Someone drove through the side of the restaurant I work for. No one was hurt, thank everything good, but its still a hassle. And no one likes to drive up to their place of employment and see a car parked in the middle of it.

Beloved’s grandmother died. I’ve had to go to the funeral. I’m not what you would call a funeral person. [if there is a such a thing] I won’t go into a lot of detail, to protect the privacy of my Beloved’s family, but suffice to say this was not my favorite part of our relationship, and I secretly have begun to plan things out for my own funeral so as to avoid the things that annoy me about funerals and death and dying in general. [For example, I will insist on no preachers, no sappy music and absolutely no casket. Burn me and free me. I’m not really there anyway, I say. Oh, and no one telling people that if they don’t convert to my religion I’ll never see them again. How depressing is that?]

My mother and v3.0 are getting divorced. I am, of course, a terrible daughter for not being more supportive than I am. Apparently telling her its not surprising considering she hardly knew him when they were married to each other [recap for new friends, they married a mere month after meeting each other] is not the right thing to say. I am also cold for telling her that she’s a fool for hoping he’ll come back. If Beloved [bless her, I know she’d never do this] ever packed all her stuff up in the middle of the day and disappeared I wouldn’t have her back. And if she came back, I’d tell her to go to hell. Which is precisely what I told my mother.

My family won’t leave me alone. My grandmother has pestered me endlessly since the accident. I need to go to the hospital, what if I am hurt? I had a headache three days after, I must have been injured. Its probably a bleed in my brain. Why won’t the insurance company fix my truck? It doesn’t look that bad...[without my knowledge she went and demanded to see my truck at the place I had it towed to. They wouldn’t let her so she went around the back and looked through the fence...] I don’t need to take out another loan, I should get a $200-$300 something that will “just get me to work” and not waste my time until I am out of school. I should tell my mother so she doesn’t have to. [This specifically after I asked her not to tell her, I don’t need anymore drama] I shouldn’t be working so hard. I should call my mom more often. I should take her out more. Don’t I have enough money? How much is Beloved working? And on and on and on....

And just think, I’m only halfway through the month. I should look on the bright side of things I suppose. There have been good things that have happened to me. I just tend to overlook them in my seemingly endless sea of crap.
Spinny, bless her, sent me a fabulous surprise. Nothing makes my day like having mail. Oh, I did a happy dance all over the living room when I got it. My dear, if you’re reading, I love the coloring book. Its excellent. Really, really excellent. I’d send you an email, everyone an email, but I don’t have time anymore. I’m likely posting this two or three days after I wrote it. [note to readers, I wrote this on Friday the 16th of June]

Crap! Incidentally, ST, if I am supposed to be making someone a CD, and I’ll be checking your blog, tell them I am sorry and I’ll get it out shortly. Really, life has been getting in the way of everything. If you left me out of the draw, no hard feelings. I know I’m never around anymore.

I have made myself a new friend. A real life friend. Tell you the truth I don’t know how I would have made it through the last week or so without her. Beloved, of course, is wonderful. But being trapped at home with no one to talk to and a lot on your mind is no fun. I think I have mentioned her before. She works with me. I think I may have referred to her as Rogue [like the xmen character] because of a blonde streak that runs from her right temple all the way down her back].

Either way, we’d been talking at work and really getting to know each other for two or three weeks, but after I had the accident she really stepped up. She was calling me and checking on me. She was dropping by to cheer me up. She ever came over one day when she called up to work to see if I needed a ride and heard I had gone home ill. She knocked on the door and had a magnolia for Beloved in one hand and a red rose for me in the other. She’s constantly cheering me up at work and we now have no end of little inside jokes that we giggle over when everyone else is in a bad mood. My only regret is she is 17. Probably too young for me to be companioning with, or emotionally unloading on. That’s not to say I won’t open up to her. I like her very much. And she’d confided in me and proved an excellent secret keeper up to this point. [and really, keeping a secret for a month at my job is akin to taking it to the grave, as it were] And I think about it in the context of how you lot must look at me, since, if I remember correctly, there is certainly more than one of you that are 7-8 years older than I am. And there’s a select few I’d like to think are quite fond of me, despite my inexperience and youthful naivete...

Yes, yes, I like Rogue very much. I thought at first maybe she was A Sister of the Inclination, but she isn’t. She’s dating a guy at our work. But she doesn’t seem to care about lesbians. Her two best friends are. And now me. Hmm. Either way, she’s great and I am grateful for her. I’ve talked more on my phone this last few weeks than I think I have in the last few years. Do you remember what it was like to be 17? I’m barely remembering...but its fun, what I do recall.

I suppose the point is Rogue is sweet and makes me laugh. And Beloved isn’t too terribly jealous of her. Not terribly. Rogue jokingly calls herself my underage strait co-worker girlfriend [I think she occasionally adds a few more descriptive words, but that’s the gist of it]. It cracks me up.

I did get the estimate back on my truck and I’ll get about $1200 over the loan amount, so I’ll have a down payment. Something to be happy about, I suppose. Its not much, but it’s enough if we add about half of the savings account to get a truck [and a loan] that will last a good amount of time.

I also owe a thank you to my darling girl Perpet for posting a note to all of you to let you know I am alive, even if all isn’t well. You’re wonderful, my dear, you really are. I adore you. Sorry I’ve been AWOL since Xmen. I still love you.

I’ve missed you all so much. I really have. I miss your lives and your stories and opinions and your love. Especially your love. After the last week or so I’ve realized how important it is to love, and how very little there is of it in this world. It makes me terribly melancholy to think of it.

Alright, something to entertain, other than just whine, I’ve got a good play list running right now I think. I thought I would share it with you.

1. Sonny Came Home, Shawn Colvin
2. Mystery, Indigo Girls
3. Somewhere Only We Know, Keane
4. Hurt, Johnny Cash
5. Little Plastic Castle, Ani DiFranco
6. Gravity, Embrace
7. Tears Don’t Fall, Bullet for My Valentine
8. What Difference Does it Make?, The Smiths
9. London Calling, The Clash
10. Wasteland, 10 Years
11. The Man Who Sold the World, Nirvana
12. Run, Snow Patrol
13. Let Me Kiss You, Morrissey
14. Lola, The Kinks
15. There for You, Fly Leaf
16. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
17. Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
18. Losing My Religion, REM

Not a bad list, I don’t think. “There for You” is my new favorite song. I love it. It’s a short song. But its so frank and lovely. The harmony is hypnotic. And the line “slow dancing in your eyes” is pure poetry.

Oh, Lovey [My Aunt Priestess’s oldest girl] gave me a copy of the new Nickleback CD. I like it, even though I hate admitting it. I think their first CD was a lot of what is wrong with American rock. But I like this one.

Right. There’s 15 days worth of my life.

I miss you all. I love you all.

AG
PS- I gave up on Ulysses. I loved Gone with the Wind. I reread The Brother’s Karamasov, Main Street and Dracula. I am wading through Moby Dick and Villette, and re-reading Memoirs of a Geisha for brain candy. In case you were interested in what’s on my bookshelf/night stand

She's not dead!

2006-06-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

Hello, all, this is Perpet here. I'm posting for our dear AG to let you know that she's not dead. She's had a very busy week, and just wants you to know that she's alive and mostly well.

--perpet

Listening to the telephone ring.

2006-06-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I've given up Ulysses. Between you guys [and gals] and my impatience and the recommendations of ReadsLike Me, a cook at work who has nearly identical literature tastes to mine [its creepy, really] I've decided not to che through it. I am, however, simulatiously going through Dracula by Bram Stoker, Main Street by Sinclair Lewis, The Brothers Karamasov [again, I know] and Anna Karenina [sic] by Tolstoy. So I've got plenty to be reading on with.

Work's perking up lately. Not as bad as it could be I suppose. I'm working at 5 tonight, so we'll see how things go, but its not nearly as bad as it has been.

Lovey, Preistesses oldest daughter, is coming to spend the weekend with us tomorrow too, so I'll have a full account of that.

Beloved's Gran in very ill right now and its very hard on her, I'm worried about her lately.

I miss you all, I really do. *mutters* Its a shame when life keeps you from the things and people you love. It is. With the way things have been working around idiot people who talk down to you all day - becuse, you know, all waitresses are stupid- I get to missing people from our neighborhood, who at least have something nice to say every once and a while.

On alighter note, I got two calls from the same telemarking company today. I told the second girl who called that this was the second call I had from them today and I was still not interested, but I appreciated their diligence in trying to get me as a customer. She replies - "My what? My Niceness?"

"No, Dilligence. It means your calling more than once in an attempt to get me as a customer. You're persistence"

"Oh. Thanks"

I didn't have the heart to tell her I was being sarcastic.

I'm Alright, I'm Alright

2006-05-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I am not maimed or anything, just, sadly, allowing my life to lead me away from the co mputer more than I might normally endure. A brief update?

I went and saw X3 on Friday. I'll say this: Oh. My. God. But I liked it. Tonight I am going to see another movie with my delightful little cousins, Preistess' girls.

My cousin by my great aunt on my mom's side, Not an Angel, graduated from high school this last week too, so I was there for that.

Saturday, Sunday and yesterday were without a doubt the most horrible days at work I could ever have had, as far as customers and co-workers go. I will say there were a few saving graces, but I'll save them for another post.

You might be interested to know I bought a 1937 copy of Gone With the Wind last week too. I've finished it just this morning. As always, the book is far better than the movie. It explains so much more, really. I loved it, too. I've grown fond of scouring used book stores on my days off and looking for new [to me] and interesting books to read.

Has anyone read Ulysses? [By James Joyce] I've had a mind to start it but I am terribly afraid it isnt going to be worth the headache it will be to read it. Someone tell me to stop being a pussy and buckle down, eh?

I'll post again when I get a chance, hopefully with something more interesting than now.

love you all
AG

Oh my God, They Killed Denny!

2006-05-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Wow. So I've been gone a few days. And I still haven't gotten to writing that peice for Eric, although I swear I will. Every time I sit at my home computer I see the words written on a stick it at the bottom of my screen. Sad thing is, I hardly use the home computer. I'm working on that, though.

I do have some interesting things in brief. First, Does anyone watch Grey's Anatomy? [Americans?] Because THEY KILLED DENNY!!!!!!! I'll never live it down. I could have managed if he had died getting his heart transplant, but they had to let him live, propose to Izzy, let her say yes and then kill him [on Prom Night, no less]

Poor feller, bad heart and fell in love with a model who was smart enough to become a surgeon. Should have known he didn't stand a chance. Especially once she was willing to cut the cord on his thingy to make sure he almost died and qualified for a transplant. And I loved him. *sigh* Story of my life, eh?

And is anone else sick of Meredith and the doctor thing Move on, chica, he's married. What makes you think he won't cheat on you?

Oh. In other TV news....the girl I like on Top Model and the team I liked on Amazing Race won this time around. I didn't like anyone really, on Survivor, so that was a crapshoot. Although I did favor the Yoga Guy to the Jersey Girl. Yup.

Anyway. Perpet also posted a fantastic peice on a CDC article telling all women to treat their health as if they were Pre-Pregnant. She also has a link to the article. I could rant, but really, she does a better job than I ever could. Pre-pregnant my ass....Oh, I will post an excerpt, though...

Your organization recently released a study that told women to act as though they are “pre-pregnant”. I’m curious as to the full extent of your definition. Yes, we should take our folic acid and drink less and stop smoking, but shouldn’t we also be trying to find a date for Saturday night, in hopes that the male could be our pre-sperm donor? Should we start house shopping so that we may find that perfect room for that pre-nursery? Should we begin learning to knit so we can prepare the pre-booties?

Perpet, you're a genuis and you inspire me. Oh, and sorry about S and the wedding, well, not the wedding, but te trip. Everyone likes a trip. Maybe we'll all go down on Pride weekend? Lots of fun...

X3 is coming out this weekend too. I fully intend to go. I am very much looking forward to it. And I broke the bank and bought the 4 CD special edition when I was out at Wal-mart ["taking over the world, one low price at a time!"] last night shopping for chocolate. Incidentlly, Spinny, is it even possible for all of us to manage a similar cycle although we've never even seen eachother? Because it seems like we do...

Weird.

Alright. I'm off.

Lots of love.
AG

2006-05-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend Beloved is going away with her mom and sister. I will be very lonely. This is my pthetic cry for lots of email and comfort ;)

No, really, I think it will be alright.

Oh, I opened for the first time Wednesday when the President of the Entire Corporation was there, along with some other big shots. It went okay. They didnt get there until 8am which was good. Iwas laughing by then. But when I first came in [5am...do you know early I had to get up??? 3:45!] I turned the tea maker on for the iced and sweet teas [I know, fellas, I can hear you gagging now....] and I didnt realize that the spigots were off...so there was tea all over the floor. I put in the spiot adn forgot the stopper, so tea all over the floor twice. Not fun. Other than that? Things were swimmingly great.

Alright. Short but sweet. Have to run. Love you all. I do.

XXX