Thursday, April 16, 2009

You were never very kind

Went to dinner last night with Kitten's mom. It was nice, I don't think I bombed, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. That makes me very happy. The particulars aren't as important, really. And I'm afraid I'm boring you with the minutia of mine and Kitten's relationship. I will say this, her mom is seriously smart. I love that.

*begin rant about Plush, skip if you want*

I'm annoyed this morning. And having a bit of a conundrum. Plush texted me at two this morning (I was actually asleep) and he said he needed to talk to me about something. I sent him a text that told him if it wasn't dire it had to wait until morning. It waited. So this morning He says that he went out with his new roommates, among others, for his best friend's birthday last night. One of them, the female, (lets call her Jaygirl) tells him that the night he and I went to My Place (local karaoke bar) with her and her boyfriend (Jayguy) and Kitten and Rugby Girl that I "Held hands with Rugby Girl under the table" after Plush left earlybecause he had to work at 5am. I'm annoyed. A Lot.

First, Jaygirl walked up to me about ten seconds after Plush left and kissed me on the mouth (apparently gay girls are community property in his group of friends, this happens a lot to me. His guy buddies think its funny when their girlfriends kiss me) That act right there was the worst "thing"I did all night. Second, I help Rugby Girl's hand above the table, in plain sight, all night. She likes to invade people's personal space. Its her way. She held Plush's hand. Hell, she was kissing on Kitten all night. Its way easier to hold her hand than to fight off other more invasive petting. Third, about a month before Plush went out with them and made out with a bar waitess all night while I was home sick. I don't care, he told me about it, but there was no one calling me and telling me about his bad behavior.

I know I'm the bad guy because I did the leaving. But I also think I'm being delt a really harsh hand. *He* ignored me and made me unhappy. *He* was the one that was possive and controlling. *He* was the one who refused to take on an adult's portion of our relationship. I was paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing all of the sundries and babying him to boot. And I'm the only one who had a vehicle because he totalled his while he was drunk one night. He wanted a mother. Oh! And *he* was the one who shoved me over our coffee table because he was angry I wouldn't skip rugby practice to watch television with him and forced me out of the house. I didn't come back. Suprise. That's the only rule we had in our relationship. The only one! Don't lay your hands on me when you're angry. Been there, done that, have the scar, don't want another. You know what he told me when he called me later in the evening? "Its not like I hit you, and I didn't mean to shove you that hard" My Ass! I'm sorry, I have a lot of pent up rage about our relationship. Especially the end of it. I'm not an angel, I know I'm not. But I get so angry when I think about it. Yeah, I went out a lot. Yeah most of my girlfriends and guy friends are gay. Guess what? SO AM I! He knew that going in. He knew I wasn't a homebody. He knew I like to go out. He knew I was independent. You know how he answers these charges? "I thought you'd settle down and want to be a housewife eventually" *sigh*

On top of that Plush made it really clear this morning that as soon as he moves out of our (well, his now) apartment and finds a reliable means of transportation that he doesn't want to see me for a while. He needs "a break" Good for him. But seriously, I'm wondering why his new roomies can't drive him around or why he has to be crass enough to tell me he's using me for my truck right now.

I told him I would get the remainder of my things from the apartment and disappear so he didn't have to "deal" with me anymore.

I'm not sure what to do. I've bent over backwards. I'm still paying for the apartment and the untilities. I'm still driving him around. I still pick up the house when I drop by to get more of my stuff. How am I not being fair? I don't know. What I really want to do is go over when he's working, get all my stuff, leave half the last month's rent on the counter in the kitchen with a note that says "I'm out" and never see him again. Really. But that isn't the mature thing to do. Is it?

*End rant*

On the up side I have a date at the brick wall bar you guys keep seeing in my pictures with a bunch of my friends tonight. We're going to karaoke. I can sing, so its not terrible. Some of my friends thinkthey can when they drink, which is even beter. And some of my other friends that are comng are meeting Kitten for the first time. So it should be smiles all around.

My favorite songs to karaoke are (in no particular order)

I'm the only one, Melissa Etheridge
Alone, Heart
Take it back, Reba McEntire
Black Velvet, Allanah Mihles
Proud Mary, Ike and Tina Turner
All that Jazz, from Chicago
Brick, Ben Folds Five
My Imortal, Evanescence

Every now and again i;ll bust out some Whitney Houton (yes, I can) or some Celine Dion, if I feel ike showing off. I'm trying to find some new stuff though. Heart is my newest edition to the list of regular songs. I like it a lot.

Have a good day kids.


swisslet said...

You know what kiddo, I think you're great. Whitney Houston and Sealion and all.

Anonymous said...

Stop picking up. Stop driving him around. Stop replying to his texts.

Darling, you've done 101 things to try and make the breakup painless for him, and you know what? Fuck him. He wants to play the douche card when you're being more fair than most fucking saints, then let him swing in the goddamned breeze. You are not responsible for him. He's responsible for himself. Cut out now before this shit goes further sideways, and you end up mothering him out of habit. I mean, fucking hell, you're cleaning his apartment when you go to get your stuff. STOP.