They stabbed with their steeley knives but they just can't kill the beast

I know its been a while since I've gone psycho political in one of my posts, but I think I'm long overdue. And I think that its a particularly timely post for me as a person.

California. Good job. You sure told us. Congratulations on passing that gay marriage ban.

I can't believe it. I really can't. You know, for being held in regard (in my part of the country, at least) as the most liberal state in the union, as the place for all the pot-smoking, vegetarian, anti-cigarette smoking hippies to gather nothing annoys me more than to see Prop. 8 being upheld. Its silly. I don't understant the reasoning behind it.

Is my love for kitten any less valuable than anyones love for their heterosexual partner? If so, why? Hell, for that matter, is my love for Kitten any less valuable than the love I had for Plush? I don't think so. I think it matters more, not less. I'm happier now than I've been in years and its because I'm in love with someone who understands me, cares for me, and wants to work with me to build a happiness together. Is my life better for being with a woman instead of a man? Yeah, I think it is.

I know at one point or another in my blog I've written and said its really about the personality. I could love a man just as easily as I could love a woman. That the person and not the sex is what mattered. I want to state for the record, I was wrong about that. I tried with Plush, I really did. But you know what? It didn't work. Personality differences aside, and that certainly was the crux of our relationship problem (we weren't well matched) I want to get into bed every night next to someone and it feel right. I want it to feel natural and comfortable. And after all the time I was with him that one thing never changed. I never felt right in bed. I never felt right during sex. I never felt right looking at him undressed. It horrified me. And that's not his fault. Its not anyones fault. I just don't like men. And I think it took me a serious attempt at trying to be with one that proved to me once and for all, I'm a woman loving, hard core, can't stop thinking about her lesbian. I am. and I think there is nothing wrong with that.

That said, what I have with my Kitten now, what many of gays and lesbians and transexuals have with their partners now feels natural and healthy to them. It makes them happy. And I think that every person deserves their chance at happiness. And at love. We live in a world that is too devoid of that emotion. We live in a cruel world that doesn't feel enough, care enough, empathize enough. I think that in this world that we live in the idea that two people, regardless of who or what they are, being told that their love is wrong or unnatural or evil is plain silliness. And its thoughtless. Who'd right is it to tell anyone they aren't allowed to be happy? I don't believe that happiness is a human right. I don't. Yell at me if you will. Because of our natures as humans I don't think anyone has the right to sit back and say "Okay, make me happy. Its my right." No. Not at all. But I think you have the right to make your own happiness if you want it. And no one should stop anyone from that, so long as it harms no one else.

So here's the essential point: How is it hurting anyone? Really. Answer me these questions (and I know that I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but for arguments sake)

Does me having the right to marry damage any heterosexuals relationship? How does it hurt it? If you operate on the conservative idea that gay marriage damages heterosexual marriage somehow I want to know why. Does a strong, healthy heterosexual marraige suddenly go on the rocks because a gay couple moves in next door and marries? How strong and healthy was it really? How valuable was it if my ability to love another person somehow makes your love less valuable? And how valuable is any marriage if its allowed to be annulled or a divorce granted? So many strait couples marry and divorce without ever thinking of the priveledge they've taken for granted.

How does it harm a child to see two people of the same sex love eachother? Is it any more damaging than seeing a healthy functioning strait couple? I don't think it is. I go back to the point prior. There isn't enough love in this world. I think everyone, regardless of age should be exposed to as much love as possible. As for public displays of affection? I think kissing and hand holding in public is great. Anything more than that? I think strait and gay couples should keep it in the bedroom. There's a difference in my mind between honest, genuine affection and filth in public and everyone, regardless of orientation should be aware of that line and not cross it.

What about the couples that were already married? Their marriages are still valid. Why? What makes them better than me, now? Because they were faster? They got to the courthouse sooner? I don't understand. Why not annul their marriages too? I honestly think the truth is because the state got away with this by saying it was a legal ammendment to a state constitution without addressing the idea at all that maybe the ammendment itself violated some precedent of human right and dignity.

I want to know how my love makes me a second class citizen. I want to know why it is more important that I'm kept in my place than be allowed the simple pleasure of sharing my life with someone I love, and sharing my name with them as well. I want to be able to own a home with my partner and own property with my partner and never have to worry that she or I won't be able to take care of the other should one of us fall ill. I want to be able to visit her in the hospital and take her to the doctor and not have to sit in the waiting room wondering because I'm not her sister or her husband.

I know a lot of people will argue that if I love Kitten it shouldn't matter whether I'm married to her or not. I know that the argument will come up that if we want to share our lives together we either will or we won't. But I feel like I should be allowed the tradition of publicly expressing my love for her. I want to wear my wedding dress and walk down an aisle and meet her there and show everyone I know that I love her. And I don't want it to be a "ceremony" or a "vow exchange" I want it to be a wedding. I don't want to have to elope to a backwater hippie town that will preform the ceremony in a garden off a hotel for me in later hours. I don't want to have to drive to massachusetts or iowa (by the way, go iowa!) to get married and when I get married I want to be able to go to any state I wish to live in and have it recongnize me as Mrs. Kitten or Kitten as Mrs. Giovanni and not have to start splitting up insurance payments and IRAs and all that crap all over again just because we're both women. Its not okay.

And spare me, please, spare me th religious arguments. I don't want to hear them. Not because I don't respect any religion or its ideals or anyone's right to practice and believe what they want to. I think that's great. And its a huge (if slightly stretched, overstated and rarely honestly practiced) tenet of the country I live in. Everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want. Whatever they want. If they want to. But see, I don't agree with your religion. I don't agree that a loving god could intentionally create a human destined to go to hell with no choice in the matter. Do you want to worship that god? The one that made me a lesbian and then left me the choice to either be strait and miserable all my life or be gay and go strait to hell for being happy the way that god made me? I don't. And I don't think a god like that exists. And if you do, more power to you.

But there's a reason we are supposed to separate the church and the state. Your religion and mores should no more have a hand in the law than mine. And mine says I'm doing nothing wrong. According to my beliefs, everyone should marry whomever they like. But the christian right in my country doesn't agree with me. Alright. I respect your right to an opinion even if I don't agree with it. Lets agree to disagree and then I'll tell you what. Let's make policy based on social justice, freedom and equality. Lets make law based on what's best for everyone.

And here's the thing, California. It would be great for everyone. You need the money. You do. And if you had any sense at all you'd let me and Kitten and the millions of gays around the US come to your state and spend money in hotels and get married. I'll stay for a week or two and drop a five or six grand on a honeymoon in Disneyland or LA after dropping a minimum of $60 at the courthouse (but you know, I'd really like a fashionable wedding, so I want a botanical garden and a string quartet and all my family flying in to see me happily wed) You go ahead and raise your tourism taxes and make money off me. Take my money at the courthouse. Take the money I'll pay to change my name and my social security card and my driver's liscence and my passport to say Mrs. Kitten. Condemn me behind closed doors and use my money to fund new hghways or christian charities backed by the state. Issue all those tax returns you couldn't pay this year and keep your mouth shut. How's that for old fashioned american capitalism? Take my money and do what you will, but know this, there's big money in gay weddings.

I want someone, anyone, to tell me a non-religious, fact based, logical reason that my love is wrong. I want them to tell me to my face, with dignity, that I am a second class citizen and I don't have the same rights I had four months ago. Four months ago I was with a man. I could marry as I pleased, so long as it was a male and when I went out I didn't have to think about people marginalizing me because of whose hand I was holding. I had the right to share an insurance policy and a hospital room with my partner. Now I can't. Because the that I share my love with shares my anatomy as well. Tell me I don't deserve those rights to my face and tell me how my love is personally effecting you, and your strait marraige and your religion. Because I really don't believe it is.

I want to state this for posterity. And I want to be clear.

I am a lesbain. I am proud to be a lesbain. I am proud of my community. I am proud of my partner. I am proud to hold her hand in public and I am proud to share my life with her. Years from now I will still be gay. I will still be proud. There is nothing that any legislation can do to stop me from sharing my love with whomever I choose.

Years from now I'll say I was part of the new civil rights battle and I'll be proud about that too.

Today, though, I'm not proud of California.

Love to you all.
AG/xx

Bibbity Bobbity Boo (A boring vacation post)

I'm really beginning to think I'll bore all of you with all my pictures and rantings of being so happy. But, you know, its better than the emo stuff I've been up to the last few years. no more woe is me. Or I'm keeping it to a minimum.

The short version of the last week is I worked, I went out with my friends, I took a road trip yesterday. Like Kitten and I have the last few times we've had a day off together. We went to St. Louis yesterday. Specifically to see the zoo. I'm a big zoo fan. I'll admit it. And she'd never been to theirs so we had a super nice time.

After we went to a park that surrounds the zoo and has lakes and museums and trails and in general lots of grass to roll around in and enjoy. I did. Very much. Took off my shoes and everything.

I've been sitting at the computer all morning working on plans for the trip we're taking in November to Disney World in Florida. I honestly don't think we're going to get to do everything we want to in the time we have alotted. Which is sad. It never occured to me that 8 days in Disney World would not be enough. But its not. For one thing, we get to eat free in all the restaurants. We don't have enough time in the day for all the places I/we want to eat at. So I'm narrowing it down.

We also get a massive amount of free tours with our package, and I'm trying to work out which ones I can take on what day. I kow for sure I want to do Dolphins in Deapth (its playing with the little critters, how fun) and the other Aqua Tour, where you get to scuba in Epcots gigantic aquarium, "The Seas". There's a 7 hour tour of all the parks that gets us a peek into the Utilidors (the underground workings of the theme parks - the stuff of Disney junkie Urban Legends) There's also a tour for The Animal Kingdom that puts you in with the animal hospital and feeding areas and stuff. We have tickets to go see Cirque Du Soleil La Nouba. I'm excited about that. There's also three dinner shows I want to go to.

Have I bored you yet?

On top of that we get all the recreation and instructions free. Parasailing, Skiing, Wakeboarding, Canoeing, Horseback riding, cairrage rides at sunset. Free golf. Free tennis. I can rent sailboats and paddlebaots and monatauk whalers. The whole nine yards. Plush guiding bass fishing excursions and bike riding and....you get the idea.

We also have reserved seating for the fireworks shows, a evening fireworks cruise, spa treatments for free, all sorts of stuff.

And that's on top of all four parks in the magic kingdom, plus the waterparks and the nightclubs.

I'm almost afraid we'll be more tired when we come home than when we leave. But it'll be worth it.

We decided to drive down, too. Airline tickets are so stupid expensive and we like to drive together. It'll be fun.

She wears sensible shoes

Hmmm. This has been a good week. Kitten was sick earlier in the week and Igot a chance to play nursemaid, which I'm alright with. I liked taking care of her. And she's feeling a lot better, which is good. There's been some sort of chest conjestion sore throat stuff going around. Thank heavens i didn't catch it.

We took our Kitten Delyla to the vet this week to get fixed. She's a lot sweeter right now. I'm not sure if its a change in her personality or if she's just tired from all the painmeds. Her and Samson (our other cat) have been super cuddly. Now that they're both fixed they are allowed back in the bedroom so I've been waking up to kitty sleeping on my feet and on our pillows. Lyla likes our feet but Samson seems to think he needs to sleep on our pillows with us. We have a special pillow just for him now. Its cute.

We had more tornadoes this week too. Wesnesday night. We had a few last week (I think I mentioned them) but this time we actually had it close enough to us we drug all the cats and pillows and blankets into the bathroom and hid out with the radio. (We don't have a basement) It was a little scary. Kitten is really afraid of tornadoes so I found myself in the relatively new position of being the brave one. I liked it, as far as you can like comforting your partner while you lay in the floor and hope that a massive storm doesn't come and destroy your house, or worse. We got off easy. No damage, thank heavens. There were two separate touchdowns inside our city though, which is unusual. We live on a plateau so normally the storms go around us and hit the surrounding cities in the lower areas. I'm not so much afriad of them as I am annoyed that they wake me up and risk damage to the house. My mom's second husband (2.0) was a tornado spotter so I outgrew my terror of them when I was younger. I'm not sure its a great thing to not be afraid, but it does help me keep a level head when the fur starts to fly, as it were.

My schedule changed this week and I totally forgot about it so I missed my shift at work on Wednesday. I felt terrible about it but it ended up landing me with two days off in a row, something I haven't done since last summer when rogue and I went on our vacation thingy. It ws nice. Kitten and I went on an actual date and I had a chance to spend a little quality time with her. She's finished up with school for the semester so we'll get to see eachother more. (Hence the reason I changed my schedule. I wanted to sync our days off)

Yesterday we woke up early and went on a mini road trip to Eureka Springs Arkansas. Its only a few hours away from us and its a cute little town. Kitten had never been before so I was happy to show her a place that I love so much. We walked around town and looked at the springs and did a little (completely unneccessary) shopping. By the time we made it back to the car I had a new skirt and swimsuit. Kitten had a new t shirt and pair of shorts and we bought Blackberry Jam, an Awesome spicy buttrubb for grilling and a raspberry chipolte sauce I think will go great on pork chops, if I don't eat it on wheat thins first. We also bought about a pound of hand pulled salt water taffy, and a bunch of chocolate coated fruit, which we feasted on right out side the confectioner's shop.

We had dinner at my favorite restaurant in town, Local Flavor, and watched people pass by. (You can eat outside on a balcony, its so cool, because its next to a trolly station) Once we stuffed ourselves stupid we drove back home and continued our marathon of the L Word. We're rewatching it starting with the first season of the L word.

I was really pleased. We spent over four hours in the car together and we didn't have to turn on the radio once. I was able to tell her all about the funny things I remember from all the little towns on the way. We stopped at a gas station about a quarter of the way in and I found tootsie drops, which i haven't seen in ages and I love them.

The companionship is nice.

More pics for you to look at.

Me and my beloved tootsie drops. Found them in a gas station in a little town about halfway there.

Me at one of the springs in town, I don't remember the name. But they turned it into a beautiful fountain.

Kitten munching on a chocoalte covered strawberry

Me smoking outside the sweet spring.

Kitten at the sweet spring.

Sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane

Ah. Mother's Day. Busiest day of the year for Casa Bueno. And I get to work all day. I'm just all sorts of excited.

Actually, I'm not. After Tuesday I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for the madness that is going to be my shift today. So I'm sitting here, chain smoking and drinking a cup of earl grey and trying to gear up for this afternoon. Definately procrastinating on putting on my work clothes and being a productive citizen.

I dropped Kitten off at her job this morning and I don't think she was terribly excited to be there either. She is a cook at Super Waffle, and local breakfast restaurant. Breakfast places on mother's day are never fun. She was sweet and picked up doughnuts for her crew. I'm thinking I might do the same for mine. Nothing like sugar to bribe a crew into a happy mood for a long day. The coffee we all drank onTuesday rather kept us going (we brought in our favorite bews and got all jumped up on caffiene) so maybe sugar will work just as well.

I already called my mother this morning to tell her happy mothers day and she was already awake. Apparently Punk woke her up at six am wanting something. Seriously, she probably should get around to throwing him out sometime before he hits 30. But what do I know?

Speaking of mothers, I know Beloved announced on her facebook this week her and her partner Reba are trying to get pregnant. More power to her. I'm afraid I'd make a terrible mother. Best not to ruin any more lives than I already have, eh?

In other news, we had a huge storm Friday. I woke up to the sound of tornado sirens going off. At 8 am that's not hugely comforting. For some reason we normally get severe weather in the evening, so first thing just sets the day up for ten shades of no fun. On top of that I was a little hng over from the night before. Thursday tends to be our big going out night. We went to Brick Wall Bar and then migrated to The Vinyard (huge local gay club) with some of our friends. It was sweet though, Kitten called from work to check on me and make sure I was safe. I felt safer knowing she was worried for me.

I got my income tax check in yesterday. More money to put away for the vacation! Yay!

How are you lot doing? Its been quiet lately.
AG/xx

Sunshine Day

Yesterday was my day off. It was glorious. I went to the zoo with Kitten. She hadn't been for about ten years so everything was new to her. I love zoos in general so I had a seriously good time. It felt nice to be outside and enjoying the sunshine. I was a little disappointed, the elephants were already inside for the day because we went late in the afternoon. And the giraffe feeding deck was closed. (If you've never fed a giraffe and get the chance, do. Its so much fun) But the animals were really active because the weather was mild and we got to listen to the mountain lion scream for a while. That was cool. The otter had babies again so we'll get to see them sometime this summer. Otter babies are so cool.

Speaking of babies, I don't know if I mentioned Spike before. We have a groundhog that lives in our back yard. We always laughed at it because its about the size of a terrier. I named it Spike. Well, I was looking out the window of our laundry room and saw a groundhog that was too little to be spike. Then I saw three more. Then I saw Spike. Apparently, she's a momma groundhog. They's adorable. Kitten says I shouldn't feed them (I won't though I want to) and she's probably going to call the conservation department to relocate them to a safer habitat. I'll be sad to see them go. In the meantime I'm hiding with my camera every chance I get so I can snap some pictures of them.

Cinco de Mayo passed with relatively small incident at my work. I was exhausted by the time I got off. Eleven hours of drunk crazies, margaritas, radio road shows and panicked coworkers was enough for me. Now only mother's day to tackle and life should be really good. And easier.

Went on Monday to the travel agent to pay another thousand down on the trip in November. I'm really excited. Kitten and I are going to have so much fun! She's been more recently than me so we'll both get a chance to show eachother new things while we're there. So happy.

Me and Kitten together.

Kitten feeding the goats in the "contact area" (so much for petting zoos.)

Me with the tiger statue outside their exhibit

Kitten outside the reptile house, losing a fight with the gator statue.

I thought this was just too cute for words. Its my favorite statue in the whole zoo.

Yeah, I play onthe playground equipment, what can I say? I'm a huge kiddo.

That's why I feel so beautiful

I won the contest. Wow. I am so excited. And Ican't believe how many people came to hear me sing. A lot of them were Kitten's friends and that made me feel really good. Of course herEx had to show up because she was riding with one of the other girls that came. I'm proud to say that this time I was mature about everything. I didn't drink myself stupid and I focused and had a nice time. And I won. I feel really really good about myself.

As a side bonus my mom was there and she told me the morning after how very much she likes Kitten. Says she's not only supportive and good and sweet but also "the most attractive girl you've ever dated" Squee. Its nice to have her on my side.

This weekend we went out to Precious's house for a bonfire. She lives in the country and it was really really nice. We sat and listened to music and joked around and I got toplay with the dogs. It was nice. I haven't been in a position where I could go out and run around in the mud and get sloppy and wet and smell like an animal and not have my partner care. I think Kitten was amused. Hell, I was.

This week is supposed to be the hardest week of the year for us. Cinco De Mayo is a huge day for our restaurant and mother's day is following close behind. I'll be tired come next monday. I'm happy though, I like the money and I have a lot of hours this week.

I put in the 30 days notice on the apartment Plush and I used to share. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having a bit of a break from him. It's wearing me down emotionally, and honestly, being around him is the only time I ever feel really bad about ymself anymore. I'm really happy the rest of the time. He's been a bit of a jerk lately, so I'm having even more trouble being sympathetic. He wants to talk to me about how he feels, and I listen, but I don't know I'm the person he should be confiding to about our breakup. I know he has other friends. He says they just badmouth me, and he wants constructive advice. I think he needs a therapist. Not me. I mean, when do I stop being a supportive friend and start being an ex-fiancee? I don't know.

That said, life is going pretty well for me. I've got some glorious pictures of Friday night, I'll be posting those soon.

AG/xx

Soul is in the musical

Hi all. Wow.

So Monday night I got this text from my favorite local karaoke DJ and this weekend (friday) is the big karaoke contest that I am entered into. I didn't realize it was coming up so soon. I'm more than a little nervous. The goal was to try and do something no one had seen me do before so I could suprise everyone. Well, its going to be a suprise. I'm doing a song even I have never seen me do. I don't even know if he has the song. I have to call on that. I'm singing Vogue by madonna. Well, singing and I've got the music video memorized now, so I know all the dance moves and all the crazy. Its going to be something else. I've been practicing every moment I have. I hope I'm great. The prize is $1000 and I could (always) use the money. I've got a decent sized crowd to some see me sing, I'm working on getting an indecent sized crowd to come see me sing. The louder they are the better I do.

In other news, the float trip in July is looking more and more fun. We've been coordinating and it turns out my Kitten is making breakfast every morning. I'm looking forward to that. She's one hell of a cook. Especially breakfast food.

I got a flat tire on Sunday and Kitten had to replace it for me. I love her for how terribly handy and knowledgable she is. I'd have been sweating bullets trying to change a tire on my massive truck. I'm really very lucky to have someone who takes such good care of me. Really. I'm spoiled.

So Rugby Girl is moving to Arizona and isn't likely to come back anytime soon. She leaves this Friday morning. I'm trying to decide how I feel about it. She's one of those people that I like, but I'm not sure if I'll miss, if that makes sense. She seems, well, she seems like she'd cause drama if she stuck around. But that is one very colorful character I won't be seeing anymore. And I like color.

Its my day off, and we're having friends over this evening. Its a little book club type thing. We've been reading Twighlight by Stephanie Meyer. Well, I re-read it. Again. I really like that series. Think what you will about the movie (I know a lot of people thought it was terrible, or a let down, or both) but the books are fun. And they're brain candy, which I can stand. I need a break from serious stuff. Big time. I'm interested to see how it goes, I haven't done a book club thing before so I don't know if you just sit around a gush about how you liked the book or what. This is brain candy, so its not going to inspire any serious discourse, that's for sure. I think we should try a classic after we're done with this series. Like Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) or Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell) or something. But sometimes that stuff goes over like a lead balloon.

I'm off to keep voguing. Love you all.

AG/xx

i love to laugh

Right. So after my sill ypost below that is a total downer i thought I'd share some of my favorite new things with you.

icanhascheezburger.com is without a doubt one of the silliest giggliest things I've seen in a while. My cousin Lovey put me on to it. Oh! Side note. Lovey came into town from her new state and spent saturday evening with me and Kitten and they get along really really well. Bonus awesomeness for me.

some of thie silliness you'll find there....

Also if you go to albinoblacksheep.com there's this thing called the llama song that made me laugh so hard I almost threw up.

Check em out.

AG/xx

how could you be so Dr. Evil?

Hi all. Wow. Last week was a long one.

While I am on the topic of weeks, this week is MS Week. If there is a charity event in your neighborhood try and get out and get involved. If not take time tolearn a=more about MS this week. I suggest stopping by Swiss Toni's Place to check out all the information he has. Great guy, Swiss.

So work was a little busier than we had been this weekend, I'm glad for it it makes me think maybe, just maybe I won't have to sell my sould or be indebted to Kitten for quite the rest of my life. It was lookng shaky. I worked with a huge hangover on Friday night becuase I spent too much time drinking at the Brick Wall Bar on Thursday. More about that later. Suffice to say it wasn't my best night at work, although I managed not to spend the whole of the evening getting sick.

Sometime near St. Patricks day Kitten and I went to a little dive bar. I think I posted pictures of Kitten and I at this bar somewhere in the last tenposts or so. Anyway, we ran into a girl I had known when I knew Kitten the first time around, call her Queen Bee. So i went on one terrible date with her way back when, apparently Kitten and her remained friends over the years. We ran into her there. She's been soming around the last week or so and its been kind of nice. She's sweet, and I think kind of lonely. and it turns out she is nothinglike I remember her being, which is cool, because I had always thought she was kind of bad ass and scary and it turns out she's actually pretty soft and. well, girly. She went with us to the local 18 and up dance club on Tuesday and we had a pretty nice time. It wasn't bad. She ahd a friend with her that made her evening difficult. We made her promise to come out with us one Thursday to Brick Wall Bar because I was singing in a karaoke contest. She comsented.

I spent most of wednesday being useless. That's sort of what I do when I have a day off. I really, really need to get to cleaning my stuff out of my apartment. I was going to do some of that today, but I have a flat tire on my truck and kitten has to help me fix it. I'm so lucky to have her around.

Thursday. So we went out and Queen Bee was supposed to meet me and Kitten and Guitar Hero and Brick Wall and have a few beers whiel I did the contest thing. We get there and order a bucket of beer (five bottles in a tin pail not literally a bucket full of draft beer) and QB shows up but she has someone with her. I know its not good, even before I look up because Kitten mutters a less than ladylike expletive when she looked up. Its a girl I'll call Mal Carne. Old, um, *almost* paramour of Kitten's and a girl who in days gone by really really didn't like me. At all. Hatred might have been a passive term. She's with QB and there isn't much we can say, we invited Queen, can't really say she can't sit with us. I smile and snuggle down next to Kitten and start hitting the beers (and the shots) pretty hard. As the evening passes I discover MAl recognizes me but doesn't know from where. I get drunk enough to refresh her memory and she smiles and tells me she doesn't have a problem with me now. Good thing. But, too late, I had a huge hangover on Friday from my less than intelligent "drink to cope" strategy. I need to work on that.

(side note, I can hear the whistle of a train nearby, Kitten and my house is near an industrial district, and I love it. Its so comforting to me. I grew up near an airport and i love the sound. Trains are even better for me. They sound so pretty. Anyway)

Sunday was really my big day though. Kitten and I are going floating in July with some of her friends. Most of them are co-workers of hers. I like most of them very much. Wednesday I actually went with one of them, Earth Girl, when she got a tattoo. I like her very much. Anyway, the person who throws this trip every year, Princess, is best friends with Kitten's Ex. (I'm not even going to try and give her a name yet, it won't be a kind one and I want to be fair.) So we have our usual sunday after work grab a beer and hang out thing but its to discuss the float trip. This means the EX will be there. I haven't seen her since Kitten and I got back together.

I knew that my sweet girl told her about me because her reactions both enfuriated me. One, she asked Kitten if I knew she had loyalty issues. (which, yes, I did, and no, I'm not worried) and Two when she figured out who I was asked kitten "wasn't that the crazy girl we all thought was a whore? To which kitten replied "No EX, that was just you" Anywsay. I don't like that she talks to kitten like that and I really don't like that she made judgements about me ten years ago when she didn't know me and is stubbornly clinging to those judgements now.

Anyway. We get to Not My Mexican Restaurant where we sit on the patio and drink and smoke and eat on sundays and we're the last to get there. There's aboutten people there already, the table is pretty well full. I go give Earth Girl a hug because Kitten said she had a bad day and I paused to kiss Precious on the head and poke her boyfriend Aw Shucks. Precious is Kitten's best friend, and sister to the EX. I like Precious. She's awesome. Ex gives me dirty looks and I nervously hide behind Kitten's chair on the end of the table opposite them. I order a beer and then remember that I was sick on Friday from doing that and order a coke too.

Anyway, long story short, Ex and Princess make snarky comments just out of earshot at me all afternoon. I know they're about me and snarky because they keep looking at me and laughing. Presious is giving them looks and Kitten is determinedly ignoring the both of them, with the exception of when I make a snotty comment in her ear on the rare occasion i can hear them. I'm a hop, skip and a jump away from saying something louder, but I don't. When the afternoon is over Presious say it wasn't so bad, and she h ugs me and I feel better almost immediately. The cool person in her family likes me, and that's all that matters. As Ex and Princess are leaving Kitten and Ex swap car keys back. Kitten also gets back her house key. She turns and gives me the spare key to her truck that she had just gotten back from the Ex. I don't know if that was for my benefit or hers, but I appreciated it. A lot.

She seemed quiet on the way home and i tried to get her to talk to me, but I assume if its important she'll tell me. Most people have an internal monologue, unlike me. So I have to be patient. We spent the evening reading and it was really nice.

That was my week. Not great, not terrible.

I get to go clean my house now. I love it.

Go check out that MS Stuff. Seriously.

AG/xx

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

Well, an interesting day for me. I step away from the computer for a few days and all hell breaks loose in the world. Well, not really, but some interesting stuff has been going on. And by interesting I mean sometimes sad and soemtimes happy news.

Monday the Pulitzer Prizes got handed out. Yay. I've got some new stuff to read now. Although, has anyone found that the fiction writers who win pulitzers are just *thick* I mean, I love a good heavy tome, but... I'm contenting myself with the dream of getting published in The New Yorker. I can do that. Incidentally Rachel Maddow linked to all the winners in her Twitter on Monday, soyou can see the full list, if you already haven't, there.

The acting CFO for Freddie Mac was found dead in his home, an apparent suicide. Sad. Sad that its coming to this. I try not to speak too much of the financial mess that is my country right now, my grasp of economics isn't as great as it could be and I have enough friends who have degrees in economics that I get trounced whenever I try to have an opinion, but I will say this. The realestate thing? It was and is a nightmare. My fellow countrymen got greedy, and its hurting us all now. I mean, look at this poor man and his family now. The news article I read said they couldn't confirm a note or that it had anything to do with police investigations into the company or anything like that, but... do you really figure it might be another cause? Money seems to me the greatest evil in the world right now.

Speaking of money, Japan had a budget deficit for the fiscal year 2008. First one since 1980. Just sayin. Creeps me out.

For the record, how I feel about other things:

Gay marriage: still a right, still should be legal

Obama: still awesome. not regretting that vote at all

Abortion: Still my body

GJW Bush: Still shaking my head.

Marijuana: not as evil as I once found it. Don't like it in my brother's hands, I can understand it in others

Other Drugs: NEVER OKAY

Harry Potter: still awesome

Twighlight Series by Stephanie Meyer: New addiction

War: I'm sick to death of hearing about it. Nothing wears on activism like a lost cause.

Pirates: Johnny depp cool, others not so much. But did we have to shoot them? I didn't get the full story on this one, and maybe it was necessary, but...I don't like killing if it can be avoided

Current political heros: Rachel Maddow (of course) and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill. She's a righteous chick. Seriously. Honestly most of the female liberal senators have been rocking my world lately. Lets hear it for the girls.

New favorite band: Muse

New Favorite Artist: Brandi Carlile. Wow. She's got a great voice.

Earworm that makes me really hurt: If You Seek Amy, Brittany Spears. I think I hear it at least 20 times a day. And it is catchy, too.

Politics: still liberal

Religion: still a witch. Now also seeing a mystic. Life is good, karma is good

Yeah. That's about right for me. Anywho, i'm working up a big list of loves, likes and go to hell's.

Hope you all are finding more to cheer you up than I am today.

AG/xx

The Coffee Is Just Water Dressed In Brown

Hi again. I want a happy post. Something to make all of us laugh, or at least say right on. I've been debating posting this, but I think I will. I will say this, I want to write a book with this in it, so if you post me around, or whatever please give me credit. (this is more to a stanger who might stumble here than anything. I know none of my lovelies would pritate my dry wit)

So at Casa Bueno we have a running list of things that make us absolutely crazy. Someone suggested it would make a great book and I got the ball rolling. We've been writing these down for about a year or so now, and I love them. I think every waitress can relate.

WE call it

The Server Manifesto

1. We love children! The restaurant doubles as a daycare at no extra charge.

2. Servers are independently wealthy, so tipping is optional.

3. The best tips we receive are religious pamphlets! In currency exchange it is enough to pay the rent.

4. Server, waiter or waitress is modern day slang for slave.

5. Servers do not speak any languages. We only respond to shaking of glasses, snapping of fingers and/or whistling

6. Servers choose to work in the industry for the exercise. So, please, as for one thing at a time. My feet will thank you for it later.

7. When your server is speaking to a table other than yours, please try to carry on a conversation with us. We love to be interrupted.

8. Don't worry, your order will be out in one minute. We have a magic microwave in that at a push of a button makes your food appear.

9. "Dr. Pepper" is always an appropriate response to "Hi, how are you?"

10. Ask my advice. Don't take it. Ask my advice again. Really, don't take it. I just work here, I don't know what I am talking abot.

11. Move a chair into the isle. We have dedicatd ourselves to improving our agility. And blocking fire exits teaches us to think critically.

12. Your children are precocious. We adore it when they order us around. Its very adult. The bossier they get the smarter we assume they are.

13. "Please" and "Thank you" are antiquated perfunctory courtesies. Please feel free to disregard them. Thank you.

14. Special orders keep our jobs interesting. We understand if you have food allergies, but we love it when you're just plain picky. So go ahead, customize tha order to your tastes.

15. If you have a group of more than ten, please don't call ahead. We like suprises.

16. We have all gone through extensive training to be maids so we don't mind cleaning up after you.

17. When you go out to eat, please don't worry. You will be the only table your waitess has.

18. Waitresses have no feelings. As automatonic drudges we are perfect for humiliation, degredation and general verbal abuse.

19. Late inthe evening or afternoon feel free to stay as long as you like. Servers have no lives and waiting to clean your table is the highlight of our social existence.

20. If a restaurant closes at ten it is perfectly acceptable to come in at 9:55 and stay for a few hours.

21. We love vomit. Servers are immune to disease and don't mind of you bring in your children and they puke all over teh table. We like to clean it up. The smell is awesome.

22. Refills on soda are complimentary. It is completely acceptable to drink three two-litres worth of soda in one thirty minute meal. Go ahead and double fist those puppies!

23. Every bar serves bottomless alcoholic beverages. Please ask me for a free refill on your margarita. I'll grab it for you, and I'll go ahead and call liquor patrol for you too.

24. The kids menu probably says 12 and under. I know yo're 40 but i'lllet you order from it anyway. Cheap customers are the nest customers.

25. Congratulations on your gastric bypass surgury. That $25k tookyou from a fat nobody who was marginalized to a skinny winner who can take back all that lost dignity. Be rude to me. I don't mind. I'm proud of you. Your good looks were hard won, after all.

26. Your server doubles as your cook. Blame them for long cook times and food errors. Don't tip them either. Its all their fault.

27. Ask for something extra. Do you have one roll and six butters? Ask for more butter. You need it, don't you?


******

I will say that not all customers are like this, not even most of them. But the ones that come in and do things like this? Its the stuff that ruins our day. I hope anyone out there in food service enjoyed that. It was cathartic for my coworkers and I....


Love you all
AG/xx

You were never very kind

Went to dinner last night with Kitten's mom. It was nice, I don't think I bombed, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. That makes me very happy. The particulars aren't as important, really. And I'm afraid I'm boring you with the minutia of mine and Kitten's relationship. I will say this, her mom is seriously smart. I love that.

*begin rant about Plush, skip if you want*

I'm annoyed this morning. And having a bit of a conundrum. Plush texted me at two this morning (I was actually asleep) and he said he needed to talk to me about something. I sent him a text that told him if it wasn't dire it had to wait until morning. It waited. So this morning He says that he went out with his new roommates, among others, for his best friend's birthday last night. One of them, the female, (lets call her Jaygirl) tells him that the night he and I went to My Place (local karaoke bar) with her and her boyfriend (Jayguy) and Kitten and Rugby Girl that I "Held hands with Rugby Girl under the table" after Plush left earlybecause he had to work at 5am. I'm annoyed. A Lot.

First, Jaygirl walked up to me about ten seconds after Plush left and kissed me on the mouth (apparently gay girls are community property in his group of friends, this happens a lot to me. His guy buddies think its funny when their girlfriends kiss me) That act right there was the worst "thing"I did all night. Second, I help Rugby Girl's hand above the table, in plain sight, all night. She likes to invade people's personal space. Its her way. She held Plush's hand. Hell, she was kissing on Kitten all night. Its way easier to hold her hand than to fight off other more invasive petting. Third, about a month before Plush went out with them and made out with a bar waitess all night while I was home sick. I don't care, he told me about it, but there was no one calling me and telling me about his bad behavior.

I know I'm the bad guy because I did the leaving. But I also think I'm being delt a really harsh hand. *He* ignored me and made me unhappy. *He* was the one that was possive and controlling. *He* was the one who refused to take on an adult's portion of our relationship. I was paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing all of the sundries and babying him to boot. And I'm the only one who had a vehicle because he totalled his while he was drunk one night. He wanted a mother. Oh! And *he* was the one who shoved me over our coffee table because he was angry I wouldn't skip rugby practice to watch television with him and forced me out of the house. I didn't come back. Suprise. That's the only rule we had in our relationship. The only one! Don't lay your hands on me when you're angry. Been there, done that, have the scar, don't want another. You know what he told me when he called me later in the evening? "Its not like I hit you, and I didn't mean to shove you that hard" My Ass! I'm sorry, I have a lot of pent up rage about our relationship. Especially the end of it. I'm not an angel, I know I'm not. But I get so angry when I think about it. Yeah, I went out a lot. Yeah most of my girlfriends and guy friends are gay. Guess what? SO AM I! He knew that going in. He knew I wasn't a homebody. He knew I like to go out. He knew I was independent. You know how he answers these charges? "I thought you'd settle down and want to be a housewife eventually" *sigh*

On top of that Plush made it really clear this morning that as soon as he moves out of our (well, his now) apartment and finds a reliable means of transportation that he doesn't want to see me for a while. He needs "a break" Good for him. But seriously, I'm wondering why his new roomies can't drive him around or why he has to be crass enough to tell me he's using me for my truck right now.

I told him I would get the remainder of my things from the apartment and disappear so he didn't have to "deal" with me anymore.

I'm not sure what to do. I've bent over backwards. I'm still paying for the apartment and the untilities. I'm still driving him around. I still pick up the house when I drop by to get more of my stuff. How am I not being fair? I don't know. What I really want to do is go over when he's working, get all my stuff, leave half the last month's rent on the counter in the kitchen with a note that says "I'm out" and never see him again. Really. But that isn't the mature thing to do. Is it?

*End rant*

On the up side I have a date at the brick wall bar you guys keep seeing in my pictures with a bunch of my friends tonight. We're going to karaoke. I can sing, so its not terrible. Some of my friends thinkthey can when they drink, which is even beter. And some of my other friends that are comng are meeting Kitten for the first time. So it should be smiles all around.

My favorite songs to karaoke are (in no particular order)

I'm the only one, Melissa Etheridge
Alone, Heart
Take it back, Reba McEntire
Black Velvet, Allanah Mihles
Proud Mary, Ike and Tina Turner
All that Jazz, from Chicago
Brick, Ben Folds Five
My Imortal, Evanescence

Every now and again i;ll bust out some Whitney Houton (yes, I can) or some Celine Dion, if I feel ike showing off. I'm trying to find some new stuff though. Heart is my newest edition to the list of regular songs. I like it a lot.

Have a good day kids.
AG/xx

How bad could it be?

Wow. Big space at the top because I can't format. A Few Updates. I am doing my mother's taxes tonight too. Yay. I've gone from "I can't do math" to "Hi I'm an H&R Block in the course of an afternoon. Good for me.

Plush got a place to stay so we can move all the big stuff out soon. Even better. I have been hauling stuff over to Kitten's one truck load at a time. Its getting old. His mom is out of the mental ward and in therapy. That's a good thing too. He seems to be doing a lot better.

I forgot to mention that I went to visit Beloved and her new partner Reba last night. Its the first time Ive talked to Reba since Beloved and I broke up nearly three years ago. She hadn't wanted to talk to me because she felt uncomfortable with the situation. Never made sense to me since I didn't mind and I was technically the wronged party....but. They gave us a bookshelf which is awesome becuase mine is stacked three deep and Kitten has as many books as I do. We needed the shelf space. I'm going to give her my big TV because we don't really watch TV and Kitten already has a nice one. Who needs two? I think we are all going to get together and have drinks sometime in the next couple of weeks. That ought to be nice.

I also uploaded a few more pics for you to look at. I like posting them. Its nice. I do have a facebook and a myspace with far more pics if you honestly are interested. My facebook has the most.

The photos below are:

1. Kitten and I at my version of Cheers. I don't know if I can think of a better thing to call it. The Hole in the Wall maybe. You'll see that brickwork in the back often. That table is our favorite.

2. Kitten and the lovely Mystery, the head of our local NANO group and my good friend. I need to upload her wedding photos sometime. That would be good.

3. Me looking like an 80's rock star. In the back you'll see NB and Guitar Hero messing about.

Pics of tatoos forthcoming. I swear.

Now it chills me to the bone

I just did my own taxes for the first time. This year I was too lazy to pay someone to do them for me. Hooray. I can do it. And I get a refund, although I came perilously close to owing the state money. Bleh. Stoopid state taxes. I'm proud of myself. I feel super adult and serious now. ha ha.

In other news, we went out on thursday. Our friends bailed on us, which is good because we went into tunnel vision mode and ignored the world. I spent the whole of the evening staring at Kitten or dancing with her. It reminded me of when we first met 9 or so years ago. She's still beautiful to me. I felt like I was 18 again. It was great. I might have drug her outside to the place where she kissed me for the first time and made her kiss me again. Maybe.

We skipped going out most the rest of the weekend. It was nice. Kitten is starting to read the twilight books and I am working on another go around with pride and prejudice. I keep falling asleep though, reading relaxes me.

Yesterday Kitten and I had dinner with my mom. It was the first time they'd actually sat down and been around eachother. If any of you recall my stories about my mom you'll know just how nervous I was. Seriously. I normally wait until there is no doubt its a long term relationship before they meet my family. My mom, as usual, had to go and mortify me. Kitten took it in stride. I love it when she's charming, and she charmed my mother, which is great. Hopefully she'll come off the ceiling now and stop giving me a hard time about Plush. She did mention grandchildren, but...she'll overcome. There's always Punk....

Anyway. She tried to get me to talk politics, a surefire way to pick a fight with me, and I was adult enough to let it go. Yay for me. She did talk about her restaurant that she works at and, god save me, made me wish I could drop through the floor. She made a very direct reference to the "beaners" that work in the back of the restaurant cooking. (its a slang term for a mexican american, in my part of the country, a rather unflattering one, at that.) I'm sure you've noticed from the pictures, Kitten is a mexican american. I almost cried. My girl, never one to pick a fight, only smiled and was nice enough to tease me after dinner about it. My mom is so on my crap list right now.

I'm going and getting my hair done today and we're having dinner with Kitten's mother tonight. I'm nervous as all hell about it. I don't want to embarass her. I want to make her proud. I know enough about her mom to know she's an intelligent woman and Kitten is intimidated by her. *sigh* At least the restaurant we'll go to will serve alcohol. I might need a beer.

Enough talk about relationships. Other things I'm excited about right now:

Rachel Maddow is gay!!!! how did I miss this? I've been crushing on her for quite sometime. I loved when she covered for Keith Olberman on Countdown when he went on vacation and I love her show. Did you know she doesn't watch television? Anyway, she's smart and funny and now I'm happy to disover, a sister of the inclination. I read this is "Curve" the last issue. (Kitten subscribes to Curve and The Advocate. Now I need a subscription to the New Yorker and I'll be all set.) Anyway, if you haven't seen her you should check out her site on MSNBC I'm putting her twitter page in the sidebar. Because I can.

Books I've read recently:

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

The Four Feathers, AEW Mason

Little Women, Lousia May Alcott

Peter Pan, JM Barrie

Alice in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

Books I'm working on but can't seem to finish

War and Peace, Tolstoy

Anna Karennina, Tolstoy

Les Miserables, Victor Hugo

A Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde

And that's the news kids. As far as I can tell. Love you all.

AG/xx

ditry dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness

Yesterday was fantastic.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I only have one day off a week from Casa Bueno. Yesterday was my day off. I spent most of the morning cleaning house, you wouldn't believe how much laundry kitten and I manage to generate in the course of a week. Then again, I'm a freak and like to do laundry, so I played happy housewife all morning and had a grand time.

In the afternoon we went and had lunch at a local cafeteria with Mysterym who seems to really like Kitten. It makes me happy. Mystery is the kind of girl most people need in small doses because she can't sugar coat anything and she's very opinionated. I like her because she is a great story teller. I always end up laughing when I am with her. I like that. Apparently so does kitten. After we ate we went to a coffee shop downtown. The girls ordered seriously girly coffee drinks. I contented myself with Jasmine loose leaf tea. I love tea. A lot. I also had a cuppa Irish breakfast tea with cream. Yum. We told stories until it was nearly dark. When we got home I changed clothes and Kitten banged on her guitar for a bit before we headed out to a local hole in the wall for drinks with Mystery and Charlie Brown (her husband) Incidentally, I need to steal some pics off her site so I can show you the wedding. I was in it. Fun.

We're going out to Ladies night at the biggest and longest runnning local gay club tonight. I haven't been to it in years. I can't wait to show her off. She's so beautiful. And she runs with the "phone tree" that I used to idolize when I was a young lesbian. The phone tree girls are all those girls I thought were cute but was too afraid to ask out, and then when I did work up the nerve they laughed at me. Young people can be cruel. I'm afraid I'm passive aggressive. I want people to see me out with her. There's a pretty healthy amount of younger girls that had been giving me the eye the last year or so but never made a move (well, most of them never made a move) becuase they knew I was with Plush. Iwon't be disappointed to see them there either.

I admit its childish, but then again, I never claimed to be anything but petty when it comes to my affections. I love my community but there's a pecking order. Kitten rather moved me higher up. Its true. With the women anyway. I've always been up on the food chain with gay males, drag queens and bar tenders and owners. but lesbians? They don't like me. I'm too fag for their unsubtle midwestern minds. Kitten was always a part of the phone tree, even when we were both younger. (in case anyone cares, she's 29. Two years older than I)

I'm sure I'm going to enjoy tonight, she promised to dance with me all evening. I love to dance, and she's good at it. So life should be beautiful. Like it has been.

I'm sure an update will be forthcoming. And pictures. I want to take lots of pictures.

Truth Be Told I'm Lying

Well, heater all fixed. I crawled up under the house with Kitten and watched her fix it. It was awesome. I told her I had fun doing it. I'm not sure she believes me, who enjoys crawling under a house with just a flashlight in 20 degree weather, really? (yours truly apparently) The house is warm and life is good.

I met Kitten's dad this week. I was really nervous about it, but from what she says he likes me a lot. And that's a good thing. I get the impression that Kitten carries a lot of her personality traits from her dad's personality. I like him a lot too. He's a sweet man and despite my shy tendencies (yes I am!) I felt really comfortable around him. I might have spent most of my time hovering behind Kitten but I did enjoy his company. He's nice.

Now I have to meet Kitten's mom sometime in the next week or so and that does frighten me. I know enough about her to know I'll wear a skirt and probably get my hair redone before I meet her. Table manners shall be brushed up on and I will work on my dazzling smile. Or something. I want her whole family to like me. That would make things much easier for both of us.

My mom still hasn't totally come around, so I don't know how I;m going to handle her. She asked to have dinner with me and kitten next week so next week must be mom week. I haven't heard anything else about Plush's mom from him although I've talked to him every day since it happened. I don't think his family is keeping in touch with him. This sucks, I don't like feeling sorry for him. I want to be friends, but feeling sorry for him makes me feel akward. I have a feeling he isn't looking for an apartment right now and its annoying me. I don't want to support him indefinately. I want to help out at home with Kitten. *sigh* How long do you help before you hurt yourself? I don't know.

Today is my only day off. I need to be useful and clean up around the house. I want to go flea marketing or something just to get out of the house for a little bit. I need to go to the apartment and get stuff from it too, but that requires me to face Plush before I drive him to work, and I don't want to do that either. There's something terrible in him offering to help me move my stuff out to my truck for me. I'm not sure how to take that. I know I feel like an ass when I do.

I had another headache yesterday. I think that's two in the course of a week now. I need to get them under control. I think its mostly stress. It has to be.

I have six months and five thousand dollars until vacation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Songs on my playlist right now?

1. Crystalline Green, Goldfrapp
2. Drive, Melissa Ferrick
3. Bad Things, JaceEverett
4. The Pleasure Song, Marianne Faithful
5. AA XXX, Peaches
6. #1 Crush, Garbage
7. Feeling Love, Paula Cole
8. Naked, Tracy Bonham
9. Haunting Me, Stabbing Westward
10. Love Song for a Vampire, Wojciech Kilar

There you have it

AG/xx

You're frozen

Wow. Literally. Our hearter went out sometime yesterday and normally that wouldn't be a problem except where we live the weather doesn't do what its supposed to. Last week I was back to wearing tanks and short skirts and its supposed to be about 22 degrees tonight. Thank god for blankets. And thank god that kitten is getting her degree in HVAC. I think she's going tofix it tonight after she gets off work. Bonus, though, is extra snuggle time. You can't help it. It keeps you warm.

Poor Plush. I've tried to make the transition easy for him, but he's a slow healer. And his mom is making his life difficult. She keeps trying to talk him into getting an apartment with her and he keeps telling her no. Hes 25 after all, and wants to live a normal adult life, or as much of one as he'll ever have. This is not easy for him, telling her no. And I was so proud of him for doing it. He's a momma's boy. Really. Yesterday she called him and asked again. He told her no and she told him he was ungrateful and she was going to just go take all her heart and depression pills and make him sorry for not loving her. She made good on the threat when he told her she needed to get help. She's in a local psych ward now and I feel terrible, although there isn't much I can do about it. I'd offer tostay with him for a few nights, but i know that will only make things worse for the both of us. It makes me feel helpless.

On the bright side, work is looking up and I'm hoping we;ll be busy tonight. I hate to sit behind the bar and waste space. I think a few of my coworkers are thinking of coming with Kitten and I to Florida. Especially Brown Chicken. She's great. One of our supervisors and a great friend of mine. I love working with her. She's good for a laugh or a cry. She and Kitten get on really well too. And she's starting a relationship with someone she's liked a long time, so we get to share the honeymoon glow with eachother and not gross eachother out. Its nice to have someone to brag to.

Speaking of bragging. *overshare alert* The, um, bedroom activities are glorious and I remember now why I love women so much. Its like coming home. I love it. I feel more content than I have in years. And beautiful, which is a new feeling for me. And my Kitten is so beautiful, I'm always proud to walk into a bar or restauraunt on her arm. Its a good feeling. And New.

So there you have it. Life in a nutshell. Back to my blanket, I think.

AG/xx

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Right. So I don't even know where to begin with where I'm at. I was thinking of how many bloggers I have and haven't kept track of in the last couple of years and it makes me feel truly horrible. I loved everyone so much. Silly, isn't it? That you can lose track of something you think is important? Well, push comes to shove sometimes and its always the luxuries that fall by the wayside. Unfortunately, blogging (nay, thinking about myself) became a luxury for a long time.

Now I find myself in the peculiar position of being able to consider how I feel for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot freer than I did. I feel a lot better than I did. I'm still going through random moments of guilt over hurting Plush, and I worry about him taking care of himself. But I'mnot his mother, and I think that was part of my problem all along. When I asked myself why I shouldn't leave him the reasons all involved me not hurting him or him not being able to manage without me. He's codependent. And I was accustomed to him being codependent. I think I liked the idea of being needed after Beloved left because she definately did not need me.

But Plush and I can be friends, and I'll be his biggest cheerleader, always. But it doesn't mean I have to marry him. It cerainly doesn't mean that. All that time I was trying so hard to please him. I love him, no doubt about that. But its not enough. I'm sure my married bloggers will tell you, love doesn't make a marriage. I know. I've seen that from my own family.

Living with Kitten has softened life around the edges for me. Everything feels a lot sweeter. A lot more beautiful. Hell, I feel beautiful and that's something I haven't felt in ages. I'm not ashamed to wear my glasses around the house. I don't straighten my hair for hours anymore. I willl every now and again but I like it curly just as well as I like it straight. I don't worry about looking perfect all the time. And yet, I like to pull my hair down as I drive home because I know Kitten likes to play with my hair. I like to put on her boxers instead of my shoe string undergarments because I know it cracks her up to see me running around in them. Il ike to go shopping and buy things I know will cause eyebrows to raise. She says to me sometimes that only I can pull off some of the things I pull off, but really, I can because I feel confident enough to do it.

Yes, life is better than it was. And I shouldn't feel sorry for it. I feel like Jane in "Pride and Prejudice" why can't everyone be as happy as I am, its almost too much to bear.

So, the basics of me. Now. Almost, what three years later? I still work at the local Mexican Restaurant Casa Bueno. I waitress three nights a week and bartend three nights a week. I still work with Rogue. We've managed not to kill eachother yet. Well see. I never thought I'd meet someone as passive aggressive as I am, but she's got me beat, hands down. And she doesn't like my Kitten, which I resent. I love most of my coworkers, still, which I also didn't think was humanly posssible. I am a little nervous because corporate thoguth it would be a brilliant idea to start random drug testing. We're going to lose half our staff. (and honestly, as long as they don't come to work all spun out, who cares?)

I am still no closer to my degree than I was. I could say "the sacrifices you make for love" but excuses excuses. January is looking like the time to go back, as soon as Kitten and I come back from Florida. And then I *will* get it done. I will it so.

I smoke still. I quit for a period of about three months and then I picked the habit right up after my mother had a heart attack (I know that should make me want to quit, but there you are, do I ever do anyhthing that makes sense?) Cute thing is she blamed it on me. Said my wedding plans were stressing her out. Well, no more. Although I thought she was going tohave another one when I told her about leaving Plush. And when Itold her about moving in with Kitten. Yeah. Its not my fault. Anyhow the smoking habit has picked back up. The drinking habit, not so much. Well, not picked up anyway. I cut back after spending 90% of my summer drunk. Bad idea. The older i get the worse the hangovers are. And with the hypoglycemia I shouldn't be pounding too many cocktails anyway. Not too many.

My brother Punk STILL lives at home. Hes 25 now, for the record. My mom says he's moving out any day now. Ri-ight.

My cousin Lovey is out of state in college and her family moved away too. I miss Priestess and the rest of her family. A lot. I do.

I have a full ten tattoos now and I'll be sure to have Kitten take pictures so I can post them. My newest one is a pin up. I love her.

And that's all I can muster in one go I think. Still boring, right?

Do You Remember When?

,

Once Upon a time there was a great blogger on my blogroll, Mr. Mystic. I really liked him. He posted a meme that I just ran across in my archives. My opinions on a lot of things have changed, so I thought I would put it up.

Mystic, I'm thinking of you.

What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being content with myself and my situation in life and having someone to share it with, even if its only a friend.

What is your greatest fear? Not being able to tell someone I love them before I lose them

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My lack of an inner monologue. I can't conceal anything, even if I ought to or want to

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Queen Elizabeth

What is your greatest extravagance? Cigarettes and alcohol

What is your favorite journey? My trip to Kuwait

What do you like most about your appearance? My eyes, and I look unique

Which living person do you most despise? I've honestly gotten over all of my personal hang ups

What is your greatest regret? I don't have one anymore

When and where are you most happiest? At home in bed, or writing, always at night

What is your current state of mind? comfortable

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I'd fix my teeth but keep my fangs

What do you consider your greatest achievement? I don't have one yet. I can make a great shot or cocktail

What is your most treasured possession? A scarf that used to belong to my grandfather

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?Loneliness without someone to comfort you

Where would you like to live? On a ranch in the southwest US

What is your most marked characteristic? I'm blunt. And Pushy

What is the quality you most like in a man?Compassion

What is the quality you most like in a woman?Honesty

Who are your favorite writers? Dostoyevsky, Dumas, Austen, LK Hamilton

Who are your heroes in real life? Right now? Um, my grandpa.

What is your motto? Live fast, love hard, die laughing

You are the one way glass that watches me standing in line at the bank

This is me and my friend Reads Like Me



Me and Kitten at a local dive bar



Me and Hippie Chick on a random night at the club

Me and my buddies the Freshman and Snoop on my birthday