Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Trees and Tattoos and a Mini Meme

I got my Christmas tree up. I am very happy to have it done. I like to look at it. It makes me feel really cheerful. and hungry, sinceI decorate it in candy and gingerbread. Beloved objected, at first, but she is glad its up now too.

Speaking of Beloved, its her birthday today. So, Happy Birthday to you! (In case she is sneaking a peek, which I know she does from time to time)

In other news, I am thinking of getting another tattoo. I have three already, all on my back.

The first one is a lotus shaped celtic knot it is on my lower back, approximately 4" from my rear end, if I were to guess location. I love it. It was my first tatoo and took 2 hour to do. Mostly because I am a baby and had to stop. I was only 18 at the time, and my ex finacee agreed to pay for it if I promised to never peirce my tongue. I agreed, because it was a good deal and if we ever broke up, I could get one anyway. For the record, I don't have one, and am glad I didn't get one. It worked out well.

My second and third ones I got on my last birthday, nearly a year ago. They are both Runes, and each of them are special to me. I choose them because I felt like I was at a new place in my life, and I wanted to remember it by them.

The two runes I chose were Perthro and Dagaz.

Perthro is literally interpreted as a Lot Cup or the Vagina. It represents knowledge of one's destiny, determining your path, and feminine mysteries

Dagaz is the sign of the Day or Dawn. It represents, awakening, awareness, the power of change directed by yoru own will, and transformation.

These were very important for me because I wanted to represent to myself the changes I had made over the few years between my first tatoo and then, and I wanted something to remind myself how beautiful it is to be a woman.

These two are stacked on my back, centered above my knot, on my spine. They are more up in the middle though, so I actually have to lift my shirt to show them. They are about 1.5" inches in height. Not very big, as fr as tatoos go, but very big for me.

I am thinking on what I want to get for my new one, and I am sure it will also be a runic symbol. They really resonate with me.

I would be interested to see what everyone's impressions of my personality are, since I usually relate my tatoos to my personality. It would be interesting to see.

Describe Alecya in three words. A mini Meme if you will.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Its Time

Alright, now for that BHL post I was promising. This is just a warm up and I will try my best to keep my language under control. But there are a few things I need to get off my chest, and have recently been on my mind, since Iam fortunate enough to live in one of the most conservative places in the US.

1. If you are a WASP, especially a male, you cannot be discriminated against. I am so sick of hearing men tell me that they are being persecuted because they are men, or white or christians. Boo hoo. I would like them to try being a white woman, a black man or a bhuddist for a few days and then tell me how unfair their lives are. Sorry, boys. When people look at you, chances are, there aren't many snap judgements being made. Of course, I recognize that there are some exceptions, but as a rule, WASPs - I don't want to hear it.

2. Having a cunt (yes, I said it) does not make you inferior. It does not mean you need help with doors all the time, you can't make your own decisions, or that everytime you disagree with a male you are menstruating. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate being treated well as much as anyone else, but does this mean I am incapapble of carrying a briefcase? No, it doesn't. An office I recently worked at would not allow me to carry any briefcases, folders, or plans because it 'made them look like pigs.' See, in my mind, they looked more like pigs because they required me to wear a skirt every day and offer coffee in meetings I attended, even if it wasn't at our offfice, or I was runnign the meeting. This particular office told me I looked "more professional" if I wore makeup. Please.

3. Human rights are a good thing. This means we don't get to barge in to other countries without asking, kill a bunch of their people, violate religious pratices (such as burning a Muslim's dead body for "hygene purposes") and in general treat them like shit. It is not right to dress prisoners up, imprison people without charges, or beat them. Note I say beat them, npt 'beat them without cause' or 'beat them unless they attack you'. We're human,s not animals, and I am tired of hearing that "our boys" are over in another country representing me and my freedoms by beating the crud out of helpless people, or terrorizing citizens who didn't ask us to be there in the first place. Recently, Rush Limbaugh justified the actions of our soldiers by saying that they were just "blowing off steam" because they were in a high pressure situations. Sure, and I suppose running a country was tough on Hitler, so its okay he let off a little steam towards a few Jews, too, right?

4. Religious freedom is religious freedom. There are a ton of conservatives out there bitching to no end about how they can't pray in school and how this is a vilation of thier rights; or that not teaching creationism is wrong. However, these are the same people who won't allow Halloween parties but will allow "harvest celebrations" because they aren't a celbration of a pagan holiday. These are the people who want a Bible available in the library but are clamoring to keep Harry Potter, the Koran and other religious works behind a library counter for "parental approval" or out of the libraries at all. My thoughts on the issue are as follows, go ahead, pray in school, but let me go ahead and worship satan or celebrate kwanza or practice witchcraft on my own in schools as well. Equality to all, right? I have nothing against Christians, or their religion, as a general rule, but I think that if they deserve to be able to practice their religion freely,everyone else should too. I hear the argument that this country was 'founded on christian principles' and that the pilgrims came over here so they could 'practice their religion freely'. I agree. But the whole idea was that if you wanted to be different in your religious practices, you ought to be able to. Not that if you wanted to be a christian you should come to America. I know this may come as a shock to some people, but the pilgrims were trying to escape being told what to believe, which, ironically, is a bit like the problem we have now.

5. Free press. This is a big one for me. See, I think I should be able to write what I like, when I like and if people want to read it, they should be able to. Now, if you go check out Fox's and Red's blogs (check my links on the left) you can see a large bit of crap that the British (and if you ask me the American) govenment want to keep quiet. The beauty of the pres to me has always been that they are able to tell the truth when no one else can. A journalist is willing to do what it takes to keep the press running, and sources confidential, so that people can know what is really happening. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, there are a lot of people with a lot of different (and sometimes incorrect) opinions out there. The beauty of the press is that you can read many opinions and decide for yourself, something a lot of conservatives argue against. I have heard arguments in the last few weeks that there are rarely truth tellers in the media anymore because they are liberal and thus have an agenda. I am of the opinion that anyone who reports anything has some kind of agenda. The trick is sorting out fact from fiction and reliability and honesty from lies and bias.

I by no means want to act like all liberals are good people, or that they don't have an agenda. There are bad apples in every barrel. The problem for me, lately, is that it seems more and more it is the conservatives who are pushing agendas full of dangerous bias and discrimination. I have always believed that we should err on the side of giving people more rights. I don't see that happening, and the more freedoms aI see restricted, the more I worry.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Turkey 2

Having Thanksgiving at my mom's house today. Beloved and mom don't get along and she is sick right now too. Should be interesting. I'll be sure to report details.

I uploaded and am a NaNo winner, although I am not done yet. I'll make it though. hoping ot finih the story by this weekend.

And that bleeding heart liberal post, its ocming. I still need to work out a few kinks ;)


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

*hangs head in shame*

I've been a bad blogger. I will catch up this weekend, since Iam going to have time on my hands. An update if you will:

1. I am over 80K which thrills me, I am not finished with my story, which does not
2. Potter 4 was levely. We had a nice itme, and I think Beloved likes Mystery and Charlie Brown very well, so hooray for me finding people I love that Beloved likes too
3. I am stressed for Thanksgiving, but it'll be over in a day
4. Froboy is going with me to said party, said he would be *honored* which almost made me blush, and I am adorig him more than ever, and feel quite lucky he calls me family.
5. I am happier than ever to be a bleeding heart liberal, and will blog on this more later. Suffice to say, there was a conservative that set me off and i want to freak out, but son't to prevent being called the left wing crazy I am.
6. Added some new links, 'cause I love Red and Swiss Toni as much as everyone else, and as I pointed out on Toni's blog, I was sick of having to link to other sites to get to his.

Love you all, happy thanksgiving americans, happy middle of the week to the rest of you

*hangs head in shame*

I've been a bad blogger. I will catch up this weekend, since Iam going to have time on my hands. An update if you will:

Friday, November 18, 2005

Potter 4

Beloved and I going to see the opening of HP 4 and the GOF tonight at our local mega movie plex. We are going with Mystery and Charlie Brown. I am looking forward to it very much. I even took off work an hour early to go getin line. We have advance tix, but the girl at the counter said that I shold get in line for the 7:30 show no later than 5:30 or I won't get a decent seat. Freaky.

I think we are going to go get snacks afterwards too.

I am hoping the movie is good. I am a very big Potter fan, in fact, Beloved was teasing me about my waning devotion when I mentioned I hadn't blogged about it before. I do own all the books and movies, a calendar, a t-shirt (which I have outgrown) a lighting shaped pen, a stuffed headwig, a Quidditch Harry action figure and all the movie soundtracks. It is also the first PG-13 potter, which I am hoping means less 5 year olds in th audience, then again, I am also hoping with a 7:30 show we might have less anyway.

While I am waiting, I also hope to get a shot at Dance Dance Revolution, which I have never played and all my geeky friends have, so I need to.

In other worries, and speaking of geeky friends, I have received an invite for me and "spouse or date" to the company Christmas party (guess who works in the closet?) and need to find a date. I am thinking of 'Froboy, who is Beloved's oldest cousin, only a couple years younger than myself. We hang out a lot anyway (he and I would defiantely be pals outside Beloved and I's relationship, in fact, he is a part of the side of the fmaily she is estranged from) and I think he would do me the favor. Its a free steak dinner, trip to the bar and a couple of pool games.

But I hate having to worry about this kind of crap.

Wishing I could have 'Froboy along with us tonight buy he is busy working at his giant chain restaurant from hell job so he can have money for stuff other than school books (he's prelaw) He did promise to teach me dance dance and beatmania, so I am hoping to impress him if I get a little practice in tonight.

Well, friends, I am off for a night of magic. See you a la moring.


Thursday, November 17, 2005

Question #1

I finally got to teh line by line on Mystic's meme.

The question is qhat do I consider to be perfect happiness.

I tink that to be perfectly happy you have to be realistic, so this rules out winning the lottery or being famous or any of that junk.

What I want more than anything is to wake up with Beloved next to me every day. I want to love someone and be loved back, and know that it is unconditional. I want to roll over and always see sleepy eyes that blink a few times, just before I get a kiss.

I want to have friends that love me. I don't have alot of friends, and I value that there are poeple who like me for what I am (including the obnoxious, overbearing, puppy love love-side of me) and want me to like them too. I want friends I can tell secrets to and trust. I want friends who will always tell me the truth, even if it hurts me.

I also want to work in a job where I am realizing me full potential. I want to like what I do and I want to not ever dread the day because of my job description (read: I know everyone dreads some days, but work is work for a reason. I want to like my job enough that the thought of it doesn't make me sick.)

I also want enough money to get by. I would love to be rich, but paying the bills and being able to take Beloved to a movie will always be enough for me.

I suppose it takes very little to make me happy. And for the most part, I think I am.

Here's to hoping you have something that makes you happy.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Rubber Ducky, You're The One

Okay, Fox asked, and I am going to post it here for everyone to see.

For easy glycerine soap go to your local graft store and purchase melt and pour glycerine soap ($10 for about 7 lbs), a mold ($1), fragrance ($1) and color if you want. Melt in a microwave for 30 -60 seconds and pour in mold, let cool one hour. You can get fancy stuff going if you add chamomile or lavendar bits to it. Even a cut up loofah sponge.

For the bath salts, mix 2 cups baking soda, 1 cup epsom salt ($1 for 3-4 lbs) and 1 cup sea salt (water softener salt works the same and is cheaper-about $3 for 25 lbs.) in a bowl. Add 8-10 drops of frangrance and color to your liking (I use soap dye, but food coloring is fine, it doesn't come off on your skin) Put in an airtight container, I use canning jars, for 24 hours. Voila!

Its a lot of fun and it looks really difficult, but it isn't.

I can dig out my bath bomb recipe if you want me to. Its more complicated, though. You have to be able to find citric acid, and I had a hell of a time doing that. I ended up at a health food store.

These are great for holiday gifts, because once you purchse the smells, the salts and the dye, you have enough for 20 or so gifts. (I buy baking soda in bulk for $5 for 15 lbs) You can make all the women or metrosexual guys in your group a gift for one price.

There are also lots of great jars and lids and soap holders at craft stores for $1-5 a peice. They are what I usually spend the most money on.

If you guys have any questions, let me know, and Iwill answer them for you.

shoes and ships and sealing wax

Well, I made it. I actually more than made it. Right now I am at 64K and I have a few chapters left. I am very proud of myself. I uploaded it, and when I saw the count, I almost threw myself in the floor laughing with joy. I called Mystery and she laughed too. Its nice to have someone to be happy with. Beloved smiled and congratulated me, but I think it is hard for her to understand.

Going to dinner with Mystery tonight. I am looking forward to it very much.

It finally got really cold here. Went from 50's to 27 this morning. About time too. I like warm weather and all, but in November, 70 degree weather freaks me out. I want to get out my sweaters and all that.

Oooh. Speaking of warm stuff, Mystery is teaching me to crochet in exchange for me teaching her to make soap and bath salts. (if you would like the recipe, let me know, and I will be happy to give them to you.) I am looknig forward to making a scarf for myself and Beloved. And maybe a stocking hat.

Need to get on Christmas shopping, and worse, Beloved's birthday is at the end of the month, and I never know what to get her. Plus, in an attempt to make us be more thoughtful and creative, we put a $25 limit on birthday gifts. This makes me nuts. She also told me no more DVD's. So I am totally lost for something she would like to have that isn't a "need it" type thing like socks or a new work shirt.

My Grandmother called and told me the date of our family Christmas party for this year. Thank goodness it is a my Aunt J's house this year. Last year they had it in a community center and had it catered, which I am not into at all. I got sick, and didn't go, and Grandma made a point of telling me that this year I need to come sick or not, I only have to stay for an hour.

She manages to make me feel so guilty some times. She is always after me to spend more time with my mom and call her more often and all that. She used to drop by unanounced at my house and lecture me, but when I quit answering the door, she got the point, I think. I remember one time our answering machine broke just after I had a huge row with my mom, and she wrote this big long note about my responsibilities as her child and how I can't just disconnect my answering machine and ingore my family and stuffed it in to my door jamb.

But I love her. And she always invites Beloved, which is nice.

*sigh* why do I dred Christmas anymore. I really used to like it. Well, Thanksgiving and Beloved's birthday first, I suppose. Then the other things.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Special Edition: Jokes for Charby

Okay. I have crap sense of humor, so remember that. Here's to hoping you get at least a snicker, if onyl for my rubbish sense of humor Charby.

* * * *

q. what did the famer say when he lost his tractor?
a. damn, where's my tractor?

q. what do you call a dog with no hind legs and balls of steel?
a. sparky

q. if you are walking through a conrnfield, how manypancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?
a. It doesn't matter, ice cream doesn't have bones

q. what do you call a hundred layers in a basement?
a. a whine cellar

q. What's black and white and red all over?
a. burnt toast with katsup and mayo

q. whats red and green and goes a hundred miles per hour
a. frog in a blender

q. what do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo
a. giant holes, everywhere

q. what do you get if you cross a rhinocerous and elephant?
a. elliphino!

GAY JOKE ALERT(I can tell these. I am gay)

q. what do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
a. a flame thrower

Okay. I am out for know. I'll put up more, (unless you beg me not to) at a later time.

*happy sigh*

I took the weekend off, can you tell? :)

I had a fantastic time with Beloved.

We woke up early and drove across town to our favorite donut shop and got donuts.

Then we went to the local firehouse and painted pottery for each other as an anniversary gift.

Afterwards, we went shopping for movies (we bought Troy and the 2nd season of th eL Word) and went to eat at our favorite Italian Restauant.

We spent the evening watching movies at home. It was lovely.

The only kink in the evening was teh tornado warning we got right around 9:00 or so. That sucked. We spent about an hour in the hall closet with our cats. Cozy.

In other news, I am going to see HP4 the movie this weekend, and am very excited. Belived and I are going with Mystery and her boyfriend Charlie Brown. Beloved hasn't met them yet, but I am sure she will love them. I am really excited about both the movie and having new friends. I was getting a little lonely for a while. Beloved seems glad I get out of the house now and then.

I am trying to finish my novel, but am stalled in the 40's. I figure a few days hard work and I will make it. I just have to apply myself, which I haven't been doing.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I think Beloved is dreading it. Its a story Idon't have tiefor, but she's estranged from her dad's side of the family for doing something that made them angry. I think it was something she needed to do, and I was proud of her for it. Nevertheless. She is spending her first thanksgiving without them, and it will be hard for her. We are going to her mom's to eat, and I think I am making pies and some other boring foods. It makes me nervous. I have never made my own pie crust before.

I am planning on getting to a line by line on Mystic's meme on my next entry. So they should be more interesting from here out. I am boring even myself. But this is what's on my mind lately. *snore*


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Mystic's Meme

I love these questions and will probably try to do bigger blogs on all of them...

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Waking up with Beloved beside me, knowing she is happy, I have friends who love me, enough money to get by and a job I don’t dread in the morning.

What is your greatest fear?
Losing someone I love without getting to tell them I love them

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I’ll get back to you on that one :)

What is your greatest extravagance?
My collection of Christmas stuff

What is your favorite journey?
My first trip to OKC, OK with Beloved.

What do you like most about your appearance?
My eyes

Which living person do you most despise?
My ex fiancé, who I think is the biggest hypocrite in the world

What is your greatest regret?
Someone I loved that I didn’t tell I loved them, and we quit being friends.

When and where are you most happiest?
Home, in bed, with Beloved or at my desk ,writing

What is your current state of mind?
Stressed out and trying to calm down

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I wouldn’t. I know that is a cop out, but I think I wouldn’t be me if I changed something. Unless you count that I would like to be more fit. But I am working on that.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Landing my new job, although this NaNo novel might be it soon

What is your most treasured possession?
My ring from beloved, which I wear on my right hand, and a scarf that used to belong to my grandfather.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Loneliness without someone to comfort you

Where would you like to live?
In the country, a samll house on a lot of land

What is your most marked characteristic?
Physically? My eyes and my teeth, which are quite pointed, although I have not had them sharpened. Personality wise? I am really quite eccentric.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Who are your favorite writers?
Dostoyevsky, Dumas, Rowling, Shakespeare

Who are your heroes in real life?
My grandmother, Beloved

What is your motto?
Live with passion, Love unconditionally, never go to sleep worrying about something.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Someone in our group made it to 50K. I can relax now. I am not so far behind anyway. I just wanted to put up somethign new fo rnow. I will come back and whine tomorrow. Lovins-

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

*dances about*

Wow. I have been in a really good mood the past few days. Things are going well for my sotyr, although I took a night off last night to have some me time. I ended up spending it on the internet chatting anyway (shame on me, I didn't update here) and I felt really relaxed before bed last night.

Turns out, people actually do click on links, and Mystery, our ML for my reigon, came by *waves at Mystery in case she is reading* Which is nice. I did feel slightly guilty, because I had written about DJ, but there isn't much I can do about his antics, so I shouldn't, should I? I think sometimes I have too much concience.

I feel really pretty today, which doesn't happen very often, and that may be why I am in such a good mood. Beloved and I had an argument this weekend, but we made up and things are going well. I think it is really tense for her because of how much work she has been doing plus school. I wish she wouldn't work, I make enough we wouldn't be too badly off, and I think it would help her to relax. But she says we are too comfortable to do that, and we like to have nice things. I wish materialsm wouldn't get in the way of her mental health though.

Our anniversary is on Saturday (4 years) and we are going and painting pottery for eachother. Its a little tradition we have.

I am also going to post a bit from my story below, so if you are totally sick of my NaNo crap, feel free to skip strait to the comments section...;)

This is Chapter 13, which I think you can read without much need for explanation. Jeff is my main character Barb's uncle, Gail is her step sister, and that is about it. Oh, Moriah is her sister.

* * *

“Love and joy come to you, and to you your wassail too!” * “Here We Come A Wassailing” – Traditional English Carol

Chapter 13 I

t is getting colder still, and I am sure the three of us are going to have dreadful colds in the morning, but it is worth it. Watching Gail give Jeff a blow by blow account of my talk with Moriah is amusing, and her imitations of Moriah’s screeches of protest, which followed us all the way down the stairwell, are priceless. Jeff is laughing hard, nearly bent over at some points with the hilarity of it all.

“Well, Barbie doll, I have to hand it to you. You are going to get it big when your mother finds out. But its good, what you did. Maybe it will shock her into behaving next year.”

“I doubt it. And yes, mom will be pissed, but she should be thanking me on bended knee. I can’t believe she let Moriah get drunk today. Still, if she’ll let her live at home at 21, she will probably let her do most anything. I just hope no one will suspect it is our fault she has mysteriously disappeared.”

“Well, I know Gail is far too sweet to do anything untoward, and I can vouch for you. You’ve been out here smoking with me the whole time. I mean, can’t argue with that, can they? And as your uncle, I couldn’t let you behave so badly toward your sister.” He looks up at the sky, squinting at the snow that is still falling upon our heads, “I certainly wouldn’t let you go driving about in this weather.”

“Aw, Jeffy Clause. You are my own personal Santa again this year, you know it?”

“I try.” He ruffles my hair affectionately.

“I have to ask, Barb,” Gail interrupts from her spot on the swing on the front porch, “Why can Jeff get away with calling you Barbie, and your mom can’t? It seems a little odd.”

“Oh!” I laugh. “Because, Jeff made up that nickname for me. It was a thing between us when I was little…well, even now. And I don’t like that mom calls me that, because she isn’t Jeff, you know? It’s a thing for us. And she makes it into something its not, like I am a doll or something. Jeff says it as a joke, because I was such a tomboy when I was little, playing with James all the time. I was his ‘uncommon Barbie doll.’”

“I get it.” She smiles. “I think I like Barb better anyway. Man, it is getting a little colder isn’t it. Almost time for a warm drink I think.”

“Yeah!” I exclaim, delightedly. “I almost forgot. We should grab some wassail while the getting is good. Jeff makes the best wassail in the world.”

“I don’t know about the best….” Jeff protests.

“Shut up Jeff. You know it’s good.” “Alright, its good. Have you ever had wassail before, Gail.”

“No, I am afraid I haven’t.”

“Its really quite good,” I put in. “He makes it from scratch, its not like the kind you buy in the stores. It makes you deliciously warms on the inside.”

“What’s in it,” she asks suspiciously. Gail, I recall, is a bit of a picky eater, and has some off the wall food allergies.

“Well,” Jeff grins mischievously, “That depends on which kind I make. At first I made it with hot apple cider and some spices. But then I came across a ore traditional recipe.”

“That means with alcohol, right?” Gail questions.

“Right. It starts with the same base, I make a cider by hand from the apples. And the I take other fruit and fruit juices, like pineapple and lemon and orange and I boil them in a pot with cloves and allspice. Nothing you are allergic to so far, right?”


“Then I add dry sherry and some ale. I know you can have that.”

“Oh yes,” she answers. “I can have that.”

“Its my favorite thing that someone brings every year.” I think back, and remember all the years we had it. “Do you remember, Jeff, the first year you brought the new version?”

“How could I forget? I thought your mom was going to kill me.”

“No! What did Charlotte do?” Gail eagerly inquires, almost salivating to hear another story about the family, especially one that involves her new step-mother.

“Well, I guess I should say I didn’t make a non-alcoholic version for the kids. So some of the kids, including Barb, got into the wassail. Now, she was old enough, I think, to know her limit. I think she was about 13 or 14. She and James had a few cups and got a little rowdy singing songs by the fire.”

“Yep, my stocking still has the singe mark on the bottom,” I put in. “So, anyway, earlier in the evening Charlotte, who wasn’t a big fan of the wassail I made before, got into the new wassail and could, of course, detect alcohol was added. So she comes stomping over to me, turkey carver in hand, and starts railing about giving the children alcohol and what the hell was I doing. Well, I tell her that it’s a traditional drink and I thought that the adults might enjoy it. In my opinion James and Barb were old enough to have a glass if they wanted, they had drank a glass of champagne the New Year before, and I didn’t see the harm in it. So she asks me if I ever considered that maybe no one wanted alcohol at Christmas. I made the mistake of laughing at her. I told her of course every one did. Susanne and Tony always brought wine, even back in the days when things were good. Gran, of course, had a vodka orange juice thingy while she was cooking to stay calm with all those extra women in the kitchen and Grandpa and I always had brandy after dinner together.”

“That probably wasn’t too bright Jeff,” Gail laughs.

“No, it wasn’t. All of a sudden she gets on this rant about how wassail is some pagan holiday drink and Christmas is a holy time and how dare I taint the lord’s birth celebration with pagan rituals that were going to damn me to hell if I wasn’t careful and she’d have something to say before I drug the family down with me in my determination to practice unholy arts.”

“Oh. My. God.” Gail whispers in awe. “I knew she was nuts, but really.”

“It gets better. So Barbie overhears her mom freaking out on me, and comes over to listen, glass of wassail in hand.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yes. And she sweetly points out to her mother that wassail is a traditional British caroling drink, and that it was given to children who went door to door singing songs during the Yule holidays. She also points out that they learned the wassail song the year before in the church musical and there was a lyric, how did it go?”

“God bless the master of the house, God bless the mistress too,” I put in. “Ugh. Only good thing to come out of that awful choir, and chance to give mom a hard time.”

“I see.” Gail is in stitches at this point.

“Barb tells her mom all of this,” Jeff continues, “and you can tell she has nearly reached her breaking point. She says she can see we’ve all got it out for her, and she isn’t going to stand in our way if we wanted to drink and make fools of ourselves. This directly leads to two things. First, we all make a point of enjoying the wassail all night. Two, the kids got pretty tipsy too.”

“I think that was my first hangover, actually,” I muse. “Christmas Day. Oh how it hurt.”

“The best part of all of this is that Charlotte goes with the ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ philosophy and proceeds to get completely soused. It was unbelievable. She spent most of the evening running around the house singing the wassail song and telling everyone that wassail wasn’t a pagan tradition at all.”

“No, Jeff, that wasn’t the best part and you know it.” I interrupt. “The best part was when he bought her a wassail scented candle the next year for a Christmas gift. She was half pleased, and half pissed. She stammered out the most hilarious thank you. Something like, ‘Well, I don’t think you are implying anything, or at least I hope you aren’t but well, isn’t this a lovely gift and how thoughtful and amusing for you to think of this scent and my, while I think of it, why don’t I grab a cup, does anyone else want one?’ It was one of the few times I have ever seen Jeff lose his cool. He had to run off to the bathroom and laugh in there. It didn’t help because we could hear him anyway.”

“Sounds like a good time. Would you guys like some, I was thinking of going in a getting a cup. It sounds awfully good, and it would be better out here in the cold, wouldn’t it?” Gail offers, turning towards the door.

“Sure, sounds great,” I answer, looking at Jeff, who nods his assent.

“I’ll be right back then.” She slips inside and closes the door quickly, and we both feel a rush of warmth as the heart from the inside slips out. The scent of turkey and baking pies reaches our nose, and I can feel my stomach starting to growl.

“She’s all right, I think. That Gail.” Jeff says to me, looking out into the yard, where out little light display reflects colorfully off the snow.

“I think so too. Its been too long since I had someone I could chat to the way I can with her. She’s pretty funny too. A nice balance though. She isn’t nearly as much trouble as I am.”

“But still, a good person. I am glad your mom married, if only because you two met.”

“Thanks.” I look over at him, and his look tells me he is thinking the same thing I am. “I still miss him. And she can’t replace him. But it is nice.”

“It will quit hurting in time, Barbie, I promise. The holidays are always hard when you miss someone you love. But you have Gail, and me. And the rest of the family, even if they don’t show it.”

“I know.” I reach in to my pocket and grab another cigarette. He lights it for me. “Always the gentleman, aren’t you,” I tease.

“Ha. I wish your aunt could hear that.” He inhales deeply. “I think Gail must have been waylaid.”

“Maybe. I like having a moment just for us, though. I am sure she needs a minute away from me anyway. She’s been here all day with me.”

“I see.” I watch the snow fall under the street lights, and reflect the colors of the characters running around the yard. Across the street, I can see Miss Sunshine moving in front of her curtains, and her Christmas lights come on as well. The brilliant white lights are nearly blinding at first, and it is a little harder to see the snow from far away. Up close, though, they are as large as ever, and I maneuver my cigarette to prevent it from getting wet, still hearing the occasional hiss of the snow hitting the tip when I inhale. I hear a soft thud against the front door, and Gail is poking her head in the window. Her hands must be full, I think, and go to open the door for her.

“You’re right. Its delicious.” She proclaims, as she comes outside. “I had a sip, and then a glass, and so I had to get a refill.”

“Better be careful, or you’ll end up like me, singing the wassail song by the fire.”

“I think I could handle that.” We take our wassail and this time, the silence doesn’t seem to bother Gail. We stay here, watching the snow, smoking slowly and sipping our drinks quietly. The warm, musky taste of the wassail fills my mouth, contrasting with the sweet bitterness of my cigarettes. I sigh, and look at them, watching the snow catch in Gail’s brilliant red hair, and melt on the tips of Jeff’s old boots. They both seem deep in thought. Jeff smokes his slow steady pace and watches the street lamps. Occasionally he will bring the cup of wassail to his mouth, and gasp slightly at the feel of the alcohol.

Gail leans lightly against the side of the house, and sighs from time to time. I think I see tears glistening on her cheeks, but it could be the snow melting their too, I am unsure. She keeps her cup close to her mouth, and I can see the spirals of steam battling with the cold mist that rises from her mouth and nose when she exhales. She looks up. At the stars, which shine more brilliantly than I think I have ever seen in a snowstorm, and she tilts her head from side to side every few moments.

It is a happy silence, punctuated by the sound of the softly falling snow and out family, waiting just behind the door. But for the moment, it is just the three of us, enjoying a quiet Christmas. I think of them, and the things I love about my family and the people I love. I think of the happy things that this quiet time, and my family can bring to me. I think of my friendship, with these two people, maybe unlikely people. I think of how James and my Grandpa would have been happy to see this friendship.

I almost feel sane again.

* *


Saturday, November 05, 2005


Yesterday I wrote a part of my story that was rally hard for me. I was really depressed afterwards. I posted it in my excerpt section and I got a lot of positive feedback, so I suppose that's good at least. But, when I was finished I felt like I was going to be sick.

I don't like writing about death, or most days thinking about it. But it had to be done, and suffering for your characters is the best way to make them real. On the plus side, I broke 25,000 yeasterday. So that's good.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Well, I passed the 10,00 mark this afternoon. I am very excited.

As promised, Sunshine, I will email it to you tonight, one I get it condensed into one attachment. I have WordPerfect, though, so I don't know if I need to send it in rich text format or not. Let me know.

Went to the write in last night. It was fun. I didn't get hardly anything done there last night. But I did have a good time. Our ML, Mystery, was wearing a really loud t-shirt sent to her form NaNo. I loved it.

There were a ton of people there, a lot more than we had previuously. So that's really cool.

I ended up not going to the movie. Everyone bailed, and I left early to go catch Beloved, who was going to meet me at the movie theater. But neither of us could find it. I ended up running in to her at a stoplight downtown after about 20 minutes.

Everyone in my group is zooming by. I feel almost slow. Although I think I am the first to break 10,000. Still. Most every one is right behind me.

I rea an excerpt from Mystery's novel on her profile, and it makes me feel like a terrible writer. I am a terrible writer. But I love to do it, and that's what is importnant right? Well, maybe I am not terrible, as much as you can't compare the styles of a Madcap Murder Mystery to a Lit Fiction peice, can you. I wish I could write humor, but I can't.

Anyway. I am going to run off and try tofocus on work.


Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Yes!!!!! I broke 5,000 on day one! I am so excited. I can't wait for teh write in tonight.

The Muses are being good to me. I have to take advantage of it while I can.

*Waves to fellow NaNo bloggers* I hope things are going well for all of you.

Sunshine- you have already made your first appearance. And your Christmas ornament that hangs on the tree, guess what it is? Just guess. Haha.


I am going to try desperately to keep up the blog. If I keep up at this rate, it will onyl be 10 days before I can get back to blogging every ten minutes.

Lots of Love *dances around again, wandering off singing Christmas songs*