Monday, July 31, 2006

Isnt it messed up how I'm just dying to be here?

I'm feeling one of those moods where everything seems a little dizzy. I suppose its beacuse I am hormonal and I don't ever feel good when its time. Of course, it doesn't change the fact that things just don't feel like they are touching me just now. I feel a tiny bit disconnected. Well, more than a tiny bit. I want desperately to be held tight and told nothing is ever going to make me feel like this again, and truthfully, its only moments when I am lost in Beloved's arms that I feel that way lately. Of course, Ican't complain. I've got plenty to be happy about and certainly friends to love me and tell me I am alright, and share with me the little joyd of my days. Still, I'm not entire convinced things will be all right. Evidence tends to point the other direction.

I was laying in bed last night and I had another one of those nights where there were frightening visions of things I've experienced passing through my head and every time I would open my eyes to fight that feeling I would feel startled. Some moments it was processions of thoughts I really couldn't stop and didn't understand, thinking things like my friends would stop liking me, I was going to fail out of school and other nonsense that in calm daylight I would know better than to think. I'm tired and I am weary of all my headcase nonsense.

I want to be normal most days.

Of course, I like myself and feel like a decent something most days. Just not when I'm like this.

I will say this though, you're right, Flash, its nice to come back and see everything here is the same, or pretty much the same. WE never really change, do we? WE just become more truly what we are.

I love you all. Spinny, I wanted to send you a hug. LB- you one as well, an especially big one. Flash, missing you. You should drop me a line. ST - welcome home. Nice pics. You owe me a hug...Yoko! Thanks for the review...we'll have to chat soon about what you normally listen to.

Gayle....I'm stopping by after I post this, so I'll see you in about 5 minutes....

Everyone else, I'll be around soon. I've been lurking, I just never have time to tell you all I am thinking of you.



Mark said...

i'd lend you my arms, but they belong to someone else

Ali said...

Here's a stop gap squeeze until ST swings by then!


:) Anytime you fancy a blether mate, musical or otherwise, just drop by.

Aravis said...

That's such a horrible feeling, and I hope it passes soon! *hug*

Flash said...

I will have to drop you a line, I miss our little exchanges. I feel that you are, like me, struggling to keep up with it all. Where does all the bloody time go?

shorty said...

Hey AG,

I'm still here too. I know I don't comment enough and I haven't seen you online at all.

Flash is right, the time passes by so quickly and sometimes I get too wrapped up in the drama that is my life.

You will do fine is school. I too am starting in Sept and I'm nervous as hell, but we are both strong woman who are skilled at multi tasking. We will make it.

If you ever want to chat, you know where to find me.


HistoryGeek said...

I'm not hormonal, but am feeling a bit out of sorts as well. I think this weekend should go a long way to helping that (or I'm hoping so).

Great big hug to you, sweetie. Hang in there.

Ali said...

P.S. I have replied to you over at LJ (in nutshell, I said YES to an Ani CD but may I reciprocate with something?)


swisslet said...

hey! get your hands off my girl!

of course you can have a hug, kiddo.



Cody Bones said...

I'm reaching down to Mizzou to give you a big HUG. I'm thinking about you.

Alecya G said...


I love you guys, I do. I'm going to start asking for more hugs. ;)

ST- you make me blush, really....

-L said...

Hello again, darhling! Sorry I haven't been around much either...Schmoo. Am trying to make a comeback though. :)