Friday, December 22, 2006

This Makes Me Really Proud to Be An American

Serisouly, I read this article and thought I might be sick. After a week of trying to better understand a culture and its people highly influenced by Islam, it makes me angry. Really Angry.

See Below, and let me know how you feel:

Virginia Congressman Virgil Goode's comments about a fellow Congressman's swearing-in ceremony has sparked a religious controversy on Capitol Hill.

Keith Ellison, D-Minnesota congressional-elect, plans on using the Muslim holy book the Koran for his ceremonial Congressional swearing-in ceremony next month. His new colleague, Virginia Republican Congressman Virgil Goode reacted on Fox News.

Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Virginia, says, "I am for restricting immigration so that we don't have a majority of Muslims elected to the United States House of Representatives."

Goode wrote to hundreds of constituents that Americans need to "wake up" to make sure "more Muslims (aren't) elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."

Ellison is not an immigrant, born in Detroit, he converted to Islam in college and says he can trace his roots back to Louisiana 260 years ago.

Ellison told ABC news earlier this week that the official swearing in of all the congressmen is more important than the individual ceremony.

Ellison says, "All of us, no matter what color, what culture, what religion, all swear to uphold one Constitution. That's a beautiful thing. It's something that all of us as Americans really need to be proud of."

This controversy erupted after Jewish conservative columnist Dennis Prager wrote that Ellison's using a Koran would "undermine American civilization," since our values he says are based on the Christian bible.

But in 1997, Oregon Republican Senator Gordon Smith, a Mormon, used an
expanded Bible containing the book of Mormon.

Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York, who's Jewish, says, "Maybe I am going to be attacked next because of the old testament bible I am being sworn on compared to the new testament one that Virgil Goode is going to be sworn in on."

Congressman Goode says he will not apologize, and that he is not a bigot, just not a person who "jumps to the mantra of political correctness."

Copyright 2006 by Young Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Look At This Photograph

Hey everyone. I really want to post a long excitng tale about today, but its 1 am here, or very close to it, and I am being lazy. I will instead provide you with many, many photos of my trip.

In case you havent tuned in recently I am in Kuwait right now with my school. I've been here 5 days now, and I'm having a great time. Please read the post below, I'm interested in any questions you might have.

On with the show.

This is Dr. O at the airport in Cincinatti waiting for the plane, which was delayed about half an hour or so because of weather in NYC.

I think this one is self explanatory.

A view of Kuwait City from Kuwait Towers.

<--------- Another view of Kuwait City. If the formatting turns out okay you'll be able to see I made an arrow in the approximate direction of our hotel, the large tan high rise with green arabic writing on it in the middle of the pic.

This is Kuwait Towers from the ground.

This is me and debate girl inside the alcove where the imam calls prayers inside the Grand Mosque in Kuwait City.

Right blogger is giving out on me for posting so many pisc. More later....

Monday, December 18, 2006

Like the deserts miss the rain

Today has been a really long day so I am going to hit the highlights and expand on it tomorrow:

1. Looks Like Sam, BB, Jared and I are all sick. I dont know who got it first, but we are all scratchy throated, runny nose coughing fit sick. Looks like Sam cant keep food down and missed the whole day today.

2. We went to the Ministry of Higher Education today and had a meeting with the head of foreign students there, learned a lot about their schooling. Wish it was so good here. The minister of higher education got called away on an emergency and extended to us the coolest apology invitation on the planet, which I'll tell you about shortly.

3. After the ministry we went to eat lunch at Kuwait Towers. We were kept waiting outside for a while, and when we got in we found out there was a huge meeting and we were about the only other people allowed a table. Said meeting included three prime ministers, most of the Kuwait government, a buttload of diplomats and other rather important people. Which explains why there was a motorcade outside full of men toting automatic weapons.

4. Lunch was really good, we tried a lot of traditional dishes. And, as luck would have it, two very cool people spotted us and had lunch with us - the president and the director of the middle eastern reigon for the international commission on human rights!How sick is that? I got to sit by the director and we spoke at length about women in politics, its her specialty area in law, human rights violations of women, and so the hour I spent chatting with her was amazing. At the end she gave me and BB her card [and no one else!] and told us to call and email her, she even wrote in her private number. She said she wanted to keep in touch, some visit our school and do a symposium, and help the both of us get jobs when we graduate. I almost cried from happiness.

5. after the lunch we went back to the poetry library so Dr. O could grovel for money with the benefactor/owner/founder of teh library. I was a little embarassed because the benefactor came out and received us with coffees and teas and food and started to talk to us [the students] about his collection and his goals with his library and Dr. O interrupted him, drug him to the other end of the room and occupied his attention for the entire hour we had scheduled with him! We weren't happy.

6. We found out the ministry of information, and the Kuwait government likes us so well they are planning on sending us as student leaisons to universities around the us [a lot of tehm the alma maters of the officials] and speak to the schools about out experiences. *Plus* they want us to come bacck each year with more students [they'll bump our group number from 7 to 15] and teach them the culter with them, like student leaders/ambassadors. And they'd pay for all of this. How cool is that?

7. We went after the library to the "conservative" women's group and I'll likely devote an entire blog to everything I learned tonight from those women. I can't tell you how impressed I am, how much I love them, how wrong I was about them.We're actually having a "girls night" tomorrow or Wednesday so we can all bond and discuss women's culture together without the "interruption of the men" as they put it.

8. Because *someone* [the same someone I might add] got on a tangent during our question and answer session with them about something that I felt was nearly unrelated we were late and ended up missing what I had been looking most forward to, our apology date with the minister of higher education. Want to know what it was? *sobs* An invitation to the very first ever Kuwaiti women diahwana. This may not sound important, but for women's politics its a hugely historic moment. Women arent allowed in dihawanas and its the main forum for political discussion and movement. All the important movements in the Kuwaiti history have stemmed from these special meetings. I am really disappointed, and rather angry, we missed it. I'll tell you more about the meetings sometime, if you like.

Thats my day, we've finally gotten home, fed and I've started to pack again, I dont know how I am going to get it all fit inmy bags...

So no one has any questions? Anything they want to know about the culture?

Tomorrow we;re off to sit in on a parliment session and ride camels, which we put off today because Looks Like Sam was so sick.

Love you all - XX


Sunday, December 17, 2006

Decent Days and Nights

Wow. Its about day four here, depending on whether you count days as time after I go to sleep and ake up or time when it passes midnight. Technically its day 5. Either way, Ihad to ask what day of the week it was this morning because I'd honestly lost track.

Woudl you like an update?

so far I can say I have:

Met with an NGO [I think I told you that] It was brilliant, and speaking of brilliant, Brilliant Babmbi saved our asses by speaking a beautiful and eloquent bit about the time it takes for progress to be made in women's movements and how the women of Kuwait should be proud of their new found rights and press on and keep up the hard work. It was a relief because *someone* in our group [not me] in essence told the women that the reason they didn't have parlimentary officials who were women elected was because they didn't try hard enough and that their parliment needed to set quotas for women bcause they would not get elected otehrwise *rolls eyes* please. Its their first GD election! We were irate and BB saved the day. I love her. She's so well spoken, she makes me feel stupid when I listen to her. She's brilliant. Really.

Been to a library dedicated solely to the preservation of Arabic Poetry and literary artifacts. It was awesome. I cant even express how cool it was. Incidentally, I think this is funny:I blend in really well. most of the girls wear their scarves, just not on their heads, because they feel too "odd" and old fashioned. I personally like it, I don't have to do my hair, which is good since Ive not got a straitening iron, not to mention I look like everyone else, which is comfortable, you know? Anyhow, we were in the car to go to the Poetry Library and it was just me and Professor O and our driver because we have so many cars we dont have to cram in and we rotate who sits where, although normally I sit with BB and Jared, and I was short stick and rode with Dr. O. So our driver made a wrong turn and we had to pull in later. Well, they had closed the libary to the public for our tour [you wouldn't believe how many places they've closed just for us!] and we tried to pull in and they wouldn't let us in! The security guards kept looking in the car at me and telling Dr. O in Arabic there was no way we were with the other group because we were both arabs and they others we a bunch of foreign students, american he thought, and we werent going to trick our way into the library, we didn't match. Our ministry leaison eventually came down and told him off and he smiled at me and told me it was lovely to see such a modest and lovely American woman, who was so respectful of his culture. Dr. O told me the man had thought I was a family memeber of his - a neice or a daughter! Isnt that a scream? Anyway, the peotry was good.

Tomorrow we're going here:

The Kuwait Towers. We're having lunch with the Minister of Higher Education there. Today we toured American University Kuwait and tomorrow we are touring Kuwait University herself. We got to sit in on aclass today and listen to the discussion, I really enjoyed it. Today was a liberal university, tomorrow is a liberal university.

We also get to go ride the camels in the desert tomorrow, and as stereotypical as that might sound, we've all really been looking forward to it. Oh! And I don't know if I mentioned this, its cold here! Cold. cold! Today it only got to 14 C and we were all bundled up. I bought a leather jacket at the market. But, we are all bundled up for the cold, apparently this is the coldest its been in a few years. It even rained yesterday and they had 25% of what is their normally yearly rainfall. It was crazy. We're taking clothes to bundle up into when we go tomorrow, because we have to go uber dressy for the lunch tomorrow. But, you know, its still really nice, and we're having as good a time as we can.

This morning at the radio station was a lot of fun, and we got to be on air. But the big suprise was the paper, which I found laying on my bed, apparently my maid [well, what do you call a male maid, because I know mine's a male, I see him every day] saw the article and took the liberty of delivering one to me. On the second page of the paper in the special news section there was a half page article and huge picture of our group meeting with the womens group. We hadn't even realized the press was there! They had quotes from us and were really nice and informative about it. I was so uprised, so we're all taking home a copy of the paper.

Speaking of crud to take home, I have no idea where I am going to fit all the souvenirs. We're going sword shopping tomorrow, and if there's a good one I dont know what I'll do. I may need to buy extra luggage.

Oh, and I'd like to say, I'm one of the cool kids for a change I may have mentioned the other night BB and Jard and Looks Like Sam came to my room and we watched TV and talked politics and I taught them how to play "6 Steps to Nuclear War" [I told you didn't I??] Anyhow, point is, I felt cool because all my life I've been the kid whos been told the party is on the 13th floor and its a 12 story hotel, you know? Well, last night we listened to Dane Cook, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and then the News, and we played Phase 10 [a card game] and ran our mouths until 230 [we were so tired when we drug ass out of bed at 6 to go to the radio station. Actually Jared and Looks Like Sam are like me, they were up by 530...] Tonight they came over again and we watched the movie Anchorman and talked. they left at about 12 or so, we are all wearing down from lack of sleep, jetlag and the massive amount of sugar we keep pumping into our systems. Seriously. Jared drinks more tea than me, and I didnt think that was possible. Oooh! And they all drink their tea with milk, the proper way, and I love it! We had to theive some milk and tea bags from the hotel restaurant, but I figure since we're paying 3.50 US for a "dinner beverage" then we have right to hork a few teabags and a cup of warm milk for heavens sake. Oh, and maybe some brown sugar for me...heh heh. Either way, the point is we had another night together, and its really nice. I feel loved, heh. Its a plesant change.

I'll post some more pics as soon as I manage to get the computer here to stop being stupid, and Jared and BB get more pics uploaded, because I've not had a chance to steal any pics from them recently.

Some links to pics of places we have been or are going: [because blogger sucks and wont let me pirate more of Jared's pics]

Kuwait Towers

Grand Mosque Outside

Grand Mosque Inside

Well, questions? Cmments?


Saturday, December 16, 2006

I feel fine

hey guys, I'm dropping in really quickly to post some photos I've stolen from one of the guys in our group's blog. He's blogging th e trip too, so if you want another person's less biased perspective, you should totally visit him at

He has a lot more pics, but I'll give you the highlights -

Thats the Tigris river as viewed from our plane. Cool, eh?

Thats a view of one of the buildings across from ours in Kuwait City...

This is our group in front of the Grand Mosque in Kuwait City. They are, repsectively, Yours truly [in traditional headscarf, which I've grown very comfortable wearing] Brilliant Bambi [she *is* brilliant, and I am so glad she's here!] Debate Girl, Tall Girl Who Never Talks, Glad He Smokes, and in the back Jared [whos pics I've stolen and who's name there is no point in hiding] and Looks Like Sam. God I look like a tool. Someone put me out of my misery. Actually, now that I've gone back to my traditional black I look just fine. I'll be happy to post more pics, or steal of of Jared and Brilliant Bambi's when I get a second.

We went to the open air market yesterday and I had a fabulous time. I got a lot of cool souvenirs, and a beautiful traditional dress I am dying to wear around. Debate Girl got one too, and we're all going to wear them when the boys wear thier suits and their headscarves. I bought Beloved and Rogue some camels. haha. better than emus. We're going back today and I am looking forward to it, I want to get more stuff, lord knows how we're going to get it all home!

We're off to a radio show this morning. Its for the most popular station in Kuwait, they're going to interview us, how cool is that. And we met with a really important womens progress Kuwaiti NGO last night, and I will ccertainly blog all to hell about that as soona s I get a chance. It was so interesting....

well, Im off, life of celebrity and all. Talk to you all soon. Seriously, checck out Jared's site, he's got some great pics.


Thursday, December 14, 2006

Ive never felt this way before

Hello all. Suprise. I have a computer at my hotel. I am in Kuwait. We are starting our second morning.

The plane? Awesome. I loved all three rides, and we managed to make it through JFK with little trouble, the embassy flew us first class so we got spoiled in one of the lounges while we were laid over, it was great. I am planning on meeting the infamous hyde when we stop in NYC for the night on the 23rd, if I get ahold of her, so I'm eager to tell you about the legend herself...

Yesterday was a handful of new experiences, and things I'll likely never do again. I saw the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, I flew over Baghdad airspace and looked down on the city. I had dinner with a Ministry of Foreign Affairs official and spent the night sightseeing in a beautiful city where men and women my age were driving porches like they were hondas and listening to American rap at the top of their stereo volume. And everone honks and waves at us, it almost feels like celebrity, they really like us here. I am really, really suprised. We went to a shopping mall on the Persian Gulf, I'll be sure to take a picture and show it to ou guys. Its so amazing.

And life couldnt be better, we have our own rooms! No Bambis [which arent so bad, really, I'll tell you more about them later] no sharing showers or setting sleep and getting ready schedules. Its nice. I have a gorgeous king suite all to myself and I am loving every minute of it.

I am having a great time, and I am hoping I'll be able to tell you more as the week goes on. I miss you all.


PS- yes, I am well aware I quoted a movie theme song lyric in my title, bite me.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I'm going to do my best swan dive into shark infested waters

Wow. I leave tomorrow.

I leave tomorrow. Its not quite sunk in yet.

I think I'm scared. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm scared. There's no use telling me not to be, I'm going to be anyway. I keep trying to explain it, and my terrible mood, but its not explaining well, not to anyone who'll listen anyway. My problem, I think, is I can't fathom where I am going. I can't see it in my head, I have no clue what I'll be doing. Hell, I don't even know the name of where we're staying yet. I read a school newpaper article about our trip 5 minutes ago and my knowledge about the places we're visiting doubled. Doubled. Not to mention I am headed into complete support system withdrawal. I've never, ever, been away from Beloved this long. I've never not talked to rogue this long. I am entirely unsure about how I am going to cope. I might not. Especially if I don't bond with the Bambi's and fast. I did see Looks Like Sam today and it made me feel marginally better to know that he's going to be there, she seemed nearly as stressed out as I feel, which was a comfort, misery loving company, and all that...

The plane thing...I'm still not over it, and not entirely convinced that a load of Nyquil ios going to do the trick. Still, I'll have my MP3 player with me, and Beloved bought me the book "The Devil Wears Prada" [I've been dying for some brain candy] and I'll be taking The Brothers Karamasov as well, and if nearly 2000 pages of literature, 8 hours battery life music and a deck of cards can't keep me distracted...well, there's always sleep. I've heard its nice....My mom and Punk are coming to "see me off" although I'm sure its more of a make a scene type thing. I told her not to, but she "took off work especially for me" even though I told her I'll be in nearly 2 hours of security checks and won't see her, and she won't be able to see me...ah, well. Whatever makes her happy. I'm taking a cab to the airport, I think.

I did go shopping. I got mym om, brother and grandmother thier emus, life is good. Although the mall is a nightmare I don't even want to talk about at Christmas time. I was thinking of getting beloved a build a [god complex] bear with my voice in it for while I'm gone, but it seemed a little narcissistic. A little.

I gave Rogue her emu [she entered the majority yesterday, incidentally] and I think she liked it too. She smiled, at least, and that's always a good sign.

I said goodbye to everyone at work on Sunday, and the excess hugs nearly made me ill. My little FA [did I give her a name, I don't remember, I should call her something like Cow Eyes] told me work wouldn't be fun without me...hell, work isn't fun with me, if you ask...that's why its called work. I did make a bit of a fool of myself with Rogue, telling her goodbye (I knew I wouldn't see her the next few days) I desperately needed to be reassured that I am loved and that she knows how much I care for her in the instance something happens to me. It sounds foolish, but I can't seem to shake this terrible feeling of fatality and I've been making sure to tell all the people I love that I love them so that if something does happen they know.

I've been doing the same thing to Beloved and I think its about to make her crazy....

Speaking of making beloved crazy, I was a basketcase last night, and I flew off the handle at her. and it wasn't very nice of me. I finally cracked under the stress of the trip, the stress of finals and all of the other things that have been on my mind. Poor girl, she's a champ for putting up with me, really.

I went to Preistesses a couple of times in the last few days. Beloved and Iwent and made cookies and had buffalo roast for dinner, it was nice. Beloved played with her youngest, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and they had a nice time. I sat with Presitess and Lovey making cookies and talking mystic shop, since its the only time we get to. Lovey and I have plans to crash on the couch and watch a movie when I come home. She's good to curl up with, I love her to death, and I feel more than a little guilty I don't see her as much as I should.

I also spent some time with Preistess on Saturday [I think it was it was friday, friday] and we had a good talk. I did a reading for her, and then I actually did one for myself, which is so rare, and I got a little bit of reassurance that I needed on some issues that tend to creep in the back of my mind and I can't get rid of...they're always there....either way, Preistss also gave me the information that she thinks I am what she calls a "split soul" meaning in most of my other lives I've had a twin, which explains that ever-present searching feeling I have, like I am looking for something I've lost, its a part of me. She says I'm the younger of the twins, and I know the person who is my twin, but she won't tell me who it is and she says I'll figure it out on my own time...whatever. I do feel that searcing feeling, but the idea of being a twin...its another diea foreign to me, and konestly, if she weren't right about nearly everything else when we have our little talks, I'd laugh about it. Its the fact that she's right so often,

Speaking of witches I love, one of them sent me a card and I should tell her thank you...and I love her, and I wish her much happiness in the coming year. Goodness, what a sweetheart to remember me. Hey! Maybe I'll take the coloring book, you think security would mind? heh heh.

ST- I miss you too! Goodness. And I do need to earworm, but It'll have to wait until I get back, I think, maybe I'll do it the week of my birthday, that would be fun, wouldn't it. Turn 25 and get my second go at ST's earworms? What better present is there? [outside a hug from the legend himself...of course ;)]

Speaking of the week of my brithday, I have an appointment with the local cancer center. I had the spot checked again yesterday and its not gone, obviously. They hadn't used the c-word yet, so when she used the term "cancer senter" instead of "women's breast center" I thought I was going to die. Really. But, there's hope for me yet, and I've got a month before I can go, so we'll see how it works out. Its the Friday after my birthday, the appointment, and I plan to go out that night and get totally soused. HEre's to hopeing I have good reason to.

Of course it wouldn't be a decent blog if I didn't tell you the songs running through my head, so I'll give you a list of the songs I suspect will be chasing my thoughts [and worming my ears] while I am on my flight and away from all this loveliness for the next 10 days. Keep in mind this is highly influenced by the two mix CD's I've just made - one for Rogue and one for Shrugs...

Swan Dive - Ani Difranco [cheerful, no?] This song is on the mix CD I gave to Rogue, its actually an all ani mix CD, and it just seems right at this point in my week. Seems like I've had a relapse into my old moods, probably the stress doing the talking, and a lot of my old problems and old habits seem to be sitting just behind my eyes. There've been things reminding me of the past lately, and the more time I have to myself the more time I have to think of them, that's always the way it is, and this week is no exception.

Last Resort - Papa Roach - This is another one I've been listening more and more to, and no, two songs about suicide in a row aern't a hint, I just feel a little moody, and the beat of this one, the sounds of desperation, that's really what I'm feeling, isn't it?

U Got Me - T Pain - I love this song and it makes me happy and wistful even though its not cheerful, but as long as I like it, who cares, right?

Manhole - Ani Difranco - this song makes me smile, and everytime I feel stupid or angry or like I've just about decided to give into my stupid desires, my own foolishness or my own wrath I listen to it and somehow feel better. I also feel better at the thought that we can learn from our own terrible stupididty.

"But a lesson must be livedIn order to be learnedAnd the clarity to see and stop this nowThat is what I've earnedAnd maybe it was I who betrayed his majestyWith no opposite realityLike a puddle with no reflectionOf the sky or the treesBut after my dreaded beheadingI tied that sucker back on with a stringAnd I guess I'm pretty different nowConsidering"

Going Down - Young Joc - most recent CD acquisition, so its obviously on my list.

Ghost - Indigo Girls - more and more, you know this song, you know me, you know how I feel right now.

River - Joni Mitchell - this ihas been playing at work, I can't stop singing it.

Two Little Girls - Ani Difranco - another song that is sad, but makes me feel better somehow.

Hotel California - The Eagles - it is my all time desert island song, after all...

Wonderwall - Oasis - I lvoe this song. That's all there is to that, and so I'll be hearing it as I take off, I hope.

Everlong - The Foo Fighters - I was listening to this on an old mix CD this morning and I remembered hpow much I love this song.

Come down and waste away with me, down with meSlow how, you wanted it to be, Im over my head, out of her head she sangAnd I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real foreverIf anything could ever be this good againThe only thing Ill ever ask of youYouve got to promise not to stop when I say when"

I always think of one of Rogue's friends (Sweet but Scary) when I hear it. It made me smile, thinking of her and listening to it this morning. I do love this song.

Jaded - Aerosmith - This song is one purely devoted to thoughts of Rogue, she seems to like it, and so now I associate it with her. It was also one the CD I was listening to this morning, so its stuck in my head.

Reason is Treason - Kasabian - On the CD I gave shrugs. I'm not sure why I've been listening to it lately.

Staring at the Sun - The Offspring- This is an angry, angry song, and I love it.

Loom - Ani Difranco - the stories I could tell about this song, and what it means to me. Maybe when I come back, I'll tell you all about it. I plan on devoting more time to this place when I come back, I've got more time to myself this semester, so I plan on using it.

Allright, that was a nice, ass long post with a link to another ass long, terribly depressing post, so I think that'll do you lot until I come back, or post while I am away, if I get terribly bored. I'll be back soon with pics, and if we;re lucky, you might even see me in them....

love you all

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I like to watch the puddles gather rain

Hello again all. At the computer lab again pretending to do school work and putting off the inevitable...or trying to at least. I've just come from acing a test I thought would be a lot harder. so I am in very good spirits for that at least.

Doc [may I call you that, my dear?] I have been eating, I have [and thanks for your concern flashy....] I just have a terribly high metabolism and I'm afraid I went from no exercise to walking nearly 25 miles a day at work, plus school, and I've been craving healthy foods lately, I'm afraid, that and protein and carbs, so I'm not really able to gorge on doughnuts and such like I used to...ack, too skinny, I suppose. And Flash, for the record, those pics are deceiving, of course I am not going to post anything that makes me look fat. Of course not. I'm a woman aren't I?

I finally finished purchasing Rogue's emu, I am buying Beloved's emu when I go to Kuwait and I am getting ready to purchase said emus for my family jsut now, although I have no idea what I am going to get them. Its like two days before christmas for me, and I feel like I'm not quite going to catch up. Actually, I'm pretty sure of it.

Presitess called this morning and wanted Belvoed and I to come over and bake cookies this weekend, I think we might, and I'll get to see Lovey, and I miss her. She left me a hilarious message on my answering machine the other day and I really have been meaning to call her.

In other news, I am earworming like crazy, and I hate to steal ST's thunder but I thought I might share what I've had stuck in my head for the last few days. Someo f you [like LB i suspect] are going to laugh, I shamelessly admit my taste in music is changing since I've been hanging out with Rogue, because I have a lot of her music in my MP3 and CD player. This week there's been a lot of T-Pain [whom you really ought check out, if only for his gorgeous voice, for a rapper, he's not too bad a singer, you know.] Mostly "I'm Sprung" and "Como Estas". I've also had Hinder's new release runnign through my head its called "How Long" and I liked that one on my own, I'd like to say for the record. I also watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion show on TV [of course I did] and so I have had Justin Timberlake's "Lovestoned" going nuts too.

Yep, its frightening the stuff I listen to now. Although I 'd like to be pleased I've managed to leave the Nelly Furtado CD out of my player for a good few weeks now. Good for me, right.

Oh. Pretties. [not my favorite model btw, but who doesnt like pretties?]

I sure like them.

Anyway. I thought I might also provide a breif list of the names of people who I frequently [or not so frequently] write about since I've got some new faces hanging around.

Beloved is my girlfriend of 5 years. Fabulous girl. If you go looking you might even find a few pictures of us hanging around.

Rogue is my best friend, who happens to be a few years [okay a lot] younger than me, but seems to know me better thananyone I've ever met, short the lady above. The moniker is derived from her hair, which is long and black short a very long blonde strak running down the side of herright temple, a la a certain Xmen character.

Lovey is my oldest cousin who goes to school with Rogue and is the coolest kid you'll ever meet.

Preistess is Lovey's mom. My only aunt who doesn't make me nuts. So called because she is sort of a native american shaman type, and the only other mystic in my family. We're both terrible black sheep for it, I assure you.

Punk is my younger brother [ 1 and a half years younger, for those couting] who always seems to be in trouble of some sort. As a side note, he's both moved out and oved back in since I started posting again. Moved in with my mother that is. If ever there was a mama's boy....

Flower is my general manager at work, so called because her name is the same as a flower.

Pet My Hair is my associate manager at work, an entertaining person, short the fact that she is convinced that Rogue is madly in love with me and terribly confused about her sexual identity and that one day we're both going to realize it. Rogue and I disagree of course. Pet my hair gets her moniker from how she destresses when she's at work. The waitresses play with her hair. Creepy, I know.

Shrugs, another person who likely disagrees with Pet My Hair, is Rogue's boyfriend. he is so called because seriously, he never talks. You could mistake him for a mute if you didn't know anybetter. When he wants to express something he shrugs, and believe me there's a different chrug for every mood. There's even an "I love you shrug". I've seen it.

Right, well there's the update on me and mine. If I left anyone out feel free to ask. Feel free to ask anything anyway. I've been fairly mundane lately. If my life were as boring as my blog has become I would have more time to blog.

Love you all

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Its really good to hear your voice

Wow. 7 days and counting. I went home last night to start packing. Guess what? I don't have any clothes that fit. I mean, I knew I had lost a little weight since I started waiting tables, but...nothing fits! Seriously! I don't have any clothes...I don't even know what to say...Ah, well. I mean to put on more weight I really do. I suppose that will be me new years resoution. *I promise I'll get fat again* Beloved despises how thin I've gotten, she's always telling me to put on weight. I guess I hadn't noticed how bad its gotten. Well, now I know, right?

Oh, and just to clarify, I have had the lump looked at once and when I come back I am going to the doctor again, its just, well, those things linger on your mind, don't they.

Funnily enough, and I don't know if I mentioned this or not, one of my Trainees has taken to calling our kitchen manager by the name of a less than flattering dictator. Rogue and I find it amusing, I think we've managed to assign names to all of our bosses. I'm not very nice. The question is, do you think someone would prefer to be Mussolini (Rogue's pick) or Stalin (my personal favorite)? I'm not a very nice person. I've discovered this. I'm really rather scathing and passive agressive. Hm. I can't imagine....well, I suppose we can't be perfect, can we?

I haven't thought of what I am going to get Beloved for Christmas (oh, I hate holiday shopping) and I've not gotten anything for my family, and I need to do it befor eI leave, seeing as I won't be back until Christmas eve....Ack! And you know, honestly, I want to sleep when I come home for Christmas, not really see my mom or Punk. Ugh. Sleep. And cuddle Beloved. And nothing else.

And bythe way, hello, Doc, I'm glad you migrated over from ST's place. Good to have some new blood around here, not that I don't love all my darlings, but new faces are fun, right? Oh, I should warn you, I never spell check, I don't particularly post all that often now that I'm in school and I have a penchant for whining. But if you can get past that...we're aces, aren't we?

I'll be back soon my dears, I'm afraid this is the only place I can scream and not alarm everyone.


Monday, December 04, 2006

I think about my fear of motion

Good Lord. I'm leaving inthe 13th, thats less than 10 days from now. And I am petrified. I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never been on a plane. I have never been out of the country. Goodness. I am all wound up about it. Any flight tips would be lovely, my friends. Any at all. And anyone in the US who has travelled post 9-11 and wants to give me a few travel tips or regulation problems you might have run into...even better.

ATTENTION ALL NEW YORK BLOGGERS - (theres one in specific, darling, if you're still around....) I'll be spending the night in New York on the 23rd of December...just sayin'....

Right, back to business. I'm petrified. I've never been out of the country, I am going to the middle east. All my bravado is fading and I'm just a bit edgy. I mean, I dont think I am going to get hotel bombed or anything like that...but...did you know there's on average at least 1 fatality on Kuwait roads a day? That's a lot. Especially when you consider how small the country is. And my fish allergy...I mean, its on the sea, right? And they don't eat pork. I guess I should be thanksful its a dry coutry...I'd drink myself into oblivion from nerves...although I might have one on the plane. And then there's the money. The Kuwaiti dinar is 3x's as strong as the US dollar. More than that...its #.5 us to 1 of theirs. Ack!

On top of that, I'll be gone right up until Chrsitmas. I've never been this far from Belvoed for so long, and I'm going to miss her. And international calls are expensive. I'm sticking to email. And, as pathetic as it might sound to lump them together, I'm going to miss Rogue too. I've never gone more than 2 or 3 days without seeing her, let alone the 12 hour phone call joke that really, well, its not so much a joke... Gods, and I dont even know the people I'm going with really. There's one guy, Looks like Sam, that is really nice, and nearly as shy as I am. And he speaks Arabic. And he just got into Grad school. HEs nice...the others? I'm not so sure....(incidentally, he looks like I guy I knew in high school called -you got it- Sam)

Ugh. And I still dont have all my vaccinations. I've got Polio left and that's tomorrow. Then I'll be all finsihed and if my tattoos didnt cure my fear of needles all these vaccinations surely must...

Right. On to other worries (you didnt think because I've been gone I have less, did you?)

Worry one, I've asked off for an extra day of the week for nearly 3 months now and my work wont give it to me. I'm so stressed I cant think. If things dont change...I dont know what I'll d because I am so tired of the knock down drag outs I have with beloved over my job.

Worry two, I found a lump. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. And it looks like its not one of those "stress and caffine" induced ones either. ITs about the size of a walnut. Great, right? So when I come back I get to worry about that. Actually, its going to wait until I turn 25 (less than a month and counting kids) because I want to have a happy brithday.

Other things to think about, and I dont know if I posted this or not, I watched Rogue play basketball (dang, is there anything she's not good at?) and I think I actually like the sport. I am looking forward to another game. She turns 18 in a week or so, and I am looking forward to giving her the emu I boughten for her. (I'm not sure if she's figured out how to get here yet, shes a smart girl, and I am not sure if she's tried to or not...anyone who has my email get the picture)

Beloved had her birthday last week and she liked the gifts I bought her, including a cult hit tv show called Forever Knight about a vampire homicide detective...its not too bad actually.

And since we mentioned the big 2-5, I've got to plan for my newest tattoo, since, yuou know, its tradition and all of that.

In school news, I am finally registered for my spring classes, I am taking a second graduate level class this semester with my PLS 101 prof and its on international violence and terrorism, I think its will be good. I think my grades arent going to be what I want them to be. I know I wont be getting an A in French, but as long as I pass I am happy. I've decided to go back to german in a few years and then maybe tackle arabic in Grad school. All my other classes should be high b's or A's so I am content. No 4.0 but I can live. I had a 4.0 until about two weeks ago, so that's not too bad....

And thats life.

How are you all?


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

attention all my british and aussie lovelies!

I need help with my linguistics class, and if any of you would like to give me some input on a few (8-10) questions for differences between our dialects, it would make my day. I, of course, have lots more questions if you have lots of time, I might even post them as a meme here, since they are really interesting.

Email me, please dears, at

My american pals can check out and let me know what you think too....

love alecya

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Can you make it hot for me?

Its official. I'm going to Kuwait. I'll be there from the 13 DEcember until 23 December this year. And I am going to take so many pictures. I am really, really excited. Really.

In other news I am terribly tired and am pestering my bosses for another day off during the week. My 4.0 GPA is slipping and I am worried. If I can't make all A's I cant graduate with honors and that's not acceptable. In happy academic news my PLS 101 professor is publishing an academic paper and I am getting to publish it. I am really excited. I read the first draft and its amazing. I'm really looking forward to the finished product. (stop laughing, those of you who are stillreading, just because I don't edit here doesnt mean I dont know how to!)

Beloved is feeling better. This Sunday is our 5 year anniversary. I'm really happy about it.

And if thats not enough to celebrate the Dems took over the house and looks like the senate and I've got a DEmocratic senator in my state. *And* our stem cell initiative passed! Its enough to make a bleeding heart like me rejoice.

hope you all are having a happy post election day...


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The End of the world as we know it

Well, Cody between a sweet plea like that and Mystic popping up *goggles* I couldn't leave well enough alone.

Happy Halloween everyone.

I'm only stopping in to drop a bomb (no pun intended) and then I'll elaborate later, because I have to go home and take care of Beloved, who is ill.


I'm changing my second major to Political Science and I'm going to study foreign relations in Kuwait during intercession (the break between first and second semester) in JAnuary. 10 days there. I am so excited.

Feedback? Thnk I'm nuts?

love you all

happy haunting


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Suddenly I See

Hello friends. I'm back. Its happening more and more, almost scary, isn't it?

I suppose I could give you a more full life update, if that weren't boring. Or I could tell you what's on my mind since elections are three weeks away [and being in a state that's hotly contested things here are interesting. Our senatorial people were on "Meet the Press" even] but thats rather boring, and predictable too.

So we'll be frivilous.

First. I have an eye infection. Similar to the one I had last year (around this time if I remember correctly, I'll have to look.) My corneas are inflamed and infected because I wear my contacts more than 10 hours a day and my eyes aren't getting any oxygen. Lucky me. So I am stuck in my loser glasses (again) until my eyes heal. I went to the eye doctor for a re-evaluation today and my left eye has healed but my right eye requires more and stronger meds to heal. Hooray. But I suppose I can suck it up. He says if I don't get to taking better care of my eyes he'll take my contacts away for good because I'll end up scarring my eyes.

I was a little frightened though, when I went in today. I shoudl say, the follow up visit is a result of me discovering I have an eye infection when I went in to get my contact perscription updated. The girl behind the counter today (medical assistant, receptionsit, whatever PC word she is) looks at me -looks directly at me - and says to me "are you wearng contacts" Now, I don't know how many of you have seen pictures of me in my glasses - I don't post them often because I hate them - they are seriously campy, heavy framed eyesglasses. They look a lot like this -

There is no possible way any sane person could mistake my glasses for anything but a pair of glasses sitting plainly across my nose and obscuring your view of the rest of my face. And so I say to her, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

And she asks again if I am wearing contacts. Now before you go defending her, saying my glasses are cool in a "linkin park" kinda way and I might be wearing fakes...they's almost 1/4" thick, you can clearly see they are real glasses, not fakes, and even were they fakes she works for an eye doctor and should be able to tell the difference from less than a foot away. Heck, I can! Anyway. So I tell her no, I do not have my contacts in and refrain from pointing out that if I ever get to th point I require both glasses and contacts to see I a) won't be legal to drive- anywhere and b) will give up and spend my days with a sweet seeing eye dog and allow beloved to cut my meat for me....

SO she gives me a hateful look and informs me that this is a follow up appointment to my contact lens appointment and we are *always* supposed to wear our contacts when we come to our eye appointment. She looks at my chart. She looks back at me and asks me why I didn't wear them. I point out I have an appointment as a follow up because we discovered last time I had an eye infection. She gives me a look that plainly says "so......" and I point out that the eye doctor was orudent enough to tell me not to wear my contacts, which are infected with eye harming bacteria, because it would make my condition worse. You know what she says?

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense...."

And this is the person who is going to be aiming a large machine full of compressed air ant my eyes to check their pressure when I have my glaucoma test. I wonder to myself if *she* can read the numbers on the color blind chart....

So you know, I cottoned through okay.... we're allowed to dress up for Halloween at work. I've decided I want to be a cheerleader. How fun is that? And totally not my personality. Totally. Although I'm starting to sound like one aren't I? Haha...I think it will be a grand joke to get to wear a skirt to work. And me looking so delightfully preppy and perky will be perfect, I think.

I've acquired two new CDs in the last few days - Pussycat Dolls "PCD" and Justin Timberlake "Futuresex/Lovesounds" neither are terribly bad. Although I am *addicted* to Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" its a lovely song...well, not a cherrful message, but I am a sucker for the guitar and the vocals, I love their lead singer, so I really can't whine too much, can I? Its a nice sentiment.

Alright, I won't overwhelm you with too much at once, I know this is nearly an overdose of my

Love you all

Monday, October 16, 2006

You can't help the hate that it brings

A little tidbit I got in the email from Rogue. Made me laugh, thought I would pass it on...

Ps- has anyone heard fo frogs in salad bags? I'm seriously never eating my greens again...sheesh....

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where mywatch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask wherethe toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for theT.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channelmanually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damnright! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Whythe hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Whoand where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid$12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then therehas never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must havebeen something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damnthing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Here's hoping I will not drown

Well, school really has kicked me into the 21st century. I broke down and bought an MP3 player off of Rogue's boyfriend. I love having it at school. In honor of my newfound coolness, here's the old Ipod fortune teller from Flashy's old blog.

1. What do you think of me?“Toxicity” System of a Down

“When I became the sunI shone life into the mans heartsWhen I became the sunI shone life into the mans hearts”

Nice, yeah?

2. Will I have a happy life?
“If you could only see” Tonic
Seems the road less traveledShows happiness unraveledAnd you got to take a little dirtTo keep what you loveThats what you gotta do

I think that says I know what to do to be happy.

3. What do My friends really think about me?
“Lola” The Kinks

Well Im not dumb but I cant understandWhy she walked like a woman and talked like a man


4. What does my significant other think of me?
“New Thing Now” Shawn Colvin

Sometimes I see the half and not the wholeSometimes I see the face and not the soulSometimes I think this place has no partFor anyone who ever had a heart

Um? I’m not sure I like that

How about….

“This is your new thing nowAnd it feels so good to doubt youI could almost live without youBut not quite”

Not much better, though

5. Do people secretly lust after me?

“Praise You” Fatboy Slim

I think that’s a yes.

6. How can I make myself happy?
“Simple Things” Usher

“It's the simple things in life we forgetYou hear her talkin' but don't hear what she saidWhy do you make something so easy so complicatedSearching for what's right in front of your faceBut you can't see it”

I think that’s an obvious one too.

7. What should I do with my life?
“Swan Dive” Ani DiFranco

I don’t like the connotations of this one either. Not happy at all…

“i've got a lack of inhibitioni've got a loss of perspectivei've had a little bit to drinkand it's making me thinkthat i can jump ship and swimthat the ocean will hold methat there's got to be morethan this boat i'm in”

8. Why must life be so painful?
“Tiptoeing through the used condomsStrewn on the piersOff the west side highwaySunset behind the skyline of jerseyWalking towards the waterWith a fetus holding court in my gutMy body highjackedMy tits swollen and soreThe river has more colors at sunset Than my sock drawer ever dreamed ofI could wake up screaming sometimesBut I don'tI could step off the end of this pier but I got shit to doAnd I've an appointment on tuesdayTo shed uninvited blood and tissueI'll miss you I say To the river to the waterTo the son or daughter I thought better ofI could fall in love With jersey at sunsetBut I leave the view to the ratsAnd tiptoe back”

Because life is pain and obligation?

9. What advice can you give me?

“Asking too much” Ani Difranco

“I want somebody who can hold my interesthold it and never let it fallsomeone who can flatten me with a kissthat hits like a fistor a sentence, that stops me like a brick wallbecause if you hear me talkinglisten to what I'm not sayingif you hear me playing guitarlisten to what I'm not playingand don't ask me to put wordsto all the spaces between notes”

Wow. Well ,there’s some romance advice for you.

10. What do you think true happiness is?

“Didn’t Cha Know” Erikah Badu

“Time to save the worldWhere in the world is all the timeSo many things I still don't knowSo many times I've changed my mindGuess I was born to make mistakesBut I ain't scared to take the weightSo when I stumble off the pathI know my heart will guide me back”

Hm. Again.

11. Will I die happy?

“Hope There’s Someone” Anthony and the Johnsons

“Hope there's someone who'll take care of meWhen I die, Will I go?Hope there's someone who'll set my heart freeNice to hold when I'm tiredThere's a ghost on the 'rizonWhen I go to bedHow can I fall asleep at nightHow will I rest my head?Oh I'm scared of the middle placeBetween light and nowhereI don't want to be the oneLeft in there, left in thereThere's a man on the 'rizonWish that I'd go to bedIf I fall to his feet tonightWill allow rest my head?So here's hoping I will not drownOr paralyze in lightAnd godsend I don't want to goTo the seal's watershedHope there's someone who'll take care of meWhen I die, Will I go?Hope there's someone who'll set my heart freeNice to hold when I'm tired”

Now that’s damn cheery. I think it’s a no.

Well ,what do you think loves?

And two posts in a month? *gasps*


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Honey Why You Calling So Late?

Look! I'm here!

I've not dropped off the face of the earth, I've just been a vacation of sorts, I guess you could call it.

The good news is I am still making all A's in my classes and am coming along quite nicely...the bad news is i have hardly a moment to myself. But I'm getting the hang of it.

There are some interesting developments, and news I suppose. First, I've been promoted at work. Bet you didn't know there was an upper eschelon of waitresses, did you? I am now what we call a "certified trainer" which means they give me the new people and let me train them. Its a pretty big deal since the company policy is you have to generally be there a year before you're allowed, and I've not been there a year. Either way, its nice. And when I train I make more than my measley $2.15 an hour.

Work keeps me busy. Life at work has become less stressful than school, but more interesting as time passes. I have an admierer...her name is Daffy [for her big daffy eyes] Rogue gives me hell to know end about her. I usually retort somethign to the effect that she has girls lined up around the block for her. When I've got that propblem to she can make fun of me then....goodness.

Yes, Rogue and I are still on happy, nice terms. She's a sweet girl. I think she's gotten the idea of joining the military for scholarship moeny out of her head - which is good, I'd have freaked out had she gone. She's not even a war supporter, she just wants the money. But she is getting stressed thinking about college. I feel for the poor girl. I've been attending her vollyball games, its good fun. I also met her mom, who seems to like me despite all my flaws, which i appreciate. Then again, she doesnt know I like girls yet, either, we're holding off on that one until Rogue gets all of her female stalkers under control....

Beloved and I are blissful still, which is good. Our 5 year anniversary is coming up in November and I am very much looking forward to running away with her for the weekend.

In other announcements NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I think its a good idea to remind everyone, since we had so many winners, and fabulous writers, in our group. I've already got my story idea picked out, now all I have to do is find time to write...haha. Lots of midnight write ins for me, I think.

At the top of my current playlist:

1. Lips of an Angel, Hinder
2. London Bridge, Fergie [bite me]
3. Napoleon, Ani Difranco
4. My Buttons, PCD feat. Snoop [again, bite me]
5. Como Estas, T-Pain

Right, so thats me in a nutshell.

I miss you all so much. I am reading, I've just not the time to comment.


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

There's no room for someone in second place

Hello kiddies. I'm here. I suppose I should be studying for French, but, you know, I thought I would tell you all how much I love you and miss you and appreciate the support.

For all my lovelies across the pond, you've cottoned on, a 100 level class is a lower level class, and introductory level. Freshamn level, if you will, although more than just freshman take them, of course. You don't take all your classes in a specific order. 200-300 level classes are intermediate and 400-500 level classes are the highest level before graduate school. there are some 500 level classes that actually count towards graduate degrees. So, I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm getting there. Or, I'll at least be the writing version of a rocket scientist, which is just a good, right?

Oh - but don't get your hopes up about me starting to spell check my work here, I'm afraid that's highly unlikely. I think we've all come to terms with my lack of editing though, haven't we? I'd like to state for the record, and newcomers, its laziness and not ignorance that plagues my writing.

Oh, and look, Beloved is done with her homework.

Tell you what, I'll try to drop by early over the next few days and give you a life and school update.

I miss you all.


Wednesday, August 30, 2006

How dare you complain to me?

Wow. Did any of you college graduates laugh when I mentioned Ithought I would have more time to blog once school started? If you did I am bitter your didn't correct my nievetes. Really...

As you can tell from the date of my last post its two weeks into school and I am well on my way to a nervous breakdown. I have no time to myself. None. REally. I think I have been wondering what the hell I've gotten myseld into in the last few weeks.

Don't get me wrong, I love school and I am delighted to be back, but the *work*. Its week two and I've already had two tests. And tomorrow? I've got three tests and a 3 page paper due. This on top of 35 hours work a week and trying to cram in "me" time, "me and Beloved" time and "me and everyone else I know" time. My Gran's even stopped nagging me about calling my mom because I've barely got time to take calls....

on the other hand I have an "a" in all my classes thus far, including the ones I've already had tests in. [note to brag on, I have a 100+% in my religion class because I got bonus points on our first test, which, I migh add, was incredibly difficult. I was delighted I got a decent grade I was sure I had gotten an 85 or so, which is obviously unacceptable]

In work news, well, there is no news. I am still the darling of the store, and was [rumor has it] being considered for a management postition that came open, and was passed over for a person with more senority, which is a good thing, since I have only been there 7 months and I don't have time to worry about bossing other people around, I can barely keep myself on track.

Shrugs dyed his har [well, whats left of it, anyway] from red to navy blue. Rogue is [again] less than thrilled. I was wrong. ITs not growing on her. At all. I think the constant color change is freakign her out. Icalled her the other night and told her Ihad dyed my hair while I was studying and she freaked out. It took her a minute to realize I only dye my hair black [yes, I got rid of the red high lights] and I like my job, and hence will not be putting anything odd in it.

And that's life, unless youre dying to know what I am learning about in school , in which case I will be ldelighted to tell you about the geography and climate of ancient mesopotamia and explain why humans have language and animals merely communicate....

Classes, for the record:

Religion 101 - History and Literature of the Old Testament
Sociology 150 - introduction to society
English 256 - Into to linguistics
Political Science 110 - American Government and Constitution
French 101 - ths is self explanatory

Love you all, I'll try to visit next time I am at a terminal....

Monday, August 14, 2006

If I seem Bleak

Hi everyone.

Life update? School starts in a week. Beloved was sick and is going to be better soon, I hope. Work is crazy and our kitchen manager told me I am "one of the best servers her's ever seen. Period" which is a huge compliment because he hates everyone.

Beloved and I are getting on well. WE went to the fair a few eeks ago and that was fun. WE are going out of town this weekend and spending some time together before school starts and we don't see each other for four months. Her mom was in a car accident and she's a little stressed over it, I think, [well, I know] but I am trying my best to keep her up and happy. She's such a good lady, I want to treat her well.

Rogue and I are still on good terms. Good kid. Although I think people at work are beginning to think that there's "something going on" which is rediculous since they think *she's* the lesbian. Boy, have they got it backwards, eh? *And* she's dating a guy that we work with [who incidentally cut all his hair off into a mohawk last week and dyed it bright red - I love it] Pet My Hair, our manager, who does know about me, and her, thinks somethign is going on anyway and not because of me but because of Rogue. She thinks she's "confused". I told her its crap. I wouldn't take advantage of her nievete, even if I were s ingle, and she were gay. But she's not. Why can't people honestly see there is such a thing as friendship without sex? Ugh.

I've gotten some new music to listen to, again, and I'm rather enjoying th change of pace. Its young person pop and R&B but its worth a listen, at least once. Maybe I'll post a new album listing soon, tell you what I've got going in my player at the moment. Once I write them all down.

Alrighty, I saw this over at Swiss Toni's Place [congrats again, sweetie!] and I thought I would give it a go. As he mentioned, its, you know the drill....

What's a great late night song?
Missing, Everything But the Girl

Name 5-10 wistful/bittersweet songs:
[Can I say] Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve [without sounding silly?]
Loom, Ani Difranco
Hate Me, Blue October
I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

The 4 Best Songs Ever Written:
Oh. I hate Picking...Um...

Hotel California, The Eagles
Hurt, [As Preformed by Johnny Cash] written by NIN
Lithium, Nirvana
Something by the Smiths, definately...I love everything they've written.

3 Current Favorite Songs:

Promiscuous, Nelly Furtado [stop laughing]
Out of Range, Ani DiFranco
Crazy Bitch, Buck Cherry

Classic Early Evening Drinking Music:
Tubthumping, Chumbuwumba
Tipsy, JKWON

3 All Time Faves That Never Get Old To You:
Hotel California, THe Eagles [suprise]
Both Hands, Ani Difranco
Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana

Song You Want To (or did) Play At Your Wedding
Breathe, Faith Hill
My Lover, Melissa Etheridge

4 Records You Really Dug from 2005:
I honestly dont keep track of that sort of thing. Um, In 2005 I liked, uh, Fallout Boy. I liked Green Day. I liked...I have no idea...

Favorite Records From This Year So Far:
I'm coping out.

Good Angry Songs:
Gravel, Ani DiFranco
Coming Undone, Korn
Sweet Dreams [are made of this], Marilyn Manson

One of Your Favorite Lyrics:
"Don't even bother trying to say something clever, clever is as clever does, no matter what it says" Deep Dish, ANi DiFranco. [I think I like her....]

5 Cover Songs Arguably Better Than the Original:
Its My life, No Doubt
Hurt, Johnny Cash [I agree Swiss]
American Woman, Lenny Kravitz

Great Dance Song You Maybe Never Realized Was a Great Dance Song Back in the Day:
I always hated anything by Madonna, I can dance to her now....

Good Albums To Workout To:
Notorious KIM, Lil' Kim. [I like to be angry when I sweat]

Good Album to Clean The House To:
Barry Manilow's greatest hits...mellow and lovely.

Good Dining Music:
As a waitress I can honestly say the best is unobtrusive blah music. Enya, maybe?

Good Album To Have Sex To:
haha. What kind of sex? I'll pick two....
Closer, NIN
Keith Sweat, Keith Sweat

A Good Album To Put You In the Mood (that is NOT Sade, Marvin Gaye or Barry White):
See above

Good Album To Sleep To:
I like Enigma...Sadness PArt 1 Especially....

.5 Good Rock Songs That You Can Dance To: [I'm calling pop rock here, because I think of rock, I think of hard rock, and I dont dance to that]
I Bet You Look Good on The Dance Floor, Arctic Monkeys
Lady Marmalade, from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Anything by Missy Elliot, like...Get Ur Freak On
Turn Out the Lights, Nelly Furtado
Going Down, Jung Jock

Song That Is Too Damn Sad.
Oh, fuck. Um, Champagne Supernova screws with me pretty bad [Oasis]

Great Love Song:
I Swear, All 4 one

An Album Full of Tenderness:
Bonnie Raitt, Luck of the Draw

Song To An Ex That Isn't Meanspirited:
Um, I don't know any of these, really. Maybe its because I'm meanspirited.

Song To An Ex That Is Kinda Meanspirited:
Gravel, Ani Difranco

Song to Listen to While in The Country Looking at Stars:
I love you, Always forever - Donna Lewis

Song to lose your Mind to:
The new Shakira song makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind, but I don't think that's what you asked. Um, Ani again...Swan Dive.

Song To Cry In Your Pillow to:
Weekend in New ENgland, Barry Manilow

Songs That Make You Feel Amped and Inspired:
BElieve, Cher [bite me]

Great Semi-Obscure B-side:

Song That Makes You Miss Your Mum:
I never miss my mum. Cause I am terrible.

That's Baby Makin' Music (No, Really):
Barry White, Hands down.

Criminally Underrated Band That Didn't Get Attention and Then Broke Up:
Uh? I liked Evanescence, but they got attention. They just still broke up.

Best Fuck You I Am a Teenager in Pain Song:
I agree with Swiss here, too. Sugar We're Going Down, Fallout Bot OR [as Yoko pointed out] There for You, Flyleaf

Feel No Shame: Great Current Pop Songs:
Promiscous, Nelly Furtado
I'm In Love with a Stripper, T-PAIN
Going Down, JKwan

Album No One Would Expect You To Love:
Erm, [so this would mean a good one for a change, yeah? haha]
I think most people are surpised I like BArry Manilow. I own several of his albums on LP - his greatest hits are my fav though.

Album No One Would Expect You To Dislike:
Mariah Carey [hate that bitch]

Album No One Would Expect You To Really Know:
??? I know everything...*innocent* guys tell me, what do you think I don't know.

Emo Album You Actually Like:
Fallout Boy, Under the Cork Tree

Good, But Overrated Cause Of Indie Revisionism:
I don't get much indie music....

5 Desert Island Discs off the top of your head (30 sec clock):
Eagles, Best of
Living in Clip, Ani Difranco
Best of Fleetwood Mac
100 years or Rock [Sony records]

3 Contemporary Artists That Were Your Faves 10 Years Ago:
wow. Ten years....I dont think I was listening to anything but the radio 10 years ago. I was 15.

Music That Makes You Feel Sophisticated:

Fave Electronic Record You Own:
Living in Clip, Ani Difranco

Fave Hip-Hop Record You Own:
Rapper Turnt Singa, TPain

Hip-Hop Song You Know All the Lyrics Too:
All the lyrics? Jeez....What about most the lyrics? Oh- Okay....For My PPL, Missy Elliot

Random Album You Loved In High School But Are Afraid To Admit It:
The Sign, Ace of Base

Album You May Have Listened To More In Highschool than Any Other Album:
Americana, The Offspring

If You Could Enter A Wrestling Ring to a Song It Would Be:
How Many Licks, Little Kim

Album To Clear A Room With:
Again, Mariah Carey. Anything by her.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Isnt it messed up how I'm just dying to be here?

I'm feeling one of those moods where everything seems a little dizzy. I suppose its beacuse I am hormonal and I don't ever feel good when its time. Of course, it doesn't change the fact that things just don't feel like they are touching me just now. I feel a tiny bit disconnected. Well, more than a tiny bit. I want desperately to be held tight and told nothing is ever going to make me feel like this again, and truthfully, its only moments when I am lost in Beloved's arms that I feel that way lately. Of course, Ican't complain. I've got plenty to be happy about and certainly friends to love me and tell me I am alright, and share with me the little joyd of my days. Still, I'm not entire convinced things will be all right. Evidence tends to point the other direction.

I was laying in bed last night and I had another one of those nights where there were frightening visions of things I've experienced passing through my head and every time I would open my eyes to fight that feeling I would feel startled. Some moments it was processions of thoughts I really couldn't stop and didn't understand, thinking things like my friends would stop liking me, I was going to fail out of school and other nonsense that in calm daylight I would know better than to think. I'm tired and I am weary of all my headcase nonsense.

I want to be normal most days.

Of course, I like myself and feel like a decent something most days. Just not when I'm like this.

I will say this though, you're right, Flash, its nice to come back and see everything here is the same, or pretty much the same. WE never really change, do we? WE just become more truly what we are.

I love you all. Spinny, I wanted to send you a hug. LB- you one as well, an especially big one. Flash, missing you. You should drop me a line. ST - welcome home. Nice pics. You owe me a hug...Yoko! Thanks for the review...we'll have to chat soon about what you normally listen to.

Gayle....I'm stopping by after I post this, so I'll see you in about 5 minutes....

Everyone else, I'll be around soon. I've been lurking, I just never have time to tell you all I am thinking of you.


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I Gotta Pick up the Pace

Hey children...

I'm alive and kicking.

Yoko - heya. Good to see you. I am not on live journal, and I am unfortunately locked out of your CD review...I'm dying to know what you thought....

I'm busy, as always, and it doesn't look like its going to stop. For the record, I am enjoying Wapple immensly, things are going swimmingly at work, Rogue and Beloved ate lunch with me, together, on sunday and it was delightful. Flashy...I'm getting a picture and with her permission I will of course post it. Do you really think that poorly of my taste in women? :)

I'm looking forward to school. Just a few more weeks. I can't wait.

Love you all.

Will repair broken links in due time. I swear.


Friday, July 14, 2006

Take me away to paradise

Well, karma has paid me back for not sending out my CD as soon as I should have. My CD doesn’t work. I can, however, give you the list of the delightful tracks on my CD, as I knew some of them, and let you judge for yourself what you think of them. Myself, if it weren’t for the fact there are a few repeat songs on this Cd from a separate CD I’ve been sent, I would think my person cheated because I think I like or already have a good deal of the bands on this one.

1. Nine Inch Nails - Head like a Hole
2. The Cure - A Forest
3. Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People
4. Rage Against the Machine - Bullet in the Head
5. Green Day - American Idiot
6. The Smiths - How Soon is Now?
7. Metallica - One
8. The Distillers - Drain the Blood
9. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot
10. System of a Down - Needles
11. White Zombie - Electric Head P1
12. Slipknot- My Plague

Now there’s a good CD, eh? I mean, really really good. I mean, I don’t know some of the songs, but the bands? Excellent. Whomevr you are, I mean it, I think you cheated. Oh, and as it turns out, since he just emailed me [thanks, love] Swiss wasn’t the one who sent me this CD, so whomever you are, you know, you could totally tell me so I know who to thank. Speaking of music, if you ever want to hear the radio station that I listen to [I think this is fascinating] you can always google my city and Q102.1 because they have a worldwide stream. Very cool, I think.

Other news...let’s see. I got set up for school. My loans are accepted so I am officially in debt to my ears. But it also means I am officially started on my way of making something of myself. I am excited. I know you can’t tell, because you can’t see my face, or hear me through the screen, but trust I am very nearly ecstatic.

I have my truck in my possession now. I have driven it around for two days now and I am so happy I could cry. Beloved says it really suits me. I think it does. Do any of you name your vehicles? I named mine Wapple Blossom. [Short version of embarrassing story, I am terrible reading directions, and maps, etc, and I mis read W Apple Blossom road because the W was bolded and close to the A on a road sign and I commented it was a stupid name.] I also bought a CD holder for my visor last night so I can load my truck up with mix Cd’s to select according to my mood. On my way home from picking her up I stretched her legs to the very first mix CD I received from a blogger [that’s you, Swiss]. I’ve also purchased a goofy little lei that smells nice and will keep her from reeking too badly of my work, since that is the primary time it will be driven. I am going to go out and about today just because I’ve not been able to for nearly a month.

And that’s about my life right now. Right. Now I am off to the library so I can actually post this darn thing.

Oh, and I know all the links on my sidebar are broken. If you sent me a note you’ve changed, please email me and remind me again, so I can fix them properly when I get a moment.

Oh, and thanks to everyone for the lovely words of encouragement/advice about my new friendship. I appreciate it. I really do. Beloved and I had a talk last night about why she shouldn't be jealous of Rogue, and I think it went well. Granted she almost panicked the moment I admitted I thought Rogue was pretty [alright, I'm lying, I used the word beautiful, and she is] but I explained to her that it didn't mean anything, because I dont like her like that. And all of a sudden I felt like I was in high school again and my best friend and my boyfriend are jealous of eachother....except I didn't really have friends in high school...but the relate to the point. Anyway. When we finished talking she actually told me to call and talk to Rogue, since we hadn't chatted at all yesterday...[a rarity, as the joke goes, its usually no more than 12 hours between our talks] and I spent until about 11:30 on the phone with her. And B didn't get mad! Its refreshing. And nice to have someone to talk to.

Alright. Ebough of my little drama. I love you all.

I'm going to drive my truck now.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Its so erotic when you rmake-up runs

This blog isn’t dead. I swear. And I am not either, for that matter.

I suppose some people would say I am far more alive than I had been, I am busier than ever and it seems as though life is continually interrupting my quest to be lost in this sweet little world I ‘ve managed to create for myself. I say I feel terrible for never being here. I miss you all and I am missing the day to day goings on of your lives. I come every now and then and I see all the things you are doing, the progress made in your lives, the ways you are all hanging. I feel like I am missing everything sometimes. But that’s life, isn’t it?

I purchased a truck. It should be delivered sometime in the next few days. I am looking forward to having it back. It means I get my life back a little. That I no longer have to beg rides, wake Beloved up at 5 to drive me to work or be asked when I am going to get it all taken care of. It’s a cherry red 2003 Nissan Frontier. I like it a lot. We drove 2 ½ hours to go get it, and as bad as my map reading skills are the trip was grueling, but I think in the end, totally worth it.

Work has been interesting of late. Last Sunday [not yesterday, but the Sunday before] I accidentally ran into an old lady and she fell over. She cut her arms on the tile flooring and we had to call an ambulance. It was humiliating and really frightening. Everyone was nice. They told me all manner of stories that were similar, trying to convince me that it would be okay, I wouldn’t lose my job, and that really it happens to all of us. I still felt bad. I was shaking so badly I thought I would pass out. [I tend to shake when I am really upset- shocked or frightened or angry] I couldn’t hold a tray properly for nearly an hour. Rogue kept trying to get me to calm down, pulling me aside, petting me and telling me I was going to be okay, and pulling nearly everything out of her little bag of tricks she has that she uses when I [and several of the other servers she is fond of] am having a bad day. I don’t think she was entirely convinced that it worked. I don’t think I was either. But she was sweet to try. I told Beloved about it. She laughed really hard. She says that this sort of stuff only happens to me. That I have the worst luck of anyone she has ever met. Then she promptly called a few of her friends to laugh and tell them about it. I am still trying to imagine how it can be as amusing as she thinks it is. Still....

There have been several servers leave at work too. The result is frightening, when I work night shift on Friday I am one of the most senior waitresses. For those of you who might be counting, I’ve been there for 4 months now. I do still like my job most days, although some are better than others, of course. The other funny thing is I think people like me better now, because I have a tendency to show my temper more than I used to. Don’t misread me, I am not a dish slamming surly waitress, not just yet. And I never show my temper to my guests. Ever. But I am confident enough now in my abilities, and in my talents to tell people where to go when they are in my way and correct them when I think they are screwing something up that effects me. [I could really care less about their own progress, since its their business] I also get to work as a “mid” now, which means I get to check people out before they go - making sure they have done all of their cleaning, post-shift prep work and side work. I am not afraid to tell people to do their work now. I think everyone thought I was a pushover when I fist started. Not so much now.

We had a car wash for charity this past weekend. Our company supports a terminally ill children’s foundation and it’s the time of year we do our fund-raising for it. I volunteered for the car wash. In part because I don’t have anyone to give me $150 for the walk-a-thon registry and in part because its easy. Hardly anyone else signed up also. Which makes a difference. As I expected none of the back of the house staff really signed up to work, but they were thrilled at the idea of a car wash. Yes, I did wear a two piece. Yes, I glowed I am so pale. But I didn’t sunburn, a first for years now. But I put on sun screen every half hour or so. I did tan a little even with that, so I am pretty happy. The boys came out to gawk at us. Well, not me, at the other servers who looked a lot cuter than I did with their [forgive me] skinnier legs, bigger busts and brighter smiles. I threw on a pair of sunglasses and skulked behind the cars, looking very much a vampire stuck in a room of florescent lights, I was wearing all black and I’ve just dyed my hair again.

One more thing about work and I swear I won’t bore you about it any longer, I promise. Its not entirely work related, either, really. Its just a tangent thought. I am talking of Rogue. I am not entirely sure I want to talk about her, but I need to talk about her, and she’s a sore subject for Beloved for reasons I sort of understand but I can illuminate later. This seems a good spot because despite our closeness she does not have this blog address and I don’t know that I’ll give it to her. She seems all too adept at reading my private thoughts without the help of me typing them out for her. This might be a moment where I would type that I was sighing, or that I am staring blankly at the screen, but those of you who are close enough to me to be reading this far down know me well enough to know I am, and are laughing at me putting off talking about what it for me an sensitive subject.

I won’t lie. I am very drawn to this little girl. Very drawn to her. In part because she has done everything in her ability to ingratiate herself with me. She has done everything she knows how to do to make me completely love her. Its not cruelty that does it either, its her personality. Her vulnerabilities that do it. She wants desperately to be loved, I think, and she wants desperately to appear to be strong and in control. She wants to feel like her friends can depend on her. She has things about her past that eerily mark mine, and I tell her on occasion that we must be cut from the same piece of cloth. Only I’m much older and have had time to grow out of the fright that comes from life’s unfairness and become bitter over it. Of course I don’t say the bitterness part. I don’t want her to be bitter, and I suppose I’ll do what I can to prevent it. She’s got a lot of potential. She’s a smart girl. A beautiful girl. She could land on her feet if she tried. I hope she does.

Beloved, as I have mentioned, has refused to make friends with her. She’s met her twice, and they have exchanged hello’s but they are both [frustratingly] completely indifferent towards each other when they meet, which, thank god, isn’t often, or I’d have a breakdown. I think at first my girl felt threatened by her, she does come off the type of girl who is gay. I think Beloved wanted reassurance that I still wanted her and not a 17 year old. [which I thought went without saying, but I suppose I need to be more attentive to her as well...I’m not a very good girlfriend sometimes.] I also think she’s a little jealous. Rogue and I talk an awful lot on the phone. I think I mentioned previously, I talk more on the phone now than I have for years. Maybe years combined. We were talking the other night, after the car wash, just briefly, and Beloved made the comment that we couldn’t go 12 hours without talking to each other. I started to object, but then shut my mouth promptly. We do talk often. I asked Rogue about it at work yesterday, and she laughed and pointed out we often go more than 12 hours, if you count the full 24, because we never talk when we are sleeping. As far as waking hours goes? She laughed again and told me not to worry.

I’m rambling and I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts. What it comes down to is, I suppose, that outside of Perpet [hello, sweetheart] this little girl [and believe me, it makes me crazy she is so young, I feel weird sometimes] is the closest thing I have made to a real friend since I was 18 or so. She wants me on my own terms. She likes me for what I am. And, as I have previously mentioned, she reads me like a book. She won’t put up with any pretense on my part and calls me on my bullshit the minute I try to palm off an “I’m okay” or a “I don’t want to talk about it” or a casual subject change. And god save me when we work together, if I am having a rough morning and she comes in later on the schedule and I try to act alright...I’ve given up trying, really, because I always end up cornered with her turning me to look her directly in the eye and she whispering, “now tell me the truth...” And, she allows me, for some strange reason, to see vulnerabilities in her that she admittedly won’t share with her other friends or her delightfully oblivious boyfriend. I suppose most of you know I’ve not got an adept hand at friendship, so this is new territory for me. And I suppose new territory for my Beloved, who isn’t used to me wanting to be with people who aren’t her, and me having friends that aren’t her own. And I imagine that it is strange for her to think of me being friends with someone 7 years younger than me, similar, I guess to how I feel about all of her friends, who are a good deal older than me.

And that’s my sort of talk about Rogue, which did me no good I guess, outside of getting it off my chest, I still feel no less odd and no less comfortable thinking about my affection for her. I guess that’s what bother’s me, isn’t it? That I hold affection for her? And not a romantic one, but a serious interest in her and her well being and her happiness just because I like who and what she is. Very new for me. Very new.

In other still more boring news, I am not talking to my mother still. My grandmother tried to intervene and called me and told me to call her. I told her I wasn’t going to point blank. I told her I am tired of her antics and of her attitude and I am tired of acting the adult. I’ve done it since I was 13 and I am refusing to do it anymore. She said my mother was wondering why I never called and I should tell her. I told her my mother could call me, and I would be happy to tell her, provided I could get through the explanation without her hanging up on me. When I had put off that conversation she tried to drag me into other family gossip, mostly about Priestess and her family and I told her I was not getting involved because its not my business and if she was having problems that she should be talking to them not me. I am not a messenger. I am not a go-between. Then she tried with gossip about my mom, and again I put her off, telling her I didn’t want to talk about it, she started crying and telling me no one loved her anymore. I’m honestly to the point of giving up on it all, I can’t seem to make heads or tales of any of my family’s craziness.

I suppose, in good news, I am starting school in a month. This means two things. One, I will be finally giving myself the education I deserve. For that I am proud of myself. I am excited. I am determined. It means six years of waiting tables and going to school and then I will never pick up another dirty dish that belongs to a stranger, never be talked to like a slave by someone who thinks I am stupid, and be so physically tired after I am off work that I can hardly talk, let alone love the people who mean the most to me. Two, I will be near a computer every day. So you’ll get to see me more often.

I got my Shuffleathon Cd sent out, ST, this morning, so tell the person that I have I am sorry. I’ve had no ride and no time and no energy, which is no excuse, but will have to suffice, since its all I’ve got. I also got my CD, which, I think, is from the illustrious ST, that or Yoko, since it had a label on it from ST’s web site, but the blog address of both Yoko and ST on the bottom. I dunno, I was expecting a note or something to let me know, then again, I’m dense, so it might be from neither of them. Either way, I’ll post a review soon, when I have time to actually listen to the CD.

Thank you, whomever sent it. And as I said in my previous post, I am sorry about the delay. Please don’t hate me too much.

Right, and now I am off. It’s a rainy day and I think I might actually write a little bit.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

You're so cute when you're frustrated

I swear I am working on bettering by 10 day average. A brief update.

June? Still not my month.

I'm getting my insurance settlement this week, and a new truck by the end of this week, hopefully, so back to blogging and having a life and more things to worry about than money and who's giving me a ride to work. [dont even ask about public transit, its not even a remote possibility]

My brother was in a car accident [its a month for those two. In the few times I've been in a car, I've seen *4* accidents other than mine. *4*] and was injured relatively badly. The circumstances were fishy [I suspect the car was stolen, I know he and his buddies were both drunk and high] so he wouldn't go to the hospital. My mom calls and leaves a message on my phone in a dead panic because she can find him when she *goes to pick him up from the crime scene* and I call her back when I get home.

I've finally lost my temper with my mom. First, she's mad at me for *never being there for her when she needs me* because I didn't tell her *I had plans* god forbid I have a life of my own, especially when she might need me to drive my brother away from a crime scene. Two, she is angry with me because I tell her its plain stupid to not take him to the police station or the hospital simply because he doesn't want to go. According to her report at the time he was in a bad way/ [afterthought, he had bruised both his kidneys, his back and had some "severe" lascerations] but she was mad for me not thinking she was being clear. Then she wants to talk about her new apartment and gets mad when I tell her I want to talk to my brother on the phone to tell him to get his stupid ass to a hospital. She hangs up on me.

My brother, long story short, tells me his friends are worth dying for, and he won't "be a snitch"

Whatever. I'm to the point of not caring anymore. Preistess points out they are adults and will choose their own paths regardless of what I think. Frthermore, none of my anger, my tears or my pleas will do any good. She's right. I am ready to wash my hands of the whole thing.

On the upside, I went horseback riding this week. I am delightfully saddlesore, but otherwise I had a brilliant time.

I am going to see Superman with a friend and Beloved on Thursday.

Oh. And I have started a new novel and in two days have already breached the 5k word mark. [yes, I am counting like nano, its an easy way to chart progress]

I hope you are all well.

I am getting around to myCD for Shuffleathon [courtesy of Swiss Toni, originated by Yoko] so if I have you, which you obviously don't know, I will be mailing out the CD as soon as I get a ride to the post office.

Love you all.


Saturday, June 17, 2006

That Joke Isnt Funny Anymore

OHMYGOD. It’s a post. On AGPC. Can you believe it? And its actually me.

This hasn’t been my month. Really, it hasn’t. It seems that if things can go wrong, they will go wrong, and if its bad and it can happen, its going to happen to me. Or someone I love. Or someone I know. Seriously, you might not read, the bad vibes, I think they’re catching. How bad can it be?

I wrecked my truck. It’s a total loss. I’m going to have to take out yet another loan to get a vehicle. I’ve been begging rides off of friends and family for two weeks now.

Someone drove through the side of the restaurant I work for. No one was hurt, thank everything good, but its still a hassle. And no one likes to drive up to their place of employment and see a car parked in the middle of it.

Beloved’s grandmother died. I’ve had to go to the funeral. I’m not what you would call a funeral person. [if there is a such a thing] I won’t go into a lot of detail, to protect the privacy of my Beloved’s family, but suffice to say this was not my favorite part of our relationship, and I secretly have begun to plan things out for my own funeral so as to avoid the things that annoy me about funerals and death and dying in general. [For example, I will insist on no preachers, no sappy music and absolutely no casket. Burn me and free me. I’m not really there anyway, I say. Oh, and no one telling people that if they don’t convert to my religion I’ll never see them again. How depressing is that?]

My mother and v3.0 are getting divorced. I am, of course, a terrible daughter for not being more supportive than I am. Apparently telling her its not surprising considering she hardly knew him when they were married to each other [recap for new friends, they married a mere month after meeting each other] is not the right thing to say. I am also cold for telling her that she’s a fool for hoping he’ll come back. If Beloved [bless her, I know she’d never do this] ever packed all her stuff up in the middle of the day and disappeared I wouldn’t have her back. And if she came back, I’d tell her to go to hell. Which is precisely what I told my mother.

My family won’t leave me alone. My grandmother has pestered me endlessly since the accident. I need to go to the hospital, what if I am hurt? I had a headache three days after, I must have been injured. Its probably a bleed in my brain. Why won’t the insurance company fix my truck? It doesn’t look that bad...[without my knowledge she went and demanded to see my truck at the place I had it towed to. They wouldn’t let her so she went around the back and looked through the fence...] I don’t need to take out another loan, I should get a $200-$300 something that will “just get me to work” and not waste my time until I am out of school. I should tell my mother so she doesn’t have to. [This specifically after I asked her not to tell her, I don’t need anymore drama] I shouldn’t be working so hard. I should call my mom more often. I should take her out more. Don’t I have enough money? How much is Beloved working? And on and on and on....

And just think, I’m only halfway through the month. I should look on the bright side of things I suppose. There have been good things that have happened to me. I just tend to overlook them in my seemingly endless sea of crap.
Spinny, bless her, sent me a fabulous surprise. Nothing makes my day like having mail. Oh, I did a happy dance all over the living room when I got it. My dear, if you’re reading, I love the coloring book. Its excellent. Really, really excellent. I’d send you an email, everyone an email, but I don’t have time anymore. I’m likely posting this two or three days after I wrote it. [note to readers, I wrote this on Friday the 16th of June]

Crap! Incidentally, ST, if I am supposed to be making someone a CD, and I’ll be checking your blog, tell them I am sorry and I’ll get it out shortly. Really, life has been getting in the way of everything. If you left me out of the draw, no hard feelings. I know I’m never around anymore.

I have made myself a new friend. A real life friend. Tell you the truth I don’t know how I would have made it through the last week or so without her. Beloved, of course, is wonderful. But being trapped at home with no one to talk to and a lot on your mind is no fun. I think I have mentioned her before. She works with me. I think I may have referred to her as Rogue [like the xmen character] because of a blonde streak that runs from her right temple all the way down her back].

Either way, we’d been talking at work and really getting to know each other for two or three weeks, but after I had the accident she really stepped up. She was calling me and checking on me. She was dropping by to cheer me up. She ever came over one day when she called up to work to see if I needed a ride and heard I had gone home ill. She knocked on the door and had a magnolia for Beloved in one hand and a red rose for me in the other. She’s constantly cheering me up at work and we now have no end of little inside jokes that we giggle over when everyone else is in a bad mood. My only regret is she is 17. Probably too young for me to be companioning with, or emotionally unloading on. That’s not to say I won’t open up to her. I like her very much. And she’d confided in me and proved an excellent secret keeper up to this point. [and really, keeping a secret for a month at my job is akin to taking it to the grave, as it were] And I think about it in the context of how you lot must look at me, since, if I remember correctly, there is certainly more than one of you that are 7-8 years older than I am. And there’s a select few I’d like to think are quite fond of me, despite my inexperience and youthful naivete...

Yes, yes, I like Rogue very much. I thought at first maybe she was A Sister of the Inclination, but she isn’t. She’s dating a guy at our work. But she doesn’t seem to care about lesbians. Her two best friends are. And now me. Hmm. Either way, she’s great and I am grateful for her. I’ve talked more on my phone this last few weeks than I think I have in the last few years. Do you remember what it was like to be 17? I’m barely remembering...but its fun, what I do recall.

I suppose the point is Rogue is sweet and makes me laugh. And Beloved isn’t too terribly jealous of her. Not terribly. Rogue jokingly calls herself my underage strait co-worker girlfriend [I think she occasionally adds a few more descriptive words, but that’s the gist of it]. It cracks me up.

I did get the estimate back on my truck and I’ll get about $1200 over the loan amount, so I’ll have a down payment. Something to be happy about, I suppose. Its not much, but it’s enough if we add about half of the savings account to get a truck [and a loan] that will last a good amount of time.

I also owe a thank you to my darling girl Perpet for posting a note to all of you to let you know I am alive, even if all isn’t well. You’re wonderful, my dear, you really are. I adore you. Sorry I’ve been AWOL since Xmen. I still love you.

I’ve missed you all so much. I really have. I miss your lives and your stories and opinions and your love. Especially your love. After the last week or so I’ve realized how important it is to love, and how very little there is of it in this world. It makes me terribly melancholy to think of it.

Alright, something to entertain, other than just whine, I’ve got a good play list running right now I think. I thought I would share it with you.

1. Sonny Came Home, Shawn Colvin
2. Mystery, Indigo Girls
3. Somewhere Only We Know, Keane
4. Hurt, Johnny Cash
5. Little Plastic Castle, Ani DiFranco
6. Gravity, Embrace
7. Tears Don’t Fall, Bullet for My Valentine
8. What Difference Does it Make?, The Smiths
9. London Calling, The Clash
10. Wasteland, 10 Years
11. The Man Who Sold the World, Nirvana
12. Run, Snow Patrol
13. Let Me Kiss You, Morrissey
14. Lola, The Kinks
15. There for You, Fly Leaf
16. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
17. Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
18. Losing My Religion, REM

Not a bad list, I don’t think. “There for You” is my new favorite song. I love it. It’s a short song. But its so frank and lovely. The harmony is hypnotic. And the line “slow dancing in your eyes” is pure poetry.

Oh, Lovey [My Aunt Priestess’s oldest girl] gave me a copy of the new Nickleback CD. I like it, even though I hate admitting it. I think their first CD was a lot of what is wrong with American rock. But I like this one.

Right. There’s 15 days worth of my life.

I miss you all. I love you all.

PS- I gave up on Ulysses. I loved Gone with the Wind. I reread The Brother’s Karamasov, Main Street and Dracula. I am wading through Moby Dick and Villette, and re-reading Memoirs of a Geisha for brain candy. In case you were interested in what’s on my bookshelf/night stand