You make me feel like a candied apple

Wow. Now this is just a fascinating one to have for a writer's block question isn't it? What makes me feel sexy?

Wearing leather
Silk
Running around in Kitten's boxers
Swimsuits
High heels
having a good hair day
lipstick
kisses in the morning
kisses before bed
being told I am sexy (well, it does)
a nice fitting pair of jeans
dancing
singing
getting really dirty
sweating
swimming, or doing anything in the water
showers
walking slowly in the rain
stretching out on my bed
walking into a room and noticing people are looking at me
tall boots
anything black
wearing fedoras
taking pictures when I'm all dolled up
long evening gowns
a torn up pair of blue jeans and a tank top
leaning up against the porch just as Kitten pulls in the driveway
slow dancing in the living room
low lighting

I'm sure there's other things.What about you?

Self preservation is a full time occupation

Right. I think anyone that knows me knows I tend to fall on the feminist side of the political spectrum as far as personal beliefs go. I'm a little bothered. Someone that used to be a mutual acquiantance of mine and Perpet's (well, and Color of Saukura for that matter) posted on his blog about how he was drawn into a discussion about women's clothing and how they shouldn't dress in such a way as to give a man sinful thoughts. He notes that although there are some people who fall in the middle of the road most people either believe either 1) women should consider how they dress or 2) they should be able to dress as they like and men should mind their thoughts. This person fell into catagory one.

For the most part, I think I fall into catagory two.

I'll say this, i'm trying to be fair about things. I can see how he feels as far as thinking sexual thoughts when a woman is dressed in provacative clothing. I won't lie, a woman in provacative clothing makes me think naughty thoughts too. BUT a beautiful woman in a long skirt and a blouse is just as likely to do that for me. See, sometimes I think that the brains that run the attached pair of nice legs is just as sexy. We live in a society that sells sex. Its common. That's the long and short of it. And men and women are both objectified as sex objects in modern society.

Here are the questions I ask myself when I consider the question: (for the record, I'm going to stick to the topic of women because I like women, but its equally likely to insert "man' here too, I get that)

Why is the woman dressed in that manner? How do I feel when I am dressed in a manner that makes people, or might make people, think things like that about me?
Why do I think what I think? Do I believe that is the woman's intent - to make me think sexual thoughts?
Is it wrong for me to have sexual thoughts about someone I find attractive?
How do I act in response to these thoughts?
Is it the woman's fault I think those things when I see her?

To be honest, I can't give the motivations for a woman I don't know. When I dress in a short skirt or a pair of tailored pants or a skimpy top or whatever I normally do it for myself. See, sometimes looking like that makes me feel good about myself. Appreciative glances are gratifying, and I know that I am an attractive woman because of those glances. Of course, most times I know that anyway. Sometimes I do it because it gives my partner or my friends pleasure to see me all dolled up. Its shallow, I admit, but its nice to be out with my beautiful partner and my beautiful friends and know that we all look good. Its a self esteem boost.

When I see a woman dressed provacatively I normally just appreciate it. Beautiful women are fun to look at. They are. Now, every now and again do I have thoughts that go beyong "wow, that's a cute outfit" Yeah, I do. But normally that's with people I know. People I appreciate as people and not as someone hot. That might take me out of the discussion right there. You see, I find it difficult to find someone sexually attractive that I don't like or respect. So I might be removing myself from the problem. When I was single and I went out, yes I was looking for someone I was attracted to and looks figure into that. But if I get her on the dancefloor or at my table and she's dull or has no opinions the poor girl has no chance, however pretty she is. Brains are the sexiest organ after all. As for what I think the woman is thinking? Let's be honest, some women dress to impress. They want to be admired. Hell, I do. But I also think its really unfair to say they dress with the intent to give people sexual thoughts. Maybe they jsut want to feel good. I think in our society its dangerous for a woman to go out with the intent to seek sex. Well, anyone for that matter. And I think that me saying "she wanted me to think that" or "she should have known I would think that" is a slippery slope that leads to "she had it coming, its the way she dressed, not me" when someone does something inapproproate.

So here's the question: Is it wrong for me to have sexual thoughts about someone who I think is attractive because of how they are dressed? I don't think it is. First, humans are sexual cxreatures by nature. We are. Its a natural impulse and while I might have those thoughts and think "you know, that's probably not something I should think, since I'm married/ seeing someone/ a monk/ whatever" its how I govern that impulse that counts. It comes down to the first part of the question: Is it wrong to have sex, is it wrong to have sexual thoughts? I don't think so. I think its terrible that people villify sex as something dirty or wrong. Sex is something beautiful and its something special when done right. I won't even say that sex has to be something that only takes place between committed partners to be beautiful. I have a very, very close friend whom I have had relations with and honestly, I think she's a beautiful intelligent woman. But she and I don't want a relationship. I honestly think (and she may correct me on this point) sex between us was a really awesome way of expressing our love as friends to eachother and while it might never happen again, I am not sorry I did it. I think we're better friends for it. And no, I don't sleep with all of my friends. I don't sleep with 99% of my friends. She was a special case. I'm glad now I did it. But the point is, sex should be special and beautiful and I think its when all you care about is getting off, regardless of the feelings of your partner, that's when you get into dangerous waters. There is noting wrong with sex. There is something wrong with objectification. Every person exists as more than just an object for sex.

When I have thoughts like that, its how I react that I think is important. And I think I'm okay if I act in an appropriate manner.

I don't believe its the woman's fault I think like that. Now, I am not so naieve as to say a woman doesn't know when she looks beautiful that people might look at her in lust. But I will say I don't think there are many women out there who set out with the intent to give people thoughts of a sexual nature.

You know, a lot of this comes down to situation. If I go to a club I plan on seeing women I find attractive. They'll be there. If I go to a church, I don't expect short skirts. If I'm walking down the street, well its a toss up isn't it?

Here's where I diverge from the person I linked to. This person comes at it from a religious standpoint. He feels like the woman is responsible for drawing the man into sin and should be responsible for the way she dresses. I'll say this, if you practice a religion where it is your faith to dress modestly and cover yourself, then you should follow your faith. That's why its your faith. On your own head be it if you disagree with your own doctrine. But I also believe that if you believe its a sin to have sexual thoughts about a woman you aren't married to then you remove yourself from as many situations as possible where you might sin. And then, if for some reason you do sin, you ask forgiveness. It is your choice to wander the paths of lust. Thinking "Wow. she's gorgeous" isn't a sin. Following up in your head with "I want to do X, Y or Z with her" is your fault and you should control your impulses. Acting on them after that, that's your fault too. It takes two to tango. I think I am just as responsible for how I dress as for how I think. AS for his discussion about partners: if my wife is in jeans and a shirt, I think she's sexy. If she's in a dress, I think its sexy. She's my wife. I hope I think she's sexy. Sex isn't a sin. Now, if I don't like the way Kitten dresses, you know what, I might say something, and its her perogative to say she will or she won't and if she doesn't consider my feelings, well, maybe she isn't right for me. But, its her decision. Right?

I'm rambling now. So I'll get to the point. If I wear a short skirt, I wear it for me. And if I look good, look at me, and you can appreciate it. After that - your thoughts and your morals are your own. And I can't control that.

Put our service to the test

I have some more pictures with which to beore you and some interesting life updates to make you say "does she ever let anything be easy?" and some even more boring updates about the vacation. There's a brief synopsis. Now you know how far you want to read, eh?

That's me, at the beach (well, lake) getting sunburnt.

That's Kitten and Guitar Hero lounging on the beach blanket enjoying the sunshine. I think I was sitting above them smoking and drinking root beer.

That's me and Kitten in the lake, enjoying ourselves very much.

That's me Kitten and Guitar Hero playing on some of the playground equipment at the lake. This is why we get along, we all do crap like this. I've got loads of pictures like this one: us on the monkey bars, us in the treehouse...its nice to know I'm not the only completely immature one in the group....

That's Weasley. He's new. Another stray. Soooo cute. And to my horror, declawed. Someone threw my big boy out. But he likes me and he like to cuddle. So he stays. Jinx is a little jealous, she will overcome it I am sure.

Right those are the pictures.

Well. So we went to the lake and had a fabulous time while we were there. We all got sunburnt. Even Kitten. But it was nice. We spent most of the day in the water and I've been exhausted for the last two days because of it. More exercise then I've had in ages. Kitten isn't a very good swimmer, so I was really impressed with how much she was in the water and not on floaties like everyone else. It was good. It reminded me why I probably ought to quit smoking. I like to swim and its harder when I am out of shape and my lungs are begging for mercy.

Kitten and I have asked Guitar Hero to move in with us. We offered her the back bedroom to stay in as long as she likes. I know it sounds odd since we're still in that honeymoon period and Kitten and Guitar Hero used to see eachother but I figure things will work out. I trust Guitar Hero. If they were going to fool around we'd have known it by now, and I think they'd have talked to me about it. Or they wouldn't haev split up in the first place. Second, Guitar Hero really respects our relationship, she actually sat me down and told me how much one day. She didn't have to, you can tell when she's over. Speaking of that - she's over all the time. Her college is in our town and she's been commuting to it for four years (she's working on a master's now) and she lves an hour and a half away. We figure its a good investment for her and for us. She's up two or three nights a week minimum anyway. Until she gets a good job or whatever it will be easier for her to stay with us and she won't have to worry about money for a while. We like the idea.

And now for boring honeymoon talk. We're calling the vacation our honeymoon, cause really, that's what it is. We're doing a private binding ceremony before we head out. I think things will work out well. The 90 day mark was earlier this week and I got to start making all of our dinner and recreation reservations. I called the itenerary planner to let her know where I was and see if she could book some other things for me yeesterday. She *apologized* for me having to make any calls at all. She was seriously distressed over the fact I made my own dinner reservations. She also seemed seriously distressed that our seating at Cirque du Soliel wasn't good enough. She called me an hour later to proudly inform me she got us the "best seats in the house" (front row of first balcony, dead center - you can see the acrobats really well) with no trouble at all. I was a little stunned.

I shouldn't be. This girl also has managed to arrange roses for our hotel room, customized restaurant menus (in some cases personalized with our names), Personalized keepsake maps to get us down to florida, back to home and around on the property with no trouble, champagne and wine sent to our tables for free when we go out, and special recognition at all the places we visit as newlyweds. I'm almost afraid of how happy and helpful these people are. But, it makes life easier. I won't complain.

There are some places on our (version 1 - as she noted) itenerary where there are personal notes for us like "be sure to take the ferry on this day, its faster, and in the morning, the view is lovely" or when there's a stipulation, like for the dolphin thing, where it says no cameras or jewelry, etc. she leaves a note "but I'm sending a cast member down with a photopass camera so we'll get some pictures of you anyway." Its cool. Frightening but cool.

So what's new in everyone else's world?

xx/AG

Sending Out an SOS

If you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self what advice would you give?

As one of those people who confesses that they would never go back and change anything that has ever happened to them this is a great question. Going back in time and giving myself advice would take on a whole new meaning. I wouldn't say "don't take that first drink" or "don't go there that night" or "Say good bye tonight, this is the last time you'll see this person" I have to think in the context that I would still act in the way I did when I was younger.

Things I would tell myself:

You should appreciate everything that happens to you, good or bad.
People are going to wrong you. Its not your fault.
You're going to wrong other people. Learn to live gracefully with your mistakes, and sometimes your regret.
You may do things other people want you to even if you don't want to. Learn your motivations and your needs.
Forgive yourself
Forgive others
Family is inescapable. Learn to love them for waht they are, not what you want them to be
Soemtimes its going to feel like there is no way out, there is - and its not usually the way out you're looking for. Be grateful for it anyway.
Remember everyone's opinions can change, even yours.
Learn to be patient
Hapiness is something you work for sometimes
Love is something that won't feel like work, even when it is.


There's surely other things I would say to myself, but I can't think of them now. What would you say to yourself? What would you say to me?

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

So I broke down and got a livejournal accout and i think I'm going to make an effort to use their writer's block prompts for a while as a way for getting back into writing. Now normally I'd assume it would promt writing and not thought. Not today, though....

You just won a million dollars and you have to give all of it away. What would you do with it?

A million dollars anymore wouldn't seem like it would go that far, would it? Anymore it's like a pittance. But think what you could do with a million. Lets say we get a million tax free. And we have to give it away. All of it. Without stipulations?

I'd buy my mom a house. One of her own, pretty decent sized and I'd pay her utilities for ten years. So about $24K for utilities for ten years and another 100k for a decent house in a nice part of our neat little midwestern town. Call it a round $125k then.

I'd give another $125K to our local libraries for reading enrichment programs and literacy training programs.

$250K to the local women's help shelter. They are always crunched for numbers and do so much good work. In the last ten years, its rare for a room to be open. It would be nice to help them expand.

$125K to our local zoo, for expansion and research$125K for diabetes research $125K for our local AIDS testing center for funding for free testing adn education programs in our community

$125K to our local Habitat for Humanity for building new homes in our area for disadvantaged families.

I'm out of money now and have plenty of other places to put it. What would you do?

AGxx

I am writing our history on the bedroom wall

Right. So I've spent a week being completely negligent about the blog, and I'm sorry about that. I got distracted. We've been nesting in the most nesting way possible.

Kitten and I have been remodeling the bedroom in our sweet little house. It sounds like it wouldn't be that bad really. We had three days of Kitten off work and our darling friend Guitar Hero over to help us. (By the way, that girl has grown on me. Not even grown - She's adorable, there's no not loving her.) Anyway, so it sounded like a simple plan, right? Tear out wall, put up insulation, put up drywall, install new windows, spackle and paint, in goes the new ceiling fan and you have an awesome bedroom. Right?

I'm betting you can guess its never that easy. You know, having worked in the construction field, I should have known it wasn't that easy.

Last Monday was hot as hell and Guitar Hero got over to the house about five or so. I had a raging migraine and was instructed to lay down and then later cook dinner if I wanted to be helpful. The girls didn't want me wearing myself out. Slightly off-put at the thought of being treated like a delicate flower, I lay on our bed (now in the living room) and pouted till I fell asleep. I woke feeling much better, cooked dinner and planned on being massively helpful the next day.

Tuesday Guitar Hero had school and I worked until three. After we got started on tearing out more walls. It was awesome. Kitten had to go pick up a bunch of stff from the hardware store, so Ifelt like I was really helpful that night. We had an easy dinner and then drank some brandy and root beer that Guitar Hero brought and played poker for a until about midnight.

Wednesday we put in one new window, ripped up the carpet (which was toast and had to be thrown out, because of all the crap in it from demo) put up roofing felt and then put in the new insulation. That was a hell of a night. It got really hot in the room because of the insulation, I imagine it will be awesome in the winter.

A shot of whisky, more poker and we went to sleep.

Thursday we changed the outlets in the bedroom and reached an impasse, the floor is sinking in one spot (the house is quite old, built in 1921 or so) and we have to jack up the floor before we can do anything else so we haven't made it any further. It looks as though we might be in the living room for another week before we can get it done. Guitar Hero left for St. Louis on Friday to go do a mural for some rich lady's house (she's an artist) and we are eagerly awaiting her return. Not just because she'll be a huge help, but because we honestly miss her.

Work for the rest of the weekend was dull. Its hot as all hell right now and the air conditioning is off, because we can't bear to waste the money running it with the bedroom unfinished and leaking air out all its surfaces. I worked on refinishing the floor today but it looks as though we'll have to put new hardwoods down, the old ones have been completely destroyed by the previous owners. Even if i could get all the paint and muck up off the floor and sand it, there are areas terribly pock marked and it'll be cheaper, and a better investment, in the long run to put new ones in.

The plan for painting is lovely. The ceiling is going to be a sky blue, the walls a lighter blue than that, with two colors of large pink shadowed dots on it, with the darker blue dots as accent. I'm sewing a tapestry to create a false wall along one side for privacy when we have guests, as the only bathroom is adjoined to the master bedroom. It'll be nice when its all finished, I dare say.

In other news, Jinx has a new friend. I'll have pictures of him up shortly, I am sure. He's a giant yellow tabby that we've seen several times before. He doesn't want to go away and no amount of shooing or jinx growling will remove him from our porch. Yesterday he climbed all over me, and allwed me to pick him up. I discovered he has no front claws, and it amazes me that so many people will neglect and throw out animals when it is convinent to them, with no thought of how it will hurt the poor animal. This morning I found the both of them on the porch, Jinx on the little towel we've laid out for her to cuddle, the other on our porch swing. They've passed the afternoon in peace, and I assume they've resigned themselves to eachother;s company. We named him Weasley, and he's a swet cat. Lord, we're pushovers when it comes to animals.

Kitten plans on using all our leftover hardwood to build them a kitty condo for the front porch so they have somewhere to sleep when it is cold and wet. Bless her, and she was so adamant about not feeding the strays a month ago....

Anyway, that's my distractions for the last week. i've got some pictures as proof of my industry, below.

Hope all's well for you. And hopefully not as hot as we are here.

Lovins'

AG/xx

The bedroom, before.

The window out, and rain clouds approaching, don't be fooled. It was still hot.

The walls after being torn out. There was drywall and slats behind it, so it took a while.

Guitar Hero (left) and Kitten (right) in front of the newly installed window, insulation in the background.

Guitar hero installing roofing felt.



Me, installing roofing felt.

Kitten, resting herself in front of the lovely new window, and looking cute doing it.


Me, installing drywall.