Sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane

Ah. Mother's Day. Busiest day of the year for Casa Bueno. And I get to work all day. I'm just all sorts of excited.

Actually, I'm not. After Tuesday I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for the madness that is going to be my shift today. So I'm sitting here, chain smoking and drinking a cup of earl grey and trying to gear up for this afternoon. Definately procrastinating on putting on my work clothes and being a productive citizen.

I dropped Kitten off at her job this morning and I don't think she was terribly excited to be there either. She is a cook at Super Waffle, and local breakfast restaurant. Breakfast places on mother's day are never fun. She was sweet and picked up doughnuts for her crew. I'm thinking I might do the same for mine. Nothing like sugar to bribe a crew into a happy mood for a long day. The coffee we all drank onTuesday rather kept us going (we brought in our favorite bews and got all jumped up on caffiene) so maybe sugar will work just as well.

I already called my mother this morning to tell her happy mothers day and she was already awake. Apparently Punk woke her up at six am wanting something. Seriously, she probably should get around to throwing him out sometime before he hits 30. But what do I know?

Speaking of mothers, I know Beloved announced on her facebook this week her and her partner Reba are trying to get pregnant. More power to her. I'm afraid I'd make a terrible mother. Best not to ruin any more lives than I already have, eh?

In other news, we had a huge storm Friday. I woke up to the sound of tornado sirens going off. At 8 am that's not hugely comforting. For some reason we normally get severe weather in the evening, so first thing just sets the day up for ten shades of no fun. On top of that I was a little hng over from the night before. Thursday tends to be our big going out night. We went to Brick Wall Bar and then migrated to The Vinyard (huge local gay club) with some of our friends. It was sweet though, Kitten called from work to check on me and make sure I was safe. I felt safer knowing she was worried for me.

I got my income tax check in yesterday. More money to put away for the vacation! Yay!

How are you lot doing? Its been quiet lately.
AG/xx

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Right. So I don't even know where to begin with where I'm at. I was thinking of how many bloggers I have and haven't kept track of in the last couple of years and it makes me feel truly horrible. I loved everyone so much. Silly, isn't it? That you can lose track of something you think is important? Well, push comes to shove sometimes and its always the luxuries that fall by the wayside. Unfortunately, blogging (nay, thinking about myself) became a luxury for a long time.

Now I find myself in the peculiar position of being able to consider how I feel for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot freer than I did. I feel a lot better than I did. I'm still going through random moments of guilt over hurting Plush, and I worry about him taking care of himself. But I'mnot his mother, and I think that was part of my problem all along. When I asked myself why I shouldn't leave him the reasons all involved me not hurting him or him not being able to manage without me. He's codependent. And I was accustomed to him being codependent. I think I liked the idea of being needed after Beloved left because she definately did not need me.

But Plush and I can be friends, and I'll be his biggest cheerleader, always. But it doesn't mean I have to marry him. It cerainly doesn't mean that. All that time I was trying so hard to please him. I love him, no doubt about that. But its not enough. I'm sure my married bloggers will tell you, love doesn't make a marriage. I know. I've seen that from my own family.

Living with Kitten has softened life around the edges for me. Everything feels a lot sweeter. A lot more beautiful. Hell, I feel beautiful and that's something I haven't felt in ages. I'm not ashamed to wear my glasses around the house. I don't straighten my hair for hours anymore. I willl every now and again but I like it curly just as well as I like it straight. I don't worry about looking perfect all the time. And yet, I like to pull my hair down as I drive home because I know Kitten likes to play with my hair. I like to put on her boxers instead of my shoe string undergarments because I know it cracks her up to see me running around in them. Il ike to go shopping and buy things I know will cause eyebrows to raise. She says to me sometimes that only I can pull off some of the things I pull off, but really, I can because I feel confident enough to do it.

Yes, life is better than it was. And I shouldn't feel sorry for it. I feel like Jane in "Pride and Prejudice" why can't everyone be as happy as I am, its almost too much to bear.

So, the basics of me. Now. Almost, what three years later? I still work at the local Mexican Restaurant Casa Bueno. I waitress three nights a week and bartend three nights a week. I still work with Rogue. We've managed not to kill eachother yet. Well see. I never thought I'd meet someone as passive aggressive as I am, but she's got me beat, hands down. And she doesn't like my Kitten, which I resent. I love most of my coworkers, still, which I also didn't think was humanly posssible. I am a little nervous because corporate thoguth it would be a brilliant idea to start random drug testing. We're going to lose half our staff. (and honestly, as long as they don't come to work all spun out, who cares?)

I am still no closer to my degree than I was. I could say "the sacrifices you make for love" but excuses excuses. January is looking like the time to go back, as soon as Kitten and I come back from Florida. And then I *will* get it done. I will it so.

I smoke still. I quit for a period of about three months and then I picked the habit right up after my mother had a heart attack (I know that should make me want to quit, but there you are, do I ever do anyhthing that makes sense?) Cute thing is she blamed it on me. Said my wedding plans were stressing her out. Well, no more. Although I thought she was going tohave another one when I told her about leaving Plush. And when Itold her about moving in with Kitten. Yeah. Its not my fault. Anyhow the smoking habit has picked back up. The drinking habit, not so much. Well, not picked up anyway. I cut back after spending 90% of my summer drunk. Bad idea. The older i get the worse the hangovers are. And with the hypoglycemia I shouldn't be pounding too many cocktails anyway. Not too many.

My brother Punk STILL lives at home. Hes 25 now, for the record. My mom says he's moving out any day now. Ri-ight.

My cousin Lovey is out of state in college and her family moved away too. I miss Priestess and the rest of her family. A lot. I do.

I have a full ten tattoos now and I'll be sure to have Kitten take pictures so I can post them. My newest one is a pin up. I love her.

And that's all I can muster in one go I think. Still boring, right?