Soul is in the musical

Hi all. Wow.

So Monday night I got this text from my favorite local karaoke DJ and this weekend (friday) is the big karaoke contest that I am entered into. I didn't realize it was coming up so soon. I'm more than a little nervous. The goal was to try and do something no one had seen me do before so I could suprise everyone. Well, its going to be a suprise. I'm doing a song even I have never seen me do. I don't even know if he has the song. I have to call on that. I'm singing Vogue by madonna. Well, singing and I've got the music video memorized now, so I know all the dance moves and all the crazy. Its going to be something else. I've been practicing every moment I have. I hope I'm great. The prize is $1000 and I could (always) use the money. I've got a decent sized crowd to some see me sing, I'm working on getting an indecent sized crowd to come see me sing. The louder they are the better I do.

In other news, the float trip in July is looking more and more fun. We've been coordinating and it turns out my Kitten is making breakfast every morning. I'm looking forward to that. She's one hell of a cook. Especially breakfast food.

I got a flat tire on Sunday and Kitten had to replace it for me. I love her for how terribly handy and knowledgable she is. I'd have been sweating bullets trying to change a tire on my massive truck. I'm really very lucky to have someone who takes such good care of me. Really. I'm spoiled.

So Rugby Girl is moving to Arizona and isn't likely to come back anytime soon. She leaves this Friday morning. I'm trying to decide how I feel about it. She's one of those people that I like, but I'm not sure if I'll miss, if that makes sense. She seems, well, she seems like she'd cause drama if she stuck around. But that is one very colorful character I won't be seeing anymore. And I like color.

Its my day off, and we're having friends over this evening. Its a little book club type thing. We've been reading Twighlight by Stephanie Meyer. Well, I re-read it. Again. I really like that series. Think what you will about the movie (I know a lot of people thought it was terrible, or a let down, or both) but the books are fun. And they're brain candy, which I can stand. I need a break from serious stuff. Big time. I'm interested to see how it goes, I haven't done a book club thing before so I don't know if you just sit around a gush about how you liked the book or what. This is brain candy, so its not going to inspire any serious discourse, that's for sure. I think we should try a classic after we're done with this series. Like Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) or Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell) or something. But sometimes that stuff goes over like a lead balloon.

I'm off to keep voguing. Love you all.

AG/xx

i love to laugh

Right. So after my sill ypost below that is a total downer i thought I'd share some of my favorite new things with you.

icanhascheezburger.com is without a doubt one of the silliest giggliest things I've seen in a while. My cousin Lovey put me on to it. Oh! Side note. Lovey came into town from her new state and spent saturday evening with me and Kitten and they get along really really well. Bonus awesomeness for me.

some of thie silliness you'll find there....

Also if you go to albinoblacksheep.com there's this thing called the llama song that made me laugh so hard I almost threw up.

Check em out.

AG/xx

how could you be so Dr. Evil?

Hi all. Wow. Last week was a long one.

While I am on the topic of weeks, this week is MS Week. If there is a charity event in your neighborhood try and get out and get involved. If not take time tolearn a=more about MS this week. I suggest stopping by Swiss Toni's Place to check out all the information he has. Great guy, Swiss.

So work was a little busier than we had been this weekend, I'm glad for it it makes me think maybe, just maybe I won't have to sell my sould or be indebted to Kitten for quite the rest of my life. It was lookng shaky. I worked with a huge hangover on Friday night becuase I spent too much time drinking at the Brick Wall Bar on Thursday. More about that later. Suffice to say it wasn't my best night at work, although I managed not to spend the whole of the evening getting sick.

Sometime near St. Patricks day Kitten and I went to a little dive bar. I think I posted pictures of Kitten and I at this bar somewhere in the last tenposts or so. Anyway, we ran into a girl I had known when I knew Kitten the first time around, call her Queen Bee. So i went on one terrible date with her way back when, apparently Kitten and her remained friends over the years. We ran into her there. She's been soming around the last week or so and its been kind of nice. She's sweet, and I think kind of lonely. and it turns out she is nothinglike I remember her being, which is cool, because I had always thought she was kind of bad ass and scary and it turns out she's actually pretty soft and. well, girly. She went with us to the local 18 and up dance club on Tuesday and we had a pretty nice time. It wasn't bad. She ahd a friend with her that made her evening difficult. We made her promise to come out with us one Thursday to Brick Wall Bar because I was singing in a karaoke contest. She comsented.

I spent most of wednesday being useless. That's sort of what I do when I have a day off. I really, really need to get to cleaning my stuff out of my apartment. I was going to do some of that today, but I have a flat tire on my truck and kitten has to help me fix it. I'm so lucky to have her around.

Thursday. So we went out and Queen Bee was supposed to meet me and Kitten and Guitar Hero and Brick Wall and have a few beers whiel I did the contest thing. We get there and order a bucket of beer (five bottles in a tin pail not literally a bucket full of draft beer) and QB shows up but she has someone with her. I know its not good, even before I look up because Kitten mutters a less than ladylike expletive when she looked up. Its a girl I'll call Mal Carne. Old, um, *almost* paramour of Kitten's and a girl who in days gone by really really didn't like me. At all. Hatred might have been a passive term. She's with QB and there isn't much we can say, we invited Queen, can't really say she can't sit with us. I smile and snuggle down next to Kitten and start hitting the beers (and the shots) pretty hard. As the evening passes I discover MAl recognizes me but doesn't know from where. I get drunk enough to refresh her memory and she smiles and tells me she doesn't have a problem with me now. Good thing. But, too late, I had a huge hangover on Friday from my less than intelligent "drink to cope" strategy. I need to work on that.

(side note, I can hear the whistle of a train nearby, Kitten and my house is near an industrial district, and I love it. Its so comforting to me. I grew up near an airport and i love the sound. Trains are even better for me. They sound so pretty. Anyway)

Sunday was really my big day though. Kitten and I are going floating in July with some of her friends. Most of them are co-workers of hers. I like most of them very much. Wednesday I actually went with one of them, Earth Girl, when she got a tattoo. I like her very much. Anyway, the person who throws this trip every year, Princess, is best friends with Kitten's Ex. (I'm not even going to try and give her a name yet, it won't be a kind one and I want to be fair.) So we have our usual sunday after work grab a beer and hang out thing but its to discuss the float trip. This means the EX will be there. I haven't seen her since Kitten and I got back together.

I knew that my sweet girl told her about me because her reactions both enfuriated me. One, she asked Kitten if I knew she had loyalty issues. (which, yes, I did, and no, I'm not worried) and Two when she figured out who I was asked kitten "wasn't that the crazy girl we all thought was a whore? To which kitten replied "No EX, that was just you" Anywsay. I don't like that she talks to kitten like that and I really don't like that she made judgements about me ten years ago when she didn't know me and is stubbornly clinging to those judgements now.

Anyway. We get to Not My Mexican Restaurant where we sit on the patio and drink and smoke and eat on sundays and we're the last to get there. There's aboutten people there already, the table is pretty well full. I go give Earth Girl a hug because Kitten said she had a bad day and I paused to kiss Precious on the head and poke her boyfriend Aw Shucks. Precious is Kitten's best friend, and sister to the EX. I like Precious. She's awesome. Ex gives me dirty looks and I nervously hide behind Kitten's chair on the end of the table opposite them. I order a beer and then remember that I was sick on Friday from doing that and order a coke too.

Anyway, long story short, Ex and Princess make snarky comments just out of earshot at me all afternoon. I know they're about me and snarky because they keep looking at me and laughing. Presious is giving them looks and Kitten is determinedly ignoring the both of them, with the exception of when I make a snotty comment in her ear on the rare occasion i can hear them. I'm a hop, skip and a jump away from saying something louder, but I don't. When the afternoon is over Presious say it wasn't so bad, and she h ugs me and I feel better almost immediately. The cool person in her family likes me, and that's all that matters. As Ex and Princess are leaving Kitten and Ex swap car keys back. Kitten also gets back her house key. She turns and gives me the spare key to her truck that she had just gotten back from the Ex. I don't know if that was for my benefit or hers, but I appreciated it. A lot.

She seemed quiet on the way home and i tried to get her to talk to me, but I assume if its important she'll tell me. Most people have an internal monologue, unlike me. So I have to be patient. We spent the evening reading and it was really nice.

That was my week. Not great, not terrible.

I get to go clean my house now. I love it.

Go check out that MS Stuff. Seriously.

AG/xx

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

Well, an interesting day for me. I step away from the computer for a few days and all hell breaks loose in the world. Well, not really, but some interesting stuff has been going on. And by interesting I mean sometimes sad and soemtimes happy news.

Monday the Pulitzer Prizes got handed out. Yay. I've got some new stuff to read now. Although, has anyone found that the fiction writers who win pulitzers are just *thick* I mean, I love a good heavy tome, but... I'm contenting myself with the dream of getting published in The New Yorker. I can do that. Incidentally Rachel Maddow linked to all the winners in her Twitter on Monday, soyou can see the full list, if you already haven't, there.

The acting CFO for Freddie Mac was found dead in his home, an apparent suicide. Sad. Sad that its coming to this. I try not to speak too much of the financial mess that is my country right now, my grasp of economics isn't as great as it could be and I have enough friends who have degrees in economics that I get trounced whenever I try to have an opinion, but I will say this. The realestate thing? It was and is a nightmare. My fellow countrymen got greedy, and its hurting us all now. I mean, look at this poor man and his family now. The news article I read said they couldn't confirm a note or that it had anything to do with police investigations into the company or anything like that, but... do you really figure it might be another cause? Money seems to me the greatest evil in the world right now.

Speaking of money, Japan had a budget deficit for the fiscal year 2008. First one since 1980. Just sayin. Creeps me out.

For the record, how I feel about other things:

Gay marriage: still a right, still should be legal

Obama: still awesome. not regretting that vote at all

Abortion: Still my body

GJW Bush: Still shaking my head.

Marijuana: not as evil as I once found it. Don't like it in my brother's hands, I can understand it in others

Other Drugs: NEVER OKAY

Harry Potter: still awesome

Twighlight Series by Stephanie Meyer: New addiction

War: I'm sick to death of hearing about it. Nothing wears on activism like a lost cause.

Pirates: Johnny depp cool, others not so much. But did we have to shoot them? I didn't get the full story on this one, and maybe it was necessary, but...I don't like killing if it can be avoided

Current political heros: Rachel Maddow (of course) and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill. She's a righteous chick. Seriously. Honestly most of the female liberal senators have been rocking my world lately. Lets hear it for the girls.

New favorite band: Muse

New Favorite Artist: Brandi Carlile. Wow. She's got a great voice.

Earworm that makes me really hurt: If You Seek Amy, Brittany Spears. I think I hear it at least 20 times a day. And it is catchy, too.

Politics: still liberal

Religion: still a witch. Now also seeing a mystic. Life is good, karma is good

Yeah. That's about right for me. Anywho, i'm working up a big list of loves, likes and go to hell's.

Hope you all are finding more to cheer you up than I am today.

AG/xx

The Coffee Is Just Water Dressed In Brown

Hi again. I want a happy post. Something to make all of us laugh, or at least say right on. I've been debating posting this, but I think I will. I will say this, I want to write a book with this in it, so if you post me around, or whatever please give me credit. (this is more to a stanger who might stumble here than anything. I know none of my lovelies would pritate my dry wit)

So at Casa Bueno we have a running list of things that make us absolutely crazy. Someone suggested it would make a great book and I got the ball rolling. We've been writing these down for about a year or so now, and I love them. I think every waitress can relate.

WE call it

The Server Manifesto

1. We love children! The restaurant doubles as a daycare at no extra charge.

2. Servers are independently wealthy, so tipping is optional.

3. The best tips we receive are religious pamphlets! In currency exchange it is enough to pay the rent.

4. Server, waiter or waitress is modern day slang for slave.

5. Servers do not speak any languages. We only respond to shaking of glasses, snapping of fingers and/or whistling

6. Servers choose to work in the industry for the exercise. So, please, as for one thing at a time. My feet will thank you for it later.

7. When your server is speaking to a table other than yours, please try to carry on a conversation with us. We love to be interrupted.

8. Don't worry, your order will be out in one minute. We have a magic microwave in that at a push of a button makes your food appear.

9. "Dr. Pepper" is always an appropriate response to "Hi, how are you?"

10. Ask my advice. Don't take it. Ask my advice again. Really, don't take it. I just work here, I don't know what I am talking abot.

11. Move a chair into the isle. We have dedicatd ourselves to improving our agility. And blocking fire exits teaches us to think critically.

12. Your children are precocious. We adore it when they order us around. Its very adult. The bossier they get the smarter we assume they are.

13. "Please" and "Thank you" are antiquated perfunctory courtesies. Please feel free to disregard them. Thank you.

14. Special orders keep our jobs interesting. We understand if you have food allergies, but we love it when you're just plain picky. So go ahead, customize tha order to your tastes.

15. If you have a group of more than ten, please don't call ahead. We like suprises.

16. We have all gone through extensive training to be maids so we don't mind cleaning up after you.

17. When you go out to eat, please don't worry. You will be the only table your waitess has.

18. Waitresses have no feelings. As automatonic drudges we are perfect for humiliation, degredation and general verbal abuse.

19. Late inthe evening or afternoon feel free to stay as long as you like. Servers have no lives and waiting to clean your table is the highlight of our social existence.

20. If a restaurant closes at ten it is perfectly acceptable to come in at 9:55 and stay for a few hours.

21. We love vomit. Servers are immune to disease and don't mind of you bring in your children and they puke all over teh table. We like to clean it up. The smell is awesome.

22. Refills on soda are complimentary. It is completely acceptable to drink three two-litres worth of soda in one thirty minute meal. Go ahead and double fist those puppies!

23. Every bar serves bottomless alcoholic beverages. Please ask me for a free refill on your margarita. I'll grab it for you, and I'll go ahead and call liquor patrol for you too.

24. The kids menu probably says 12 and under. I know yo're 40 but i'lllet you order from it anyway. Cheap customers are the nest customers.

25. Congratulations on your gastric bypass surgury. That $25k tookyou from a fat nobody who was marginalized to a skinny winner who can take back all that lost dignity. Be rude to me. I don't mind. I'm proud of you. Your good looks were hard won, after all.

26. Your server doubles as your cook. Blame them for long cook times and food errors. Don't tip them either. Its all their fault.

27. Ask for something extra. Do you have one roll and six butters? Ask for more butter. You need it, don't you?


******

I will say that not all customers are like this, not even most of them. But the ones that come in and do things like this? Its the stuff that ruins our day. I hope anyone out there in food service enjoyed that. It was cathartic for my coworkers and I....


Love you all
AG/xx

You were never very kind

Went to dinner last night with Kitten's mom. It was nice, I don't think I bombed, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. That makes me very happy. The particulars aren't as important, really. And I'm afraid I'm boring you with the minutia of mine and Kitten's relationship. I will say this, her mom is seriously smart. I love that.

*begin rant about Plush, skip if you want*

I'm annoyed this morning. And having a bit of a conundrum. Plush texted me at two this morning (I was actually asleep) and he said he needed to talk to me about something. I sent him a text that told him if it wasn't dire it had to wait until morning. It waited. So this morning He says that he went out with his new roommates, among others, for his best friend's birthday last night. One of them, the female, (lets call her Jaygirl) tells him that the night he and I went to My Place (local karaoke bar) with her and her boyfriend (Jayguy) and Kitten and Rugby Girl that I "Held hands with Rugby Girl under the table" after Plush left earlybecause he had to work at 5am. I'm annoyed. A Lot.

First, Jaygirl walked up to me about ten seconds after Plush left and kissed me on the mouth (apparently gay girls are community property in his group of friends, this happens a lot to me. His guy buddies think its funny when their girlfriends kiss me) That act right there was the worst "thing"I did all night. Second, I help Rugby Girl's hand above the table, in plain sight, all night. She likes to invade people's personal space. Its her way. She held Plush's hand. Hell, she was kissing on Kitten all night. Its way easier to hold her hand than to fight off other more invasive petting. Third, about a month before Plush went out with them and made out with a bar waitess all night while I was home sick. I don't care, he told me about it, but there was no one calling me and telling me about his bad behavior.

I know I'm the bad guy because I did the leaving. But I also think I'm being delt a really harsh hand. *He* ignored me and made me unhappy. *He* was the one that was possive and controlling. *He* was the one who refused to take on an adult's portion of our relationship. I was paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing all of the sundries and babying him to boot. And I'm the only one who had a vehicle because he totalled his while he was drunk one night. He wanted a mother. Oh! And *he* was the one who shoved me over our coffee table because he was angry I wouldn't skip rugby practice to watch television with him and forced me out of the house. I didn't come back. Suprise. That's the only rule we had in our relationship. The only one! Don't lay your hands on me when you're angry. Been there, done that, have the scar, don't want another. You know what he told me when he called me later in the evening? "Its not like I hit you, and I didn't mean to shove you that hard" My Ass! I'm sorry, I have a lot of pent up rage about our relationship. Especially the end of it. I'm not an angel, I know I'm not. But I get so angry when I think about it. Yeah, I went out a lot. Yeah most of my girlfriends and guy friends are gay. Guess what? SO AM I! He knew that going in. He knew I wasn't a homebody. He knew I like to go out. He knew I was independent. You know how he answers these charges? "I thought you'd settle down and want to be a housewife eventually" *sigh*

On top of that Plush made it really clear this morning that as soon as he moves out of our (well, his now) apartment and finds a reliable means of transportation that he doesn't want to see me for a while. He needs "a break" Good for him. But seriously, I'm wondering why his new roomies can't drive him around or why he has to be crass enough to tell me he's using me for my truck right now.

I told him I would get the remainder of my things from the apartment and disappear so he didn't have to "deal" with me anymore.

I'm not sure what to do. I've bent over backwards. I'm still paying for the apartment and the untilities. I'm still driving him around. I still pick up the house when I drop by to get more of my stuff. How am I not being fair? I don't know. What I really want to do is go over when he's working, get all my stuff, leave half the last month's rent on the counter in the kitchen with a note that says "I'm out" and never see him again. Really. But that isn't the mature thing to do. Is it?

*End rant*

On the up side I have a date at the brick wall bar you guys keep seeing in my pictures with a bunch of my friends tonight. We're going to karaoke. I can sing, so its not terrible. Some of my friends thinkthey can when they drink, which is even beter. And some of my other friends that are comng are meeting Kitten for the first time. So it should be smiles all around.

My favorite songs to karaoke are (in no particular order)

I'm the only one, Melissa Etheridge
Alone, Heart
Take it back, Reba McEntire
Black Velvet, Allanah Mihles
Proud Mary, Ike and Tina Turner
All that Jazz, from Chicago
Brick, Ben Folds Five
My Imortal, Evanescence

Every now and again i;ll bust out some Whitney Houton (yes, I can) or some Celine Dion, if I feel ike showing off. I'm trying to find some new stuff though. Heart is my newest edition to the list of regular songs. I like it a lot.

Have a good day kids.
AG/xx

How bad could it be?

Wow. Big space at the top because I can't format. A Few Updates. I am doing my mother's taxes tonight too. Yay. I've gone from "I can't do math" to "Hi I'm an H&R Block in the course of an afternoon. Good for me.

Plush got a place to stay so we can move all the big stuff out soon. Even better. I have been hauling stuff over to Kitten's one truck load at a time. Its getting old. His mom is out of the mental ward and in therapy. That's a good thing too. He seems to be doing a lot better.

I forgot to mention that I went to visit Beloved and her new partner Reba last night. Its the first time Ive talked to Reba since Beloved and I broke up nearly three years ago. She hadn't wanted to talk to me because she felt uncomfortable with the situation. Never made sense to me since I didn't mind and I was technically the wronged party....but. They gave us a bookshelf which is awesome becuase mine is stacked three deep and Kitten has as many books as I do. We needed the shelf space. I'm going to give her my big TV because we don't really watch TV and Kitten already has a nice one. Who needs two? I think we are all going to get together and have drinks sometime in the next couple of weeks. That ought to be nice.

I also uploaded a few more pics for you to look at. I like posting them. Its nice. I do have a facebook and a myspace with far more pics if you honestly are interested. My facebook has the most.

The photos below are:

1. Kitten and I at my version of Cheers. I don't know if I can think of a better thing to call it. The Hole in the Wall maybe. You'll see that brickwork in the back often. That table is our favorite.

2. Kitten and the lovely Mystery, the head of our local NANO group and my good friend. I need to upload her wedding photos sometime. That would be good.

3. Me looking like an 80's rock star. In the back you'll see NB and Guitar Hero messing about.

Pics of tatoos forthcoming. I swear.

Now it chills me to the bone

I just did my own taxes for the first time. This year I was too lazy to pay someone to do them for me. Hooray. I can do it. And I get a refund, although I came perilously close to owing the state money. Bleh. Stoopid state taxes. I'm proud of myself. I feel super adult and serious now. ha ha.

In other news, we went out on thursday. Our friends bailed on us, which is good because we went into tunnel vision mode and ignored the world. I spent the whole of the evening staring at Kitten or dancing with her. It reminded me of when we first met 9 or so years ago. She's still beautiful to me. I felt like I was 18 again. It was great. I might have drug her outside to the place where she kissed me for the first time and made her kiss me again. Maybe.

We skipped going out most the rest of the weekend. It was nice. Kitten is starting to read the twilight books and I am working on another go around with pride and prejudice. I keep falling asleep though, reading relaxes me.

Yesterday Kitten and I had dinner with my mom. It was the first time they'd actually sat down and been around eachother. If any of you recall my stories about my mom you'll know just how nervous I was. Seriously. I normally wait until there is no doubt its a long term relationship before they meet my family. My mom, as usual, had to go and mortify me. Kitten took it in stride. I love it when she's charming, and she charmed my mother, which is great. Hopefully she'll come off the ceiling now and stop giving me a hard time about Plush. She did mention grandchildren, but...she'll overcome. There's always Punk....

Anyway. She tried to get me to talk politics, a surefire way to pick a fight with me, and I was adult enough to let it go. Yay for me. She did talk about her restaurant that she works at and, god save me, made me wish I could drop through the floor. She made a very direct reference to the "beaners" that work in the back of the restaurant cooking. (its a slang term for a mexican american, in my part of the country, a rather unflattering one, at that.) I'm sure you've noticed from the pictures, Kitten is a mexican american. I almost cried. My girl, never one to pick a fight, only smiled and was nice enough to tease me after dinner about it. My mom is so on my crap list right now.

I'm going and getting my hair done today and we're having dinner with Kitten's mother tonight. I'm nervous as all hell about it. I don't want to embarass her. I want to make her proud. I know enough about her mom to know she's an intelligent woman and Kitten is intimidated by her. *sigh* At least the restaurant we'll go to will serve alcohol. I might need a beer.

Enough talk about relationships. Other things I'm excited about right now:

Rachel Maddow is gay!!!! how did I miss this? I've been crushing on her for quite sometime. I loved when she covered for Keith Olberman on Countdown when he went on vacation and I love her show. Did you know she doesn't watch television? Anyway, she's smart and funny and now I'm happy to disover, a sister of the inclination. I read this is "Curve" the last issue. (Kitten subscribes to Curve and The Advocate. Now I need a subscription to the New Yorker and I'll be all set.) Anyway, if you haven't seen her you should check out her site on MSNBC I'm putting her twitter page in the sidebar. Because I can.

Books I've read recently:

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

The Four Feathers, AEW Mason

Little Women, Lousia May Alcott

Peter Pan, JM Barrie

Alice in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

Books I'm working on but can't seem to finish

War and Peace, Tolstoy

Anna Karennina, Tolstoy

Les Miserables, Victor Hugo

A Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde

And that's the news kids. As far as I can tell. Love you all.

AG/xx

ditry dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness

Yesterday was fantastic.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I only have one day off a week from Casa Bueno. Yesterday was my day off. I spent most of the morning cleaning house, you wouldn't believe how much laundry kitten and I manage to generate in the course of a week. Then again, I'm a freak and like to do laundry, so I played happy housewife all morning and had a grand time.

In the afternoon we went and had lunch at a local cafeteria with Mysterym who seems to really like Kitten. It makes me happy. Mystery is the kind of girl most people need in small doses because she can't sugar coat anything and she's very opinionated. I like her because she is a great story teller. I always end up laughing when I am with her. I like that. Apparently so does kitten. After we ate we went to a coffee shop downtown. The girls ordered seriously girly coffee drinks. I contented myself with Jasmine loose leaf tea. I love tea. A lot. I also had a cuppa Irish breakfast tea with cream. Yum. We told stories until it was nearly dark. When we got home I changed clothes and Kitten banged on her guitar for a bit before we headed out to a local hole in the wall for drinks with Mystery and Charlie Brown (her husband) Incidentally, I need to steal some pics off her site so I can show you the wedding. I was in it. Fun.

We're going out to Ladies night at the biggest and longest runnning local gay club tonight. I haven't been to it in years. I can't wait to show her off. She's so beautiful. And she runs with the "phone tree" that I used to idolize when I was a young lesbian. The phone tree girls are all those girls I thought were cute but was too afraid to ask out, and then when I did work up the nerve they laughed at me. Young people can be cruel. I'm afraid I'm passive aggressive. I want people to see me out with her. There's a pretty healthy amount of younger girls that had been giving me the eye the last year or so but never made a move (well, most of them never made a move) becuase they knew I was with Plush. Iwon't be disappointed to see them there either.

I admit its childish, but then again, I never claimed to be anything but petty when it comes to my affections. I love my community but there's a pecking order. Kitten rather moved me higher up. Its true. With the women anyway. I've always been up on the food chain with gay males, drag queens and bar tenders and owners. but lesbians? They don't like me. I'm too fag for their unsubtle midwestern minds. Kitten was always a part of the phone tree, even when we were both younger. (in case anyone cares, she's 29. Two years older than I)

I'm sure I'm going to enjoy tonight, she promised to dance with me all evening. I love to dance, and she's good at it. So life should be beautiful. Like it has been.

I'm sure an update will be forthcoming. And pictures. I want to take lots of pictures.

Truth Be Told I'm Lying

Well, heater all fixed. I crawled up under the house with Kitten and watched her fix it. It was awesome. I told her I had fun doing it. I'm not sure she believes me, who enjoys crawling under a house with just a flashlight in 20 degree weather, really? (yours truly apparently) The house is warm and life is good.

I met Kitten's dad this week. I was really nervous about it, but from what she says he likes me a lot. And that's a good thing. I get the impression that Kitten carries a lot of her personality traits from her dad's personality. I like him a lot too. He's a sweet man and despite my shy tendencies (yes I am!) I felt really comfortable around him. I might have spent most of my time hovering behind Kitten but I did enjoy his company. He's nice.

Now I have to meet Kitten's mom sometime in the next week or so and that does frighten me. I know enough about her to know I'll wear a skirt and probably get my hair redone before I meet her. Table manners shall be brushed up on and I will work on my dazzling smile. Or something. I want her whole family to like me. That would make things much easier for both of us.

My mom still hasn't totally come around, so I don't know how I;m going to handle her. She asked to have dinner with me and kitten next week so next week must be mom week. I haven't heard anything else about Plush's mom from him although I've talked to him every day since it happened. I don't think his family is keeping in touch with him. This sucks, I don't like feeling sorry for him. I want to be friends, but feeling sorry for him makes me feel akward. I have a feeling he isn't looking for an apartment right now and its annoying me. I don't want to support him indefinately. I want to help out at home with Kitten. *sigh* How long do you help before you hurt yourself? I don't know.

Today is my only day off. I need to be useful and clean up around the house. I want to go flea marketing or something just to get out of the house for a little bit. I need to go to the apartment and get stuff from it too, but that requires me to face Plush before I drive him to work, and I don't want to do that either. There's something terrible in him offering to help me move my stuff out to my truck for me. I'm not sure how to take that. I know I feel like an ass when I do.

I had another headache yesterday. I think that's two in the course of a week now. I need to get them under control. I think its mostly stress. It has to be.

I have six months and five thousand dollars until vacation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Songs on my playlist right now?

1. Crystalline Green, Goldfrapp
2. Drive, Melissa Ferrick
3. Bad Things, JaceEverett
4. The Pleasure Song, Marianne Faithful
5. AA XXX, Peaches
6. #1 Crush, Garbage
7. Feeling Love, Paula Cole
8. Naked, Tracy Bonham
9. Haunting Me, Stabbing Westward
10. Love Song for a Vampire, Wojciech Kilar

There you have it

AG/xx

You're frozen

Wow. Literally. Our hearter went out sometime yesterday and normally that wouldn't be a problem except where we live the weather doesn't do what its supposed to. Last week I was back to wearing tanks and short skirts and its supposed to be about 22 degrees tonight. Thank god for blankets. And thank god that kitten is getting her degree in HVAC. I think she's going tofix it tonight after she gets off work. Bonus, though, is extra snuggle time. You can't help it. It keeps you warm.

Poor Plush. I've tried to make the transition easy for him, but he's a slow healer. And his mom is making his life difficult. She keeps trying to talk him into getting an apartment with her and he keeps telling her no. Hes 25 after all, and wants to live a normal adult life, or as much of one as he'll ever have. This is not easy for him, telling her no. And I was so proud of him for doing it. He's a momma's boy. Really. Yesterday she called him and asked again. He told her no and she told him he was ungrateful and she was going to just go take all her heart and depression pills and make him sorry for not loving her. She made good on the threat when he told her she needed to get help. She's in a local psych ward now and I feel terrible, although there isn't much I can do about it. I'd offer tostay with him for a few nights, but i know that will only make things worse for the both of us. It makes me feel helpless.

On the bright side, work is looking up and I'm hoping we;ll be busy tonight. I hate to sit behind the bar and waste space. I think a few of my coworkers are thinking of coming with Kitten and I to Florida. Especially Brown Chicken. She's great. One of our supervisors and a great friend of mine. I love working with her. She's good for a laugh or a cry. She and Kitten get on really well too. And she's starting a relationship with someone she's liked a long time, so we get to share the honeymoon glow with eachother and not gross eachother out. Its nice to have someone to brag to.

Speaking of bragging. *overshare alert* The, um, bedroom activities are glorious and I remember now why I love women so much. Its like coming home. I love it. I feel more content than I have in years. And beautiful, which is a new feeling for me. And my Kitten is so beautiful, I'm always proud to walk into a bar or restauraunt on her arm. Its a good feeling. And New.

So there you have it. Life in a nutshell. Back to my blanket, I think.

AG/xx

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Right. So I don't even know where to begin with where I'm at. I was thinking of how many bloggers I have and haven't kept track of in the last couple of years and it makes me feel truly horrible. I loved everyone so much. Silly, isn't it? That you can lose track of something you think is important? Well, push comes to shove sometimes and its always the luxuries that fall by the wayside. Unfortunately, blogging (nay, thinking about myself) became a luxury for a long time.

Now I find myself in the peculiar position of being able to consider how I feel for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot freer than I did. I feel a lot better than I did. I'm still going through random moments of guilt over hurting Plush, and I worry about him taking care of himself. But I'mnot his mother, and I think that was part of my problem all along. When I asked myself why I shouldn't leave him the reasons all involved me not hurting him or him not being able to manage without me. He's codependent. And I was accustomed to him being codependent. I think I liked the idea of being needed after Beloved left because she definately did not need me.

But Plush and I can be friends, and I'll be his biggest cheerleader, always. But it doesn't mean I have to marry him. It cerainly doesn't mean that. All that time I was trying so hard to please him. I love him, no doubt about that. But its not enough. I'm sure my married bloggers will tell you, love doesn't make a marriage. I know. I've seen that from my own family.

Living with Kitten has softened life around the edges for me. Everything feels a lot sweeter. A lot more beautiful. Hell, I feel beautiful and that's something I haven't felt in ages. I'm not ashamed to wear my glasses around the house. I don't straighten my hair for hours anymore. I willl every now and again but I like it curly just as well as I like it straight. I don't worry about looking perfect all the time. And yet, I like to pull my hair down as I drive home because I know Kitten likes to play with my hair. I like to put on her boxers instead of my shoe string undergarments because I know it cracks her up to see me running around in them. Il ike to go shopping and buy things I know will cause eyebrows to raise. She says to me sometimes that only I can pull off some of the things I pull off, but really, I can because I feel confident enough to do it.

Yes, life is better than it was. And I shouldn't feel sorry for it. I feel like Jane in "Pride and Prejudice" why can't everyone be as happy as I am, its almost too much to bear.

So, the basics of me. Now. Almost, what three years later? I still work at the local Mexican Restaurant Casa Bueno. I waitress three nights a week and bartend three nights a week. I still work with Rogue. We've managed not to kill eachother yet. Well see. I never thought I'd meet someone as passive aggressive as I am, but she's got me beat, hands down. And she doesn't like my Kitten, which I resent. I love most of my coworkers, still, which I also didn't think was humanly posssible. I am a little nervous because corporate thoguth it would be a brilliant idea to start random drug testing. We're going to lose half our staff. (and honestly, as long as they don't come to work all spun out, who cares?)

I am still no closer to my degree than I was. I could say "the sacrifices you make for love" but excuses excuses. January is looking like the time to go back, as soon as Kitten and I come back from Florida. And then I *will* get it done. I will it so.

I smoke still. I quit for a period of about three months and then I picked the habit right up after my mother had a heart attack (I know that should make me want to quit, but there you are, do I ever do anyhthing that makes sense?) Cute thing is she blamed it on me. Said my wedding plans were stressing her out. Well, no more. Although I thought she was going tohave another one when I told her about leaving Plush. And when Itold her about moving in with Kitten. Yeah. Its not my fault. Anyhow the smoking habit has picked back up. The drinking habit, not so much. Well, not picked up anyway. I cut back after spending 90% of my summer drunk. Bad idea. The older i get the worse the hangovers are. And with the hypoglycemia I shouldn't be pounding too many cocktails anyway. Not too many.

My brother Punk STILL lives at home. Hes 25 now, for the record. My mom says he's moving out any day now. Ri-ight.

My cousin Lovey is out of state in college and her family moved away too. I miss Priestess and the rest of her family. A lot. I do.

I have a full ten tattoos now and I'll be sure to have Kitten take pictures so I can post them. My newest one is a pin up. I love her.

And that's all I can muster in one go I think. Still boring, right?

Do You Remember When?

,

Once Upon a time there was a great blogger on my blogroll, Mr. Mystic. I really liked him. He posted a meme that I just ran across in my archives. My opinions on a lot of things have changed, so I thought I would put it up.

Mystic, I'm thinking of you.

What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being content with myself and my situation in life and having someone to share it with, even if its only a friend.

What is your greatest fear? Not being able to tell someone I love them before I lose them

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My lack of an inner monologue. I can't conceal anything, even if I ought to or want to

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Queen Elizabeth

What is your greatest extravagance? Cigarettes and alcohol

What is your favorite journey? My trip to Kuwait

What do you like most about your appearance? My eyes, and I look unique

Which living person do you most despise? I've honestly gotten over all of my personal hang ups

What is your greatest regret? I don't have one anymore

When and where are you most happiest? At home in bed, or writing, always at night

What is your current state of mind? comfortable

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I'd fix my teeth but keep my fangs

What do you consider your greatest achievement? I don't have one yet. I can make a great shot or cocktail

What is your most treasured possession? A scarf that used to belong to my grandfather

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?Loneliness without someone to comfort you

Where would you like to live? On a ranch in the southwest US

What is your most marked characteristic? I'm blunt. And Pushy

What is the quality you most like in a man?Compassion

What is the quality you most like in a woman?Honesty

Who are your favorite writers? Dostoyevsky, Dumas, Austen, LK Hamilton

Who are your heroes in real life? Right now? Um, my grandpa.

What is your motto? Live fast, love hard, die laughing

You are the one way glass that watches me standing in line at the bank

This is me and my friend Reads Like Me



Me and Kitten at a local dive bar



Me and Hippie Chick on a random night at the club

Me and my buddies the Freshman and Snoop on my birthday

Coming out of my cage

Hi again. Look at this a post two days in a row. Oh, the beauty of internet in the home.

The pics, in case you were interested, were of (respectively) Me and Kitten at a bar called Tipsy Turtle. No kidding, great name right? The second was of Kitten myself and RugbyGirl at a bar called My Place. Confusion abounds on that one. "Where you hanging out tonight AG?" "My Place" "So you aren't going out then?" Ri-ight. The third is Rouge and myself at one of the local nightclubs that allows under 21's in. Its part of my birthday party. I'll have to post some more if you like.

Incidentally, I am living with Kitten. You'll hear a lot about her. RugbyGirl is one of our friends who, suprise, plays rugby with Kitten. I'll have lots of new people to introduce you to soon, I'm sure. Oh, and neatly times suprise, Kitten was my very first girlfriend, from before I came out to anyone in my family, some nine years ago.

You know, I feel like I am coming out all over again. I have to tell my family and all of my friends who didn't know me before Plush, which is quite a few. Turns out I do know how to be friendly and charming in person, if I apply myself. Life as a bartender has been good for me. I'm more social. Its odd tot hink of all the strait people I've met over the last two or three years that associate me with only dating males, which is odd because even Plush made it a point to let people know I like girls. Maybe they tuned out. Or didn't believe me. I'm not sure. Either way, I think there's been a little suprise from some quarters. Then again, there's been none at all from others. My co-workers have apparently been waiting for all of this to happen. Alright then. You're always the last to know, right?

The pics on this post are Kitten and I out for Mardi Gras. I choose to leave my hair curly. Bad idea. The other is my friend Little Black Book. He's a hoot. and great for swapping stories with. And an excellent dancer. Even if he won;t let me lead.

Talk to you soon.

xx/AG

Welcome to the jungle

Well, if anyone thought my life couldn't get more crazy.... I left Plush. I'll blog sometime about how unhappy I was and all those good reasons to break an engagement, but really, what matters is I am safe, well and happy now. And I have pics! Lots of pics because I upload them en masse.

On the upside, I get a trip to disneyworld in November, since, you know, the honeymoon is already paid for. I'm going to have a great time and life will be wonderful, damn it.

And I get to go back to school.

My mom is currently not speaking to me. Apparently now that I've decided to go back to being a "sexually deviant man hating dyke" she wants nothing to do with me. On the other hand, the rest of my family is being supportive. Bonus.

I'll give you the introduction to my new life soon. Yay.

Love you all.

AG