Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Maybe you should follow my example

found this on a website for univeristy of Florida, laughed so hard I cried. Off their flyer campaign on Valentines Day...

12 reasons gay marriage is wrong...

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall. {Hey Swiss, Lord B - can I borrow a few inches?]

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.

10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

Hope you all laughed as much as I did.

Incidentally, I will be sure to post a delightfully long, over indulgent, sappy, and fanatical review of the glorious Ani D live tomorrow or Thursday, I promise. And then, Kieran, I swear I'll get to my dreams. I didnt sleep last night anyway. I swear.



Charby said...

that is the craziest, funniest thing I've read in ages!

adem said...

All funny and very true.

Some people come up with really stupid arguments for some stuff which can usually be dismissed with a simple answer, yet the person's bigotry blinds them to any logic.

-L said...

I am passing the list along...That is great!

Flash said...

I wanted to make a joke about inches but I decided against it.
Fancy that.

Mark said...

and it's all true.

Anonymous said...

Genius has its limits, stupidity has none.

Stef said...

That is class!

We've got 'civil partnerships' (gay marriage in all but name) here and my boss had his on the first day it was legal. Go him!

Mind you, as was pointed out to me, you don't need to be gay to do it. Two sisters who lived in the same house went through a civil partnership ceremony so that when one died (they were old), the other wouldn't have to pay inheritance tax on the other's half of the house. That would have meant she'd have to sell up so, while I agree 'equal but separate' is bollocks, there can be good about a partnership that is separated from sex.