Something Happy

I wanted to write something happy. I want something tender.

************

I love you. In a simple, yet complicated, unexplainable way, I love you.

I love your obsessions and your passions. I love the melancholy that you illustrate so beautifully when you are having a bad day. I love that you overcome it with optimism and good humor.

I love your tenderness. You approach everything with a reverence I have not seen in many people. You respect everything around you. And yet, you never fail to make a joke. I love how honest you are, and how you give your opinion without reserve. I know I can disagree with you, and we will still be friends.

I love your foresight. I love that you know what life is and you take it head on, although you may be afraid. I love that you are honest and fearless about your weaknesses. I love that when I think of you I think of someone who is like me.

I don’t think I will ever tire of you, or the way you make me discover new things. I learn things I would have never known of myself if it weren’t for you. I feel like I have known for all the time I have ever existed, and am sure that even in a past life we were the best of friends.

I love that you always make me laugh. When I am sad or angry I can turn to you and I am sure to feel better. Your odd brand of cynicism makes me feel like its okay to feel angry with the world, every once and a while.

I love you for your beauty. Your unchanging appreciation for all the things in this world that move you, your commitment to all things that are important to you. I think of you, against the stars and against lights, and see your smile. You enchant me with the things you care for, and I cannot help but want to care for them too.

I see myself in you. I see you fighting for the things you are desperate to get away from and I cheer for you on the inside. I cry for your suffering and I shake with the pain I know you feel sometimes. You amuse me with your opinions. Your commitment to things that are important to you inspire me.

I love your love of life. Your sense of adventure is amazing. You seem like you can take anything on, and you will love it and make something beautiful of it.

I love that you light a fire inside me. You take all the things I want to be aware of and you give me something to care about. You put your remarkable brand of activism and awareness on everything you do and say. I look at you and want to be more like you sometimes.

Your sincerity moves me. Your soulfulness is so genuine and heartfelt it brings me to tears. I think of you and I ache for the beauty and passion I can tell you bury deep inside. You make me want to dance. You make me want to lay in the rain and listen to the sound of it, so I can call and tell you just the way it made me feel.

I can trust you, and when I need you, you are always there for me. You make me smile every time I talk to you. You make me feel beautiful, and your faith in me gives me motivation to never let you down.

I cannot help but love you. I cannot help but want to curl up in your arms and stay there for always. I want to feel you near me. I want to never let you go. I want to always be able to close my eyes and feel that first moment we touched, and I knew there was a little of me buried deep inside you, and I had found it. You’ve knocked my world off its axis, and I don’t want it ever set right.

You make me feel like myself. You make me feel like I am home. You make me feel loved. You make me feel like I am everything. And I love you for it.

Tonight I will lay with my head on my pillow, and look up into the darkness, and think of you. I will think of the things you are hoping for, I will wonder what you are dreaming of. I will breathe in the feel of all the things you are to me, and I will love you.
***********

There's a bit of each of you in this. I hope you saw it.

Love,
AG

Rocking Around The Christmas Tree

Had an excellent time last night at the Christmas party. Froboy and I got along well, he kept me from being shy around a large group of people, many of whom I did not know. He also helped me trounce a lot of my coworkers in billards, which was excellent fun. (okay, he did most of the winning...) He was excellent comapny and all in all I had a lovely evening. I might actually look forward to other company functions now. I'll probably post pictures later. :)

Here's a Pretty Picture (Quote: Spins)

After that depressing post, I figure I ought to put up somethign happy.

So I am posting some pics of wedding gowns I like. Guys, turn your head for a minute. If you are anyhting like the guys I know, this will bore you to tears. These photos are courtesy of the Knot.com

Son of a Preacher Man

I am going to preface this post by saying I fully admit I am bitter and hateful when it comes to this particular topic. I am going to probably sound bitter and hateful. I recognize this. I also don’t care. This is also probably going to contain some R rated material. So if you squick easy, you might skip it.

Alright. So My ex fiancée, who we will call Jared, because he looks just like Jared from subway commercials sans glasses, was an interesting character. I can't get a pic to uplead, ut you can google him and see.

We started dating when I was a sophomore in high school. We began to talk about marriage when I was a senior. I already knew that I was interested in females, but figured it was a passing thing (denial) and tried to push through it.

I won’t bore you with the details but I’ll hit the highlights, you can see why I dislike him so much. And you can get a few good laughs. I know I will.

Basic stats, looks like Jared. About 6’3” tall. Lispy-ish voice when not speaking in public. Son of a preacher, mom was a nurse. He had a sister my age. Two dogs and a cat, lived in a split level house. I am not kidding.

His mom hated me. I was so small I never wore bras (Note: I wore trainers until I was 19. I really didn’t need them.) She always got on to me for this. She would embarrass me at the dinner table by saying things like “I know you have no chest dear, but at least go to the children’s department of the store, you look like a hooker. And I wouldn’t want to force you to wear one of (sister’s name) bra’s that would hurt your feelings. (she was a C)
My mom, as I have previously discussed, is a little nutty. She one time asked me at dinner in a restaurant if they were on drugs. Nice. Never once did he stand up for me.

I started going to church with him. He encouraged me to sell all of my secular music CD’s and give the money to charity. He told me he would leave me if I didn’t (I was stupid enough to do it…naive idiot me…)

He would cry at the drop of a hat. I could say something like, what if your dog died, and he would burst into tears.

He liked to share. You know what I mean. His friends were asses. They liked that he shared. I didn’t. Asshole. I will supplement this by adding that he was an active member of the feminism group on our local campus. He even wore a burlap ribbon on his coat to signify the oppression of African women. He spelled women with a “y.”

He didn’t tell me I looked pretty on my prom night. I remember this vividly, because a guy who sat next to me in my Literature of the Bible Class (he was on our basketball team and I adored him) stopped me on my way out and told me he thought I looked lovely. I remember Jared was angry and I was happy someone had said something.

When I broke it off we still hung out. We got an apartment together. He forbid me to smoke in the house. I came home one night and he was smoking with his buddies.

He forbid me to drink in the house. (house rules, that is) I came home one night and he was having a party with the neighbors.

He came out as gay after we broke it off, and then retracted after he thought his parents would find out. His boyfriend (one of our neighbors and a friend of mine) was devastated. They had been dating well over 6 months.

He supported my drug habit. He started doing them too. Then he told me I was going to hell because I got him involved in drugs. He told me I had a problem and I needed to take care of it.

I had a fling with a guy when I was living with him. He kept knocking on my bedroom door while I had him over (the door was locked, of course, but we weren’t “doing” anything.) He kept yelling that he *let* me break things off with him because I liked chicks, but he’d be damned if he would let me have sex with some guy and not him. (he didn’t use polite terms like that either. The guy I was with went out and told him to shut up or he’d kick his ass. He shut up for a while and then yelled when the guy left.

He hit me one night when I had an argument with him and he wouldn’t let me out of the house. I tried to get out and he caught me in the yard of our apartment and hit me. (Don’t worry, I got him back. I broke his nose and collarbone. Ladies- take self defense.)

After the fight, he moved out the day before rent was due. Told out landlords I kicked him out because he was a Christian. They came knocking on my door, all up in arms, and demanded rent or eviction. I had to peel them off the ceiling by showing them my bruises. They let me stay a month rent free until I could get in to my Grandmother’s for a transition period, bless them.

He also never pointed out to me that 85 lbs was not a healthy weight for me. Let met think I was fat. I should not need to point out that at 18, 85 lbs is not fat for anyone.

So I know all of this in not his fault, but I feel like he didn’t treat me as well as he could have, and I know it’s a laundry list of things, and I know I have more, but I’ll spare you. Suffice to say, I do not like this guy very well. He hurt me a lot. And I don’t have a lot of respect for him.

He is married now. And has a lot of kid. 3 I think, and one on the way, from what my mom told me (he stopped her in a grocery store to ask after me a few months back, stupid ass) He is a preacher at another church in town now. He got an evangelical degree of some sort. I think he is a hypocrite of the highest order.

And that’s part of the story of why I loathe him more than any person ever.

The end.

Coming Out

This one was a request. And boy, did I love reliving it....

Coming out. Hmm. It came in a lot of different stages. My brother Punk (the oldest one) and my cousin Lovey just asked me out of the blue. Both of them are totally okay with it. Punk also made it clear that if a girl ever hurt me he didn’t care how wrong it was, he’d kick her ass. I told him I appreciated the sentiment but it wouldn’t be necessary.

My Grandmother sat me down, asked me if I thought she was a smart woman. I said yes. Then she asked if I trusted her. I said yes. Then she asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her. I told her I was gay. She hugged me, told me she was happy for me and asked when she could meet my girlfriend. Then she told me not to tell my mom just yet.

I came out to my mom on National Coming Out Day. Gran and I had planned everything out, how I would tell her, when and all that. Gran was ready for damage control. We talked about what I would say and how to answer her questions. It was a bit like a role play. Grandma had a little tip sheet she got somewhere on how to not do it. (i.e. like you are dying, or you are ashamed) This may surprise you, I told her over the phone. Normally this would sound like a terrible idea, I always advocate personal revelations in person. In my mom’s case, it was for the best. She didn’t freak out, per say, as in she didn’t disown me.

First, I got a huge speech about how when she was a young girl, women didn’t get to make choices like that. No one would have supported me when I was growing up in the 70’s if I had decided I didn’t like men. I’d end up old and alone with a million cats.

Then she gave me a speech about how she has never had personal support for any of her personal decisions she has made in her life – be it having children or divorce or not finishing school or whatever. (I tuned out a bit of this part, it went on for quite some time.) No one ever cared about how my mom felt about things, to hear her tell it. No one in the family cared now, either. And you can bet no one asked about her and how she was doing with the guy she was living with. (I refrained from pointing out they weren’t dating.)

Then she launched in to a big hoorah about how she hoped this wasn’t my way of lashing out at The Church for my poor relationship with my Ex Finacee (who was a preacher’s son – looong story for another time) and for my unhappiness about my “faith.” I let go of the fact she was ignoring my alternative faith. She went into a spiel about how she went to a lovely church that would accept my lifestyle and not hate me for it. I should go and talk to her pastor about my afflictions. Thanks, mom.

Then she told me she had no interest in my personal life and did not want to know about it. The details were none of her business, as far as she was concerned. She didn’t want to know about how I did it, or why. And she certainly didn’t want to meet any girlfriends or whatever. Was I hanging out in bars to pick up women?

Then she told me she would do me the favor of “breaking it gently” to my Grandmother, who she was sure would not take it well. I tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary, but she wouldn’t listen. She told me that if I told her she would die of shame, right there, and how would I like to give my Grandmother a heart attack after all she had done for me (I was living with her at the time). Was I having sex under my grandmother’s roof? No, she didn’t want to know, but I better not be! How terrible for poor Grandma… I eventually got off the phone with a “oh, I think I have a call on the other line, mom. Better go now…”

Well, a few days later she tried to break it to Grandma, who I had planned with ahead of time. She let her know she already knew and that my girlfriend at the time was a sweet and lovely girl. She told mom that she had no problem with it, and that she was glad to see me happy and with someone who honestly cared about me and did not treat me poorly. Then she told my mom not to go and upset me by making a scene.

I should interject at this point in the story that when Grandma says “upset” in reference to me she means “piss Alecya off.” I should also point out I am also a very patient person, except when it comes to my mother. She is a “give and inch, take a mile” type person, who I am still learning to handle. She also has a special knack for pushing my buttons.

I am sure you can follow the pattern. She made a scene. Came hollering down the hallway with a load of ‘how dare you tell Grandma first’ and ‘I am your mother, young lady’ and ‘can’t you trust me with the details of your life’ and ‘not fairs’ and ‘you obviously love Grandma more than me’ and ‘…better be glad you aren’t living under my roof’ and all that rubbish that comes with the scenes that my mother makes.

For anyone interested, the answers to those statements are as follows: because she noticed first, I don’t care, no I can’t, I don’t care, yes I do, and yes I am, respectively. Not that I would ever say those things to her.

Instead, I gently pointed out to her that she said she didn’t want to know about my personal life, and Grandma did, so I let her meet my girlfriend. I told her Grandma had figured it out on her own, and that she got to know first because of that. (I lied a bit there, I would have told her first anyway.) She ran storming from the room and went to yell at Grandma for letting me lead such a lifestyle under her roof. I went and interrupted, led her to the door and told her Grandma didn’t need the stress and to come back when she was more calm, and thank you for the visit.

Gradually, she started asking about if I was seeing anyone. Then she started asking questions about why I choose to be gay and all that stuff. I explained and then referred her to PFLAG. She never went. Then she started asking how I had sex and I told her to go get a few different books on the subject, I didn’t want to talk about it.

Finally, she started inviting girlfriends over to family functions. By that time I was with Beloved. Beloved tried hard to like her, she really did. But my mom’s personality is hard to take. Even for me. Mom likes Beloved, I think. But she is always trying to get me to go to church with her. She also has a tendency to imply that my male friends might make good companions. She’s never said it outright, if she did I would tell her off, but I always catch a hint of hopefulness in her eyes when I mention a male friend. I’ve given up on the idea that she will ever accept it is more than a rebellion or a phase. But she has given up on the all out war. Although, I have no idea what she tells the kids….

Well, there you have it…

In other news, it is snowing. We got an inch last night, and it hasn’t stopped. Its just flurries right now, though. Dang, it is cold. They say it won’t even break the teens today. It’s weird, considering two weeks ago it was in the 70’s.

Winter Reflections

Things I remember about winters past.

We had a really bad ice storm one winter and we didn't have school. My brother and I duck taped butter knives to our snowboots thinking we would be able to ice skate. It didn't work.

The Christmas I got my first cat they hid him in the "back" bathroom in the house, where the laundry room was, and I had to go really bad at the Christmas party and one of my aunts was in the main bathroom. Theywouldn't let me go back there, said there was a leak in the faucet.

I collect nutcrackers, I have since I was about 6. One year my mom and step-dad got me a huge styrofoam one as tall as me (4' or so) I was dancing around the living room with him and my brother knocked his head off. I cried all day. I eventually superglued it back on.

There was a bad snow in the early nineties and school was cancelled (again). There was a oark right up the street from my Grandma's house, where we were staying, and my brother and cousin and I went up there and played in the snow and built forts and sledded all day long. We came home when I hit my head on a tree I didn't know was there while digging a snow tunnel.

My mom used to put a Christmas tree in every room in the house.

My birthday is in January. I always hated it because I wanted to have a pool party. One year, my Grandma rented a hotel room and reserved the indoor pool at a awanky local hotel for me. It was my favorite birthday party.

I had a friend over to spend the night once, and my mom took her home in my step-dad's thunderbird. We sld off her steep driveway down through the trees and into an embanksment. I remember my mom screaming. I spent the rest of the day wrapped in a blanket reading "Sweet Valley High" books.

I built my first snowman with Beloved when I was 19. I have pictures of the both of us with it.

I took my cousin Lovey with me to go ice skating just after I came out to my Grandma. She had just startd 8th grade. She asked me if I was gay on the way home. She replied she thought it was cool, but I had better not tell my mom just yet, she might freak out. She was right.

Alright. That's enough for now.

The Beautiful People

Alright. Celebrity crushes. Everyone has them. We were talking about them at the "Thank (noun) its Over" party for NaNo. In no particular order, here are my 5 men and women that I think are beautiful.

Women-

1. Angelina Jolie. Argue with me, do it.
2. Ellen Degeneres. I love her smile, and she can dance.
3. Christina Cox. Aussie actress. Lovely girl.
4. Katherine Moennig. Nicely androgynous. Shane on Showtime's "The L Word"
5. Felicity Huffman. I liked her before she was a housewife. Even now, she's lovely. Very jealous of William H. Macy.

Men

1. Nigel Barker - yes, I watch America's Next Top Model. And he is pretty in a manly way, something you don't see often.
2. Lenny Kravitz- nice body, nice voice, beautiful with long hair (I am a sucker for long haired men...)
3. Jason Isaacs. Another that's pretty witha wig, I dig this one's eyes and voice.
4. Stuart Townsend. I can't think of a reason not to love him. Eyes, mouth, teeth, Wow. Handsome fellow.
5. James Spader. Handsome in a quirky way I can't explain.

I have a feeling I'll want to change this list later. But I like it the way it is for now...

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Who do you like?

Not So Soft

Okay, no more music posts, I promise. Man, that one went over like a lead balloon.

Okay. I talked in my previous post about a story I was going to tell everyone about when I went and got my last tattoo(s).

I went on the evening of my birthday, because there is nothing interesting to do on a Monday in January in my town. My local tattoo parlor, or at least the one I go to – we have several in town, is in a little strip center in the middle of town next to a head shop, a leather store and a health food store. (In theory I could treat myself to a tofu burger, a new pair of leather pants, a tattoo and a hookah and incense to calm me with after I get it done all in one trip. Note: I do not smoke a hookah, just sayin’) You cannot make an appointment there, you just have to show up and hope.

I got there at about 4:00, at the time I got off at 3:30. I got there just as another guy and his buddy did. The guy looked really tough. His buddy reminded me of a human version of an Alaskan Malamute. Tall, shaggy black hair and cuddly. Tough guy wanted to get a tattoo with big gothic letters across his back. I settled in for a long wait.

Tough guy was apparently not so tough. 5 minutes into his work he stopped the artist and said he thought he was going to be sick. The artist kicked over the trashcan without blinking an eye and went back to work on him. Every five minutes for nearly half an hour this guy stopped the artist, claiming he was going to vomit.

In this time I learned several things. First, a group of about 6 “soccer moms” came in, looking very excited. And sober. (which surprised me) I learned they were a breast cancer survivors group and they were all getting pink ribbons tattooed on their chests or ankles.

I also learned from Malamute that Tough Guy had his nipples pierced and had passed out when he got it done.

Well, true to form, Tough Guy passed out just as the outline finished. When he came to he dashed to the back and threw up. We could hear it. Ick.

The soccer moms were looking a little concerned over the idea of tattoos now, because of this big baby. I told them they could watch me get mine and see that it wasn’t a big deal. I of course knew this meant I couldn’t move the entire time that I got it done, but sit there nicely and chat playfully to them.

Now, I won’t say I am tough, and I won’t say I have a high pain tolerance, but I managed to make it through with only one incident.

The one time I flinched the artist had hit a ticklish spot on my spine. I had him pull off, to the worried glances of the SM’s. Then I cracked up. It tickled so bad! I am not kidding! They looked a little puzzled and the artist said he had never seen someone laugh at getting a tattoo, but I made it through.
I even stuck around afterwards to watch he soccer mom’s get theirs done. It was a lot of fun.

Overdue Post

I was going back through my posts, and noticed I haven't yet plugged Ani Difranco, who is possibly my favorite musical artist of all time. Ani is an indie/folk/rock artist who started her own label when she was about 19. She has 17 albums currently.

My blog is titled in part after her 11th album, Little Plastic Castle. The title track on this album is the first of her songs I ever heard, and I was addicted from day one.

I'm going to be a little lazy and not post lyrics today, but I seriously encourage you to check her out. She's amamzing, she writes almost all of her own stuff, and has been doing this since she was 19. A lot of her albums have political tracks on them ,and she is deliciously liberal. Her voice is also very unique, and she uses it in more ways than I have ever seen a singer do.

If you do check out her albums, and youdecide to buy some, my favorites are:

1. Living in Clip - her first live album
2. Ani Difranco - The first Album
3. Little Plastic Castle

I own quite a few more than these, but I feel like these three really give youa good idea of the deapth of her work. If you like somethign a little more Jazzy sounding, check out "Revelling and Reckoning" another 2 CD set that has a lot more instrumentals in it.

I edited this to add another picture of her, because, I'll admit, I think she is beautiful. Silly me.

Trees and Tattoos and a Mini Meme

I got my Christmas tree up. I am very happy to have it done. I like to look at it. It makes me feel really cheerful. and hungry, sinceI decorate it in candy and gingerbread. Beloved objected, at first, but she is glad its up now too.

Speaking of Beloved, its her birthday today. So, Happy Birthday to you! (In case she is sneaking a peek, which I know she does from time to time)

In other news, I am thinking of getting another tattoo. I have three already, all on my back.

The first one is a lotus shaped celtic knot it is on my lower back, approximately 4" from my rear end, if I were to guess location. I love it. It was my first tatoo and took 2 hour to do. Mostly because I am a baby and had to stop. I was only 18 at the time, and my ex finacee agreed to pay for it if I promised to never peirce my tongue. I agreed, because it was a good deal and if we ever broke up, I could get one anyway. For the record, I don't have one, and am glad I didn't get one. It worked out well.

My second and third ones I got on my last birthday, nearly a year ago. They are both Runes, and each of them are special to me. I choose them because I felt like I was at a new place in my life, and I wanted to remember it by them.

The two runes I chose were Perthro and Dagaz.

Perthro is literally interpreted as a Lot Cup or the Vagina. It represents knowledge of one's destiny, determining your path, and feminine mysteries

Dagaz is the sign of the Day or Dawn. It represents, awakening, awareness, the power of change directed by yoru own will, and transformation.

These were very important for me because I wanted to represent to myself the changes I had made over the few years between my first tatoo and then, and I wanted something to remind myself how beautiful it is to be a woman.

These two are stacked on my back, centered above my knot, on my spine. They are more up in the middle though, so I actually have to lift my shirt to show them. They are about 1.5" inches in height. Not very big, as fr as tatoos go, but very big for me.

I am thinking on what I want to get for my new one, and I am sure it will also be a runic symbol. They really resonate with me.

I would be interested to see what everyone's impressions of my personality are, since I usually relate my tatoos to my personality. It would be interesting to see.

Describe Alecya in three words. A mini Meme if you will.

Its Time

Alright, now for that BHL post I was promising. This is just a warm up and I will try my best to keep my language under control. But there are a few things I need to get off my chest, and have recently been on my mind, since Iam fortunate enough to live in one of the most conservative places in the US.

1. If you are a WASP, especially a male, you cannot be discriminated against. I am so sick of hearing men tell me that they are being persecuted because they are men, or white or christians. Boo hoo. I would like them to try being a white woman, a black man or a bhuddist for a few days and then tell me how unfair their lives are. Sorry, boys. When people look at you, chances are, there aren't many snap judgements being made. Of course, I recognize that there are some exceptions, but as a rule, WASPs - I don't want to hear it.

2. Having a cunt (yes, I said it) does not make you inferior. It does not mean you need help with doors all the time, you can't make your own decisions, or that everytime you disagree with a male you are menstruating. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate being treated well as much as anyone else, but does this mean I am incapapble of carrying a briefcase? No, it doesn't. An office I recently worked at would not allow me to carry any briefcases, folders, or plans because it 'made them look like pigs.' See, in my mind, they looked more like pigs because they required me to wear a skirt every day and offer coffee in meetings I attended, even if it wasn't at our offfice, or I was runnign the meeting. This particular office told me I looked "more professional" if I wore makeup. Please.

3. Human rights are a good thing. This means we don't get to barge in to other countries without asking, kill a bunch of their people, violate religious pratices (such as burning a Muslim's dead body for "hygene purposes") and in general treat them like shit. It is not right to dress prisoners up, imprison people without charges, or beat them. Note I say beat them, npt 'beat them without cause' or 'beat them unless they attack you'. We're human,s not animals, and I am tired of hearing that "our boys" are over in another country representing me and my freedoms by beating the crud out of helpless people, or terrorizing citizens who didn't ask us to be there in the first place. Recently, Rush Limbaugh justified the actions of our soldiers by saying that they were just "blowing off steam" because they were in a high pressure situations. Sure, and I suppose running a country was tough on Hitler, so its okay he let off a little steam towards a few Jews, too, right?

4. Religious freedom is religious freedom. There are a ton of conservatives out there bitching to no end about how they can't pray in school and how this is a vilation of thier rights; or that not teaching creationism is wrong. However, these are the same people who won't allow Halloween parties but will allow "harvest celebrations" because they aren't a celbration of a pagan holiday. These are the people who want a Bible available in the library but are clamoring to keep Harry Potter, the Koran and other religious works behind a library counter for "parental approval" or out of the libraries at all. My thoughts on the issue are as follows, go ahead, pray in school, but let me go ahead and worship satan or celebrate kwanza or practice witchcraft on my own in schools as well. Equality to all, right? I have nothing against Christians, or their religion, as a general rule, but I think that if they deserve to be able to practice their religion freely,everyone else should too. I hear the argument that this country was 'founded on christian principles' and that the pilgrims came over here so they could 'practice their religion freely'. I agree. But the whole idea was that if you wanted to be different in your religious practices, you ought to be able to. Not that if you wanted to be a christian you should come to America. I know this may come as a shock to some people, but the pilgrims were trying to escape being told what to believe, which, ironically, is a bit like the problem we have now.

5. Free press. This is a big one for me. See, I think I should be able to write what I like, when I like and if people want to read it, they should be able to. Now, if you go check out Fox's and Red's blogs (check my links on the left) you can see a large bit of crap that the British (and if you ask me the American) govenment want to keep quiet. The beauty of the pres to me has always been that they are able to tell the truth when no one else can. A journalist is willing to do what it takes to keep the press running, and sources confidential, so that people can know what is really happening. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, there are a lot of people with a lot of different (and sometimes incorrect) opinions out there. The beauty of the press is that you can read many opinions and decide for yourself, something a lot of conservatives argue against. I have heard arguments in the last few weeks that there are rarely truth tellers in the media anymore because they are liberal and thus have an agenda. I am of the opinion that anyone who reports anything has some kind of agenda. The trick is sorting out fact from fiction and reliability and honesty from lies and bias.

I by no means want to act like all liberals are good people, or that they don't have an agenda. There are bad apples in every barrel. The problem for me, lately, is that it seems more and more it is the conservatives who are pushing agendas full of dangerous bias and discrimination. I have always believed that we should err on the side of giving people more rights. I don't see that happening, and the more freedoms aI see restricted, the more I worry.

Turkey 2

Having Thanksgiving at my mom's house today. Beloved and mom don't get along and she is sick right now too. Should be interesting. I'll be sure to report details.

I uploaded and am a NaNo winner, although I am not done yet. I'll make it though. hoping ot finih the story by this weekend.

And that bleeding heart liberal post, its ocming. I still need to work out a few kinks ;)

Lovins'
AG

*hangs head in shame*

I've been a bad blogger. I will catch up this weekend, since Iam going to have time on my hands. An update if you will:

1. I am over 80K which thrills me, I am not finished with my story, which does not
2. Potter 4 was levely. We had a nice itme, and I think Beloved likes Mystery and Charlie Brown very well, so hooray for me finding people I love that Beloved likes too
3. I am stressed for Thanksgiving, but it'll be over in a day
4. Froboy is going with me to said party, said he would be *honored* which almost made me blush, and I am adorig him more than ever, and feel quite lucky he calls me family.
5. I am happier than ever to be a bleeding heart liberal, and will blog on this more later. Suffice to say, there was a conservative that set me off and i want to freak out, but son't to prevent being called the left wing crazy I am.
6. Added some new links, 'cause I love Red and Swiss Toni as much as everyone else, and as I pointed out on Toni's blog, I was sick of having to link to other sites to get to his.


Love you all, happy thanksgiving americans, happy middle of the week to the rest of you
AG

*hangs head in shame*

I've been a bad blogger. I will catch up this weekend, since Iam going to have time on my hands. An update if you will:

Potter 4

Beloved and I going to see the opening of HP 4 and the GOF tonight at our local mega movie plex. We are going with Mystery and Charlie Brown. I am looking forward to it very much. I even took off work an hour early to go getin line. We have advance tix, but the girl at the counter said that I shold get in line for the 7:30 show no later than 5:30 or I won't get a decent seat. Freaky.

I think we are going to go get snacks afterwards too.

I am hoping the movie is good. I am a very big Potter fan, in fact, Beloved was teasing me about my waning devotion when I mentioned I hadn't blogged about it before. I do own all the books and movies, a calendar, a t-shirt (which I have outgrown) a lighting shaped pen, a stuffed headwig, a Quidditch Harry action figure and all the movie soundtracks. It is also the first PG-13 potter, which I am hoping means less 5 year olds in th audience, then again, I am also hoping with a 7:30 show we might have less anyway.

While I am waiting, I also hope to get a shot at Dance Dance Revolution, which I have never played and all my geeky friends have, so I need to.

In other worries, and speaking of geeky friends, I have received an invite for me and "spouse or date" to the company Christmas party (guess who works in the closet?) and need to find a date. I am thinking of 'Froboy, who is Beloved's oldest cousin, only a couple years younger than myself. We hang out a lot anyway (he and I would defiantely be pals outside Beloved and I's relationship, in fact, he is a part of the side of the fmaily she is estranged from) and I think he would do me the favor. Its a free steak dinner, trip to the bar and a couple of pool games.

But I hate having to worry about this kind of crap.

Wishing I could have 'Froboy along with us tonight buy he is busy working at his giant chain restaurant from hell job so he can have money for stuff other than school books (he's prelaw) He did promise to teach me dance dance and beatmania, so I am hoping to impress him if I get a little practice in tonight.

Well, friends, I am off for a night of magic. See you a la moring.

AG

Question #1

I finally got to teh line by line on Mystic's meme.

The question is qhat do I consider to be perfect happiness.

I tink that to be perfectly happy you have to be realistic, so this rules out winning the lottery or being famous or any of that junk.

What I want more than anything is to wake up with Beloved next to me every day. I want to love someone and be loved back, and know that it is unconditional. I want to roll over and always see sleepy eyes that blink a few times, just before I get a kiss.

I want to have friends that love me. I don't have alot of friends, and I value that there are poeple who like me for what I am (including the obnoxious, overbearing, puppy love love-side of me) and want me to like them too. I want friends I can tell secrets to and trust. I want friends who will always tell me the truth, even if it hurts me.

I also want to work in a job where I am realizing me full potential. I want to like what I do and I want to not ever dread the day because of my job description (read: I know everyone dreads some days, but work is work for a reason. I want to like my job enough that the thought of it doesn't make me sick.)

I also want enough money to get by. I would love to be rich, but paying the bills and being able to take Beloved to a movie will always be enough for me.

I suppose it takes very little to make me happy. And for the most part, I think I am.

Here's to hoping you have something that makes you happy.
AG

Rubber Ducky, You're The One

Okay, Fox asked, and I am going to post it here for everyone to see.

For easy glycerine soap go to your local graft store and purchase melt and pour glycerine soap ($10 for about 7 lbs), a mold ($1), fragrance ($1) and color if you want. Melt in a microwave for 30 -60 seconds and pour in mold, let cool one hour. You can get fancy stuff going if you add chamomile or lavendar bits to it. Even a cut up loofah sponge.

For the bath salts, mix 2 cups baking soda, 1 cup epsom salt ($1 for 3-4 lbs) and 1 cup sea salt (water softener salt works the same and is cheaper-about $3 for 25 lbs.) in a bowl. Add 8-10 drops of frangrance and color to your liking (I use soap dye, but food coloring is fine, it doesn't come off on your skin) Put in an airtight container, I use canning jars, for 24 hours. Voila!

Its a lot of fun and it looks really difficult, but it isn't.

I can dig out my bath bomb recipe if you want me to. Its more complicated, though. You have to be able to find citric acid, and I had a hell of a time doing that. I ended up at a health food store.

These are great for holiday gifts, because once you purchse the smells, the salts and the dye, you have enough for 20 or so gifts. (I buy baking soda in bulk for $5 for 15 lbs) You can make all the women or metrosexual guys in your group a gift for one price.

There are also lots of great jars and lids and soap holders at craft stores for $1-5 a peice. They are what I usually spend the most money on.

If you guys have any questions, let me know, and Iwill answer them for you.

shoes and ships and sealing wax

Well, I made it. I actually more than made it. Right now I am at 64K and I have a few chapters left. I am very proud of myself. I uploaded it, and when I saw the count, I almost threw myself in the floor laughing with joy. I called Mystery and she laughed too. Its nice to have someone to be happy with. Beloved smiled and congratulated me, but I think it is hard for her to understand.

Going to dinner with Mystery tonight. I am looking forward to it very much.

It finally got really cold here. Went from 50's to 27 this morning. About time too. I like warm weather and all, but in November, 70 degree weather freaks me out. I want to get out my sweaters and all that.

Oooh. Speaking of warm stuff, Mystery is teaching me to crochet in exchange for me teaching her to make soap and bath salts. (if you would like the recipe, let me know, and I will be happy to give them to you.) I am looknig forward to making a scarf for myself and Beloved. And maybe a stocking hat.

Need to get on Christmas shopping, and worse, Beloved's birthday is at the end of the month, and I never know what to get her. Plus, in an attempt to make us be more thoughtful and creative, we put a $25 limit on birthday gifts. This makes me nuts. She also told me no more DVD's. So I am totally lost for something she would like to have that isn't a "need it" type thing like socks or a new work shirt.

My Grandmother called and told me the date of our family Christmas party for this year. Thank goodness it is a my Aunt J's house this year. Last year they had it in a community center and had it catered, which I am not into at all. I got sick, and didn't go, and Grandma made a point of telling me that this year I need to come sick or not, I only have to stay for an hour.

She manages to make me feel so guilty some times. She is always after me to spend more time with my mom and call her more often and all that. She used to drop by unanounced at my house and lecture me, but when I quit answering the door, she got the point, I think. I remember one time our answering machine broke just after I had a huge row with my mom, and she wrote this big long note about my responsibilities as her child and how I can't just disconnect my answering machine and ingore my family and stuffed it in to my door jamb.

But I love her. And she always invites Beloved, which is nice.

*sigh* why do I dred Christmas anymore. I really used to like it. Well, Thanksgiving and Beloved's birthday first, I suppose. Then the other things.

Special Edition: Jokes for Charby

Okay. I have crap sense of humor, so remember that. Here's to hoping you get at least a snicker, if onyl for my rubbish sense of humor Charby.

* * * *

q. what did the famer say when he lost his tractor?
a. damn, where's my tractor?

q. what do you call a dog with no hind legs and balls of steel?
a. sparky

q. if you are walking through a conrnfield, how manypancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?
a. It doesn't matter, ice cream doesn't have bones

q. what do you call a hundred layers in a basement?
a. a whine cellar

q. What's black and white and red all over?
a. burnt toast with katsup and mayo

q. whats red and green and goes a hundred miles per hour
a. frog in a blender

q. what do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo
a. giant holes, everywhere

q. what do you get if you cross a rhinocerous and elephant?
a. elliphino!

GAY JOKE ALERT(I can tell these. I am gay)

q. what do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
a. a flame thrower

Okay. I am out for know. I'll put up more, (unless you beg me not to) at a later time.

*happy sigh*

I took the weekend off, can you tell? :)

I had a fantastic time with Beloved.

We woke up early and drove across town to our favorite donut shop and got donuts.

Then we went to the local firehouse and painted pottery for each other as an anniversary gift.

Afterwards, we went shopping for movies (we bought Troy and the 2nd season of th eL Word) and went to eat at our favorite Italian Restauant.

We spent the evening watching movies at home. It was lovely.

The only kink in the evening was teh tornado warning we got right around 9:00 or so. That sucked. We spent about an hour in the hall closet with our cats. Cozy.

In other news, I am going to see HP4 the movie this weekend, and am very excited. Belived and I are going with Mystery and her boyfriend Charlie Brown. Beloved hasn't met them yet, but I am sure she will love them. I am really excited about both the movie and having new friends. I was getting a little lonely for a while. Beloved seems glad I get out of the house now and then.

I am trying to finish my novel, but am stalled in the 40's. I figure a few days hard work and I will make it. I just have to apply myself, which I haven't been doing.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I think Beloved is dreading it. Its a story Idon't have tiefor, but she's estranged from her dad's side of the family for doing something that made them angry. I think it was something she needed to do, and I was proud of her for it. Nevertheless. She is spending her first thanksgiving without them, and it will be hard for her. We are going to her mom's to eat, and I think I am making pies and some other boring foods. It makes me nervous. I have never made my own pie crust before.

I am planning on getting to a line by line on Mystic's meme on my next entry. So they should be more interesting from here out. I am boring even myself. But this is what's on my mind lately. *snore*

Lovins-
AG