Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Pace Yourself On Me

I had said in my last post that I was happy to answer questions you might have had for me. Mark is up first, and his question was:

Have you slept with a man, and what did you think? How does it differ from sleeping with a woman?

Alright. Well, I answered part of his questions in the comments, but I want to go into more detail, because this isn’t something I get to discuss very often, and frankly, I think its interesting.

Like I said in this post I am not technically a lesbian. I do like men. And I have been with men before. I’ve been with nearly as many men as I have women. I’d have to do the math on who comes out higher, to be honest, and I am of course speaking only of sexual intercourse. I’d be here weeks counting men and women I have kissed, etc. and I am lazy.

Highlights of my male relationships would be N, whom I lost my virginity to; Preacher Man, my ex Fiancee; Diner Guy, one of maybe two males to make me climax during intercourse and certainly the only one worth remembering; and Diva, who was a drag queen, and I think one of the more interesting people I’ve ever been with.

N was an ass. I was 15. He was 18. It wasn’t good. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t for years. That didn’t stop me from trying, mind you. I won’t make much fuss of him. Dated, had sex, got dumped. It was high school, what did I expect?

Preacher Man is possibly the worst person I have ever slept with. I was with him from age 16 until I graduated high school and never once - mark that, not even once - did he cause me to climax in bed. I should have quit while I was ahead. He also marks bad experiences because he was into "sharing" and I wasn’t so much. He was also my first experience with anal sex. You’d think I’d hate it as well since he was so horrible at it [guys - for reference - gentility and passion are everything. If your partner lets you do this she trusts you implicitly. Don’t blow it.] But me liking it is another story entirely.

It comes from Diner Guy. Who is, without a doubt, the best male partner I have ever had. Ever. He was 27 I was 18. [18 was a good year for me] This is the man who taught me to like sex with anyone, forget male or female. [I had, by that time, already had a few female fumblings] He taught me teasing. He taught me bondage. He taught me passion. He successively taught me how to get off with each of my senses. I can’t speak highly enough of him. I have learned a better part of 95% of my oral technique from him, and I thank him for it. Not a serious relationship, but one that was, and still is, very important for me.

Finally, Diva, who was completely irresistible as a woman and even more so as a man. I was 18 and he was 32. I am still unsure how we landed in bed together. I remember a lot of flirting, a lot of hugs and him chasing off quite a few female suitors of mine he did not approve of. Either way, it worked, and I had a nice time with him. I think I only slept with him two or three times. But he was incredibly passionate. He had a lot of stamina. And I remember him telling me that sleeping with me was not like sleeping with a woman. I am still working out what he meant by that. I remember he could charm me like no other. Lovely voice. Lots of fun. Also an excellent billiards player.

I add age, so you know, because I think it is interesting to see the variety of ages I have been with. I will say this, the older a man gets the better he is in bed. I think the oldest gap for me, male or female, is about 20 years. I don’t honestly think it matters, except, as I noted before, I think the older you are the better you are. I chalk that up to experience and the maturity to recognize sex as more than a physical act.

As to the difference between men and women, there aren’t a lot. I prefer women in bed, in part, because I feel like sex with them is more intimate. There is something incredibly erotic and heart-rendingly beautiful about being able to both be inside your partner and have your partner inside of you in the same moment. I think a woman’s body is more elegant. I think they are more esthetically pleasing. No offense, gents, but there’s something a little awkward about most of you. The few of you who aren’t like that? I fall all over you. That may be part of my attraction to Diva, he moved like a woman and made love like a man. He was graceful.

I am not entirely sure I am even answering your questions, Mark. Are you wanting to know the difference between how it feels? This is my experience:

Men are harder. They move with more intent. When they are slick with sweat it clings and moves differently. The look in their eyes is different. They are flat and easy to move with. They are stronger. They’re better for giving control when I need it. With a man there is never any question as to whether or not I turn him on or get him off. Its also nice to be able to be filled by your partner and have them by both hands. That probably sounds silly, but I think that having my partner’s hands on me is both erotic and completely romantic.

With a woman I am better able to move. I feel more in control with a woman. Women are softer, easier for me to ‘navigate’. Women I have been with have been more needy in bed. They want constant emotional attachment and reassurance they are beautiful and you are turned on by them. They are generally more vocal. Sex with women almost always last longer. Women have better legs. Women want romance with their sex. Women can have multiple climaxes [or at least, in quick succession and more frequently], so I always feel a little more confident in bed. Women taste better.

However, and I will stress this, the feeling of sex is similar for both. For me, what really does it, is emotion. Not romance, per say, I don’t always want romance. But what I do want is for my partner to get inside my head, feel out my fantasies and incite orgasm from there. All of my best lovers, male or female, have tapped into my psyche and sexed me there as well. Diner Guy was great at this, and he’s a perfect example, because he and I had little emotional attachment. What he did do was get inside me and convince me he was making me feel more turned on than I ever had been, and that he was the best lay I was ever going to have. Experience is nice, I’ll give you that. Lovers with technique are always a little better. But on par for technique, male or female, I will always select the partner that gets under my skin. A partner that moves *inside* you is always better. Always.

Mark, does this answer your questions? Tell me if I missed the point entirely, or if you want to know something different. Shorty- your question is next. And in yet another shameless plug, if you are interested at all in the more, erm, graphic memories I have of Diner Guy, I think I am going to post a piece on him at The Secret Room.


HistoryGeek said...

Is it too late for me to ask a question? I'm going to anyway!

So what made you decide to be a dancer in a strip club? What did you think of the experience?

Fascinating answers...when I get my DSL running at home again, I'll check out your other site.

Alecya G said... after Shorty...keep em coming....

Mark said...

...thank you. now you can ask me something.

Alecya G said...

Thank you? that's it? No feedback?


well, I'll think of a question, and get back to you.


Mark said...

i think it was an illuminating, emotional, eloquent slice of life.

Aravis said...

Well-written and evocative, alecya. I agree about older men. For me, it was the fact that they weren't selfish in bed. They cared about getting me off as well as themselves. Guys my own age were often in too much of a hurry to please themselves; it was as if I were incidental. My husband is only a couple of years older than me, but he was always generous, so the fact that he was younger than the men I had been dating didn't matter.

Flash said...

I suppose most blokes would try & claim this but I have always put my lover's pleasure before my own. I also feel as a more experienced lover, confidence becomes a critical part of my lovemaking.

In short, I aim to please.

Alecya G said...

I have no doubt Flash :)

swisslet said...

how do you become a "technical" lesbian? Is it like the Olympics, and the judges give you a score for technical merit as well as artistic impression?

"oh! a 5.8 from the chinese judge! Incredible! The crowd are throwing flowers onto the bed!"


Alecya G said...

I think, ST, in my mind, to be a lesbian, a "technical" lesbain, you need to have a more firm preference for women than I do. That is to say, you would never want to sleep with a male. Or in the very least, your fantasies would consist only of women. Mine tend to vary. I have no idea what makes a persona a "technical anything" to be honest, part of the reason I dislike labels.

I do know most women in the gay community would likely call me bisexual. My feeling on the subject is generally the same all around with people who I am not friends with who want to know about my preferences, noneof your damn business, i choose my own label if I have to have one.