Thursday, October 13, 2005

Pass the Prozak aka/ Worse and Worse all the Time

I am beginning to think this really isn’t my week.

Went to Lil bit’s party last night. They started dinner without me which saved me the trouble of lying and saying I wasn’t hungry. She liked the presents I got her and grandma had the presence of mind to bring me a new sewing machine.

However, that is about where the good part of the evening ends. Beloved has a certain, shall we call it, phobia, of hair. I wanted to get in some quality time, but this required me to spend quality time with a razor first, and I managed to nick myself and bleed for 30 minutes solid. After which, she asks me if I am not really just sleepy. I reply that I would like to spend time with her and she asks if she can read erotica for a while to get in the mood. I know she has no libodi anyway, but for some stupid reason it bothers me and I say so. Pissy whiny fight ensues. We eventually talk about it and I chalk it up to my crap self esteem and we go to sleep.

Work is making me crazy because I am getting crap for not having stuff that I shouldn’t have to have which makes me cranky. If my superior doesn’t give me something, I can’t give it to the owner when he’s on vacation can I? *huffs*

Have to get Boss’ day present tonight, and have to get to work on haloween costume, which still isn’t sewn. Have to meet mom to help her pick out more chiffon and ribbon, because she evidently cannot purchase it without my expert opinion. You’d think she was 6 not 46. Really.

I am being a bad friend, which isn’t cool of me I guess, sinceI have so few of them that don’t exist in cyberland. Begged off lunch with a guy friend tomorrow because I can’t stand th thought of listening to him complain all through lunch how his new promotion (and subsequent $100,000 per annum raise) stresses him out.

Also begged of Saturday lunch with Bear because I don’t feel like listening to him talk about his ex-wife getting remarried. I have listened for 6 months now, and I can’t take it right now. I feel really selfish and crappy.

All I really want is to go home, pull the blankets over my head and sleep until I feel better. Of course, I know this won’t help my problem. Mr. Cruse says I can help my problem by ov3erhauling my diet and exercise. I don’t think it will work since I have’t had a kid and I am currently both dieting and exercising and I think the lack of caffeine calories and chocolate is making me pissy.

I am having drinks with Sweet tomorrow afternoon which is somthign to look forward to. She cornered me and wanted to make sure I am not backing out, which makes me feel better, since I have less a chance of her canceling on me now.

Beloved gave me this tip “take her somewhere nice” Uh, huh. Like I would take her to a hole in the wall on a first buddy outing. I know better. I want to make a good impression since this will be my first time doing something with her other than talking on the phone or having her make my breakfast/lunch.

Now that I think of it. Beloved has found a girl in one of her classes at school that “looks just like you did when we first started dating” to quote her on the topic. (this means about 40 lbs less than me now, and shorter hair) They’ve been having lunch together and she tells me this girl bats for both teams. Should I be worried? Am I a total hipocrite for worrying since she apparently has no worries about me and Sweet? Eh, I am eing paranoid again, yes?

Well, off to sulk through the rest of my afternoon.



HistoryGeek said...

Damn, you are a dedicated girlfriend. Shaving before sex would probably kill my libido...not my partner's.

It sounds like you don't feel very attractive to her, lately. Is that true? If so, that's probably why you are also more worried about her friend, than you otherwise might be.

sunshine said...

Don't worry about it. Enjoy your lunch tomorrow. Have make up sex tomorrow night. Enjoy life. You are a good friend. Sometimes you need to put your needs first. You are being a better friend by taking care of yourself first. If you don't, you are liable to snap and be a pissy friend. Did that make sense? I hope so. The week is over tomorrow so just hang in there one more day.

Alecya G said...

Thanks ladies.

I have been feeling less attractive, ut I used to have an eating disorder. When I met Beloved I only weighed 85 lbs. I'm 5'9" I know it isn't healthy. Still, when you put on so much weight over a four year period (I weigh a healthy 140 now) and every season you have to go clothes shopping because nothing fits, it take a blow on your self esteem.

She never had much of a libido to being with, I knew it when we started dating. She has endimetriosis and her meds make her not so excitable. Plus I have to be careful because it can hurt her really easily (I don't know how much you know about the disease...)

Anywho. SO I am cranky.

I appreciate you guys understanding where I come from on the friend thing.

I'm working onthe makeup sex. I got kisses last night, so I am halfway there, right?